"It's 31 degrees and you're listening to Triple J. Here's the latest from Blink 182…"
Paul snuggled further under the covers trying to ignore the music that was spewing out of the radio and not at all appeasing his hangover.
Yeah my girlfriend takes me home when I'm too drunk to drive
And she doesn't get all jealous when I hang out with the guys
She laughs at my dumb jokes when no one does
She brings me Mexican food from Sombrero's just because
"Always with the radio," he grumbled, trying to ignore the words of the song as they continued to seep beneath the cotton and into his head.
And she's so smart and independent
I don't think she needs me quite half as much as I know I need her
I wonder why there's not another guy that she'd prefer
"Why do you torture me?" he wailed into the pillow. "It was an accident."
And it doesn't seem to matter that I'm lacking in the bulge…
"For fucks sake, you win," Paul yelled to the darkened room. "I’ll get up and deal with it," he continued throwing back the covers. "I’ll go make up for my bad boyfriend behaviour."
"Who are you yelling at?" Gina asked, appearing at the door looking like she hadn’t slept at all.
"The evil radio," Paul replied trying to focus his eyes. "It seems to get immense joy in taunting me."
"Perhaps if you stopped doing so many stupid things it might cease," Gina shrugged and disappeared back into the living room.
"Yes thankyou for that insightful comment," Paul groused, rubbing his throbbing head.
I know that everything,
know everything,
know everything,
Everything’s gonna be fine
"Oh fuck off," Paul snarled at the radio and stormed out of the room. He marched past Gina who was slumped in front of the television watching Video Hits and into the bathroom.
While it only took him a grand total of twenty minutes, it took only a few seconds to discover that the bathroom was also plotting against him. By the time he finished Paul had cut himself shaving twice, tripped over the bath mat and fallen against the sink, crushing vital organs. He managed to stub his toe on the corner of the bath and to top it off there was mysteriously a lack of dry towels.
"What on earth were you…" Gina paused, looking over the back of the couch at Paul as he appeared from the bathroom. "It’s a bathroom hon not a war zone. You do realise that?"
"Fucking karma," Paul hissed, stalking back to the bedroom. The door slammed and Gina heard him wail. "Why me, why me?"
"I almost feel sorry for him," Gina sighed, cocking her head to the side. "Almost."
A few minutes later Paul reappeared buttoning his shirt, limping and muttering under his breath.
"Something wrong?" Gina mused, fighting a cruel smile.
"I smacked my knee into the dresser," Paul groused as a button popped off his shirt, rolled across the floor and under the coffee table.
"My, you really have upset God haven’t you?" Gina giggled and he looked at her totally fed up and he’d only been up a grand totally of 33 minutes.
"Did you put some freaky voodoo curse on me?" he huffed. "You did, didn’t you? Waited until I passed out and then tore my personal equilibrium to shreds using black magic and a lock of my hair."
"If only I could have been bothered hon," Gina shrugged. "Whatever has caused your karma to flee for its sanity is purely your own doing."
"I apologised for missing your birthday, for fucking up royally, I did!" Paul wailed. "You know I’m sorry right?"
"Oh yeah, totally," Gina said deadpan. "I hold no bitter thoughts of having you strung up by your penis, covered in jam and left to be eaten by cockroaches."
Paul paused and looked at her oddly. "I’m concerned you created such vivid imagery," he shuddered.
"It was that or taking you to the park to be pecked to death by bis."
"You’re not over it at all are you?"
"I don’t know what you’re talking about," Gina sneered and turned back to the television. Paul frowned deeper for a few moments before checking he had his keys.
"I’m off to find a counter curse or something," he declared, heading for the door. "Or maybe a priest and some holy water…"
"…and then she threatened to have me killed by water fowl," Paul sighed as he sat slumped on Mikey’s couch looking miserable as sin. "Well say something!"
"It looks like you have two choices," Mikey sighed. "Either go so far out of your way you’re teetering on the edge of insanity to make it up to her."
"Or?"
"Or move on, find another girlfriend and hope she doesn’t inherit a cockroach farm in the near future."
"That’s not helping," Paul spat, crossing his arms and glaring at the empty mug in his hands.
"Well, you did stand her up on her birthday," Mikey winced.
"Which is a hanging offence," Laura chimed in, appearing from the kitchen with a magazine. "I mean if Mikey did that to me I’d be so horrifically hurt."
"So would I, I imagine," Mikey pouted as Laura sat beside him on the couch.
"I think Genie’s gone from horrifically hurt to plain sadistic," Paul breathed. "What am I gonna do huh? Her first birthday in our relationship and I fuck it up."
"How typically you," Mikey mused and then looked away as Paul glared at him.
"You need to do something really special to make it up to her," Laura suggested. "You have to gain her trust back."
"I’m getting sick of that," Paul said with vague amusement as he tried to be light hearted. "Any suggestions for a way to make it up to her and restore my karmic balance?"
"Surprise party," Mikey perked enthusiastically. "Everyone loves a surprise party."
"Yeah," Paul nodded. "It’s still not enough."
"You’ve gotta romance her Paul," Laura scorned. "Do that right and you’ll be outta the doghouse before breakfast."
"Ah," Paul grinned and nodded. "Turn her to love stuck mush huh?"
Laura nodded and Mikey looked at his girlfriend. "Do I turn you to mush?"
"Of course you do dear," Laura smiled and patted his thigh before shooting Paul a wry look.
"I should get started then," Paul declared getting to his feet. "Thanks for the tea, the advice and the shoulder to whine on."
"Anytime," Mikey and Laura said together. Paul grinned and headed for the door.
"Paul," Laura called and he stopped and turned around. "Mug."
Paul looked to his hands where he was still holding the mug. "Oops," he smiled and hurried to put it back on the coffee table. "Sorry," he turned around and cracked his other knee on the corner of the couch. "Jesus fucking…"
"Do try to avoid ending up in a coma before you’ve made up little fella," Mikey chuckled. Paul sneered at him and limped toward the door.
Gina was still lying on the couch in her pyjamas when the phone rang. Despite being in no mood to talk to anyone, she picked it up from the coffee table and answered it rather lazily.
"Yeah," she sighed down the line.
"Oh thank god you’re home," Amanda’s rushed voice declared.
"Mandy? What’s up?"
"I need a favour from you."
"What type of favour? Will it involve me wearing a tutu because I really wasn’t happy last time that happened."
"Oh ha," Amanda sneered. "No, I was supposed to interview this new band, I think they’re like some British grunge outfit or something. They’re called ‘Mr Talcum Depot’ but my darling child has come down with German Measles and I’m stuck doing the whole ‘mother’ thing."
"Poor kid," Gina mused. "And just what am I supposed to say to these guys?"
"I’ll e-mail you some questions," Amanda rushed. "So please, will you do it?"
"Oh I suppose," Gina sighed, grabbing her notebook from the coffee table. "Give me the details."
Amanda proceeding to give Gina a hotel address, promised to send her some questions and then ended the call. Gina fell back onto the couch and let out a grumble as she read over her instructions again. Amanda was getting bossy in her old age, wear a nice frock indeed.
"You, you are a goddess," Paul grinned and kissed Amanda on the forehead rather excitedly.
"I know," Amanda blushed. "She bought every word. That girl is so gullible."
"I think it has something to do with being blonde," Paul smirked. "Anyway, I can’t hang around," he continued heading for the door. "I owe you, so should you ever need a cheesy cabaret singer for weddings, parties…"
"Hen’s Nights?"
"Would I have to strip?"
"Only if you wanted to."
Paul nodded. "Sure, hen’s nights then."
Amanda laughed. "She’s right, you are an idiot."
"Yes but I’m trying to redeem myself," he grinned and walked backwards out of Amanda’s house. It wasn’t until he breezed through the front gate he realised he’d managed to manoeuvre his way blindly without any injuries.
"Things are looking up," he mused pulling out his phone and first calling a taxi and then Abbie.
"Make it quick the cat’s about to plunge into my cake mix," Abbie declared breathlessly.
"Abs it’s Paul, I’m booking you a plane seat on the next flight to Sydney so find a nice frock and get to the airport."
"Excuse me."
"You heard, nice frock, airport."
"You’re not having a shotgun wedding are you?"
"Yes, we’re getting married by Elvis outside the Opera House."
"So what did you do really?"
"I stood her up on her birthday," Paul said quickly. "Are you not getting the airport thing?"
"Gee, I don’t know that I should," Abbie teased. "Seeing as how you’ve crushed my best friend in the worst possible manner. You really should suffer in guilty torment for as long as that cold heart of yours keeps pumping blood through your veins."
"My that’s so warm of you," Paul breathed. "Just get to the fucking airport," he added and hung up as his taxi arrived.
Gina looked herself over in the mirror, her trustworthy little black dress and strappy sandals were about as adventurous as she felt. It was a warm, Sydney night and she pondered taking a jacket but decided she couldn’t be bothered. Leaving her hair loose because she was too lazy to do it, she put on a bit of eye make up and perfume and surveyed herself again.
"Maybe I’ll score," she chided. "Serve that bastard right, miss my birthday and then ignore me all day."
She hurried from the room and grabbed the list of questions Amanda had sent her which she shoved in her bag before making her way to her car.
The traffic seemed slow as evening fell over the city, but she was so distracted memorising her questions that the trip into town seemed to pass quickly. Before long she strolled into the lobby of a hotel that was far more glamorous than she could ever hope to be.
"I see why a nice frock was in order," she mumbled as a staff member in a gold waist coat and expensive looking suit glided over.
"Can I help you?" he asked, smiling in a well rehearsed manner.
"I hope so, I’m Gina Coleman from the Herald," she began to explain. "I’m suppose to be interviewing…"
"Oh yes," the man perked. "I was told to expect you," he nodded. "Follow me."
"Sure," Gina shrugged and followed the man into the elevator. They stood in silence as they travelled several floors. The doors opened and the man ushered Gina into the hall before leading her to what appeared to be the outside of a banquet room.
"Go on in," perked the man opening the door. It was very dark but Gina stepped inside anyway before the door was closed behind her.
"Er, are you sure this is right?" she swallowed, realising she was now trapped in a pitch black room. "Hello? Oh my," she gasped as a spotlight flickered on and illuminated the room slightly. Although Gina couldn’t look anywhere but ahead, her eyes transfixed on a tuxedo clad Paul with a microphone. She tried to speak but music suddenly burst out from nowhere and Paul started to sing.
With your long blonde hair and your eyes of blue
The only thing I ever got from you was sorrow
Sorrow
He started moving toward her slowly as he sang.
You acted funny trying to spend my money
You're out there playing your high class games of sorrow
Sorrow
Gina felt her heart palpitating and her mouth grew drier as she found it impossible to look away.
You never do what you know you oughta
Something tells me you're a Devil's daughter
Sorrow, sorrow
Paul stopped when he was halfway across the room and belted out the next verse, all the time watching her as much as she was watching him.
I tried to find her
'Cause I can't resist her
I never knew just how much I missed her
Sorrow
Sorrow
He finally reached her and smiled coyly. He gently slid his free hand onto her waist and brought her toward him.
"Paul what are you…" Gina tried to speak but he cut her off as he started singing again.
With your long blonde hair and your eyes of blue
The only thing I ever got from you was sorrow
Sorrow
"Paul," she said slightly more sternly. "What’s going on?"
With your long blonde hair
I couldn't sleep last night
With your long blonde hair
He finished the last note and whispered into her ear. "Happy Birthday." Before all the lights went up to reveal a collection of her friends, old and new sitting around a large table. There was Danny and someone who must obviously be Sandy, Amanda and her husband, Mikey and Laura, Rich and Khym and of course Abbie.
"Oh mother of God," Gina gasped. "You did all this for me?" she added, cupping Paul’s face in her hands.
"Of course I did babe," Paul smiled. "You and my large karmic debt."
Gina giggled and kissed him gently on the lips, wrapping him tightly in her arms.
"Woohoo!" Abbie perked. "Can we eat now, I’m starving."
"Here’s to that," Mikey agreed and was slapped on the arm by Laura.
"They’re having a tender moment," she cussed as Gina and Paul stood giving each other a sickly sweet gaze.
"It’s kinda nauseating," Rich groused. "Come on guys!"
"We need new friends," Gina sniggered.
"I agree, we’ll dump this lot after dinner," Paul mused as he ushered Gina to a seat.
"You will be punished," Gina teased, looking to Amanda.
"Me, it was his idea," Amanda gasped, nearly choking on her wine and pointing at Paul.
"What was with the ‘Mr Talcum Depot’ thing then?" Gina frowned and then smacked herself in the head. "Oh Jesus, it was an anagram of Paul McDermott."
"Ha, how blonde are you," Abbie sniggered and promptly had a napkin ring hurled at her.
"Yes, had she been smarter she would have seen through my facade," Paul chided and kissed her cheek. She turned to look at him and they spent a few minutes idiotically sneering at each other.
"So can we eat now," Abbie groused. "I was bloody dragged across a time zone you know."
"Wait, we should have a toast," Danny declared, picking up his glass. "To the beautiful Gina, whom we all love and wish nothing but the best for in her future which she’ll need seeing as she’s dating McDermott. Oh and we apologise for not being better a better class friends."
"To Gina," the group declared and clinked glasses.
"Now we eat?" Abbie asked.
"Wait, I have a toast too," Rich piped up and they all lifted their glasses again. "To Paul for managing to save his arse and his relationship without having to result to such tacky methods as crying or serenading…oh wait…"
"Fuck you," Paul chided, giving Rich the finger.
"If we don’t eat now I’m going to go hunt out the nearest Macca’s," Abbie huffed.
"Mmm I could go a thickshake," Gina mused and then realised Paul was frowning at her. "Joke honey, expensive cuisine is just as wonderful," she soothed, patting his thigh. "They do have chocolate right?"
After dinner when they’d taken to tucking into pieces of chocolate birthday cake and Abbie had had more wine than should be allowed, she decided to entertain the guests with stories of Gina’s birthdays past.
"And then there was the year we decided to go camping out at Rapid Bay," she enthused. "We went in my boyfriend at the times’ car and god knows what he’d been doing in there but we all came out in horrible rashes."
"He was gardener, I think it was some kind of weed killer that’d seeped into the seats," Gina explained, sighing.
"Oh, oh and do you remember when we ended up at a costume party and you ended up giving that guy in the tiger suit a blow job in the bathroom?"
"Funnily enough that slipped my mind."
"God and then there was that year you had a huge fight with your boyfriend and ended up eating chocolate and sobbing until dawn."
"Wasn’t that this year?" Gina shrugged, giving Paul a sideways glance. "Abs I don’t think we need any more trips down memory lane."
"Oh wait, just one more," Abbie pleaded. "What about the year we," she stopped to cackle. "The year we went to that beach house and you got bored and went skinny dipping at 3am."
"And you passed out not long after," Gina perked. "And then while you lay comatose on the sand, I boffed Shane on the porch."
Abbie’s face fell dramatically and Paul looked curiously at Gina. "And Shane would be?"
"Abs’s one true love," Gina smirked, looking triumphant.
"You evil woman," Paul mused. "What type of girl fucks her best friend’s boyfriend?" Khym, Sandy and Amanda looked in opposite directions much their partners alarm. Abbie was still in a deep pout and looked miserably at Gina.
"Oh cheer up, you dumped him for being an arsehole anyway," Gina chided.
"Oh yeah, that makes me feel better," Abbie huffed. "Mind you I did sleep with Sam so I guess that makes us even…"
"Oh I know," Gina perked. "But that was just after I dumped him, he’d been sleeping around and had a nasty case of herpes."
Everyone started sniggering and Abbie looked crestfallen. "Oh great, invite me here and then humiliate me."
"You wait until we start on your fling with the maths teacher," Paul cackled.
"Oh god," Abbie cringed and buried her face in her hands.
"So am I forgiven just a little bit?" Paul asked as he unlocked the door to his apartment.
"Maybe just a little," Gina smiled, wrapping her arms around him from behind. "You’re just a little sweetheart aren’t you?"
"When I have good reason," Paul agreed as they tumbled into the room. "And you being a very good reason."
"Aw," Gina cooed as they fell into a kiss. "I can’t believe you sang to me, threw me a surprise party, brought over my best friend and then thankfully put her up in a hotel."
"And they say money can’t buy happiness," Paul chided.
"That’s not what made me happy though," Gina cooed. "I’m happy you did it in front of our closest friends, without a hint of embarrassment."
"Hey, I did, didn’t I?" Paul smiled and swelled with pride.
"Yeah, you proved yourself," Gina smiled back. "Earned your stripes."
They gently slipped into another kiss and stayed there for a good few minutes before Paul gently took her hand and guided her to his room. "There’s one more thing I have to do."
"Yes, I know what that is," Gina giggled.
Paul looked over his shoulder and narrowed his eyes. "Give you your presents."
"Right," Gina nodded. "I knew that."
Paul switched on the bedside light which illuminated the room and the three neatly wrapped parcels on the bed. "Take a seat," he declared and Gina sat herself on the bed, kicking off her shoes as she did.
"Oh this is exciting now," she perked as Paul handed her an envelope. She opened it to find a card he’d drawn himself. It was her Gina-Maid self laying seductively on a rock. She giggled as she opened it and read aloud what he’d written inside. "Dearest Genie, my friend, lover and soul mate…oh how sweet are you," Gina cooed leaning against him. "I hope I can give you the happiest birthday that a man can possibly give a woman and many more after that. Love always, Paul."
"That sounds so much sappier when you’re not drunk," Paul announced but received a passionate kiss for his efforts anyway. "But who's complaining huh? Present number one," he added and handed Gina one of the parcels.
She unwrapped it and gasped accordingly as the paper gave way to an ancient looking book. She scanned the pages seeing the names of poets she adored and others she wasn’t quite so familiar with. "It’s beautiful."
"I thought you’d like it," Paul smiled. "It’s even got your favourite poem in it."
"Which is?" she asked raising an eyebrow.
"’The Proverbs of Hell,’ by William Blake," Paul countered raising an eyebrow.
"Oh kudos to you for the research," Gina said impressed as Paul passed her the next parcel. This too caused her to gasp when she pulled back the paper. "Still Life with Rose!"
"I went through hell and high water to find that print for you," Paul declared. "I figure you can use it like one of those magic eye things and try and work out what else you can spot in it."
"If I actually find a dolphin does that prove that Miro was a nutter?"
"Don’t be cheeky," Paul scolded and handed her the last, and smallest parcel. "I got you three things right, one that represents you, one that represents us and one," he paused. "One that’s just from me."
Gina looked at him curiously a moment and then carefully removed the paper. It revealed a velvet jewellers box which she opened to expose a delicate looking silver ring with the brightest pink stone she’s ever seen.
"And before you have a conniption fit, it’s just a ring, I’m not about to propose," Paul stated.
"I don’t know what to say," Gina breathed as she ran a finger over the stone. "I’m just so touched that you went to all this trouble."
"I owed it to you," Paul shrugged. "And on the upside I seem to have avoided further injury by doing so."
"At least I know you’ll not do it again for fear of ending up in pain," Gina mused taking the ring from the box.
"That’s true," Paul agreed. "Here let me," he added taking the ring from her. She lifted her right hand but he grabbed her left and slid it onto her ring finger. "It’s not an engagement ring but I can still mark my territory."
Gina studied the ring on her finger a moment before reaching up to guide Paul’s lips towards hers again. "You’re going to get so thanked."
"Thank away," Paul grinned and fell back onto the bed. "Oh," he said in a very quiet voice.
"What?" Gina mused noticing his now clenched teeth.
"That was a bad move," Paul gasped. "I just got my spine pierced by a Miro."
"Well get up," Gina chided, helping him sit up. "I don’t want my picture ruined," she added, moving the print to the bedside table.
"So much for my karmic debt being paid off huh?" he sighed, rubbing his back.
"Aw never mind," Gina cooed. "You can go to confession tomorrow," she added, pushing him gently back down on the bed.
"Bless me father for I am about to sin, very, very badly…" Paul giggled before Gina shut him up with a kiss.