1 - Food for the dog.
2 - Your house doesn't smell quite bad enough.
3 - You gotta kick something, and the football doesn't have that same "squish."
4 - The sounds they make are absolutely hilarious...when you squeeze them real hard.
5 - You're divorced, pay alimony, play online games, and need one more thing to suck your soul completely dry.
6 - You need to feel like you're better than "dog people."
7 - You need something lazier than your fat ass so you can point out that you're not that bad.
8 - You bought 90 cans of compressed air and now need something to fill your computer up with shit so you can use them all.
9 - You want to see how long it takes to starve a cat.
10 - To spite me.