Paul lay motionless on the couch as he channel surfed, he wasn't actually interested in anything that was on and he had concluded he either had a severe headache or his head was about to explode. By the end of his lunch with Mikey he'd only managed half his tea and Mikey had told him he was so pathetic it was nauseating. In retaliation Paul had blurted out he couldn't help it he was love and Mikey had nearly spat out the prawn he was halfway through devouring. In the end Mikey told him he was insane and sent him home and Paul had spent the next hour moping about and trying not to be nearly half as pathetic as he was feeling. He glared at the television and switched it off.
          "Fuck it!"

          "Remind me why I'm going to Tina's party again?" Gina scorned as Abbie dragged her down a side street. The late night city crowd was growing thicker and drunker by the second.
          "Because you're my friend and wouldn't dream of letting me go to the worst annual event on my own," Abbie replied.
          "Yeah, I'm your friend but I can't stand Tina," Gina grumbled.
          "Oh be nice or you can go home again," Gina looked at Abbie hopefully. "No that'd just make you happy."
          "I hate bars," Gina whined.
          "You didn't mind going to one with Pauly," Abbie countered.
          "Yeah but he gives me something nice to look at," Gina shrugged. "Better than your drunk arse."
          "You're so lucky I don't slap you."
          "Promises, promises," Gina mused as Abbie turned swiftly into a dully lit bar.

          They found Tina with several of her friends neither of them knew sprawled on a couch with what was probably her fifth cocktail,
          "You made it," she beamed and leapt up to hug them both. "I thought you weren't coming."
          "Oh, as if we'd miss it," Gina sarced and was nudged roughly by Abbie.
          "Tina, let's get a round of shots," piped up one of her friends.
          "Ok," Tina agreed and encouraged that same person to go to the bar. Tina wobbled a moment and giggled. "Oh by the way Abs and Gina this is Sam, Jenny, Miranda and Donna, Kyle, Eric and James."
          "Hello," Abbie perked as Gina looked around looking for somewhere to escape. Eric returned with a bottle and several shot glasses, which he thrust into people's hands before ripping, open the bottle.
          "I'd rather you pissed in it," Gina said bluntly as he lifted the bottle to her shot glass.
          "What?" Eric gasped.
          "Tastes the same doesn't it?" Gina sighed, handed him back the glass and headed to the bar.
          "Did you have to bring her?" Tina grumbled and drank her shot then went back to her cocktail. "She's so boring."
          Abbie downed her shot and screwed up her face; "I'm going to get myself a drink." She wandered over to the bar where Gina was sipping a glass of Coke and plonked herself on the barstool next to her. "Give me a drink of your Coke. Whatever that shot was it’s burning my oesophagus."
          Gina passed her the Coke and let out another heavy sigh; "I'm bored already."
          "No you're moping because you could have been with Paul and instead you’re here and quite frankly if I was you I'd mope too."
          "Is this all we're going to do? Watch her get pissed all evening?"
          "Don't forget her snogging the face off of one of the lucky bachelors."
          Gina giggled, "Will it be bachelor number one Kyle, the short, blonde with a penchant for cheap aftershave and sweaty armpits."
          "Or bachelor number two Eric with the schoolboy comb over, beige pleated slacks and the hilariously funny Homer Simpson tie," Abbie sniggered.
          "Or will Tina chose bachelor number three James, who in that sparkly shirt and gelled hair is obviously a screaming homosexual."
          "Let's watch and see," Abbie mused before they both cracked up and received strange looks from the rest of the group. "God I hope some decent men turn up."

          Two hours in, the 'party' had descended into raucous drunken laughter from Tina and her friends. Who were attempting to dance badly to the god-awful music while Gina and Abbie sat idly on a couch and watched them in utter horror.
          "Next year we're having plans yeah?" Gina sighed.
          "If she drinks much more she's going to be embalmed," Abbie breathed.
          "Can't we go now? I'm bored to the point of tears and I'm wasted after last night's little adventure," Gina groaned and rested her head on Abbie's shoulder.
          "No, I'm not nearly drunk enough," Abbie declared. "Is that your phone?"
          Gina wrestled her bag out from between them and pulled out her cell phone, which indicated that she had a message.
          "Who’s it from?" Abbie asked and snatched the phone. "Oh Pauly."
          "Really?" Gina gasped. "Gimmie," she added and tried to get her phone back.
          "He wants to know where you are?" Abbie said blankly as Gina finally got her phone back.
          "Gee he must be bored," Gina shrugged and replied to Paul's message. Her phone beeped a few seconds later. "I'll see you soon? What on earth does he mean by that?"
          "That's he came all the way to Adelaide for you," Abbie suggested.
          "Oh yeah, I barely know the guy why would he do that?" Gina scorned and slipped her phone back into her bag.
          "Because he wants to have your children?" Abbie shrugged.
          Gina shook her head and focussed her attention on Tina and her friends until Abbie slapped her arm. "What?"
          "Your man just walked in," Abbie mused, sipping her drink and motioning to the door.
          "Oh my god," Gina gasped. "What do I do? Do I go over or would that look to eager?"
          "You are so sad," Abbie sighed as Paul looked around but was having trouble doing anything with the throngs of people around him.
          "I should go save him right?" Gina said blankly. "Look after my bag," she added as she got to her feet and made her way across the room to where Paul was looking a bit lost. "What are you doing here McDermott?"
          Paul's attention shot straight to her and he couldn't hold back a smile, "Would you believe I was just passing?"
          "That's weird considering you live in a different state," Gina countered.
          "I went for a long walk, very long walk," Paul said feebly. "You look nice, really pretty, beautiful in fact. I'm surprised you haven't been snapped up by one of the guys here. Some banker with loads of cash, big house, fancy car, the two of you were probably making wedding plans and naming your firstborn before I showed…I should go."
          "Oh yeah, I've just been swept off my feet by a hilariously funny, gelled man in a Dilbert tie," Gina scorned and pulled Paul aside before they were both trampled by incoming patrons. "How much did you drink on the flight over?"
          "Just a couple of glasses of red wine to steady my nerves."
          "You were nervous?"
          "Yeah," Paul smiled bashfully. "You don't hate me for turning up and crashing the party?"
          "God no, we need someone who knows how to party," Gina perked.
          "It’s that bad?" Paul asked.
          "Can you not hear the music?" Gina winced.
          "I was trying to block it out," Paul groaned and they fell silent for a moment. "So, going to introduce me to your friends?"
          "Sure, that won't be hard, there's only one here," Gina mused and grabbed Paul's hand leading him back to the couch where Abbie was looking even more bored than before.
          "Paul I'd like you to meet my pal Abbie. Abbie is an accountant, drinks rum and coke and likes to drag me along to god-awful parties. Abs I'd like you to meet Paul. He's a minor celebrity who drinks anything alcoholic and plans to have my children."
          "Nice to meet you," Paul and Abbie said at the same time as he dropped onto the couch between both women.
          "So whose party is this?" Paul asked.
          "See that tanked blonde barely standing on the dance floor?" Abbie asked pointing. "It’s hers."
          "Well she's a sociable host I'll give her that," Paul jeered as Tina lolled about ignoring the three on the couch completely.
          "Want a drink?" Abbie asked, looking at Paul and suddenly feeling that three was a crowd.
          "Yeah, please, get me anything alcoholic," Paul nodded as Abbie made her way over to the bar.
          "So, just passing huh?" Gina mused, looking at Paul coyly.
          "Could happen," Paul smiled. "I think I'm going crazy."
          "Too late," Gina teased.
          "Get fucked," Paul giggled and then took her hands in his. "No seriously, I can't get you out of my head and that just never happens to me. I mean it’s insane because this, whatever it is we have, it can't possibly work can it? I mean I'm a celebrity…"
          "And I'm a journalist," Gina sighed.
          "I love hard drinking."
          "And I don't."
          "I love partying."
          "I hate partying."
          "I dance to techno."
          "I dance to 80s pop rock."
          "I can't cook a boiled egg."
          "I can cook a three course meal."
          "I take my moods out on people."
          "I'll take mine out on you."
          Paul looked wryly at Gina, "It'll never work."
          "Crazy to even try really," she agreed, amused.
          "We're relationship challenged individuals."
          "It'll end in tears."
          "I shouldn't have come," Paul breathed. "What was I thinking? Well I wasn't obviously. I just wanted to see you and I don't even know why. I mean are we even dating?"
          "I don't know, but what I do know is you need to drink less because you're just kinda rambling at the moment," Gina chided.
          They pondered each other for a moment, smiling for reasons they weren't sure why before naturally falling into a kiss. Gina let her fingers slide through his hair and found herself secretly enjoying the fact he tasted like red wine.
          "If you're going to start that I'll tip this over you!" Abbie declared as she reappeared with the drinks.
          "Now I'm torn," Paul breathed reluctantly pulling his lips away from Gina's. "Do I continue kissing a beautiful woman or do I drink the alcohol?"
          "And the choice is?" Abbie asked.
          "Sorry honey," Paul smiled and turned to get his drink from Abbie. "What the fuck?"
          "You're now my drinking partner since Gina is kinda useless," Abbie declared. "And that is a cocktail I don't know what's in it it’s just called a 'Double Nipple.'"
          "Good god," Gina laughed and took to resting her head on Paul's shoulder as he surveyed the drink for a moment.
          "Can't be any worse than some of the shit I've consumed," Paul mused as he took a mouthful of the cocktail, he made several pained facial expressions then let out something that sounded like 'ack.' "Fuck me that's disgusting. Has the barman taken to masturbating in the drinks or something?"
          "Ohhh," Abbie groaned, trying to block out the mental imagery.
          "You're a sick puppy," Gina sighed.
          "I'm your sick puppy," Paul grinned and yapped.
          "How much alcohol was in that cocktail Abs?" Gina gasped as Paul got rid of the straw and took to sculling it.
          "I may or may not have been the most alcoholic drink on the menu," Abbie smiled.
          "Oh," Paul smiled dreamily and took a second to refocus. "Ok, what was I going to do? That's right, liven up this boring fucking excuse for a party."
          "Oh Jesus," Gina mused as Paul pulled himself to his feet, took several seconds to find his balance and remember how his legs worked and disappeared into the crowd.
          "Looks like you'll be getting into his pants tonight babe," Abbie grinned.
          Gina looked mortified for a moment, "I doubt he'll be sober enough for anything."
          "Oh please, if your tongues were any further down each others throats before I would've had to dig you out of his colon."
          "Yeah, thanks for that," Gina scorned and then realised the music had changed, startling the other guests who were all devastated that Spice Girls were no longer being played loudly.
          "Do you think the sudden music change was…" before Abbie could finish there was a high pitched scream of, "Rock and Roll!"
          "Yes, yes I do," Gina nodded as Paul reappeared, bopping along to the music.
          "We have to dance now," Paul declared, looking more than pleased with himself.
          "I danced with you last night," Gina groaned. "And I'm still recovering."
          "I can't believe they changed the music," Tina wailed as she appeared with her group of hangers on.
          "That wasn't music it was forcefully induced ear torture," Paul scorned.
          "And who are you?" Tina asked, still not looking steady on her feet.
          "Aren't you that guy from Good News Week?" Kyle piped up.
          "And who might that be mate?" Paul countered.
          "Paul McDermott," Kyle gasped.
          Paul laughed mockingly, "Me? Paul McDermott? Don't be absurd. The boy thinks I'm Paul McDermott. Listen son, why don't you go and get yourself another drink because I think you're getting a little over excited." Kyle and the others looked stunned and Paul quickly ignored them and looked back at Gina and Abbie. "Come on, we're at a party, we HAVE to dance."
          "What if I choose not to?" Gina countered.
          "I'll drag you onto the dance floor," Paul grinned and grabbed her hands, pulling her to her feet. "Come on Abs," he added.
          The three found themselves the only three on the dance floor, the rest of the patrons seemingly frightened to dance to anything that wasn't pop.
          "These people are fucking pathetic," Paul grumbled and nipped off to have a word to the person in charge of the music. A few seconds later “Nutbush City Limits” came on and Paul took over the microphone.
          "COME ON, EVERYONE UP AND MADDISON! ALL OF YA GET OFF YOUR FUCKING ARSES!"
          "Why me?" Gina mused and nearly everyone eventually got to their feet and started to maddison.

          "I can maddison no more," Gina declared as she dragged Paul off the dance floor.
          "Did I do good?" he cackled.
          "Would have been better had we not maddisoned for an hour," Gina groaned.
          "Well they wouldn't dance to anything else," Paul huffed. "You want a drink?"
          "No I'm right," Gina sighed as she fell onto the couch and Paul made his way over to the bar.

          Paul leaned against the bar and felt a hand on his arm. He turned to see Tina somehow perched on a barstool.
          "Hi, we haven't really met properly," Tina smiled not moving her hand. "I'm Tina."
          "And I'm not that desperate," Paul replied bluntly as he started praying the barman would hurry up.
          "It's my birthday you know," Tina pouted. "And you haven't wished me happy birthday."
          Paul looked her up and down, the smeared make up, and ruffled clothes and they way she swayed on the barstool. "Happy birthday, may you not wake up in a pool of your own vomit."
          Tina giggled inanely. "You're cute," she perked as she started playing with his hair.
          "I know," Paul sighed.
          "We could have some fun you know…" Tina purred, running her hand down his back until came to a stop on his bum.
          "Ok, this stops now," Paul scorned and picked her hand off him like a piece of lint. "Just so you know Tina, I have a girlfriend and granted I've been desperate in my life but I've never be so desperate that I'd have to lower myself to fucking you."
          Tina looked shocked and Paul gave up trying to get a drink and marched back over to where Gina and Abbie were chatting on the couch.
          "I've livened up the party, we're leaving now," Paul declared.
          "My, aren't we forceful," Abbie teased.
          "Sorry, I'm starting to get recognised and I'd like to escape before we run into any hardcore DAAS fans."
          "Suits me," Gina nodded and got to her feet.
          "If you guys are leaving I'm leaving," Abbie agreed and the three made their way through the patrons and out into the street.
          "Where to now?" Gina asked, holding tightly to Paul's arm.
          "Well, I was thinking we could go back to my hotel…" Paul said cautiously.
          "And that's my cue to catch a bus," Abbie piped up.
          "A bus? Fuck that, take a cab…here," Paul declared and handed Abbie a $50 note.
          "I can't take that," Abbie gasped.
          "It's not like it’s going to send me broke," Paul mused.
          "Get him to autograph it for you, then sell it on Ebay to some deranged fan," Gina suggested.
          "Oh don't encourage her to do that," Paul pouted. "Go on, take it," he added and Abbie reluctantly took the $50.
          "Fine, I'll go hunt out a taxi," Abbie sighed. "Now you kids go and have fun now and remember always use protection."
          "Gee thanks Abs," Gina sighed as Abbie headed off toward a couple of taxis further down the street. "So, which hotel you at?"
          "The Hilton," Paul replied as they started walking toward Victoria Square arm in arm.
          "I notice Tina got a hand on your arse over at the bar," Gina mused.
          "Stupid slut," Paul grumbled. "I can't stand women like that."
          "What if I did it?" Gina smiled and let her hand slip onto his rear.
          "You can do what you like. My body is yours to grope, fondle, lick and suck in any way, shape or form you choose."
          "So, this is ok?" Gina asked, stopping and kissing him lustily, both hands on his rear.
          "That's good," Paul gasped. "Oh don't stop," he added as she started walking again.

          It took them 20 minutes to get to the Hilton with Gina stopping at regular intervals to see what were ok forms of groping, fondling, licking and sucking. They were pleased to find they were the only ones in the elevator and Paul had Gina pinned to the wall before the doors closed as they kissed fervently.
          "I am so glad I made the stupid decision to follow you here," Paul gasped.
          "You make some good spur of the moment idiotic decisions," Gina agreed as the doors hissed open and an older couple stood there looking bewildered as Paul and Gina disentangled themselves.
          "And that's how elevators work," Paul perked, looking at Gina before they tumbled out giggling.
          "Which room are you in?" Gina asked.
          "203 I think," Paul replied and fumbled for his key as they approached the room. "I think I'm still a bit pissed," he declared and Gina snatched the key and unlocked the door.
          She turned back to hand it to him and was going to make some smart comment but they just ended up kissing again and falling into the room and onto the floor.
          "Fuck," Paul groaned.
          "Falling on the floor isn't sexy," Gina agreed and rolled him onto his back. "But we can change that," she added, straddling him and unbuttoning his shirt with trembling fingers as she dropped kisses on the exposed flesh.
          "I see you've got the mother in the kitchen and whore in the bedroom thing downpat," Paul gasped as Gina undid his belt in one swift moment.
          "You'd rather I was a mother in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen?"
          "You can be whatever you want babe," Paul declared and he rolled over pinning her to the floor and returning the favour by trailing kisses all the way from her neck to her stomach.
          Breathlessly Paul brought his lips back to hers; "Mikey told me I was insane to say that I loved you after two days. Do you think I'm insane?" he asked, lips against hers.
          "Of course I do hon," Gina breathed. "But by Jesus we've got something," she added and realised that she didn't think of him as Paul McDermott the comedian, singer and television star. She thought just thought of him as Paul. The sweet and funny goof she'd met in a café and was about to make love to on a hotel room floor.

          "We should have left that party hours ago," Paul breathed as they lay together bathed in sweat, still on the hotel room floor.
          "Yeah, although I wouldn't have got carpet burn on my arse at the party," Gina mused.
          "Your lucky you only got them on your arse," Paul countered. "You should see my testicles."
          Gina started to giggle, "I think we've successfully failed at romantic, after sex pillow talk."
          "There are no pillows, we're on the floor," Paul smiled as Gina shook her head and brushed her lips against his.
          "And now I think we should bid the floor farewell and get into bed," she smiled.
          "I agree, I'm getting cold," Paul sighed as they both pulled themselves off the floor and slid beneath the bed covers.
          "Man, with all this dancing, socialising and sex I'm going to be exhausted for a month," Gina yawned.
          "Yeah, must be real upheaval to your life hey?" Paul mused. "Ow shit, what's with the brutality." He pouted after she elbowed him.
          "I'm not kissing it better."
          "You're mean."
          "Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen."
          They fell silent as Paul snuggled into Gina's back and dropped a kiss on her shoulder. "Hey Genie." Gina giggled. "Why do you laugh whenever I say anything?" he asked.
          "I like when you call me Genie, it's sweet," Gina smiled.
          "I hate when you call me Pauly," Paul countered.
          "Right, I'll make a note to call you that from now on just to irritate you," Gina chided.
          "Genie," Paul began again and nuzzled into her neck.
          "What Pauly?" Gina giggled and turned to face him.
          "No forget it, I'm not saying it now," Paul pouted and turned away from her.
          "Fine, keep secrets from me at this early stage in our relationship," Gina said over dramatically and turned the opposite way.
          "Oh no, you're not getting out of it that easily," Paul scorned and turned back over.
          "This isn't going to be another fabulous tale of the mouldy items in your fridge is it?" Gina asked turning back over.
          "Actually I was going to ask if you have any rules about flatulence in bed."
          "Don’t you dare."
          Paul grinned, "So now you care."
          "You are such a arsehole," Gina laughed.
          "Aw Genie, you say the nicest things," Paul mused before they went from laughing to kissing again.