Chris pulled up in front of what seemed to Penny to be nothing short of a mansion, set on 50 acres or more likely, immaculate gardens. Penny was expecting a valet to come out and park the car while the doorman in a smart suit escorted them inside and announced their arrival. In actuality, there was no valet or doorman, just the sound of a yapping Pekinese behind the flyscreen door.
          Chris led an increasingly nervous Penny through the front door, greeted the dog, and then entered the dining room. His mother promptly pounced upon him.
          "Christopher darling! I'm so glad you came," she trilled as she left a delicate kiss on his cheek. "And this must be your…" she paused to look Penny up and down before continuing. "Friend."
          "Hi," Penny said with a satirical smile.
          "Mum, this is Penny. Penny, this is my mother Angela," Chris introduced the pair.
          "Angie darling where do you want this wine put?" Chris's dad asked as he appeared from the kitchen.
          "Not now Arthur," Angela drawled while waving him away.
          "That was my poor father," Chris said quietly to Penny.
          "He has my sympathies," she replied.
          "Did I tell you that Mrs. Simpson's lovely daughter Catherine is getting married? Looks like you missed out on her." Angela looked back at Penny. "Unfortunately."
          "Jeez I'm heartbroken about that one mum. Is she finally marrying that nice Vietnamese man?"
          Penny watched as the colour drained from Angela's face. "I'll have you know that Tran is not Vietnamese, he's Singaporean."
          "He washed up on one of the northern beaches."
          "He's Singaporean and that's the last we'll here of it."
          "Angie?"
          "Not now Arthur."
          The front door flew open and Joe walked in looking like a thrift shop reject. Dreadlocks that had been growing for ten years and were probably infested with rats. He was wearing a torn 'save the whales' t-shirt and a pair of maroon corduroy pants that were frayed around his scuffed sneakers. Hanging off his arm was a thin, anemic looking girl with jet-black hair with a bright red streak down the side. She wore ripped fishnets and what appeared to be a selection of her favorite rags. Angela dashed over to Joe and wrapped him in a hug. She then turned to the girl and patted her arm.
          "Hi."
          "Mum this is Rainbow," Joe announced.
          "Oh god help me," Chris muttered.
          "She's not very bright for a Rainbow," Penny whispered to him and the pair started to snigger. Angela turned to them and shot them daggers.
          "Pen and I will just go make ourselves comfortable in the kitchen," Chris announced, as he led Penny into the kitchen where Arthur was stirring something on the stove.

          Julia and Liam had arrived at the cinema and found the only movie due to start in the next half-hour was Red Dragon. They paid for their tickets, got popcorn to share and made their way into the cinema. They found their seats and weren't all that surprised to realise that they were the only ones there for that particular movie.
          Julia turned to Liam. "If I fall asleep in this movie don't wake me. I mean it."
          "Not even when the movie's over and it's time to go?"
          "Yeah cos then I won't have to finish those bloody accounts."
          Just then the lights dimmed and the previews started. Julia felt her eyes drooping before the movie had even started which was hardly surprising since she was still hungover. She propped her arm on the armrest and tried to comfortably rest her head in her hand but failed.
          "Look if you're not comfortable why don’t you just use my shoulder as a pillow," Liam declared, lifting up the armrest.
          "If you insist," Julia yawned as she rested her head against his shoulder and enjoyed the smell of his aftershave. Much to Julia's disgust, she didn't fall asleep and had to endure the whole movie.
          "That has to be the crappiest movie I've seen in…ages…Probably since I saw Hannibal," Julia announced as they left the cinema
          "I suppose we'd better get back to your place and finish the proposal," Liam sighed as they wandered back to the car.
          "I really, really don’t wanna go back home," Julia announced.
          "Tough, I wanna get some sleep tonight."
          "It's not like you'll be sleeping a lot anyway, since we'll have to get up early to go to work and type it all up."
          "That and you'll be asleep five minutes after we get back to your place anyway."
          "I will not. I'm past the threshold now, it'll be ages before I get to sleep."
          "Whatever, just drive will you."
          They arrived back at Julia's place and started working again. Liam nicked off for a toilet break about an hour later and by the time he got back Julia was fast asleep on the couch, a cat nuzzled behind her knees.
          "Thanks for all your help…No, no, don't get up I can manage on my own," Liam grumbled as he picked up all the notes and made his way into the kitchen to continue working.

          Kirsty awoke to find herself alone in Ross's bed. She could hear a voice coming from the bathroom and decide to go and investigate. She pulled on one of Ross's t-shirts and quietly walked to the bathroom. She stood in the doorway and watched Ross who was standing in the middle of the bathroom in jeans and a pair of pink rubber gloves. He had a bottle of 'spray and wipe' in his hands and was spraying it all over the room, doing his best Charlie's Angels impersonation.
          "Hasta La Vista germies," he scowled and fired towards the taps. "Eat disinfectant you vicious bastards," he added with a cackle. "We got 'em Bosley."
          "You have some serious problems," Kirsty announced.
          "Did I say you could wear my Skyhooks t-shirt?"
          "You know it's nice you can use the spray bottle but have you tried to scrub?"
          "I'm letting the germs soak for a bit first," Ross huffed. "We've had sex, you should be nice to me now."
          "So, that's what that sixty seconds of grunting was hey?"
          "I didn't hear you complaining."
          "I didn't have time to." Ross aimed the spray bottle at her. "It's your Skyhooks t-shirt."
          "Damn," Ross pouted. "You wanna take over?"
          "No, no you're doing fine. Although, I do hope you wipe it afterwards."
          "I'll bet that's what you say to all the boys."
          "You're really being left to do it yourself now." Kirsty turned and walked out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom.
          "What are you going to do?" Ross asked as he followed, still holding the bottle.
          "I thought I might go home."
          "Oh," Ross sulked.
          "What?"
          "I thought you might stay and we…could…have sex again."
          "Woohoo. Another sixty seconds. Can't wait."
          "I'll slap you if you keep that up."
          "You're the one that's gotta keep it up," Kirsty perked.
          "Maybe you should leave," Ross huffed.
          "Oh, but I don't wanna. Jools and her miserable arse will be moping about the place. I think I'll stay here."
          "What if I don't want you to stay?"
          "Then I guess you'll want your t-shirt back," Kirsty mused as she took the shirt off. Ross stared at her. "I have to go scrub the bathroom," he muttered and then turned and walked halfway across the room before glancing back briefly and whistling through his teeth. He then continued out the room.
          "Like putty in my hands," Kirsty replied before grabbing the t-shirt again.

          "How're you doing dad?" Chris soothed as he squeezed his dad's shoulder.
          "Oh fine…Would you like a drink son?"
          "I think I need something stronger than that." Chris pointed to the bottle of wine on the table. Arthur looked cautiously around the room, then motioned for them to follow him. He led them to his study where he opened a door in the display cabinet and pulled out a bottle of fine malt whiskey. He grabbed three crystal glasses and poured a generous amount into each one.
          "Please tell me Joe's brought a woman with him this time," Arthur sighed as he sipped his drink
          "Yep. Her name's Rainbow," Chris perked.
          "Oh God help me," Arthur breathed. "And what's your name then?"
          "Christ I forgot. Dad this is Penny, Pen this is my dad, Arthur," Chris introduced them.
          "Lovely to meet you," Arthur chirped as he shook Penny's hand. "What do you do for a living?"
          "I work with Chris," Penny chirped then turned to Chris. "Chris where's the toilet?"
          "You have to go upstairs, second corridor, fourth door on the left," Chris informed her. Penny started on her short journey, making the decision that if she couldn't find it she'd pee in a pot plant.
          Arthur turned to his son and grabbed his arm. "You must marry that girl."
          "Dad we've only known each other three days," Chris exclaimed. "I haven't even slept with her."
          "You're getting slow son."
          "This from the man that married mum."
          "Yes," Arthur nodded slowly as he refilled his glass.
          By the time Penny returned Angie was demanding Arthur get everyone to the table to serve up the first course. Chris pulled out Penny's chair for her before seating himself next to her.
          "What are we having mum?" Joe asked.
          "The first course is vegetable soup," Angie announced as Arthur shuffled into the dining room carrying a silver taureen and proceeding to ladle soup into bowls for everyone. Once the course was finished and the soup dishes removed to the kitchen the next course was brought to the table.
          "What's this course?" Joe asked.
          "The main course idiot," Chris sniggered.
          "I mean what food is being served, dickwad," Joe retorted as Arthur came into the room carrying a large covered platter. He set it on the table and removed the lid to reveal a whole piglet with an apple in its mouth. Rainbow gasped in horror and covered her mouth with her hands. Joe jumped up from the table and glared at his mother.
          "That's a pig!"
          "It's a piglet actually. I had your Uncle Thornton kill it this morning. It squealed the whole time that he was bleeding it. There was blood all over the yard where it walked. It was an absolute mess."
          "Delightful in orange sauce though," Arthur chirped as he began to carve the piglet.
          Rainbow burst into tears and started sobbing loudly into her napkin.
          "I can't believe you'd do this to me," Joe raged. "I specifically told you that we were coming tonight and that we are vegan. You said you weren't serving any meat tonight. You promised."
          "I know but the little thing looked so tasty it seemed such a shame to let him live."
          "You're all murderers," Rainbow sobbed. "Don't you have any idea how much that poor little piglet suffered while you killed it?"
          "Ha! You should have seen it when Chris killed a sheep at work the other day," Penny announced. All eyes turned to her.
          "You killed the first one," Chris mused, then looked at Joe who was looking horrified. Chris mimed the incident several times until Joe looked ready to kill him.
          "Mother, Rainbow and I are going to have to leave. We just can't stay here with all you murderers," Joe announced as he helped Rainbow to her feet.
          "Shame," Penny muttered. "Arthur, I'll have some of the rump please," she perked holding out her plate.

          Julia woke at six am and found she was still on the couch. She glanced at the coffee table and saw a pile of notes sitting on it. On top of the notes was a yellow post-it note from Liam. She grabbed her glasses that had fallen on the floor, put them on then started to read the note.'Thanks for all your help. I thought since you were on a roll I'd let you go in early and type it up - L.'
          "Great, just great," Julia grumbled as she headed towards the bathroom. After a hot shower and clean clothes she grabbed her notes, an apple for her breakfast and made her way to the bus stop. She was just about to bite into the apple when the bus pulled up. Julia got to her seat and had just started to eat her apple when she realised that someone was sitting next to her. Every other seat on the bus was empty yet for some reason this person chose to sit next to her. She soon found out why.
          "Are you sure that's an apple you're eating?"
          "Well it looks like an apple and it tastes like an apple so I'd say it was an apple," Julia replied, looking up and seeing the woman smiling at her. She had on black leggings, a Crows t-shirt, a faded sports jacket and long straggly dirty blonde hair. She reeked of body odour, stale cigarettes and booze.
          "Are you sure that it's not a kumquat disguised as an apple?"
          "Yeah, I'm just gonna move up the back of the bus now," Julia announced
          "That's what my Gazza always used to say."
          "Funny that," Julia muttered as she realised she was going to be stuck between this woman and the window. She decided that jumping out the window was not going to be a good idea. Besides, she didn't particularly feel like it at that time of the morning. The bus trundled into the city a while later and Julia was glad to be rid of the woman, whose entire sexual history she now knew. She let herself into the office, made a cup of coffee while the computer system was booting up and then started entering everything into the computer. Julia had just finished printing out the final reports when Mr. De'Lorenzo walked in.
          "Miss Dunn is the Franklin proposal finished?"
          "I've just finished printing it up in triplicate sir."
          "Good. Bring it into my office. I want to have a chat to you when you've done it too," he announced and strode into his office.
          "Can't wait. It'll be the highlight of my life," Julia muttered. "Yes just the thought of it's making my juices flow."
          "I'll bet it is you dirty bitch."
          "Fuck off Ralf," Julia spat as she marched out of her cubicle and over to the printer to collect her reports. She was humming to herself while waiting for the remainder of the report to print out when someone slapped her butt. Julia whirled around and came face to face with a grinning Ralf. She grabbed his tie and pulled him closer to her, strangling him in the process
          "In case you haven't noticed I am in a really bad mood today. If you even think about doing it again, I'll staple your penis to the compacting files," she threatened, pulled his tie up until he turned purple then grabbed her reports and went into Mr. De'Lorenzo's office.

          "Get up, you have to go to work," Kirsty said without opening her eyes. Ross grunted and did nothing else. Kirsty lifted the quilt and gently trailed kisses down his chest.
          "If you keep going in that direction I'll be more than happy," Ross chirped.
          "Don't get your hopes up. You have to go to work," she mused as she stroked his chest then unceremoniously gave him a nipple cripple.
          Ross let out a yelp. "YOU BITCH!"
          Kirsty giggled as she watched him rub his nipples.
          "That is so hurty," he announced. "I hope they still work."
          Kirsty laughed. "What do you need nipples for?"
          "I can shoot lasers out of them," Ross replied blankly as he climbed out of bed.
          "Is it like a light saber?" Kirsty asked.
          "You have to find the right button for that."
          "Use the force, use the force."
          "I can't, they're cracked," Ross said sadly. "I'm using this at my next gig."
          "Which is?"
          "Tomorrow night."
          "You're chucking a sickie on Wednesday then?"
          "I wish," he grumbled as he wandered into the bathroom and took a shower. He emerged five minutes later, dropped his towel and started hunting for underwear.
          "Oh that reminds me I have to de flea the cat."
          "What made you say that?" Ross asked grabbing a shirt.
          "Spur of the moment thought…Really."
          "You're lying. You think my arse is hairy."
          "I said nothing of the sort…Although you probably could run a comb through it."
          "Oh you're hysterical."
          "You ever thought of crimping it? I've got these great Velcro curlers."
          "You are so driving me to work."
          "Bet you don't use that at your next gig. 101 things to do with arse hair."
          "Put that with the nipple lasers and I've got a show."
          "I get a cut of your appearance fee then."
          "I can't give you any money but you can have my body for free."
          "I bet you say that to all the girls."
          "Only when I'm drunk…So are you getting up and taking me to work?"
          "Are you gonna make me?" Kirsty asked. Ross gave her a wry smile and she knew he was going to do something to her, she just didn't know what. Ross suddenly leapt onto the bed, pulled the covers off and started tickling her until she screamed for mercy.

          Penny turned up to work and wandered into the lab. As usual she was the last one there but she wasn't late for once. Ken looked at Penny, to his watch, then back again.
          "What's going on?" he asked. "You're not late…Matter of fact, you're on time…Has something happened to you?"
          "Course it hasn't, don't be ridiculous."
          "Someone's got a boyfriend," Marty sang and did a little dance around her.
          "You know you'll be fun when your balls drop," Chris announced as he sauntered into the lab.
          "Hey Chris, Gibbo's got a man!" Marty chirped.
          "Really? What's he like?" Chris asked, mildly amused.
          "He's a true tongue gymnast," she replied bluntly. "Oh and he's hung like a donkey too."
          "You've had experience with donkeys, have you Pen?" Marty jittered.
          "Marty fuck off," Chris sighed. "Pen can I have a word with you?"
          "Of course you can. Which word would you like?" she chirped as she followed him into a small storeroom. Chris closed the door behind him and leant against it.
          "Hung like a donkey huh?"
          "I may have exaggerated a bit…A tiny bit."
          "Understandable."
          "So is there a reason why we're standing in a room full of delightful cardboard boxes?"
          "Yeah, I wanna make out like teenagers."
          "Sounds good to me," Penny chirped as she moved closer to him and wrapped her arms around him and kissed him deeply. Her hands moved into his hair and she felt Chris's hands move down to her butt. They'd been pashing for about twenty minutes before there was a knock on the door.
          "What?" Penny panted as she broke the kiss.
          "Are you two going to be much longer?" Ken asked.
          "We might be…We're having an important meeting," Penny squeaked as Chris started nibbling her neck.
          "Well if it's an important meeting don't you think that the two of us should be included? We are part of the team you know," Marty piped up.
          Chris buried his face into Penny's neck. "Make him go away," he muttered.
          "Sorry darling but I think that make out time's over. We have to go to work."
          "What if I come down with a mysterious illness and you have to drive me home? We could spend the day in bed then without worrying about those two idiots out there," Chris suggested.
          "Sorry, but unlike you I need my pay packet," Penny sighed as she pulled herself away from Chris, pulled him away from the door and let herself out.
          "So what was the meeting about?" Marty whined.
          "Whether we need you as part of our team," Chris announced.
          "What did you decide?"
          "That we're not into menage a trios."
          "That's…That's French…I failed French," Marty grumbled as they made their way back to the labs.

          "Julia, I just want to thank you for getting this job done on time. I know it was really short notice but I knew that I could trust you to get it done on time."
          "No problem. It's not like I needed my weekend anyway."
          "Which brings me to the reason why I wanted this little meeting with you."
          "What do you mean?"
          "I've been reviewing your timesheets and I've noticed that for the last few months you've been working on weekends as well as your five days a week. I want you to explain to me why you've been working so hard."
          "I haven't really had a choice in the matter."
          "There's no need to be rude. I asked you a simple question."
          "The reason I've been working so hard is because Megan is not capable of doing her job. Then I'm given all the things that she can't do. Which, on top of the work I'm already doing, means that I have to work late and on weekends."
          "Megan is a perfectly fine worker and I don't think that's any excuse for you working so much overtime."
          "So you want me to do the same amount of work for less pay?"
          "I want you to work normal hours. I can't have you spending every waking minute working here."
          "Oh what, you think I enjoy having my entire life revolve around this place do you?"
          "I've had enough of this conversation. Is that the Franklin proposal?"
          Julia looked at the report that she was holding. She'd never felt so mad in her life, except all those times she wanted to kill her sister, but that was different. "You know…It was the Franklin proposal," she announced as she stood up and tore the report into pieces.
          "What do you think you're doing?"
          "I think I'm saying that you can take your job and stick it up your arse," Julia spat as she turned and walked out.