(We begin in Abra's basement. Nexus, Reno, Sephiroth, and Sora are playing poker late at night. Abra is upstairs sleeping. In the poker game, Sephiroth appears to be winning.)
Sephiroth: Hehehe, it would appear that I am winning against all you freaks.
Nexus: Hey, Sephiroth, don't be such a sore winner.
Sora: Please, can we just get on with the game? I have to get back to Radiant Garden.
Sephiroth: You're just afraid that you're gonna lose!
Reno: Hey! I need to win my money back!
Nexus: You don't have anything else to bet. I mean, unless you're willing to bet your life, I really don't see how you're going to win your money back.
Sephiroth: Even if he did bet his life, there isn't much to bet. He's practically owned by ShinRa.
Reno: Shut up! You know what? There IS something I can bet! Just wait here! *leaves*
Sora: I wonder where he's going.
Nexus: I don't know, and I'm sure we don't want to know either.
Sephiroth: Agreed.
(Reno left Abra's house and went to the ShinRa headquarters. He went to Rufus' room where he was sound asleep, holding onto Mr. Fluffers.)
Reno: Hehehe, this is like taking candy from a baby.
Rufus: Mmm . . . Mr. Fluffers . . . I wuv joo. *snore*
Reno: *snicker* This is funny as heck!
Rufus: Stupid kid . . . filthy . . . greedy hands . . . give me that lollipop. *snore*
Reno: Wow . . . even in his dreams, he's a greedy bastard.
Rufus: *snort* Go, Reno . . . get me my . . . *snore*
Reno: *snicker* Your what, sweet prince?
Rufus: *snore* . . . my . . . pretty pretty . . . tu-tu. *snore*
Reno: *snicker* Your tu-tu was destroyed my Tseng.
Rufus: *grumble* Tseng . . . you're fired . . . for 20 minutes. *snore*
Reno: *laughs* Yup, good ol' Rufus. Firing everyone for only a few minutes and then rehiring them. *whispers in Rufus' ear* Rufy-poo. You should give Reno a huge raise for being a good employee.
Rufus: *snore* I should . . . fire Reno . . .
Reno: No, you should give him a raise.
Rufus: *snore* Reno should work . . . for . . . Elena.
Reno: In that case, I'd be happier being fired.
Rufus: *grumble* Stupid squirrels . . . stealing all my nuts. *snore*
Reno: Whatever. I wonder what I could take? *looks around and sees Mr. Fluffers* Hehe! This ought to be worth something on eBay! *takes Mr. Fluffers and leaves*
(Reno took Mr. Fluffers and ran away from the ShinRa headquarters as fast as he could back to Abra's house. There, Sephiroth, Nexus, Sora, and Abra are talking.)
Abra: I can't believe you guys are still up this late at night.
Nexus: You can't believe it? You of all people! You've kept me up for 5 days straight one time! And you can't believe we're still up playing poker?!
Sephiroth: She kept you up for 5 days straight? *laughs*
Nexus: Shut up, Sephiroth!
Sora: Can't you guys be nice for once?
Sephiroth: Me being nice to Nexus, here, would be a sign of the apocolypse.
Nexus: So you're saying it would kill you to be nice to me for once?
Sephiroth: Yup.
Nexus: You're such an ass!
Abra: So where's Reno? I thought he was playing with you guys.
Sephiroth: And I thought you were sleeping, but you don't see me questioning why you're up.
Nexus: Shut up! *looks at Abra* He went off somewhere to get more money or something.
Abra: He barely gets paid by Rufus, how could he possibly afford to bet more money on poker?
Sora: I don't know. He seemed to have left in a hurry to get something. He should be back soon.
Nexus: Eh, who cares? He's gonna lose whatever he finds anyway.
Reno: *runs in* Hey you guys! I got something I can bet!
Sephiroth: Like I said, Reno, your life isn't worth much. I don't want it. Rufus can keep you.
Reno: No, not that! I have Rufus' stuffed animal: Mr. Fluffers!
Sephiroth: Say . . . that might be worth something!
Nexus: Hold it! I want to see this "Mr. Fluffers". I don't believe you have the REAL Mr. Fluffers.
Reno: Here you go, Nexus! *passes Mr. Fluffers to Nexus* See for yourself!
Nexus: *examines it*
Sora: So? Is it the real Mr. Fluffers?
Sephiroth: It can't be the real one, can it?
Nexus: Well I'll be damned . . . it's the real Mr. Fluffers!
Sephiroth: Holy ****! That's got to be worth a ton of money!
Reno: So, am I back in the game?
Sephiroth: Of course you are! I want to win this thing and sell it on eBay!
Reno: Great! Let's play a few rounds!
Abra: I'd be careful, Reno. You don't want to lose that thing, do you?
Reno: Nah! I won't lose it!
(After a few rounds, Reno completely lost Mr. Fluffers to Sephiroth.)
Reno: HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!?!
Sephiroth: Easy, you suck at Poker!
Nexus: Wow, I really pity you, Reno.
Reno: If you truly pity me, you'd kill me!
Sephiroth: I don't pity you, but I'd be glad to kill you.
Sora: I don't think now's the time for wise- cracks, Sephiroth.
Sephiroth: What are you saying?! Now IS the perfect time to make wise-cracks on Reno. His life is ruined! Once Rufus finds out that Reno stole Mr. Fluffers and lost him to a poker game, he's gonna kill Reno in 5 seconds.
Nexus: Okay, Sephiroth, I think you're taking this way too far.
Abra: Yea, I think you all should go now. And don't worry, Reno. We'll think of something to help you with.
Reno: *sob* Thanks, but I think I'm pretty much dead where I stand.
Sephiroth: Yea, you pretty much are. Anyways! I'm gonna head on out. I'll kill you all later! *leaves*
Sora: I think they need me back at Radiant Garden now. I'll see you all some other time. I wish you luck, Reno. *leaves*
Reno: I'm just gonna go. Later. *leaves*
Nexus: I feel sorry for Reno. He's gonna get it tomorrow once Rufus finds out.
Abra: Who's to say that Rufus will find out that it was Reno?
Nexus: Because, knowing Rufus, he probably has security cameras everywhere, including his room. He's not one to trust anyone so easily.
Abra: . . . true.
(They all went to bed. The next morning, Rufus wakes up in his bed, not knowing of the events that occured.)
Rufus: *wakes up slowly and walks to the bathroom. After a while, comes back and sees that Mr. Fluffers isn't there* What?! *looks around for him* Mr. Fluffers? MR. FLUFFERS?!?! WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!?!?!
Tseng: *comes running in* Why'd you scream, sir?
Rufus: MR. FLUFFERS IS MISSING!! HELP ME FIND HIM!!!
Tseng: Are you sure he's missing? You probably moved him in your sleep.
Rufus: Find him, or your ass is fired!
Tseng: *gulp* Y-y-yes, sir!
(Tseng went and searched the entire room and found nothing. Back at Abra's house, Nexus and Abra are watching Final Fantasy VII Advent Children in the basement.)
Nexus: . . . I can't understand what they're saying! Either use the english voices or put subtitles on!
Abra: And ruin it for the both of us? Yea right!
Nexus: I don't speak much japanese! Nor can I understand a word they say!
Abra: Sucks to be you.
Nexus: *grumble*
Reno: *walks in and sits next to them*
Nexus: You look cheerful today. You still worried about what might happen later?
Reno: Of course I am! He's gonna kill me!
Nexus: And knowing Sephiroth, he's probably sold it on eBay already.
Abra: I don't think you're helping Reno any by saying that.
Reno: Don't worry about it, Abra. No matter what he says, I'm dead anyway. Rufus will kill me once he finds out I took his Mr. Fluffers and lost it in a game of Poker.
Nexus: True that. Your ass is grass once he finds out. Especially the fact that you lost it to Sephiroth.
Reno: *sighs* I'm gonna go pick out a tombstone for myself. And I'm gonna have it engraved: Here lies Reno, the Mr. Fluffers killer.
Abra: But you didn't "kill" Mr. Fluffers.
Nexus: Yea, you just lost him to Se- ... oh. I guess he DID kill Mr. Fluffers.
Abra: How?
Nexus: In the hands of Sephiroth, Mr. Fluffers is as good as dead.
Abra: Oh, I get it now . . . ooooo, that's gotta hurt Reno.
Reno: . . . yea, I'm gonna go now. I'll talk to you guys later . . . I hope. *takes a drink of whiskey and leaves*
Nexus: Whiskey for breakfast? That's just like Reno.
(Back at the Headquarters of ShinRa, Rufus called an emergency meeting that consisted of all the known employees of ShinRa Electric Power Company.)
Karah: Yea, Rufus, why'd you call us in here?
Rude: . . . tell us, Rufus.
Hojo: Yes, Rufus, why DID you call us in here?
Rufus: If you all would shut up, I'd TELL YOU!!
Reno: *thinks* He knows it was me!
Rufus: Anyway! *sniff* Mr. Fluffers . . . is . . . gone!
Everyone but Rufus, Tseng, and Reno: *gasp*
Reno: *looks around* Oh! um . . . *fake gasp*
Rufus: Yes, *sniff* he will be missed . . . unless if someone can find him!
Reno: You mean, you don't know who took him?
Rufus: I didn't know someone had taken him . . . but are you confessing?
Reno: *nervously* W-w-why would I be c- confessing? I didn't do anything!
Rufus: Then why are you stuttering?
Reno: *sweats a little* I-I-I'm not st-st-st- stuttering!
Tseng: Reno, Did you take Mr. Fluffers?
Reno: NO! I DIDN'T!
Rufus: Fine, if you say so.
Tseng: Okay, everyone. You all can go. If you happen to find Mr. Fluffers, please report back to either me or Rufus.
(Back at Abra's house, Nexus, Abra, and Sephiroth are sitting on the couch. Abra is petting Slinky, who is on her lap.)
Nexus: Okay, Slinky really gives me the creeps.
Abra: Come on! She's not scary! Are you, slinky baby! No, you're not!
Nexus: That thing told me that it was going to kill me in my sleep!
Abra: You know damn well that dogs can't talk.
Nexus: Well this one did!
Sephiroth: I officially declare that you, Nexus, are legally insane.
Nexus: You're one to talk, Mr. "I shall become one with the planet"!
Sephiroth: Hey! I had legitimate belief that I was to inherit the earth!
Nexus: Because you believed that Jenova, an overgrown squid, was your mother?!
Sephiroth: What's your point?
Reno: *runs in* Sephiroth! I need to get Mr. Fluffers back from you!
Sephiroth: What's in it for me?
Reno: Come on! I really need it! If I were to give it back to Rufus, he might give me a raise!
Sephiroth: Well, too bad. It's already on eBay. If Rufus wants it that badly, he'll just have to buy it back.
Nexus: You put that damn thing on eBay?!
Reno: Oh, God! Rufus' is gonna kill me!
Abra: Reno, does Rufus even know that you took him?
Reno: No, but . . .
Nexus: Then, by all means, you have nothing to worry about. If he doesn't know, then you're safe.
Reno: . . . wow, then, I'M SAFE!!
Sephiroth: . . . um . . . no you're not.
Reno: Why?!
Sephiroth: . . . well . . .
(Sephiroth goes over to the computer and brings up the page where the Mr. Fluffers was being sold. In the description, it says "Reno stole Mr. Fluffers from Rufus and lost it in a game of poker.")
Reno: . . . OH GOD!!!
Sephiroth: If Rufus were to see it, you're screwed.
Nexus: Whoa, Sephiroth. That was really uncalled for.
Sephiroth: True, but it'll be so worth it!
Reno: I really hope he never sees this . . .
(Back at the ShinRa Headquarters, Rufus is browsing eBay to search for a new Mr. Fluffers. He then notices the one being sold by Sephiroth and reads the description.)
Rufus: . . . RENO!!! I'M SO GONNA FIRE YOUR ASS!!!
Tseng: *walks in* What's wrong?
Rufus: READ THIS, TSENG!
Tseng: *reads the description* . . . oh my . . .
Rufus: GET HIS ASS HERE, NOW!!!
Tseng: As you wish, sir!
(Back at Abra's house, Nexus, Abra, Sephiroth, and Reno are watching TV. Reno is actually shaking out of fear for what might happen to him.)
Nexus: Calm down, Reno. What are the chances that Rufus would ever browse on eBay?
Reno: . . . true. He's too cheap to go on eBay! He'd never buy hand-me-downs!
Abra: Then where did he get the Gucci Shoes?
Reno: Oh, that's easy! He got those . . . wait . . . OH GOD!! *face-palms*
Sephiroth: Hahaha! This is going to be hilarious!
Nexus: Sephiroth! Be nice!
Sephiroth: Hello? Earth to Nexus! I'm never nice!
Reno: My life's officially over . . . Rufus is gonna kill me!
Sephiroth: Oh, quit acting emo, like that Chris Crocker kid! "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!! WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" That kid should get a life!
Reno: . . . I'm not gonna be as bad as him! Besides, HE'S GAY!!!
Sephiroth: What's your point?
Nexus: Oh, don't get me started with that Chris Crocker bastard. I wonder how long it will take for him to commit suicide . . .
Abra: That's not nice! You shouldn't hope for someone to kill themselves!
Nexus: Who said that I was "hoping"? I merely asked for how long it'll take for him to do so, concidering the whole world population is probably laughing their asses off because of that one video. Have you ever seen it?
Abra: No, and I probably don't want to.
Sephiroth: I saw that video, and now I have a new reason to destroy the Planet: to get rid of him!
Nexus: ALRIGHT!! SOMETHING WE CAN AGREE ON!! *high-fives Sephiroth*
Abra: *sighs* You two will never grow up . . .
Nexus: I guess not.
Sephiroth: Who would want to?
(Suddenly, Karah enters the room and sits in a chair next to the couch.)
Karah: Hey, guys! Have you found anything out about Rufus' missing stuffed animal?
Sephiroth: You know, now that you mention it, Karah . . .
Nexus: *smacks Sephiroth really hard on the head*
Sephiroth: OW!! YOU'RE GONNA DIE, NEXUS!!! *gets up and draws the Masamune*
Nexus: Oh shit! *runs*
Karah: . . . ok? Anyway! Reno, have you found out anything?
Reno: I uh . . . well . . . um . . . ALRIGHT! I DID IT!!!!
Karah: What?
Reno: I TOOK MR. FLUFFERS AND BET HIM IN A POKER GAME AND LOST!! AND WHAT'S WORSE IS THAT I LOST IT TO SEPHIROTH!!
Abra: . . . Wow, I'm surprised he lasted this long.
Karah: YOU LOST HIM TO SEPHIROTH?!?!
Reno: Yea . . . and now it's being sold on eBay . . .
Karah: You do realize that Rufus is probably gonna find out, right?
Reno: I KNOW!! HOLD ME!!! *runs over to Karah, sits on her lap and gropes her boobs* Hehehe . . .
Karah: Wha?!?!
Abra: Wow, even when in the face of danger, we can always count on Reno to sexually grope someone . . .
Reno: Darn tootin'!
Karah: PERVERT!!! *shoves Reno off*
Reno: But Karah! I thought what we had was special!
Karah: All you did was grope my boobs!
Reno: That wasn't special to you?
Karah: NOOOOO!!!
Reno: Oh.
(Suddenly, Tseng walks into the room and looking directly and immediately at Reno.)
Tseng: Reno, I was asked by Rufus to bring you to the Headquarters. You're in a lot of trouble.
Reno: *gulp*
Karah: Oh, come on, Tseng. It's not like he intentionally did it.
Tseng: It's not my decision. Rufus wants him at the ShinRa Headquarters because he DID take Mr. Fluffers.
Reno: Might I ask how Rufus found out in the first place?
Tseng: He saw it on eBay.
Reno: Oh, the irony.
(Tseng, Reno, and Karah go to the ShinRa headquarters where Rufus is waiting. When they enter Rufus' office, Rufus looks rather angrily at Reno.)
Reno: . . . boss, you need to stop looking at me like that.
Rufus: Oh, I will stop looking at you like this . . . once you get Mr. Fluffers back to me, since YOU were the one that stole him!
Tseng: Reno, do you even know what you just did?
Reno: If I didn't know, then I wouldn't be here, now would I?
Karah: Reno, you still need to get it back!
Rufus: DON'T REFER TO MR. FLUFFERS AS AN "IT"!!
Karah: Ok, sorry.
Rufus: Anyway, Reno! Get Mr. Fluffers back to me by this time tomorrow, or you're . . .
Reno: Fired?! GREAT! Welp, I'll be seeing you! *starts to head out the door*
Rufus: That's not what I was gonna say!
Reno: DAMN!
Rufus: Get him back to me by tomorrow, or you're going to be working for Elena!
Elena: *from the other room* YES!!!
Rufus: What the hell?
Reno: YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME!! SHE'S A BITCH!!!
Rufus: Well, either get it back to me by then, or you're her personal servant!
Elena: *runs in and looks at Reno* HA! You'll never get Mr. Fluffers back from Sephiroth!
Rufus: GAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
Elena: So get ready to be my servant, Reno!
Reno: *thinks* Well, this can't be all to bad, I mean, it could be worse! That bastard could make me Scarlet's sex sla . . . *shudders* Eeeewwwwwww!!
Elena: What are you thinking?
Reno: Just thinking of something that could be worse than being your servant.
Elena: Awww, you don't want to work for me?
Reno: Not particularly, no.
Karah: Don't worry, Reno, I'll help you get Mr. Fluffers back!
Reno: REALLY?!
Tseng: *looks at Karah cockeyed* Really?
Karah: Really! I don't want you to have to work for Elena!
Elena: . . . bitch.
Reno: *hugs Karah* THANK YOU!!
Karah: But if you try to grope my boobs again, I'm out. You hear me?
Reno: Fine.
Karah: Good. Now that we understand each other, let's get Mr. Fluffers back!
(Karah and Reno left ShinRa Headquarters and went back to Abra's house to talk to Sephiroth in order to get Mr. Fluffers back.)
Sephiroth: No! No! A thousand times, NO! I will not give it back to you! If you want to get it back so badly, then you'll just have to buy it.
Reno: But, I'll be working for Elena if I don't!
Sephiroth: Well, if you want it THAT badly, you can have it.
Reno: Really?!
Sephiroth: Yea, if you can pay the money up front!
Karah: Done! How much?
Sephiroth: Here. *hands them a slip of paper*
(Karah and Reno look at the slip of paper,
and it says
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,00
0,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.05
gil.)
Karah: ARE YOU THAT RETARDED?!?! NO ONE, AND I MEAN NO ONE, HAS THAT KIND OF MONEY!!! NOT EVEN RUFUS!!
Sephiroth: Then, you'll have to try to win it.
Reno: So when does the auction end?
Sephiroth: Tomorrow.
Karah: That's good! We can still get it and Rufus won't make Reno work for Elena!
Reno: That's IF we get it!
Sephiroth: Now you get it!
Karah: Shut it, Sephiroth! We're gonna win that damn auction, get Mr. Fluffers back, and save Reno from working for Elena!
Sephiroth: We'll see when tomorrow comes around.
(Now, Karah and Reno go back to the ShinRa headquarters and log onto one of the company computers. They get on the eBay site and find the Mr. Fluffers page.)
Karah: Ok, the highest bid is only 100 gil. It shouldn't be too bad. Let's place a bid for 200 gil.
Reno: Funny. I didn't know eBay used gil.
Karah: It doesn't. The writer of this ramble is just an idiot.
Reno: Ah.
Karah: Alright, bid is placed. Now we just watch it.
(After a whole night of watching the auction, Karah and Reno fell asleep in the process. Karah woke up the following morning, and saw that they had lost the auction by just one gil.)
Karah: HOW THE HELL DID WE LOSE?!?!
Reno: We lost?! . . . great, now I have to face Rufus and tell him the bad news.
Karah: I'm sorry, Reno. I tried my best.
Reno: Don't worry. It wasn't your fault. This was all my fault. And I have to face up to what I did.
Karah: I'm still sorry.
Reno: Don't worry. *heads up to Rufus' office.*
(As Reno walks into Rufus' office, he sees Sephiroth handing over Mr. Fluffers while holding 201 gil.)
Reno: Sephiroth?! What are you doing here?!
Sephiroth: Giving the prize to the winner of the auction.
Reno: The winner? But that means . . .
Rufus: *turns around in his chair* Hello, Reno. How are you, today?
Reno: But, but, but, but . . .
Rufus: Surprised? *holds up Mr. Fluffers*
Reno: You were the winner?!
Rufus: Yup. You didn't think I'd just go off and buy it, did you?
Reno: YOU BASTARD!!
Sephiroth: Wow, Rufus, you really know how to make your employees suffer.
Rufus: I know.
Reno: So . . . does this mean I don't have to work for Elena?
Rufus: Technically, YOU didn't get Mr. Fluffers back, I did. So, by all means of our agreement, you do have to work for her! Aren't I just evil?
Reno: BUT, BUT, BUT . . . ! Ugh . . . *faints*
Sephiroth: . . . this has got to be the greatest moment of my life!
The End!
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