Things I Would Rather Do Than Listen to People's Opinions

The thing about this is that it is completely true. I honestly thought to myself, "Dan...what in fact would you rather do than sit and listen to certain people's opinions about anything and everything for five minutes." And this list is entirely true.

• Soak my head thoroughly in an algae infested fishtank that hasn't been cleaned in a year.
• Watch a Julia Roberts movie marathon.
• Get stabbed in the shoulder.
• Smoke 3 packs of cigarettes in ten minutes.
• Buy some Support Our Troops bumper stickers.
• Kick a box full of kittens onto my grandma.
• Be hammering a boar full of nails and accidentally slip and hit my thumb with the hammer just about every time.
• Smash my TV for no reason other than to not listen to certain people's opinions.
• Fuck a tree.
• Jerk off with a cheese grater duct taped to my right hand.
• Drink an entire bottle of Tabaso sauce.

I'll update this periodically.

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