pyrotechnics. The warrior and the bard exchanged worried glances.
Gabrielle turned to Colleen.
"Stay here and out of sight," she ordered the co-ed. Colleen nodded, eyes wide, and stepped behind some bushes.
Ares pulled his arm back, muscles bulging as a large, blue ball of energy appeared on his hand. Xena somersaulted into the air, while Gabrielle ran at gorgeous, full Amazon sprint into the melee.
Ares unleashed his fireball. Gabrielle's eyes widened, glancing at Tapert. It was headed directly for the fleeing executive's butt.
In one fluid movement, Gabrielle unsheathed her sais and launched
herself into the air flinging a sai toward the streaking ball of energy. The bolt crashed off the blonde's deadly weapon, ricocheted and slammed into a tree, disintegrating it into a pile of ash.
"Sonofabacchae," grunted the Amazon, climbing off the ground and
retrieving her sai from the ash. "Why isn't his aim as bad as the other
Olympian gods?"
Ares growled at the bard's interference and flung another long, blue
lightening bolt of energy at Tapert. Xena swung her sword like a
baseball bat, returning the bolt to Ares. His eyes widened and he hit the ground, ducking the flame as it screamed over his head and hit the stage, destroying the entire structure.
Xena and Gabrielle's quick reflexes gave the pregnant executive some
valuable time and he disappeared, screaming at the top of his lungs, into the jungle undergrowth.
Xena grinned at the bard. Goddess, she's hot when she's all action, the Warrior Princess thought not for the first nor last time.
Gabrielle smiled back, raising a knowing, lascivious, eyebrow.
Xena blushed.
Ares rolled his eyes.
"Enough with the sexual innuendo," he said disgustedly.
"What? You just now got it?" snorted the blonde.
Ares glared at Gabrielle and began to stride toward the spot where
Tapert had disappeared into the jungle.
The dynamic duo stepped toward each other, blocking Ares from the red-haired executive's path of escape. Xena drew her sword as the blonde warrior twirled her sais, both ready to do battle with their old nemesis.
"Leave Tapert alone," growled Gabrielle.
"Or what, you'll kick my ass some more," retorted Ares. He held a
sculpted hand out, summoning a large ball of energy. "Bring it on!"
"It's buh-rough-ten," yelled Colleen, stepping out from behind the safety of the bushes.
Ares, Xena and Gabrielle stopped and stared at the Survivor.
"Oh, you'd have to see the movie to get that one," smiled the co-ed.
"Or at least the commercial."
"Hey. She really is cute," said Ares to no one in particular, grinning at
Colleen.
The God of War turned his attention back to Xena and Gabrielle. He
cocked his head and smiled.
"You know what? I'm just feeling real good right now," he flung both arms out as two blue balls of energy began swirling. Xena and
Gabrielle stepped into battle stance, unsure of what the dark stud
planned.
Ares raised his hands over his head, twirling the balls on his index
fingers.
"Tapert made my life a living Tartarus, but you know what? I think it's
only 'cuz I let him. Free will and all," said an unusually philosophical Ares. "Tapert's not 'all that and a bag of potatoes' or he would have stopped me. So, obviously, he's not a god. He worked some kind of mojo on me, I'll grant you that. But he's not worth the time and effort it would take to catch and kill him."
Xena and Gabrielle looked at the spinning balls.
"Does this mean you're a god again?" said a curious Xena.
"Looks like," grinned Ares. He shook his hands out, causing the balls of energy to disappear and leered at the Warrior Princess. "Why? Does it turn you on?"
Gabrielle growled. Ares, despite his returned godhood, had a momentary attack of mortal terror.
"Nothing about you turns me on, Ares," said Xena.
An idea occurred to the warrior. She hated what she was thinking, but
she was desperate. Maybe the God of War could create another rip in
Fifth-usia.
"Ares, you've got your powers back. You could help us get home."
Ares threw back his head and laughed. "Oh, I'm not feeling that good.
Besides, you'll find a way out. You always do."
The God of War winked. "See ya."
Ares drew himself up to his full six-plus feet and concentrated his powers, attempting to dematerialize. Nothing happened. He looked around, a little shocked and embarrassed.
"Having a little god-impotency there, dude?" smiled Colleen.
"Never," he said confidently to the co-ed, his plump, gorgeous lips
wrapping around the word suggestively.
Ares focused again, scrunching his eyes closed. After a moment he opened them, only to find himself still standing in front of Xena and Gabrielle.
"Just a minor set-back," said the God of War, but with far less confidence. "I haven't done this in awhile. Yeah. That's it. Must've lost my touch."
And the dark stud returned to focusing his powers on getting the hell out of this gods-forsaken 'Fifth-usia.' Veins began to pop out on Ares' neck and forehead as he concentrated on dematerializing. He even brought his arms into the act, thrusting them out in front of him and flexing them, his
muscles and veins bulging, handsome face turning beet red.
Colleen giggled. "We're going to pump..." she clapped her hands together and pointed at Ares. "You up."
And still, nothing happened. Ares let go of his muscle-bulging antics and
took a deep gasp of air, his normal color returning.
"Why can't I go?" he whined. "I hate this place. I want to get back home
and wreak some havoc and destruction!"
The God of War looked to see Xena smirking at him. It was too much for his ego. Ares flung his hand up, creating another large ball of blue fire, angrily drawing his hand back to fling the ball and wipe the smile from her face forever. As he let go of the energy ball, it simply disappeared with a small blip. Ares stood staring in shock.
"Looks like your return to godhood was short-lived," said Xena.
Ares drew his hand back again to summon the energy and noticed that the crackling fire around his hands was completely gone. He looked up at Xena, who was still smiling.
"I am SO going to kick your ass the old fashioned way," he threatened,
heading toward Xena.
The Warrior Princess flung her head back, long, black hair whipping around her face as she and the bard readied themselves for battle.
"And I'm going to have fun mopping the ground with your face," she
taunted.
Ares strode forward and suddenly found himself aloft in the air, arms
pin-wheeling and legs kicking in surprise.
"Hey! Lemme down!" he yelped. "I'm Ares, God of War, you can't do this to me!"
The dark stud looked down and noticed that he was beginning to fade.
"No fair," he bellowed as he continued to kick and yell. But much to Ares'
horror, he became more and more transparent. The former God of War
finally gave in, sighing. "Well, at least I'm outta here�and I've still got my
looks."
And Ares, returned once again to mortal stud-dom, simply disappeared.
Colleen smiled. "Well, you gotta give the Island Goddesses props for that
one."
"Is that a hint?" wondered the desperate and confused executive.
The third tunnel had a sign and it read "Island Goddess Compromise
Tunnel."
Tapert ran through. An iron-gate slammed down behind him, closing off the tunnel from any retreat. Ahead of him was a sign that read Suckah and more green foliage and rolling meadows ahead.
The executive heard noises behind him. Thinking Ares had found him, he squealed and kept running, ignoring the taunting signage and hoping for the best.
"Xena, when we were here earlier, why do you think the Island Goddesses immediately closed that rip up?" asked Gabrielle.
"Probably 'cuz they fell asleep during Tapert's rant back there,"
hypothesized Colleen.
"Or it took them awhile to come up with enough power to close it,"
suggested Xena.
"We came very close to escaping," continued the bard. "And remember
when we were out on the boat, why didn't they keep us from getting on the boat in the first place? Why let us get off-shore?"
"For a more exciting and action-filled plot?" interjected Colleen.
"Well, like Aphrodite and Ares, maybe they can't watch us every second," said Xena.
"Or maybe they're not goddesses after all..." began Gabrielle.
"Rrrroowwwrrr," interrupted Colleen. Gabrielle sighed.
"I don't know why I keep doing that," laughed the co-ed. "The goddesses
must have some deep-seated insecurity to have me go on and on about
how beautiful and powerful they are."
Xena shook her head and turned to the bard.
"Gabrielle, if they're not goddesses, how could they have created all this?"
"They obviously have a lot of power," replied Gabrielle. "But now we know there's a limit to their power."
"Oh, no, I don't think there's a limit to their power," smiled Colleen.
Xena turned to throw the co-ed an exasperated look. The warrior's eyebrows shot up in the air. Colleen was becoming lighter, more transparent.
The co-ed caught Xena's look of surprise. "Whoa, Hollow Girl," she
exclaimed, noticing her own disappearing act.
Xena and Gabrielle looked down at their own bodies to see they were
quickly disappearing as well.
"Here we go again," sighed Gabrielle.
"I wanna go home," said a frustrated Xena.
The threesome disappeared from Fifth-usia.
