Author's Note: Nothing about this is actually true . . . and I mean NOTHING! . . . okay, a few may be true. But not the leash bit. The leash bit was just because I was bored and decided to put that in there for the hell of it. Love you babe!

Gabe: *sigh of relief* It is . . . FINISHED!!! Now I have to go get the others to see if they'll come!

(At the Ramble Room . . .)

Sephiroth: Why the hell is she still here?

Nexus: That's a good question . . . Calla, why are you even here?!

Calla: I dunno. Cause I love joo, Nexus!

Rayna: Back off, bitch! He's mine!

Nexus: That's right! I'm-- excuse me?

Sephiroth: Nexus, you're wearing a collar and a leash. And she's the one holding the leash.

Nexus: What's your point?

Sephiroth: She totally owns you.

Rayna: That I do!

Nexus: You do not! I'm my own person!

Rayna: Shut up, I own you.

Calla: It's either she owns you, or I own you!

Nexus: Well, Rayna, baby! You own me!

Rayna: That's what I thought you said.

Tori: Haha! That's pretty sad that you're owned, Nexus.

Ray: It sure is!

Sephiroth: I have to agree with these two, it's sad . . . but then again, it's hilarious!

Nexus: *grumbles*

Rayna: *tugs on the leash* What was that?!

Nexus: OW! I meant . . . I love you?

Rayna: That's more like it! Hehe!

Sephiroth: The little respect I had for you, Nexus, is long gone.

Nexus: You never had any respect for me!

Sephiroth: There was a little bit.

Tori: Awww! Nexus is so CUTE with that on!

Nexus: Just keep on a talking and my foot is gonna sound like the chorus of a thousand--*yanked* --OWIE!!!

Rayna: Stop that!

Gabe: *runs in* Hey everyone! I have great news!

Nexus: At the rate this is going, nothing can cheer me up-- *yanked* OW!!

Gabe: Dude, why are you on a leash?

Nexus: Don't ask.

Gabe: Whatever. Okay! Can anyone guess what I've been up to lately?

Sephiroth: Masturbating?

Gabe: N-no! *sweatdrop*

Sephiroth: I knew it. Hehe!

Gabe: Seriously! That's not it!

Tori: What have you been up to, luv?

Sephiroth: I just told you! He's been masturbating!

Gabe: Shut your ass up, Sephiroth! No, I've been working with Rufus for quite some time now.

Nexus: So have Karah and me, but you don't see me complaining.

Gabe: That's not what I meant.

Sephiroth: Then what do you mean?

Gabe: I mean I've been designing a theme park!

Sephiroth: A theme park?

Rayna: That's so cool! What's the theme to it?

Gabe: It has an awesome name that will tell you the theme! SEPHIROTH LAND!!

Sephiroth: BLASPHEMEY!!!

Rufus: *walks in* It's not blasphemey. It's perfectly legal.

Nexus: A theme park based on Sephiroth. Sounds like fun.

Sephiroth: They're ruining the name, that is Sephiroth!

Tori: Oh please, you ruin it yourself.

Sephiroth: DO NOT!!!

Nexus: Actually, you do.

Sephiroth: Not you too!

Rufus: Who cares! Wait until you all hear the theme song! Turks!! GET IN HERE!!

Sephiroth: Oh no, I can only imagine!

(The Turks all walk inside all bummed.)

Rufus: Alright! And a one! And a two! And a one, two, three, four!!

Turks: *singing* Sephiroth Land! Sephiroth Land! Become one with the Planet? Yes you can! Because it's Sephiroooooth! Sephiroth Laaaaand!

Rufus: And the Second Verse!

Turks: *singing continues* Sephiroth Land! Sephiroth Land! Buy cheap merchandise? Yes you can! Because it's Sephiroooooth! Sephiroth Laaaand!

Rufus: NOW THE FINALE!!

Turks: *singing goes on* Sephiroth Land! Sephiroth Land! Have lot's of fun? Of COURSE you can!

Rude: *steps up* But make sure you have fun safely. Because we're not insured for little kids or old folks.

Reno: *takes a sip of whiskey* DARN TOOTIN!

Turks: *singing* At Sephirooooth! Sephiroth LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA----

Rufus: Alright! ENOUGH!! YOU GUYS ARE GOING FLAT!! *smacks Reno*

Reno: OW!!

Turks: *singing* --ND!!

Nexus: . . . That . . . was . . . AWESOME!!

Sephiroth: No it wasn't.

Nexus: Yes it was!

Rufus: You really liked it?!

Nexus: Hell yes!!

Sephiroth: I hated it!!

Rayna: I loved it!

Tori: It was funny!

Ray: I concur!

Calla: Eh, it was alright.

Nexus: Shut up! It was da bomb!

Rayna: So when is this theme park supposed to open?

Gabe: It's open as we speak.

Nexus: Sweet! We should all go there now!

Rufus: Actually, it won't be fully open until tomorrow. The rides are still being inspected.

Rayna: Awww, no fun!

Nexus: Don't worry, we'll be there tomorrow.

Gabe: I thought it was open.

Rufus: Only the consessions are open. But the rides won't be until tomorrow.

Gabe: Ah.

Nexus: So who's all working there?

Sephiroth: Probably a bunch of losers.

Rufus: I'm glad you brought that up! Because you all will be working there!

Nexus: . . . what?

Sephiroth: Since it's a theme park about me, I say I shouldn't have to work.

Rufus: Oh, no, Sephiroth! I have a special job for you!

Sephiroth: I'm afraid of what you want me to do.

Rayna: What do I get to do, Rufy-chan?!

Rufus: You can manage the Supernova ride.

Rayna: Woot woot!

Nexus: And me?

Rayna: You are working with me, regardless!

Nexus: Okay.

Sephiroth: So what do I do?!

Rufus: You, Sephiroth, are going to be the mascot for the little kids.

Sephiroth: Doesn't sound too bad.

Rufus: . . . you also have to ride the "Sephiroth's Favorite Ride" ride.

Sephiroth: . . . why is it called that?

Rufus: You'll see.

Tori: How about me?

Ray: And me!

Calla: And me!

Rufus: Tori, you will manage consessions. Ray, you manage the play area. And Calla . . . just stay away.

Tori: Yay!

Ray: That's cool!

Calla: What?! Why?!

Rufus: Because you scare me.

Calla: How the hell do I scare you?!

Tori: You just do, Calla.

Ray: Yup.

Calla: You guys are horrible!

Gabe: No. I know what you can do at the theme park, Calla.

Calla: Really?!

Gabe: You can work in the petting zoo.

Sephiroth: There's a petting zoo?

Calla: I love petting zoos!

Gabe: Good!

Sephiroth: Why the hell is there a petting zoo in a theme park that has my name in it?!

Gabe: Because the animals there are Mako infested creatures.

Calla: WHAT?!

Sephiroth: Well, that makes more sense.

Calla: I'm gonna be working with Mako infested creatures?! They won't bite, will they?

Gabe: Only one does something, but not bite.

Calla: What does it do?

Gabe: It's called the Licky-licky monster.

Sephiroth: The what?!

Calla: Oh! So it licks you! Tee-hee!

Gabe: If that's what you think it's doing, then sure!

Calla: What is that supposed to mean?!

Sephiroth: Apparently it means what it means.

Calla: That don't help at all!

Sephiroth: It helps me a little. Hehe.

Rufus: So I will see you all there tomorrow, right?

Everyone: Hai!

Gabe: Good.

(The next day . . . )

Nexus: Alright! We're finally at Sephiroth Land!

Sephiroth: Bogus.

Rayna: It looks better than I imagined!

Sephiroth: Bogus.

Tori: I can't wait to start working here!

Sephiroth: Bogus.

Nexus: Would you quit saying that?!

Sephiroth: No. Because it IS bogus!

Ray: No, it's not! It looks great here!

Gabe: *runs up to them* Hey everyone! You all ready to start working here?

Everyone: Hai!

Gabe: That's good! But first, as a treat to all of you for deciding to work here, Rufus and I have decided to let you all ride the rides first if you so choose!

Rayna: Kickass!

Nexus: That's nice of you guys!

Sephiroth: Bogus!

Gabe: You don't like rides?

Sephiroth: I'd much rather be home playing video games.

Gabe: Well too bad! You're riding the rides!

Sephiroth: That's a bunch of bull--

Nexus: Language!

Sephiroth: Why?!

Rayna: Because there's kids around here!

Sephiroth: No good, rotten kids.

Gabe: Keep up that attitude and you won't get paid.

Sephiroth: We get paid?!

Gabe: Yes!

Sephiroth: That's a shocker . . .

Gabe: Okay? Well anyway! Go have fun, guys!

(Everyone splits up and goes their separate ways . . . except for Nexus and Rayna, since Nexus is being held by a leash. We see Calla head over to the petting zoo to see what she has to do.)

Calla: Awww! Look at the cute little animals!

Hojo: Well, well, well! Who do we have here?

Calla: Ack! Hojo!!

Hojo: Oh, it's only Calla. Do you want to pet the animals?

Calla: Sure!

Hojo: Here, why not try petting the Licky-licky monster?

Calla: Okay! *pets what appears to be a big ball of fur but is the Licky-licky monster* Ehehe! It's licking me!

Hojo: I'm afraid it's not licking you.

Calla: Then what's it . . . OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!

Hojo: Hehehe!

(Sephiroth walks over to the exact replica of the Temple of the Ancients)

Sephiroth: Wow, I can't believe Rufus rebuilt the damn place.

Tseng: *on the floor, crying* You're telling me!

Sephiroth: What the hell?

Tseng: This is where I got attacked . . . by you!

Sephiroth: So?

Tseng: SO!! I have nightmares about this place!

Sephiroth: You're just as big a chicken-shit as Zell!

Tseng: Tell that to the monster behind you!

Sephiroth: What monster? *turns around*

(A gay clown monster stands behind Sephiroth, laughing.)

Sephiroth: GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I HATE CLOWNS!!!! *runs away*

Tseng: . . . and he called me a Chicken-shit?

(Next we see Tori checking out the Supernova Rollercoaster.)

Tori: Yay! I can't wait to get on this ride!

Irvine: Well! Looky what I found myself!

Tori: Huh? IRVINE!!

Irvine: Well hey there, pretty lady.

Tori: *blushes* Hey there, sexy Cowboy!

Irvine: That's a first! I've never been called that before! Always been called Cowboy geek!

Tori: Well I think you're sexy!

Reno: *hiccup* All the *hiccup* women should think *hiccup* my bud, Irvine, is *hiccup* sexy!

Tori: Oh god, Reno, you're like totally wasted!

Reno: Like hell I'm *hiccup* wasted!

Tori: Then what's in the bottle?!

Reno: . . . apple--*hiccup*--juice?

Irvine: I'll believe that when pigs fly!

Sephiroth: *walks up* Then start flying, Cowboy Geek!

Irvine: Hey! That's not nice!

Sephiroth: I'm not even gonna bother answering that!

Tori: Can't you at least be a little nicer to Irvine?

Sephiroth: I'm not nice to anyone. So why should I give him special treatment?

Tori: Because I'm asking you nicely?

Sephiroth: That won't work on the One-Winged Angel.

Tori: Then do I have to get Rayna to whip you again?

Sephiroth: . . . Hey, Irvine! Buddy! How you doing?

Irvine: You know, I kinda like you better when you're mean to everyone.

Sephiroth: Can you guarantee that Rayna won't whip me if I'm mean again?

Irvine: Sure.

Sephiroth: Shut your ass up, Cowboy Geek!

Irvine: That's the Sephiroth we know and love!

Sephiroth: I SAID SHUT YOUR ASS UP!!

Tori: Settle down guys! We're next for the ride!

(They all get on the Supernova . . . after the ride is done . . . )

Tori: I think I'm . . . gonna . . . *takes Irvine's hat and pukes in it*

Irvine: Ew! Now I need a new hat!

Sephiroth: Only you would wear that thing, Cowboy Geek!

Reno: *pukes in a trash can*

(Now we see Nexus and Rayna . . .)

Nexus: I didn't know there would be a Tunnel of Love at a theme park called Sephiroth Land.

Rayna: Let's ride it!

Nexus: But I wanna ride the big roller coasters!

Rayna: We're riding the Tunnel of Love!

Nexus: . . . okay.

(So they get on . . .)

Rayna: *lays her head on his shoulder* Isn't this romantic?

Nexus: Sure, I guess.

Rayna: I love these kinds of moments.

Nexus: I guess.

Rayna: How come you're acting weird?

Nexus: I'm wearing a leash, and I'm on a slow ride.

Rayna: Don't complain. I could do much worse. *winks*

Nexus: You're kidding.

Rayna: I never kid. Hehe.

Nexus: *gulp*

Rayna: Oh, come here! *kisses him*

Nexus: *kisses back*

(After they get off . . .)

Nexus: Yay! Finally off of that slow-assed ride.

Rayna: You know you liked it.

Nexus: Except for the kiss, I hated that ride.

Rayna: I knew you liked that. *smiles*

Sephiroth: What are you all up to?

Nexus: Nothing.

Sephiroth: Really? Doesn't look like nothing.

Nexus: Really, nothing.

Sephiroth: Uh-huh. I'll believe that in a million years.

Rayna: We just got off the Tunnel of Love.

Tori: Really?! Irvine! You and I should go on there!

Irvine: Whatever you say, but no kissing since you puked in my hat.

Tori: Aww, you're no fun.

Sephiroth: There's a tunnel of love ride?!?! AT MY THEME PARK?!

Rufus: *runs up to them* Yes, there is. You got a problem with that?

Sephiroth: Yes! What does a Tunnel of Love have to do with me?!

Rufus: Nothing really. I just know there's a bunch of hormonally-struck teenagers out there that will pay to get on this ride. But if you need a reason, I guess it just means you can't get a girl. You can only stab them in the back. That's all you'll ever be good for.

Nexus: Ohhh! Burn!

Sephiroth: GODDAMN YOU, SHINRA!!

Gabe: *walks up casually* You guys all go on rides?

Sephiroth: What's it to you?

Gabe: Nothing. But I want you all to go on a specific ride.

Nexus: What ride is that?

Gabe: The "Sephiroth's Favorite Ride" ride.

Sephiroth: But how do you know if it's my "favorite" ride?

Gabe: Trust me, I just know.

Sephiroth: I don't like your tone.

(They all walk toward the ride rightfully named "Sephiroth's Favorite Ride". They bump into Ray who is just getting off the ride.)

Ray: Whoa!

Sephiroth: How was the ride?

Ray: It . . . was . . . AWESOME!!!

Tori: How awesome?

Ray: It would scare even Sephiroth.

Sephiroth: We'll see about that!

(Sephiroth, Nexus, Rayna, and Tori get on the ride. Irvine stays behind to get a new hat from the gift shop.)

Sephiroth: Okay, ride's moving. So what's so scary about this . . . OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDD!!!!!

Gay Clowns: *singing* It's a world of laughter! It's a world of cheers! It's a world of hopes and a world of fears!

Sephiroth: GET ME OFF THIS RIDE!!! I WANT OFF!!!

Rayna: Settle down, they're not gonna hurt you.

Sephiroth: DEATHLY AFRAID OF GAY-ASSED CLOWNS!!!

Tori: You're such a wuss.

Sephiroth: BUT I'M AFRAID OF CLOWNS!! I HATE THEM!! I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE THEM!!!!!

Gay Clowns: *singing* It's a small world after all! It's a small world after all!!

Nexus: I'll admit, I don't like this song.

Sephiroth: I'm gonna go insane!!!

(After the ride is over . . .)

Nexus: You okay, Sephiroth?

Sephiroth: *twitch* Not really . . . gonna . . . snap . . . *snap*

Nexus, Rayna, Tori, and Irvine: Uh-oh.

Sephiroth: *sets everything on fire* MUAHAHAHAHA!!! BURN BABY!!! BURN!!!!! KILL THE GAY CLOWNS!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!

The End!!

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