Okay, so Hinduism sucks. I can't go over this enough. If you didn't pick up on this fact, read the third E-Bored comic and my "Crapping on Polytheism" article. And I won't provide links for you. You actually have to hit "back" and find the link yourself, because I want to show you that sometimes, life is hard. You lazy shit eater.

But Yoga! Holy shit!

To start Yoga, you get off your dumb ass! Get up!
Don't fucking eat before you do Yoga, whatever you do! Nobody's quite sure what's going to happen if you eat before you do Yoga, and that's because nobody has been stupid enough to try. It's not a matter of balls, because it's a proven fact that I have more balls than you ever will. So just know that you DON'T EAT BEFORE YOU DO YOGA!

Sit down like this.

This position means you're going to do some Yoga. Now's when you get ready and psyched and SUPER FUCKING PISSED THAT YOU START BREATHING REALLY FUCKING HEAVY! But you can't let anyone know...
You have to not want any attention at all, understand! So you have to breathe deep and find your center. Find where all the chi sprouts from.

Once you find your chi, formulate it into a ball, dammit! Make the tiniest fucking ball you can, which should be easy for you since you have two tiny balls to base idea on! Now, you know you're doing it right and you're not a fucking dumbass when you start floating.
No, not really floating. Stop being such a stupid shit!
I meant floating inside. Where you keep your ideas, organs, and undigested matter. Start floating there. Get everything floating to where it's comfortable, and hold your chi. Hold it in your stomach, because the stomach is where you think (if you're a guy. If you're a girl, you can't do Yoga.)

Now, follow the next steps exactly:
1 - Lean foreward and put your forehead on the floor.
2 - Reach your hands around the way that they normally won't go (they will go that way now, because you're doing Yoga and you fucking kick ass).
3 - Put both palms flat on the floor. NOW!
4 - Your back should be arched. Un-arch it by lifting up your feet off the floor.
5 - Assume the upside down full lotus postion.
6 - Lift your hands off the floor.
6 - Try not to breathe for 6 hours.

NOW YOU'RE A YOGA MASTER! GO KICK YOUR FRIENDS' ASSES!

If you want a Yoga tip on how to kick your friends asses, simply breathe fire at them.

Go get 'em, Tiger!