Reno: Why did you have to burn down the theme park, Sephiroth?
Rufus: Yes, why, Sephiroth? That cost me money!
Sephiroth: If you were gonna be so big a dullard as to put gay clowns on any ride, it deserved to be burned to the ground.
Gabe: It did not!
Sephiroth: What was that, TV killer?
Gabe: I dunno, got anything to say about it, toilet killer?
Sephiroth: Oh, one freakin time!!
Nexus: So? You can't call Gabe a TV killer without him bringing up the toilet.
Sephiroth: Such a hardass!
Rayna: But he's my hardass! Hehe!
Aerith: Oh, get a room, you two!
Nexus: If you don't like it, tough.
Tifa: Just like with me and Gabe! *snuggles up to him*
Gabe: Hehe! I like this!
Aerith: *snuggles up to Sephiroth*
Sephiroth: What do you think you're doing, woman?!
Aerith: What, you don't like it?
Sephiroth: Uh . . . um . . . I never said that.
Vincent: Oh, hush up, Angel.
Sephiroth: . . . WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!?!
Vincent: Well, you are the One-Winged Angel, aren't you?
Sephiroth: Doesn't mean you have to rub it in with the "Angel" crap.
Vincent: . . . *whisper* I love you.
Sephiroth: What was that?
Vincent: Nothing, Angel.
Sephiroth: Don't call me that!!
Tori: Aww, I think it's cute!
Irvine: I think it's funny.
Sephiroth: *throws a beer bottle at Irvine* NO ONE ASKED YOU, COWBOY GEEK!
Irvine: *hit* OW!! MY PRECIOUS HIT POINTS!!
Tori: Sephy-kins! Be nice to Irvine!
Vincent: Yes, my lovely Angel, be nice.
Sephiroth: Okay, Vincent, you really need to stop with that. You're acting all yaoi-ish.
Vincent: What, ever, do you mean, Angel?
Sephiroth: Okay, really, that's annoying.
Rayna: So, Nexus, what's on your mind?
Nexus: You, as usual. *winks*
Rayna: Hehe. *kisses his cheek* You're sweet.
Sephiroth: Make me gag, why don't you!
Rayna: That's it!! *takes her boot and chucks it at Sephiroth's head*
Sephiroth: OW!! *knocked out cold*
(We enter Sephiroth's dream world. We see Nexus and Rayna driving through a forested area.)
Nexus: Isn't this great, hun? Driving through the woods so we can get to the cabin. That way I can study the meteor that hit the earth and advance something in science?
Rayna: Yes, that is ever so wonderful! I can't wait to get there. But, it has occurred to me that we are a bit lost.
Nexus: Oh, not to worry one bit, hun. We shall ask this man up ahead where the cabin is!
Rayna: Yes! Let us ask this man where the cabin is!
(They pull up next to the guy. It looks a lot like Gabe.)
Nexus: Hello, good farmer! Could you be ever so kind as to help us find our cabin?
Gabe: Not a problem. Just stay on this road here, past Dead Man's Curve, you'll come to an old fence, called The Devil's Fence. From there, go on foot till you come to a valley known as The Cathedral of Lost Soap. Smack in the center is what they call Forgetful Milkman's Quadrangle. Stay right on The Path of Staring Skulls and you come to a place called Death Clearing. Cabin's right there, can't miss it.
Nexus and Rayna: *jaw drop*
Nexus: That doesn't sound too inviting, if you ask me.
Gabe: Bleh, don't worry about it. It's just for the tourists with the whole legend of the curse of Cadavra Cave and all.
Rayna: *chuckles* Oh, surely you don't believe in such nonsense.
Nexus: That's true. I'm a scientist. I don't believe in anything.
Gabe: I personally don't believe in the legend, and don't call me Shirley.
Nexus: Well, we must be going. Thank you for your help. *drives off*
(We see a guy that looks like Vincent wandering around in the forest. He eventually comes stumbling into a cave.)
Vincent: . . . well this feels like home. Huh?
(He notices what looks like a blanket covering up something . . . or someone.)
Vincent: *uncovers it and finds a body that looks like Sephiroth* This . . . this is the Lost Sephiroth of Cadavra!! I FOUND IT!! *laughs uncontrollably*
(We go back to Nexus and Rayna, who made it to the cabin.)
Nexus: Jesus! He wasn't kidding about the damn names!
Rayna: I don't ever want to come back here once we're done.
Nexus: Oh, don't worry, baby. Once I'm done advancing in the field of science with this meteor, we'll be going. And this meteor has a type of metal known as Atmospherium. With only a teaspoon of the stuff, you could travel to the moon and back six times!
Rayna: I see . . . *looks out the window and sees what appears to be a comet in the sky* Hey, look! It's your meteor.
Nexus: What? That's impossible. My meteor already hit. It would be illogical of it to go back up into outer space.
Rayna: That's true. Well, it must be another meteor then.
Nexus: Another meteor. Hmmm . . . I wonder . . . oh well.
Rayna: Let's go to bed. We'll search for your meteor tomorrow morning.
(We go back to Vincent who is still in the cave.)
Vincent: Why won't you rise for me, Sephiroth?! Get up!! Why won't he get up?!
Sephiroth: *disembodied* You're an idiot!
Vincent: Who said that? Come on out!!
Sephiroth: It is I, you fool! The Lost Sephiroth of Cadavra!
Vincent: Why don't you get up, Sephiroth?!
Sephiroth: Because I only have mental power now! My body is useless!
Vincent: Then what shall I do for you?
Sephiroth: There is a radioactive element known as Atmospherium. You must find this and bring it back to me.
Vincent: I-I will! I'll find the Atmospherium, and bring it to you!
Sephiroth: That's what I just suggested. When I am brought back to life, together you and I will rule the world together.
Vincent: But-but how? How will I find it?
Sephiroth: That is for you to know; that's not my problem. I sleep now!
Vincent: I must go out and find it! *leaves*
(We see a spaceship land and out of it comes two people that look a lot like Reno and Irvine.)
Reno: That sssssuuuurrree was fun, eh, *hiccup* Lattis.
Lattis: You nearly got us killed, Kro-Bar!!
Kro-Bar: *hiccup* Awww, yous just *hiccup* jealous I got ter *hiccup* fly teh space*hiccup*ship!
Lattis: Oh no! The mutant has escaped! You dumbass! You left the cage open again!!!
Kro-Bar: *hiccup* So?
Lattis: So! It destroyed the means of our transportation unit! So now we have to find some goddamn Atmospherium to power the ship!!
Kro-Bar: *hiccup* You seem *hiccup* upset.
Lattis: GRAAAAHHHHH!!!! *shoots Kro-bar*
Kro-Bar: Blarg! Don't *hiccup* shoot meh, braw!
(We see Kro-Bar and Lattis go to the cabin. They stand in front of the door.)
Kro-Bar: Oh no!
Lattis: What is it now?
Kro-Bar: This isn't possible!
Lattis: If you say it's impossible that you're out of Marvan whiskey again, I swear to god! You drank it all!
Kro-Bar: No! The door! It won't open by itself! We're stuck outside!
Lattis: You're an idiot. All doors open by themselves. What are we from? The Glockmar Ages?
Kro-Bar: I'm telling you! It won't open!
Nexus: *opens the door* Can I help you?
Kro-Bar: Oh! Thank you! We were stuck out here!
Nexus: Sure you were.
Lattis: What my friend is trying to say is, do you have any Atmospherium?
Nexus: Atmospherium? Yea. My wife and I went out today and found a meteor full of it.
Rayna: Who is it, hun?
Nexus: Two losers from some other world.
Vincent: *runs up* Hey! I uh . . . got lost. And I need a place to stay to rest for a while.
Nexus: Huh? Um, sure. There's plenty of room.
(They all go inside. Later, Rayna is getting drowsy.)
Sephiroth: *disembodied* I cannot wait this long. She-she will help me- the housewively one. HI RAYNA!!
Rayna: Huh? Who's there?
Kro-Bar: This is perfect. She's getting drowsy. *mind-control* Give the Atmospherium to Kro-Bar and Lattis.
Sephiroth: Give the meteor to the Sephiroth!
Kro-Bar: Give the Atmospherium to Kro-Bar and Lattis.
Sephiroth: Give the meteor to the Sephiroth!
Rayna: I have to make a Sephiroth meatier using a crowbar covered in lettuce.
Nexus: What? I don't understand what you're saying.
Rayna: I think I shall go lie down.
Nexus: Okay, I'll take you to the room.
Vincent: Okay, now that they're gone, we should team up. Together, we should take the meteor together. There's probably enough to share.
Kro-Bar: You mean, like an alliance?
Lattis: Yes, like an alliance!
Kro-Bar: So, we shall share it?
Vincent: Yes, we will share it!
Kro-Bar: Yes, we shall! Now, let us take the meteor!
(So they all take the meteor and head back to the spaceship.)
Lattis: Good. Now we can share the Atmospherium.
Vincent: Yes, about that. I have a Sephiroth to get back to.
Sephiroth: That would be me!
Vincent: Now, Sephiroth! Use your mind power to constrict them!
Sephiroth: *constricts them*
Kro-Bar: What the? I can't move!
Lattis: How the hell!
Vincent: So long, suckers! *leaves*
Nexus: *runs up* What are you guys doing?
Kro-Bar: We can't move!
Lattis: Get these ropes off of me!!!!
Nexus: *tries to get them off* . . . there are no ropes.
Kro-Bar: The Sephiroth is using his mind power to constrict us!
Nexus: That's impossible. There's no way a Sephiroth could us mental ropes.
Sephiroth: I sleep now!
Kro-Bar: Hey, that's better!
Lattis: I can move again.
Nexus: Hmmm, I wonder . . . oh well.
Kro-Bar: Okay, let's go get the Atmospherium!
Nexus: Yes, let us get that meteor!
(We see Vincent giving the Atmospherium to Sephiroth.)
Sephiroth: Yes! I have risen!
Vincent: *whispers* I love you.
Sephiroth: What was that?
Vincent: Nothing, my lord.
Sephiroth: Whatever. Let us take over the world together!
Vincent: Yes. Let us take over the world together!
Sephiroth: Yes. Let's!
(They go to the spaceship and Sephiroth creates a chair out thin air. He sits himself down.)
Sephiroth: Now, all I need is a bride! *sees Lattis* That one will do!
Lattis: Whoa, whoa whoa! I ain't nobody's bitch! I'm a dude!
Sephiroth: You're supposed to be a woman right now anyway.
Nexus: Dude, seriously. Lattis is now a dude.
Sephiroth: That's not my problem.
Kro-Bar: Yea it is. It means you're gay.
Sephiroth: I'm not gay!
Rayna: *walks up* If you want to marry Lattis now, then yes, you will be.
Sephiroth: Says you.
Nexus: *hears a sound* What was that?!
Red XIII: *walks out from the bushes* I take it I'm the damn creature . . .
Nexus: OH MY GOD!!! IT TALKS!!!
Red XIII: I can also hump your leg, but you don't see me doing that now, do you?
Red XIII: Shall I destroy the Sephiroth now?
Kro-Bar: Yes! Destroy the Sephiroth!
Red XIII: Okay. *attacks Sephiroth*
Sephiroth: Noooo!! GET THIS THING OFF ME!!
Vincent: Bleh. You're on your own for now.
Sephiroth: YOU BLOOD TRAITOR!!
(We go back to the Ramble Room where Sephiroth wakes up.)
Sephiroth: Wha? What happened?
Rayna: You insulted us and I chucked my boot at your head. You were out for about 15 minutes.
Sephiroth: Wow . . . that was one hell of a dream.
Tori: Really? What was it about?
Sephiroth: Well . . . Nexus, Rayna, Reno, Cowboy Geek, Gabe, and Vincent were all in it acting retarded.
Nexus: What?!
Rayna: Hey!
Reno: Not cool!
Irvine: Don't call me that!
Gabe: What the hell did I do to you?
Vincent: I love you.
Everyone: . . .
Vincent: I mean . . . What the hell!
Sephiroth: . . . yea. Vincent, you really need to stop that.
Vincent: I'm sorry, Angel. Sephiroth: Seriously! Stop that! Nexus: I think I'm gonna end it right here . . . Rayna: End what? Nexus: The ramble! Muahaha!! The End! Click here to go back to the rambles page! Click here to go back to the home page!