Sephiroth: *flipping through the channels on the tv* ... nothing good to watch.
Rufus: It sucks. There's nothing good on! And I gave Nexus the premium channels too!
Sephiroth: Show off much?
Aerith: Settle down, Sephiroth.
Sephiroth: I'm not even yelling!
Karah: So? We know you well enough that you will be yelling in a few seconds.
Sephiroth: BULL SH--
Rayna: *smacks Sephiroth* See?
Sephiroth: ... I hate you all.
Nexus: *walks into the room* What's going on now?
Sephiroth: They're abusing me!
Nexus: And you abused Cloud ... in more ways than one.
Sephiroth: What's that supposed to mean?!
Rufus: *laughs*
Reno: It means you obviously fu--
Sephiroth: Finish that sentence and die!
Reno: Eep!
Irvine: Don't threaten my best bud like that!
Sephiroth: I'll threaten anyone I want, Cowboy Geek!
Irvine: Stop calling me that!
Nexus: Then stop dressing like you're from Brokeback Mountain!
Irvine: *sob*
Aerith: You guys are horrible.
Nexus: I try my best.
Rayna: As do I!
Abra: And me!
Sephiroth: No one cares!
Abra: Shut up!
Nexus: All of you, be quiet! I have something to say!
Sephiroth: I swear to my Mother, if you say the Cake is a Lie one more time ...
Nexus: That's not what I was gonna say! ... even though it IS a lie ... I was gonna say that someone left the door unlocked ... AGAIN!!
Sephiroth: *looks to the door* ... so? It's daytime.
Nexus: I meant at night. Whoever is the last one down here has to lock the door!
Karah: What do you want us to do about it then?
Nexus: Well, either lock the damn door!!! Or I'll figure something out later.
Rufus: That's not good business, man.
Reno: Oh, yea. Wouldn't want to NOT be like Rufus! Ohhh, the horror if he didn't turn out to be just like Shachou!
Rufus: Yes! You see my point!
Reno: I was being sarcastic, Dufus!
Nexus: Look! Just whoever is the last one down here, PLEASE for the love of Jenova! Lock the damn door!
Sephiroth: Hey! You can't use my Mother's name in vain!
Nexus: I am a Jenova's Witness. I can say whatever the hell I want!
Sephiroth: What the hell is that?!
Aerith: It's a religion in honor of your Mother.
Sephiroth: It is?! WHY WASN'T I INFORMED?!
Nexus: You were. Don't you remember?
(Flashback to when Nexus first told Sephiroth of a religion for his Mother.)
Nexus: Hey, Sephiroth! I think you should know of something.
Sephiroth: QUIET! I'm watching the TV!
Nexus: But it's about your mother.
Sephiroth: I SAID QUIET!
Nexus: Fine. Don't join a religion for your mother. *leaves*
Sephiroth: *at the TV* YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE MAP, DORA!! DON'T ASK ME!!!
(Back to the ramble room.)
Sephiroth: That's not what happened!!! *sweatdrop*
Nexus: Sure. Whatever you say.
Sephiroth: I f*cking hate you!!
Rayna: And I love him.
Nexus: So it all evens out.
Aerith: And I love you too, Sephy!
Sephiroth: ... but I KILLED you!
Aerith: So? That doesn't mean a thing to me.
Nexus: I'd say "she has a point" ... but I don't know what that point would be ...
Sephiroth: So, do I have a point?
Nexus: The closest thing you'll ever have to a point is the tip of the Masamune.
Sephiroth: *glares*
Nexus: But, on that last note, PLEASE whoever is the last one down here, lock the door!
Everyone: Whatever.
(That night, the last person to be downstairs is, unfortunately, Sephiroth.)
Sephiroth: *looks around the room* Hehe, no one here! *pops in a video and watches Dora the Explorer* God I love this show!!!
(After he finishes, he heads upstairs ... leaving the door unlocked. ... the next morning ...)
Nexus: *walks downstairs and notices the door is unlocked ... again!* ... GRRRRR!!!
(Later that day...)
Nexus: Okay, I know you're all wondering why you're all here.
Sephiroth: Not really ...
Aerith: I have an idea on what it is ...
Rufus: Haven't got a clue.
Reno: The bar isn't open yet.
Irvine: Didn't have anything better to do.
Squall: ... whatever.
Twilight: Everyone wants me to be here!
Karah: No we don't!
Gabe: Damn right.
Nexus: Okay, seriously though, you were all called here because ... SOMEONE DIDN'T LOCK THE DAMN DOOR!!!!
Sephiroth: *in thought* ... oh shit.
Nexus: *looks to Sephiroth* Something to add, momma's boy?
Sephiroth: What did you call me?!?!
Nexus: What's the matter, chunky butt? Too much cake in your ears?
Sephiroth: *cries*
Nexus: ... wow, that's sad.
Aerith: Aww, don't cry ... *snicker* CHUNKY BUTT!! *laughs*
Sephiroth: You too?!?!
Aerith: Sorry, I thought it was funny.
Sephiroth: No! It hurt my feelings!
Nexus: Like you ever had any ...
Sephiroth: I hate you the most.
Nexus: What else is new.
Gabe: So what are you gonna do about this door thing?
Nexus: Well, I was thinking of having someone be nominated to be the official door locker guy.
Rufus: Oh! Pick me! I'll do it!
Sephiroth: No way! You're too cheap to do it! Pick me!
Nexus: Why don't you both do it?
Sephiroth: Think about what you're saying.
Nexus: *thinks* ... oh. Yea, I should have thought of this.
Sephiroth: See? I'm right.
Nexus: Sadly, yes. I see that you're right.
Sephiroth: "Sadly"?!
Rufus: Wow, look at the time! If I'm going to win this thing, I might as well actually work at it.
Reno: HAHA! YOU, WORK!! THAT'S RICH!!!
Rufus: Shut your ass up, Reno!
Sephiroth: *smacks Rufus* He's got a point, you know!
Rufus: OW!! And what point would that be?!
Reno: You haven't worked a day in your pathetic life! All you do is order us around!
Rufus: That's not work?! GETTING YOUR LAZY ASSES TO WORK ISN'T CONCIDERED WORK?!
Reno: Hey! We do all the work, and you're the one who sits and watches ... hell, you don't even watch.
Rufus: Because I'm busy doing other work!!
Nexus: Rufus, I don't think taking care of Mr. Fluffers has anything to do with actual "work".
Rufus: I don't focus all my attention to Mr. Fluffers!! ... even though he needs all the attention he can get! Isn't that right, Mr. Fluffers! *holds Mr. Fluffers to his cheek*
Mr. Fluffers: *inanimate object*
Reno: ... dumbass.
Rufus: Say what you want ... *checks his watch* Well now, I'd best be off if I'm going to win this election! Reno! You're helping me!
Reno: Like HELL I'd help you! Besides, you'd just have us Turks do all the work for you!
Rufus: Hmmm, you're right ... I SHOULD ALSO HAVE REEVE HELP!!! HE'S GOOD AT PLANNING THINGS!!!
(Back at the Shin-Ra Building ...)
Reeve: *shiver*
Tseng: What is it, Reeve?
Reeve: I have this grotesque feeling that Rufus is planning to use me for some stupid reason ...
Tseng: Hey! That's my jo--
Reeve: Huh?
Tseng: ... nevermind.
(Back to the Ramble Room ...)
Rufus: Hmmm ...
Gabe: Huh? What's with you, Rufus?
Rufus: I have the strangest feeling that Reeve is gonna hide from me ...
Karah: How would you know that?
Reno: He probably has cameras set up all over the Shin-Ra building ...
Karah: Well duh, Reno, they're called "Security Cameras".
Reno: Even in the bathrooms?!
Rufus: *mutters to self* I must always be one step ahead of those that will try to overthrow me ...
Reno: And he talks to himself ...
Rufus: I do not!
Twilight: But you did before Reno said anything ....
Rufus: I did no such thing!
Reno: Yes, you did, you moron.
Rufus: Shut up, Reno. Let's go! You have a LOT of work to do! *drags Reno*
Reno: NOOO!! HELP ME!!! *dragged out*
Sephiroth: Well then, if he's going to have help with his campaign, I feel I should have some help as well!
Nexus: Who would want to help you?
Sephiroth: Hmm ... *smirks*
Nexus: ... oh no.
Sephiroth: Oh yes!
(Before anyone could see what came next, Sephiroth was able to bring the greatest politician in the galaxy to the Ramble Room ...)
Nexus: I hate you ... with a passion ...
Sephiroth: What?!
Karah: He has nothing to do with Square Enix!!
Sephiroth: Sure he does!
Gabe: How the hell?!
Emperor Palpatine: How do you think Xemnas learned to use those Light Sabers?
Karah: Those weren't Light Sabers ...
Twilight: That's right! And I'm a Jedi! I won't allow you to be in this election!
Emperor Palpatine: *closes eyes slowly* Hmm ... I sense that the Force is not strong with you ... weak Jedi scum ...
Twilight: WHY YOU!!
Emperor Palpatine: Heheh.
Nexus: I'm gonna regret letting you have him here, aren't I?
Sephiroth: Probably, but I couldn't care less! Come on, buddy! Let's go campaigning! *leaves with Palpatine*
Gabe: This will be something to remember, I believe.
Nexus: Oh shut up!
(We see Rufus at the ShinRa HQ, with the Turks all not looking very happy, and Reeve who was handcuffed to the chair, also not looking too happy. Rufus is going over the proposal.)
Rufus: Okay! This meeting has come to order ...
Reno: Yes! I would like 2 bacon cheeseburgers, a large fry, and a diet cola! I'm trying to cut back, yo.
Rufus: Hahaha, very funny, smartass.
Reno: I thought it was, yo.
Tseng: Okay, Rufus. Spill it. Why do you have us here? And uh ... *blushes* why is Reeve handcuffed?
Rufus: I gathered you all here to help me with the campaign against Sephiroth ... As for why Reeve is hand cuffed, I felt that he would try to avoid this as much as possible ...
Reeve: Please, sir! I won't run. I'm willing to help!
Rufus: Out of the question. I don't believe you.
Tseng: *mutters* Besides, I like it ...
Rufus: Now! Let's move on! Does anyone have any good ideas on how to win this election?
Reno: There's always the obvious way ...
Rufus: Wow! Reno has a suggestion!
Reno: Go drop dead!
Rufus: But that would mean Sephiroth would win ...
Reno: It would also mean that we no longer have to work for a psycotic loser like you.
Rufus: If you help me, I'll give you a bonus ...
Turks and Reeve: *ears perk up*
Tseng: Did you say a bonus?
Reno: He's gotta be bullsh*tting us!
Rufus: I kid you not. I am actually willing to give you all a bonus if you help me attempt to win this election.
Elena: Wow! That means me and Tseng could go on a vacation together!
Tseng: Elena ...
Elena: I'm sorry!
Reno: Yo, Rude. What you gonna get with your bonus?
Rude: ... shoes.
Reno: Yo, you serious?
Rude: *nods*
Rufus: Alright everyone! Get to work!
(Now we move in to see how Sephiroth is doing with his campaign. He's apparently on Coruscant in the room of the Senate with Emporer Palpatine.)
Emperor Palpatine: So, we must destroy the Shin-Ra, for they are with the Jedi!! They plan to overthrow my good friend, Phesithor.
Sephiroth: It's Sephiroth!
Emperor Palpatine: Whatever. So, now we must all vote for Sethiroph. And we must go to war with the Shin-Ra!
(A loud uproar of support is heard throughout the entire building.)
Sephiroth: Wow, you really have them wrapped around your finger.
Emperor Palpatine: Patience, my apprentice. You will learn soon enough that it takes a lot of effort to become the ruler of the galaxy.
Sephiroth: ... But I just wanted to win the election ... and possibly kill Dufus, but that's just a side thing.
Emperor Palpatine: Again, you fail to understand. You are working with the Sith now.
Sephiroth: Oh! So you're a relative of that stupid cat thing that Reeve built?
Emperor Palpatine: I fail to understand what you said.
Sephiroth: I said that you're a relative of the cat robot thing.
Emperor Palpatine: Whatever.
(A couple days have gone by and we go to the Ramble Room, where Nexus and Gabe are talking.)
Nexus: I have a bad feeling about this whole election thing.
Gabe: Dude! Sephiroth is working for the Lord of the Sith! How much worse could it get?!
Nexus: It can get much worse, my friend.
Gabe: How much worse?
(At that moment, the door busts open and in comes an entire circus.)
Nexus: Oh no! NO! NOO!! NOO!!!! HOW THE HELL!!
Gabe: I believe this would be the idea of the Turks.
Reno: *walks in drunk* Hell *hiccup* yea!! Teh cir*hiccup*cus rulezzz!!
Tseng: I'm terribly sorry for all this.
Rude: My apologies.
Rufus: What are you guys doing?! The circus was supposed to go around back! Not through the door!!
Reno: *hiccup* Whoops!
Nexus: Rufus! You were supposed to come up with a campaign! Not a circus!!
Rufus: This is my campaign! I'm using the circus as a representation of what it would be like if Sephiroth won the election.
Nexus: ... yea, I knew it would turn out to be mudslinging ...
Rufus: I would NEVER sling mud! That's childish! I do, however, throw insults at the other candidate!
Gabe: That's mudslinging!
(At that moment, Sephiroth and Emperor Palpatine walk in with a ton of Imperial Soldiers.)
Sephiroth: What's with the circus, you losers?
Gabe: Apparently, they're gonna show how things will be if you win the election.
Nexus: And I'm so gonna regret this, but WHAT THE HELL is with the soldiers?!
Sephiroth: They're part of our campaign.
Emperor Palpatine: Yes, they are essential to our plan.
Gabe: *sweatdrop* Okay then ...
Karah: *walks in* Hey, Nexus, Gabe, I need some hel-- WHOA!! WHAT'S WITH THE CIRCUS AND THE ARMY?!
Nexus: Take a wild guess.
Karah: You remembered that it's almost my birthday and you two wanted to surprise me with a circus?
(Nexus and Gabe look at each other and sweatdrop.)
Nexus: Um ... sure, let's just go with that.
Karah: Well you both suck! I hate the circus!
Sephiroth: So do I ... Clowns are my enemy ...
Emperor Palpatine: We shall destroy the clowns, for they are also with the Jedi.
Nexus: One track mind, huh?
Sephiroth: Seems that way, but who cares!
Reno: *hiccup* Hey now! *hiccup* Are we gonna get this campaign over with or *hiccup* not?!
Karah: Oh crap! I totally forgot we were still doing this stupid election.
Nexus: We didn't ...
Rufus: Okay everyone! Let's get to the back yard! We must get on with the campaign!
(So everyone went to the back yard were there was a stage set up for Rufus and Sephiroth could give their speeches, and chairs for everyone to listen to them.)
Nexus: We're gonna die of boredom.
Sephiroth: If there's a god on my side, you will.
Gabe: Smartass.
Sephiroth: My ass is always with me, so it should be.
Nexus: That's not what he meant!
Sephiroth: Too late! I've taken it as that!
Gabe: That dumbass!
Nexus: You said it.
Sora: Okay! Everyone! Sit down! We're getting ready for the big election!
Xemnas: Who made you leader?
Sora: Since I hold the Keyblade, that makes me leader!
Donald: Wak! That's right! He's the Keyblade's chosen one!
Goofy: Uck-hyuk! That won't do any good for you, Donald. You're just gonna end up a duck dinner! Hgh hgh hgh!
Donald: WAAAAK!!! Don't say such things, Goofy!
Sora: But, you really will end up a Duck Dinner, Donald.
Donald: Nooo!!!
Sephiroth: Look, you stupid duck! Keep up with the yackin', and I'm gonna slice you myself!
Donald: *holds mouth shut*
Sora: Now that Donald finally shut his mouth, let's have everyone sit down, and listen to the debates between Rufus and Sephiroth! *mutters* Boy, this is gonna get bad ...
(Everyone began to sit down and were all talking amongst themselves. None of them really wanted to be there.)
Nexus: So, Gabe. We really haven't been talking too much lately. Why is that?
Gabe: I dunno, man. We should think about sparring in the training room sometime though!
Nexus: Hell yea! Or down by the beach! That would be cool!
Gabe: Yea! How about after this stupid election, we plan on that!
Nexus: It's a plan!
Karah: So how's life been for you, Abra? We haven't talked much!
Abra: Oh, it's been alright. I've been going to conventions a lot, lately.
Karah: That sounds like fun! Wish I could go!
Abra: Well then! I should take you to one sometime!
Karah: That'd be awesome!
Irvine: Aw, come on, babe! We should talk some!
Tori: Why do you keep calling me "babe"?
Irvine: Because I like calling you babe!
Tori: Alright then ... what do you want to talk about?
Irvine: How about we just forget about this stupid election and go be alone somewhere? *winks*
Tori: ... *twitches and sucker punches*
Sora: Alright, everyone! Settle down! Let's begin this election with Rufus giving his speech.
Rufus: *walks up and stands behind the podium* Welcome!
Sephiroth: *masking his voice* BOO!! YOU SUCK!!
Rufus: I am pleased to have you all here today to listen to my speech! Ladies! And of course, gentlemen! You don't want that sleezeball Sephiroth to be in charge of anything! Hell, look around you! This circus is what would happen should Sephiroth be in charge of anything!
Sephiroth: *masking his voice* WE LOVE SEPHIROTH!!!
Rufus: In time, I will prove to be a better door locker than Sephiroth could hope to be!
Nexus: I guess that's true ...
Rufus: Now, my friends, allow me to buy your votes with something! Look under your chairs!
(Everyone looks under their chairs and find a set of keys.)
Nexus: Oh god ... he's bribing us to vote for him?
Rufus: If you vote for me, you've just received a set of keys to your own brand new Mercedes!
Sephiroth: HEY!! I DIDN'T GET ONE!!
Rufus: That's because you're not voting for me, dumbass.
Sephiroth: Hmph!
Rufus: Well then! I hope I've convinced you well enough to vote for me, Rufus J. ShinRa!
(As Rufus gets down off the stage, Sora heads on up.)
Sora: Wow! Thank you, Rufus! Let's give him a round of applause! *everyone claps with Sora* Now then, I'm sure we're gonna hear a wonderful speech from our other candidate. But first, I must say a few words! EVERYONE!!! STOP GIVING INTO THE DARKNESS!!! IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!!! I CAN'T KEEP FIGHTING THOSE DAMN HEARTLESS FOREVER!!!
Aerith: Sora ...
Xemnas: Look, Sora. You need to stop overreacting to Heartless. Just keep smashing them and giving us the hearts.
Sora: Don't listen to him! He's crazy! CRAZY I TELL YOU!!!
Nexus: *walks up on stage* Okay, Sora. I think we need to give you your medication ...
Sora: NO! Not the medication!
Nexus: *holds Sora down and injects him with an elephant tranquilizer*
Sora: No!! The Heart ... less will des ... troy us ... all ... *falls asleep*
Nexus: *holding Sora* Okay, everyone. Up next ... Sephiroth ... *carries Sora off stage*
Sephiroth: *walks up on stage* Yea ... vote for me ... or die!
Emperor Palpatine: Execute order 69.
(At that moment, all the Imperial Soldiers aimed their guns at everyone in the crowd.)
Sephiroth: I hope this has convinced you all to vote for me!
Nexus: Oh great ... first bribery, now threats. I knew this was a bad idea.
Sephiroth: Hey! You had a great idea, Palpa-palpatine!
Emperor Palpatine: Everything that has transpired has gone according to my design ...
Sephiroth: Uh ... yea.
Nexus: *gets up on stage* Wow! Wasn't that a wonderful speech, everyone? Okay! Now it's time to vote! Rufus the Dufus or Sephiroth the violent Mama's boy!
(Everyone just gave a big sweatdrop at the thought of who they'd vote for. They all got up and headed over to the voting table and cast their votes. After a couple hours of counting the votes, everyone returned to their seats and waited for the announcement of the winner.)
Nexus: Okay! The votes have all been counted! Now to announce the winner!
Sephiroth: Oh boy! I can't wait!
Rufus: I already know who one ...
Nexus: Alright! Someone give me the envelope.
Aerith: *walks up and gives him the envelope* Here you are, Nexus!
Nexus: Why, thank you, Aerith. And, the winner of this election for the official door locker will be ... *opens the envelope, but doesn't look at it yet* Just to let all of you know, I did secretly put on a 3rd candidate on the ballat.
Sephiroth: Wait, WHAT?!?!
Rufus: Who?!
Nexus: And the winner of the election is ...... BOBO!! THE MONKEY WHO ALWAYS THROWS POOP AT EVERYONE!!!
Sephiroth: WHAT MONKEY?!?!
Nexus: He just came today! And he throws poop all the time!
(From behind the stage, Bobo the Monkey walks out naked and smiling.)
Aerith: Awww, he's cute!
Karah: Aww!! Can I pet him?!
Sephiroth: This is absurd!!
Rufus: He can't win! He didn't run for the position!
Nexus: Oh, he can! Since you two both went against election rules by bribery and violence, you both were disqualified, and any votes for you were thus nulled.
Sephiroth: NOO!!
Gabe: Hehe! I was the one that ordered the monkey!
Bobo: Ooh, ooh, ahh ahh!!
Sephiroth: .... well, he is kinda cute ...
Bobo: Ooh ooh ... *looks at Sephiroth, poops, and throws it at his face*
Sephiroth: .... Stupid monkey ....
Nexus: *laughs* That's a good look for you, Sephiroth!
Sephiroth: Shut up! Let's just see how well he does his job!
Gabe: He does a very good job! He's an official door locker!
Sephiroth: I'm sure he is ...
(Later that night, Sephiroth is the last one downstairs, watching TV. He begins to hear footsteps.)
Sephiroth: Wha? Who's there?!
Bobo: Oooh, oooh.
Sephiroth: Oh, it's just the monkey ...
Bobo: *walks over to Sephiroth, hopping up on the couch*
Sephiroth: Hehe, some door locker you turned out to be.
Bobo: Hey! Cwacka! Git yer ass up and lock da damn door!!!
Sephiroth: WHAT?!
Bobo: You heard me, mutha fugga! Now do it, before I bust a cap in yo' ass!!!
Sephiroth: What are you gonna shoot me with?
Bobo: *holds up a banana*
Sephiroth: *laughs* Oh yea! That's REALLY gonna hurt me!
Bobo: *pushes a button on it and it turns into a gun* What now, bitch?!
Sephiroth: *sweatdrops* Okay! I'll lock the door!
Bobo: That's what I thought you said, mo' fo!
Sephiroth: *mutters as he locks the door* Stupid monkey ...
Bobo: I HEARD THAT MUTHA FUGGA!! *shoots him repeatedly until his HP hits zero*
Sephiroth: *on the ground* Maybe I ... should have just ... locked the door before any of this happened ... *knocked out*
The End!
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