(Yes, we begin the story once again in the Usual Spot. Here, we actually start out in the bedroom of Nexus and Rayna, who are just waking up.)
Nexus: *yawns* Good morning.
Rayna: *yawns and smiles* Good morning, Nexus.
Nexus: I don't really want to get up . . .
Rayna: Neither do I.
Sephiroth: *bursts in* Hey, Nexus! Get your ass up!!!
Nexus: . . . and the moment was just ruined.
Sephiroth: If you were gonna have sex with her, you should have done it last night.
Nexus: Shut your ass up, Sephiroth!
Rayna: Yea, we were both tired . . .
Sephiroth: I know you're new here, so I'm gonna say it again for your sake . . . I'M NEVER NICE!!!
Rayna: Okay! You didn't have to yell.
Sephiroth: Just so you remember that I'm never nice, I said it louder.
Rayna: I'll remember that.
Sephiroth: Anyway! I got something in the mail!
Nexus: It's only 7:30 . . .
Sephiroth: Yea, but this is one of your damn rambles, which doesn't make sense to begin with, so why start now?
Nexus: Yea---GODDAMN YOU!!
Sephiroth: Heheh!
Nexus: Well, what did you get in the mail?
Sephiroth: I got a nomination for best video game villain!!
Rayna: Congratulations!
Nexus: Yea, now get out!
Sephiroth: You're not nice!
Nexus: You should know by now, I'm never nice to you.
Sephiroth: Fine, be that way. *leaves*
Nexus: Now . . . where were we? *smiles*
Rayna: Hehe, I dunno, you tell me. *smiles*
Abra: *walks in* Nexus, we need to talk!
Nexus: Goddammit . . .
Rayna: *sigh*
Abra: Can we please talk?
Nexus: Fine. *walks out with Abra* What do you want?
Abra: I want her out.
Nexus: Why?
Abra: I don't like her!
Nexus: Yea, well, I like her, so tough shit!
Abra: What?!
Nexus: I'm going back in the room. *leaves*
Rayna: Everything okay?
Nexus: Yea, everything's okay.
Rayna: Good. I don't want anything to be wrong.
Nexus: Nothings wrong, babe. *kisses*
Rayna: *kisses back and smiles*
Nexus: Heheh.
Rayna: *kisses Nexus repeatedly*
(We leave Nexus and Rayna alone for now and move on out to the main room. Sephiroth, Abra, Reno, Gabe, and Karah are all chatting.)
Reno: So she's staying, right?
Abra: Apparently.
Sephiroth: YES!!
Abra: *glares*
Sephiroth: I mean . . . what a shame.
Karah: I've never seen her! What's she look like?
Sephiroth: Oh, she's fine as HELL!!!
Abra: *glares more*
Sephiroth: I mean . . . um . . . she's alright.
Gabe: Lucky bastard. He needs to share the wealth!
Sephiroth: Don't expect much like that.
Gabe: Fine . . .
Nexus: *walks out with Rayna* Hey guys, what's happening?
Gabe: *runs up to Nexus and grabs his shirt collar* I want some action!!
Nexus: . . . That's nice, but I don't flow that way, man!
Gabe: You know what I meant!
Nexus: Oh! You mean with Rayna? No way, you can go with Abra.
Gabe: Hell no! I want to be with Rayna!
Rayna: Tee-hee! Come on, guys, don't fight!
Nexus: We're not fighting, we're expressing aggressive negotiations.
Gabe: Nah, this ain't even close to being aggressive negotiations. *draws his sword* You ready?
Nexus: *draws his sword* Oh yea! I'm ready!
Rayna: *gulp*
Abra: Will you two stop it?!
Nexus: Hell no, we do this all the time!
Gabe: Exactly! So there's no way in hell we're gonna stop!
(Nexus and Gabe fight it out. They keep wailing at each other, but eventually, Nexus knocks Gabe's sword out of his hand and declares a victory.)
Gabe: Fine, you win.
Nexus: Good fight, man.
Sephiroth: You guys suck at fighting.
Gabe: Shut up, Sephiroth!
Karah: Yea, Sephiroth. Be nice for once!
Sephiroth: Do you guys want me to say it again?!
Reno: Oh oh oh! I wanna say it! He's never nice!
Sephiroth: *smacks Reno* SHUT UP!!!
Nexus: Sephiroth . . .
Reno: Y-y-you h-h-hit m-m-m-me! WAAAHHH!! *buries face in Karah's breasts* Hehehe . . . .
Karah: Awww, poor Reno! Tee hee!
Sephiroth: Reno, you're such a pervert!
Reno: Oh well.
Nexus: Don't forget "alcoholic".
Abra: And "lazy".
Rayna: And sexy.
Reno: That was the best one yet! *hugs Rayna*
Rayna: Hehe! Yay!
Sephiroth: Hey! I wanna hug her too! *hugs her as well*
Rayna: Wow, I love all this attention! Tee hee!
Nexus: You might as well get used to it, babe! *hugs*
Rayna: Awww, thank you! *hugs and kisses Nexus*
Abra: *growl*
Sephiroth: *whisper* You're not jealous, are you?
Abra: No!
Nexus: "No" what?
Sephiroth: She's not je--
Abra: *puts a hand over his mouth* No, I'm not just gonna sit here and take this! I'm gonna hug her too! *hugs Rayna, but is hesitant about it and growls*
Rayna: Awww, thanks, Abra!
Nexus: Hmmm . . .
Abra: What?
Nexus: Nothing . . .
Sephiroth: Anyway, we're going to the award show tomorrow night! I was nominated for Best Villain!
Nexus: Why should I go? You never support me in anything I do!
Sephiroth: Because if you don't go, I'll kill you with one fatal swipe!
Nexus: Guys, we're going to the award show!
Rayna: We are?
Karah: That's what he just said, Rayna.
Rayna: Okay.
Nexus: Yup, tomorrow night, we'll go to the award show to see if Sephiroth will win Best Villain.
Rufus: *walks in* Like HELL you will! I'm the greatest villain that ever lived!
Sephiroth: Bull crap! I'm the greatest!
Rufus: I am!
Sephiroth: I AM!!!
Rufus: I AM!!!!
Nexus: Can it, you two!
Rayna: Yea, we'll just see who wins tomorrow.
Sephiroth: Damn right, we will!
Rufus: I already have this in the bag!
Rayna: Rufus, you shouldn't be like that!
Reno: He's a pompous jerk, of course he's gonna be like that!
Rufus: Reno, you're fired for 15 minutes!
Reno: Longest break I've had so far.
Rayna: Awww, come on, Rufus, you don't want to fire him, do you?
Rufus: *whispers* Who's the chick?
Nexus: That's Rayna.
Rufus: I see. So, Rayna, you don't want me to fire him?
Rayna: No, will you rehire him, for me?
Rufus: Reno, you're unfired.
Reno: Oh my god, RAYNA!!!!
Rayna: You'll thank me one day for it.
Nexus: Don't bet on it.
Rayna: Why not?
Nexus: Just don't.
Gabe: Yea, Reno doesn't apologize for much of anything.
Rayna: Okay then.
Reno: Damn . . . *takes a drink of whiskey*
Gabe: Anyway, what are we gonna do until the damn show?
Nexus: I dunno about you guys, but I'm gonna be in the bedroom for while, if you catch my drift. *walks into the room*
Rayna: And I'm gonna be joining him if you know what I mean. *walks into the room*
Sephiroth: That son of a bitch!
(Nexus and Rayna close the door behind them. Everyone gathers around the door to listen in.)
Rufus: Shut up! I can't hear!
Abra: Why don't you shut up!
Sephiroth: Both of you shut the hell up or I'll sick my Mother on you!!
(Inside, Nexus and Rayna are standing directly on the opposite side of the door, snickering to themselves. Nexus has one of those devices that makes a cow sound when you flip it upside each time. He does so making a "mooo" sound. Everyone's eyes just go wide.)
Reno: Holy crap!! It's getting hot in there!
Sephiroth: That selfish bastard!
Gabe: Sephiroth, you just want to get into Rayna's pants . . .
Sephiroth: That's not true! I want to have sex with her!
Everyone else: . . .
Sephiroth: Oh . . . that's what you meant.
Karah: Oh, god, Sephiroth, you're such an idiot.
Sephiroth: Silence! I kill you!
Karah: You don't have the balls to do that, I have Kikka on my side!
Rayna: *from the other side of the door* And I have my python.
Sephiroth: . . . I thought they were having sex.
(We show what's really going inside. Nexus and Rayna are playing a children's card game.)
Nexus: *from inside* We are, Sephiroth!
Sephiroth: That's it, I'm outta here, but you all better be at that award ceremony when I win!
Rufus: You mean when I win, right?
Sephiroth: Not even in your dreams, pretty boy. *leaves*
Rufus: There's no way he can win! I'm the greatest villain that ever lived!
Gabe: Yea, but we only fight you once in the game, and yet, we fight Sephiroth twice, not including fighting Jenova.
Rufus: You just HAD to bring that up, didn't you?
Karah: It's okay, Rufy-chan!
Gabe: Yea, you're still okay in our book.
(Everyone decides to leave Nexus and Rayna alone. We see Nexus and Rayna playing that harmless children's card game which gets so violent at times.)
Rayna: I can't believe they think we're having sex, hehe.
Nexus: Yea. Hehe. . . . . . why aren't we having sex?
Rayna: Good question, love. *takes him over to the bed*
(It is heavily implied that they do the you know, we won't get into detail on that, instead we move on to the next night when the award show happens. Everyone is there, except for Nexus and Rayna.)
Sephiroth: Where the hell are they? They both promised to be here!
Zell: Yay! I'm here at the awards!
Sephiroth: Shut up, Chickenwuss.
Zell: *flips out* Don't call me that!
Abra: Shut up!
Zell: Alright . . .
Sephiroth: Dammit, where are they?!
(As soon as he said that, Nexus and Rayna run in, dressed nicely, but their hair styles look horrible. You can use your imagination here.)
Sephiroth: You guys look horrible!
Nexus: Shut up, we're here, aren't we?
Rayna: Yea, so be happy!
Sephiroth: I won't be happy until I win that award.
Rufus: You mean until "I" win that award.
Gabe: Don't start that again.
Karah: Yea, we already had to get in the middle of you two before, we don't want to do it again.
Reno: Nah, let them fight, maybe Rufus will get himself killed and I'll be free from him!
Rufus: Reno, you're fired for 10 minutes!
Reno: Woo--
Rayna: Rufus, don't do that to Re--
Reno: *covers her mouth* SHUT UP!!
Sephiroth: Okay, everyone! The award show's about to start!
(They all go in to sit down in their chairs. The curtains open up and apparently Kuja is the announcer of the awards.)
Kuja: Greetings, my little canaries! And welcome to the award show!
Nexus: Get off the stage!
Kuja: Oh, you, just stop it! Anyway, let's begin with the Best Main Character Award! Yay!! Okay, and the nominees are as follows: Cloud, Sora, Squall, Zidane, Tidus, and Vaan!
Sephiroth: I can only imagine . . .
Kuja: And the winner is . . . CLOUD?!?!
Cloud: *walks up retardedly* KITTY!!
Kuja: Here you go, Cloud! *hands him the award*
Cloud: *looks at the award and tosses it at Sephiroth's head* NOT KITTY!!
Sephiroth: *gets hit in the head* I'LL KILL YOU!!! *runs up starts to attack Cloud*
Kuja: *pulls Sephiroth off Cloud* Stop it, you planet freak!
Cloud: I like kitties!
Sephiroth: You expect me to let that thing live?!
Kuja: Sadly, you have to.
Sephiroth: Grrr, fine! *sits back down*
Nexus: . . . planet freak.
Sephiroth: Loser with no life.
Kuja: Okay, now that we got that out of the way, let's move on to Best Comic Relief Character! Weee!
Sephiroth: I wish he'd stop acting gay.
Kuja: And the nominees are: Reno, Zell, Zidane, Rusty, Wakka, and Vaan!
Nexus: I can only imagine who wins.
Kuja: And the winner is . . . ZELL!!!
Zell: I won? I WON!!
Sephiroth: Shut the hell up, Chickenwuss!! *hits him*
Zell: *knocked out*
Kuja: . . . since the winner is knocked out, I'll just hold onto this for him. And now, the one we've all been waiting for . . . Best Villain Award!
Rufus: Yes!
Sephiroth: I'm gonna win for sure!
Nexus: Don't get your hopes up.
Rayna: Exactly.
Kuja: The nominees for Best Villain are as follows: Sephiroth, Rufus, Hojo, Me, Seymour, and Vayne!
Rayna: Oh no, I know who it's gonna be.
Nexus: So do I . . .
Kuja: And the winner is . . . WHAT THE?!?!
Sephiroth: What?
Rufus: Who is it?!
Kuja: It's a write in!!! THE SQUIRREL YOU FIGHT IN RANDOM BATTLES IN FINAL FANTASY VII!!!!
Sephiroth: WHAT?!?!?!
Rufus: NO WAY!!!
Nexus: Didn't see that coming . . .
Rayna: Neither did I . . . I thought it would be Kuja!
Sephiroth: I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!!!
Rufus: I'm outta here.
Nexus: So who's the stupid limey now, eh Sephiroth?
Sephiroth: Don't say another word, Nexus, just don't say another word!
The End!
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