get that crap out of your car.
comb your hair.
buy clothes that fit.
eat more vegetables.
practice the piano.
quit going to that damn AA.
be self-sufficient.
quit looking like you're homeless.
quit wearing baggy clothes that don't fit.
quit being irresponsible.
quit being an asshole.
get out more.
go to church
play the piano at church.
quit buying junk.
quit buying books.
quit buying music.
quit watching t.v.
quit giving your daddy and me a heart attack.
be more responsibile.
quit being so mean.
listen.
shut up.
take something for your PMS.
quit being crazy.
quit looking like you just stepped out of a mental ward.
put on some make-up.
sit up straight.
go to the library, check out a book.
quit being so stubborn.
grow up.
quit acting like you know everything.
watch your mouth.
quit having such a 'hard' look about you.
make some friends.
get out more.
join a choir.
exercise.
quit being so selfish.
quit being so rude.
quit laughing so loud.
act like a lady.
quit cursing.
quit sleeping so much.
get a perm.
go home.
come over.
read this article.
read this book.
get your bills together.
pay your bills.
quit having an opinion.
Y
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T
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These are the past and present messages that I hear from my mom.  I even hear this "sayings" in my own head when I do something wrong or when I have a decision to make.  It's really heartbreaking to me because even when I'd be "perfect" it wasn't good enough, so I'd go the opposite direction and not care about anythying--AT ALL.  My counselor and I are trying to work through the things that I can do when I hear these voices.  Just realizing that I'm NOT worthless, I'm NOT an idiot, I'm NOT selfish is a step up from where i was.  My mother is a total control freak and she's never going to change.  That's a hard thing to realize.  There is NOTHING I can do to make her quit being so mean to me.  There's no way that she will ever ACCEPT me. 

So I have to accept myself,
believe in myself, and parent myself.  I can do it, but it might take work and effort to get all those messages out and the good messages in.
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