(We begin with Nexus and Abra at her house. Nexus is sitting on the couch playing Kingdom Hearts 2 while Abra is sitting next to him watching. He's at the part at fighting Sephiroth.)
Abra: You're going up against Sephiroth? At level 80?! I went up against him at level 92, with the Ultimate Keyblade, and all drive forms mastered, and I still couldn't beat him! Good luck!
Nexus: You lost to him at level 92? That's sad. I'll prove to you that he is beatable, even at my level.
Abra: Hey! I work for Square-Enix! You should know that I'm technically be-- . . . THE HELL?!?! YOU BEAT HIM?!?!
Nexus: You were saying?
Abra: *sighs* Nevermind.
Nexus: And just because you work for Square-Enix doesn't mean jackshit to me.
Abra: . . . Splashy-Splashy!
Nexus: *bursts out laughing* STOP THAT!!
Abra: I'll only stop if you stop laughing.
Nexus: Goddammit!
(Gabe comes down the stairs and sits next to the Abra on the couch.)
Gabe: Hey, guys! What are you two doing?
Nexus: Nothing too much. Just proving to Abra that it IS possible to beat Sephiroth on Kingdom Hearts II.
Abra: Shut up!
Gabe: Oh, dude! He's like really easy!
Abra: You're no help!
Gabe: You're welcome! Anyway, how about we all go do something fun? Like Paintballing!
Nexus: I haven't been paintballing in years, man. I'm not so sure I'd be any good anymore.
Abra: I dunno either.
Gabe: Come on, you guys! We could go up against a bunch of the other Final Fantasy characters! I'm sure they'll all love it!
Nexus: Well . . . that would be fun to prove to Abra that it is possible to beat Sephiroth, even at paintballing.
Abra: SPLASHY-SPLASHY!!
Nexus: *bursts out laughing again* GODDAMN YOU!
Gabe: I don't understand either one of you. But come on, guys! We all gotta go paintballing!
Nexus: Sure, why not?
Abra: I guess it could be fun.
Gabe: Ok! Now I'm gonna go off and round up some of the others! *leaves*
Abra: Have you been paintballing before?
Nexus: It's been years, but I think I still know how.
Abra: Good. Because I don't want you to cry when I beat you at it.
Nexus: What? Just like you beat Sephiroth at level 92? Oh wait, you didn't!
Abra: SPLASHY-SPLASHY!!
Nexus: *bursts out laughing yet again* FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS PURE, STOP THAT!!!
Abra: I won't stop. But I will be right back. *gets up and leaves the room*
(As Abra leaves the room, her wiener dog, Slinky, enters the room and sits in front of Nexus.)
Nexus: Well, aren't you the cutest little thing!
Slinky: I'm gonna kill you in your sleep!
Nexus: . . . what the?
Slinky: Just wait until you're asleep . . . *leaves*
Nexus: . . . Oh my God . . .
(So Gabe went off to recruit more people into paintballing with them. He starts off with the people at ShinRa.)
Rufus: Ok, you guys! All of you have been slacking off! And according to my sources, a select group of people attempted to rob the bank! And Sephiroth was one of them!
Reno: Eh-heh. Really? Who knew . . .
Karah: Yeah, that's weird. Who would even dare attempt to rob the First ShinRa National Bank.
Rufus: Red XIII stated that a mongoose attacked Barret! You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you, Karah?
Karah: No! Why do you ask? It's not like I robbed the bank!
Tseng: Besides, Rufus, the robbers didn't get to take any of the money, I don't think it should matter anymore. So just drop the subject.
Rufus: I WILL NOT DROP IT!! I WANT JUSTICE!!
Reno: *mutters* Yea, like when someone "supposedly" stole your Mr. Fluffers . . .
Rufus: I HEARD THAT RENO!! AND SO DID MR. FLUFFERS!! *huggles Mr. Fluffers*
Reno: Bite me!
Gabe: *walks in* Hey, guys! What's happening?
Rufus: What are you doing here? You don't work for me!
Reno: And he's glad he doesn't work for a cheap bastard, such as yourself, Rufus!
Elena: Reno! Be quiet! You don't want to get fired!
Rude: I bet he does, Elena.
Elena: This is the best job anyone could have! How could anyone complain about having it?
Reno: Really? I could easily find many things to complain about working for Rufus!
Rufus: Reno, you're gonna get your ass fired in like 10 seconds if you don't shut up!
Reno: For one, who would want to work for a guy who carries around a stuffed bear?!
Rufus: EVERYONE LIKES MR. FLUFFERS!!
Reno: Secondly, he's a cheap bastard!
Karah: In Rufus' defense, he pays me 164k gil a day.
Rufus: SEE?! I'm not cheap!
Reno: But I owe you 100 gil a day for working for you!
Rufus: . . . eh, quit complaining!
Reno: Another thing! You don't treat any of us with respect!
Rufus: That's not true! I take good care of Mr. Fluffers!
Reno: I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE DAMNED STUFFED BEAR!!
Rufus: . . . oh.
Elena: Ok, Reno. I think we get the point.
Reno: Oh, I'm FAR from done!
Gabe: Reno, calm down! I wanted to ask you all something! How would you all like to go paintballing?
Tseng: Paintballing? Why would we want to do that?
Reno: Because it's a fun thing to do! I'm in!
Rude: Count me in.
Karah: Sure, I'm up for a little paintball action!
Rufus: Are you all insane?! That is NOT something I pay you to do!
Reno: YOU DON'T EVEN PAY ME AT ALL!!
Rufus: I told you to quit complaining!
Elena: I'm not in. I don't think I'm very good at it.
Gabe: Well, at least the majority of you are coming. Now I'm off to see if Sephiroth and the gang wants to join!
(As Gabe left the ShinRa building, he headed off to the Northern Crater area. Here, Sephiroth, Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz are all chatting.)
Sephiroth: So, wait. You're just a lower form of me? You're so pathetic.
Kadaj: Hey! That's not fair! I'm still cool!
Yazoo: And why does everyone think I'm a woman? I know I have long hair, but Sephiroth does too! Why don't they call him a woman?
Loz: I think it's because he slaughtered a whole village so everyone takes Sephiroth seriously.
Yazoo: SHUT UP, LOZ!!
Sephiroth: Settle down, you cry babies!
Kadaj: Now you know what I had to deal with during the movie.
Sephiroth: Yea, but you don't know what I've been through with the game.
Kadaj: What happened there?
Sephiroth: Well . . .
(Flashback to when the game was being made. Sephiroth is sitting in the Temple of the Ancients and Cloud, Aeris, and Tifa are there talking to him.)
Sephiroth: So cold . . . I am always by your side!
Cloud: *throws Sephiroth a blanket* Kitty!
*smiles*
Sephiroth: GODDAMMIT CLOUD!!! Aeris: Oh, Cloud. Sometimes I feel a lot better
thinking Sephiroth is going to kill me later. (End of the flashback and we return to
Sephiroth, Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz.) Kadaj: Wow, that's just sad. Sephiroth: Oh, no. It got worse after that. Do
you really want to know what happened at the final battle? (Flashback to Final Battle. Barret and Cid
are picking on Red XIII. Vincent is sitting in a corner cutting himself.
Cait Sith is malfunctioning. Tifa is gawking at her breasts in a
misplaced mirror. Yuffie is guarding her materia stash. Cloud, however is
the only one in front of Sephiroth.) Sephiroth: Time to die, Cloud. Just like that
pathetic Aeris. Cloud: *runs around in circles, making airplane
sounds with his arms spread out like wings* Sephiroth: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, CLOUD!! QUIT
ACTING RETARDED!! Cloud: *continues to do so* Sephiroth: Oh, that's it! *kills
himself* (Return to the group.) Kadaj: *laughing hysterically* Loz: Oh my god! I can't believe big brother was
that stupid! Yazoo: I believe it. Sephiroth: Well, good thing they're not making
another game like that. Kadaj: What about the rumors of a remake?
Sephiroth: If they DO make a remake of Final
Fantasy VII, I'm not working with Cloud. Gabe: Yo! What are you villains up to?
Sephiroth: Just chatting. What do you want?
Gabe: I wanted to invite you guys to go
paintballing! Kadaj: Paintballing? That sounds awesome!
Sephiroth: It'd be another thing I'd own
everyone at. Yazoo: Yea, just like you took over the
Planet. Sephiroth: I HEARD THAT! Gabe: So, do you guys want to go paintballing?
Sephiroth: Sure, I'm in. Kadaj: I'm up for it! Yazoo: Yea, whatever. Loz: Sure, I'll join! Gabe: Alright! Just head over to Abra's house
and I'll meet you all there! *leaves* Sephiroth: . . . Cloud had better not be
there. (Gabe leaves them and moves on to Cloud,
Aeris, Squall, Zell, Irvine, and Seifer.) Aeris: Cloud! You really need to stop being
retarded. Cloud: *runs in circles sounding like an
airplane with arms out like wings* Squall: No point in trying to get through to
him. Zell: Yea! He's just too damn stupid! Seifer: Just like you're too damn big of a
chickenwuss! Zell: *flips out* Say that again!" Seifer: Gladly! You're a chickenwuss! Zell: SHUT UP!! Seifer: What are you gonna do about it,
Chickenwuss? Irvine: I really wish you two would stop that
pointless bickering. *looks over at Aeris* Hello, baby! Aeris: Get a life, Irvine! Irvine: But being a Cowboy is my life!
Aeris: I meant one that doesn't make you look
pathetic. Squall: He'd be pathetic either way. Irvine: Not you too! You're against me being a
Cowboy too, Squall? Squall: I was never for you being a
Cowboy. Irvine: . . . this sucks. Gabe: *runs up to them* Hey guys! How would you
all like to go paintballing? Cloud: *perks up* Paint? FINGERPAINT!! WEEEE!!!
Aeris: He said "Paintballing", not
"FingerPaint"! Squall: I'll join. Irvine: Well, like I always say: My specialties
are Guns and Women! Zell: I don't use guns. Seifer: That's because you're a chicken wuss!
Zell: *flips out* THAT'S IT!! Sign me up, Gabe!
Seifer: This ought to be interesting! I know who
I'm going after first! *glares at Zell* Zell: *gulp* Why me?! Seifer: Because you're an easy target,
Chickenwuss! Gabe: Ok! So, is Cloud going to join? Aeris: I'll make him go. Cloud: PEEKY POO!!! Gabe: Well, just head over to Abra's house. I'm
gonna go see if any of the Kingdom Hearts guys want to join. (So Gabe rushed away from there and went to
the World that Never Was. There, the Organization, Sora, Donald, and
Goofy are all randomly chatting.) Xemnas: Okay. So you all know the plan?
Saix: You go over this every day! Get hearts to
complete Kingdom Hearts. How effing hard is that? Sora: You do realize, Xemnas, that Donald,
Goofy, and I will have to stop you. Xemnas: There's no way you can stop me! You
don't even know the plan, Sora! Roxas: You just said the damn plan outloud,
Mansex! And besides! You go over the plan repeatedly, everyday, when
Sora's here!! Axel: I love it when my Roxas takes charge!
*huggles Roxas* Roxas: I HATE YOU, AXEL!! Axel: Oh . . . *sob* Xigbar: Was that really necessary, little dude?
That didn't seem very nice. Roxas: Nobody cares! Xaldin: Oh, I'm sure somebody cares. *points to
Axel* Axel: *crying* Roxas: Axel, you can quit the act! I know you're
a Nobody, just like me! You can't cry!! Axel: Doesn't mean I can't try. Marluxia: Axel. Just shut your mouth before you
make a fool of yourself. Axel: Awww, is someone miffed because I betrayed
them back at Castle Oblivion? Marluxia: Shut up, Axel! Larxene: You know I was always with you, Marly!
Marluxia: Uh-huh. You only care about
yourself. Larxene: But I wuvs you! Xemnas: We all know you don't "wuv" anyone,
Larxene. Quit lying to us and to yourself. Larxene: *cough*MANSEX!!*cough* Xemnas: I HEARD THAT, LARXENE! Gabe: *comes running up and getting short of
breath* Hey, how about you all come with us and go paintballing? Huh?
Roxas: Where'd you come from, and why are you
out of breath? Gabe: It's harder than it seems to get to the
World that Never Was. Sora: Gabe. You came here without a Gummi Ship?
How dumb can you be? Gabe: If I wasn't out of breath, I'd kill you
now, Sora. Xemnas: And I'm sorry, but I cannot go
Paintballing. Nor can any of the Organization members go. We must
complete Kingdom Hearts. Saix: Oh, shut up. You know Sora is gonna stop
you anyway. Sora: Well, I'd be up for some paintballing.
What about you guys? Donald: Aww phooey! I don't care for it one bit.
Goofy: Aww, shucks, Donald! You just don't want
to go because it's Duck Season! Donald: Shut up! Goofy: If only King Mickey were here, he'd have
your ass on his wall in a heartbeat! Uck-hyuck! Gabe: Ok. Just go to Abra's place. I need to
visit one last group of people. *leaves* Donald: The King wouldn't do that! He needs my
magic! Goofy: Well, actually he was only keeping you so
we all could feed you and get you plump and fat for Thanksgiving Dinner!
Uck-hyuck! Donald: . . . *gulp* (Now Gabe is finally off to ask Sara, Calla,
Beth, and Kate if any of them would like to join. They are all at the
park where the Gathering was.) Sara: Ok, so how long have you two known Nexus
anyway? Calla: We've known him for a good year or
so. Sara: I've known him for 2 years! Beat that!
Beth: So? We're like his bestest friends!
Sara: So? He's done favors for me and I've done
him some favors! Has he done anything for you? Calla: Eh . . . no? Sara: Ha! Kate: Can we talk about something that doesn't
have to do with how long we've known Nexus? It's getting
irritating. Sara: Then what do you think we should talk
about? Kate: I don't know. Anything! Gabe: *walks up to them* How about we all go
paintballing? Sara: DOGGY! *hugs Gabe* Gabe: Get off me! I just asked if you guys would
want to go paintballing. Sara, you're coming regardless. Sara: Why? Gabe: Because . . . you're the . . . um, guest
of honor! Yea! Let's go with that! You're the Guest of Honor! Calla: Will Nexus be in on it? Gabe: Yea, he'll be there. Beth: Then both Calla and I will be there!
Kate: Sure! I'll join you guys! Gabe: Great! Head over to Abra's house and I'll
meet you all there! *leaves* (Now, back to Abra's house, Nexus, Abra,
Reno, Rude, Karah, Tseng, Sephiroth, Kadaj, Yazoo, Loz, Cloud, Aeris,
Squall, Irvine, Zell, Seifer, Sora, Sara, Calla, Beth, and Kate are all
waiting for Gabe to return.) Nexus: Wow, so all these people decided to go
paintballing? Abra: I guess so. Sephiroth: So, Nexus! You think you're gonna
beat any of us in a paintballing match? Nexus: Well, since I proved to Abra that it IS
possible to beat you at level 80 in Kingdom Hearts II on Proud Mode, I
need to prove to her that it is also possible to beat you at
Paintballing! Abra: *smacks him* SHUT UP!! Nexus: Ow! Quit hitting me! Kate: She had a good reason to hit you!
Nexus: And that would be . . .? Abra: Because you're a jerk! Nexus: Hey! My parents said I could be anything
I wanted to be when I grew older! . . . so I decided to become an
asshole! Sara: Bitch! You don't have to be mean though!
Nexus: I can be mean whenever I want to be! And
don't call me that! Sara: But that's your nickname! I like it!
Nexus: Well, I don't. Gabe: *enters the room* Okay, everyone! All the
gear is upstairs and we're off to the paintball arena! Sephiroth: Is that what you call it nowadays?
Gabe: Ok, teams are as follows! Team A: Nexus,
Abra, Karah, Rude, Squall, Tseng, Kadaj, Yazoo, Loz, Aeris, and me. Team
B: Reno, Sephiroth, Cloud, Irvine, Zell, Seifer, Sora, Sara, Calla, Beth,
and Kate! I believe that's everyone. Sephiroth: WHOA!! HOLD UP!! Why am I on the same
side as the dipshit, Cloud?! Gabe: Because I'm evil like that. Sephiroth: *grumble* (So they all got geared up, and went to the
arena. The teams were separated at first. We first look at Team A and see
what they are up to.) Gabe: You guys ready? Nexus: I'm as ready as I'll ever be,
dude. Abra: Same here. Kadaj: So . . . the point of this is to just
shoot the other team, right? Aeris: No, Kadaj. The whole point is to
repeatedly shoot yourself in the place where the sun don't shine. You go
first. Kadaj: Ha, ha. Very funny. Gabe: Who's gonna be the refs, though?
Nexus: Last I heard, Zack and Kuja were refs
here. Kuja really freaks me out though. Gabe: Ah. Ok, so we have 2 refs. That's good to
hear. Karah: I can't wait to start! I wanna shoot
Reno! Rude: . . . why? Karah: Because he gawked at my boobs before the
Gathering. I'm gonna pay him back for that today! Rude: Poor Reno. Loz: Come on, let's start this! Yazoo: Don't start crying when you get hit,
Loz. Loz: YOU MEANIE!! (Now on to Team B.) Reno: Is everyone set? Sephiroth: Who made you Team Leader? Reno: No one! I'm just asking if everyone is
ready! Calla: Why am I even here? I don't like guns!
Beth: I don't either! Sephiroth: If you two don't shut up, I'll shoot
you instead! Zell: Hey! Be nice, Sephiroth! Seifer: Shut up, Chickenwuss! Sephiroth: Hey! I can defend myself, Seifer!
Seifer: I wasn't defending you! I was telling
Chickenwuss to shut his mouth before I shoot him! Sara: Are we starting now? Irvine: Not yet, pretty lady! Sara: EW! Not interested in gay cowboys!
Irvine: But I'm not gay! Sara: Mm-hmm! Cloud: *points in multiple random directions*
KITTY! KITTY! KITTY! Sephiroth: Oh god! This is worse than having
Jenova in my head telling me to do things! Sora: Are there gonna be Heartless around here?
Sephiroth: NO! Sora: Okay! Jeeze. Don't have a cow, Sephiroth!
Kate: Don't worry, Sora. I think it's just
because of Cloud that Sephiroth is really upset. Sephiroth: No. The reason I'm so upset is
because I'm on a team with a bunch of losers! Sara: You think I'm a loser? Kate: And me? Sephiroth: What did I just say? Sara: *sob* Reno: Okay, everyone! Get ready! Zack: *appears before them* Okay, is everyone
ready? Reno: We're as ready as we can get. Zack: Good. Now we just have to wait for the
other ref to signal for when they're ready. Kuja: *appears before Team A* Good afternoon,
everyone. Are you canaries ready for the big fight? Nexus: Canaries? Gabe: Yes, we are all ready! Kuja: Great! Now I shall signal that you are
ready. Once the signal goes off, you may advance in search of the other
team. If you should spot one of your opponents, fire at will. If you get
hit, you are out. If your gun gets hit, it is invalid as a hit, you're
still in the game. *sounds off the signal* Go! (As Team A advances, Zack allows Team B to
advance. Players from both teams start to separate. Unfortunately
Sephiroth got stuck with Cloud.) Sephiroth: Cloud, you better have a good aim!
*looks at Cloud* What the?! Cloud: *running around in circles, with his arms
out again, but holding the gun and somehow shooting it as
well.* Sephiroth: *dodges Cloud's shots* CLOUD!! I'M
GONNA KILL YOU!! Nexus: *sneaks up on Sephiroth, next to Abra and
whispers to her* Okay, ready for me to prove to you that it is possible
to beat Sephiroth? Abra: Shut up! Sephiroth: *looks around* WHO'S THERE?!
(Nexus and Abra start running at Sephiroth,
shooting at him. Sephiroth returns fire. But because Cloud is still being
a moron and running around shooting repeatedly, he hits all three of
them.) Sephiroth: THAT'S IT CLOUD!!! Kuja: *blows the whistle* Sephiroth, Nexus,
Abra! You are all eliminated! (As Sephiroth, Nexus, and Abra leave the
arena, we move onto Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz.) Kadaj: Blah! I'm bored! I wonder when we'll run
into someone? Yazoo: I don't know, brother! Why don't you tell
us? I mean, you were so confident on Mother's whereabouts way back
when. Loz: *sobs* Mommy . . . Yazoo: Shut up, you big baby! Loz: Don't call me that! Reno: *walks up behind them along with Sora,
Calla, and Beth* Well, well, well. What do we have here? *aims his gun at
the SHM* Calla: Looks like we got ourselves a bunch of
crybabies! Beth: Ya! A bunch of crybabies! Yazoo: Loz is only crying because of
Mother. Reno: Grrr . . . You know! Your mother was a
hamster! And your father smelled of elderberries!! Loz: HEY!! Yazoo: Mother wasn't a hamster! She was a guinea
pig! Loz: AND FATHER SMELLED LIKE PEACHES!!
*cries* Kadaj: I hate you both. Why do I even call you
my brothers? Sora: Hey, you three? Are you heartless?
Kadaj: *sighs* No, Sora. We are not heartless,
for the thousandth time! Karah: *runs up and starts to shoot at Reno,
Calla, Beth, and Sora* HOOOOYAAAAAAA!!! THIS IS FOR GAWKING AT MY BREASTS
EARLIER, RENO!!! (The SHM raise their guns and start firing at
the other team as well. Reno gets hit right off the bat. Kadaj gets hit
by one of Calla's shots. Beth repeatedly fires at herself for some
reason. Yazoo fires a few shots, gets hit, but brings down Calla. Loz is
sulking over in a corner, but gets shot by Sora. Karah then fires at Sora
and brings him down.) Reno: That hurt!
Sora: No kidding! Kadaj: Damn! I lost! Calla: I did too! *hugs Beth and
cries* Beth: It's ok, Calla. *holds her* Karah: Oh, quit complaining! I won against all
of you! Loz: *cries* I got hit! Yazoo: Shut up, Loz! Zack: All of you except Karah are eliminated!
(Kadaj, Yazoo, Loz, Reno, Sora, Calla, and
Beth leave the arena. Karah moves on and meets up with Gabe, Rude, Squall,
Tseng, and Aeris.) Gabe: Ok, so you're saying Reno, Calla, Beth,
Sora, and Sephiroth are out. So that leaves Cloud, Irvine, Zell, Seifer,
Sara, and Kate. Squall: . . . um, I don't think Zell and Seifer
are. *points* (Seifer and Zell had both shot each other and
both are leaving the arena.) Gabe: . . . wow, I should have seen that
coming. Seifer: It was worth it, shooting that
Chickenwuss! Zell: Shut up! Karah: Now we just need to get Irvine, Cloud,
Sarah, and Kate! (They continue to walk around until they find
Sara, Kate, and Irvine talking amongst themselves.) Irivine: So, how are you pretty ladies holding
up? Sara: Shut up, you Cowboy Geek! Kate: Yea! Get a real job! Irvine: Why does everyone tell me to get a real
job?! Being a cowboy IS a real job! Sara: No it's not! Kate: And being a pervert isn't a real job
either! Irvine: . . . oh . . . Gabe: *runs up behind them and starts to shoot
at them* (As Gabe started shooting at them, everyone
else came out and started shooting. Irvine, Sara, and Kate retaliated and
fired their own shots. Gabe hit Sara immediately in the back of the head.
Kate fired rapidly and shot Squall, Karah, and Tseng. Aeris shot Irvine.
Kate then shot Aeris and Rude. Gabe finished it all off and shot Kate.)
Gabe: YAY!! I WIN!! I WIN!! *jumps up and
down* Sara: OW!! THAT HURT, DOGGY!! Rude: *sighs* (A random shot came out of nowhere and hit
Gabe in the back of the head. Cloud came running from the bushes,
sounding like an airplane, with his arms spread out like wings again)
Gabe: . . . no . . . No . . . NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Kuja: THAT'S IT! THAT'S THE GAME!! CLOUD IS THE
WINNER!! Everyone but Kuja, Zack, and Cloud: WHAT?!?!?!
Cloud: YAY!! KITTY!! WEEEEHEEEEEE!!! *starts
acting like a plane again* The End! Click here to go to
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