A week after he’d been admitted to hospital, and after much arguing by Penny and Angie, Chris was allowed home under the provision that he was supervised. This led to Angie promptly moving in and Chris trying to convince the hospital he’d be better off staying there until he was fully healed.
          "Nonsense darling," Angie cooed. "You and I both know that I’ll be able to provide adequate care for you around the clock. After all, who better to help her son than the person who gave him life."
          "You’re going to bring Alfonso back from the dead to care for me?" Chris gasped.
          "Alfonso?" Penny asked confused.
          "He was my chauffer, physician and mother figure," Chris explained as he lowered himself onto a wheelchair.
          "That’s not true!" Angie scorned as she pushed the wheelchair out of the room.
          Chris looked back over his mother’s shoulder at Penny and mouthed ‘she never loved me’ causing Penny to giggle.
          "Are you sure you’ve got everything from the room?" she asked as she nearly collided with a hospital orderly, who glared at her and stalked into a nearby ward.
          "Yes, I checked the room three times. I’m not a child you know," Chris pouted.
          "You’re my baby darling", Angie cooed. "And mummy’s going to look after you until you’re perfectly healed."
          "Are you sure euthanasia’s out of the question?" Chris gasped as he grabbed hold of a passing doctor’s sleeve. The doctor pried his coat from Chris’s grasp and wished him luck before leaving.
          "Don’t let the mad woman take me!" he wailed as he was hastily escorted from the hospital.
          Penny watched Angie’s rapidly departing figure and decided to stop trying to keep up. She was nearly out of the hospital when ‘The Mexican Hat Dance’ started chiming from out of her pocket. Everyone in the near vicinity turned and glared at her as phones were supposed to be turned off in the hospital. She smiled, embarrassed, and fled into the car park only to discover that Angie had driven off without her.

          Ross was lying near comatose on his couch when Rob walked in, took one look at him and shook his head.
          "Mate you look like shit," he announced, hands on hips.
          "I’m fine."
          "You haven’t slept in a week. That’s not fine, that’s a person who’s in need of some serious psychological help."
          "I slept on Tuesday."
          "Closing your eyes for five minutes and waking up in a cold sweat does not count," Rob crossed his arms and glared at his older brother. "How are you supposed to be fresh for your gig tonight?"
          "Same way I was last night. Splash a bit of cold water on my face before I go on."
          "That helped you so well last night you smacked yourself in the head with the microphone stand."
          "That was part of my act."
          "So I suppose the microphone imprint on you forehead is part of the look too now is it?"
          "What are you? My mother?"
          "God no, I’d kill myself if I had a baby that ugly."
          "You’re so kind."
          "You’re gonna burn out if you don’t sleep soon. You can’t go on this way. I’ll have you committed."
          "They won’t take me any more. Not after the incident with the fairy floss and silly string."
          "Well why don’t you just take a sleeping pill or something?"
          "I keep telling you I’m fine," Ross huffed. "Will you just piss off and leave me alone."
          "You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to call Kirsty," Rob threatened.
          "Yes because she really cares for my welfare."
          "Well how do you know?"
          "I think telling her to fuck off ended the relationship." Rob let out a frustrated growl and stormed out of the room. "And now, we watch the shopping channel," Ross mused, picking up the remote.

          "Hey Kirst, help me pull this out!" Julia shouted across the front garden as she grabbed hold of a huge leafy branch.
          "Are you sure we should be pulling this out? It looks very plant like," Kirsty mused.
          "Of course it is," she scorned. "Now grab a branch and pull," Julia ordered and the pair gave an almighty tug. The whole plant came out of the soil and the girls ended up on their butts holding next door’s prized hydrangea plant.
          "Oh my bad," Julia giggled sheepishly as she stared at the plant.
          "Told you it looked plant like," Kirsty laughed.
          "Let’s just put it on the rubbish pile and if anyone asks about it we run."
          "You’re such a wuss."
          "Have you seen Mrs. Jenkins when she’s in a fury over her plants? Believe me she’s scary."
          "Well couldn’t we just put it on her doorstep with an apology note?" Kirsty asked.
          "Are you going to do it? You know what old women are like. They’re constantly on the lookout for people in their gardens. You put one foot into her perfectly manicured daisy patch and she’ll shoot you with an air rifle."
          "How do you…What did you do?" Kirsty scorned, narrowing her eyes.
          "Nothing…Well, last time I pruned the bottle brush one tiny branch fell into her yard and even though I picked it up straight away she called the council and demanded I repay the damage to the one blade of grass that was crushed."
          "The Bitch!" Kirsty gasped and flung the hydrangea at Mrs Jenkins’ front door. It hit with a thud and a second later there was a blood-curdling scream. Julia pulled Kirsty down behind the fence so they wouldn’t be seen.
          "That’s it! You’re banned from gardening," Julia announced as they crept back into the back yard.
          "I can still do the back yard."
          "Or you could just go clean something. You know how much it soothes you. And it won’t upset the neighbours and have us ending up on Today Tonight on one of those ‘Feuding neighbours’ shows."
          "They might give me a job."
          "I think I’m going to attack you with pruning shears."
          "I think I hear the washing machine calling me," Kirsty announced and fled into the house.

          "So tell me again dad how you broke your leg?" Jack asked as he sat on the couch playing video games with his father.
          "Sporting injury," Liam explained. "Got tackled by a really big guy. Heard it snap on the way down. Bone broke through the skin and all."
          "Brilliant!"
          "Liar! Tell your son the truth" Rosie demanded as she walked by and clipped Liam around the ears.
          "Fine," Liam sighed. "I’m living proof that you shouldn’t drink and drive."
          "Bloody idiot," Jack remarked wryly.
          "What have a told you about using that word?" Liam scorned, narrowing his eyes and doing his best ‘angry Dad’ look.
          "He’s right though," Rosie declared. "You’re an idiot. What type of example are you setting to your son hey?"
          "A bad one," Liam pouted. "Don’t even think that I’m proud of myself."
          "Ah don’t worry Dad," Jack mused. "I’d never be as stupid as you!"
          "That’s comforting Jacky, thanks," Liam chided, dropping his keypad onto the couch beside him. "Go play outside for a bit, kick the footy or something."
          "Aw but…"
          "No buts kiddo," Liam said cutting Jack off. "You sit in here in front of the TV you’ll end up being one of those fat kids and no son of mine is having a nickname like Tubbs."
          "Fine," Jack huffed and reluctantly headed out into the garden. Once he was gone Liam dropped his head into his hands and let out a groan.
          "Is your leg hurting?" Rosie asked, concerned and came to sit beside him.
          "No ma," Liam replied. "Just my ego and dignity."
          "I wouldn’t worry too much," Rosie said softly, putting a comforting hand on her son’s arm. "Jack doesn’t think any less of you."
          "Wish I could say the same," Liam said miserably.
          "Look at it this way," Rosie smiled. "Your brother is furious you’ve upstaged him."
          "Oh that’s not funny," Liam gasped as Rosie giggled to herself. "MUM!"

          Chris winced as he sat up in bed. He pushed the covers back and gently swung his legs out over the side. He let out a hiss of breath through his teeth as he got to his feet and then quietly tiptoed downstairs. Angie was asleep on the couch, the TV spewing out some horrendous soapie. Pleased to find the television would drown him out, Chris crept into the kitchen where he retrieved his car keys and then slid out of the back door.
          "Come on boy," he whispered and motioned for Bear to follow him through the side gate. He unlocked the car and opened the door for Bear to get in the passenger side. Chris then shuffled to the driver’s side and uncomfortably slid behind the wheel.
          Despite the fact his abdomen was gripped with pain and he wasn’t in any fit state, Chris started the engine and drove happily away from his own home. The truth was that if he stayed another second he was going to throttle his mother and bury her in his landscaped herb garden. Of course this would have been difficult considering his current condition, so it was best to just go into hiding until his mother packed her bags and went back to torture his father.
          As he pulled to a stop at a set of traffic lights, Chris started to realise there were a few more holes in his plan than expected. For instance, there was a possibility he was doing himself physical damage every time he changed gears. There was also the fact his mother could hire a team of highly trained bounty hunters to find him, but the most ludicrous part was that he was driving in the direction of Penny’s and he knew that she would have every right to tell him to get lost. (Well his mother did abandon her at the hospital a few hours ago.) He couldn’t help himself though, she’d been there the whole week giving him nothing but love and support, love and support that he didn’t deserve.
          Being in the hospital had only made him feel worse about everything that had happened lately. The accident had opened his eyes about how damn stupid he’d been by getting so above himself at work. He didn’t even like Alpha Team! It had also given him countless hours to re-evaluate his relationship with Penny and to conclude that above all else he missed her like hell.

          Having been banished from the garden, Kirsty had taken to sorting out the dirty laundry. She separated the light and dark colours, gave extra attention to a few stains and tried to fathom how they could go through so many pairs of undies in just two days. Kirsty’s attention to the washing was cut short when her phone began to ring; she tripped over a sheet and staggered all the way to her bedroom.
          "Yes," she said breathlessly into her mobile phone as she fell onto the bed.
          "Hey Kitten!"
          "Rob! How’d you get my number?"
          "Ross’s phone," Rob replied. "Are you angry?"
          "No, course not," Kirsty mused. "So, what’s troubling you?"
          "Ross."
          "Nice to hear from you, we’ll talk soon."
          "Kirsty, please."
          Kirsty sat up; he never called her by her name. "Is he ok?"
          "He’s never been ok," Rob breathed, trying to be lighthearted. "No seriously. He’s not been right since the accident, he hadn’t slept in a week."
          "Oh, well maybe he should talk to someone."
          "He could talk to you."
          "Rob, we’re not together, we’re not getting back together…"
          "As a friend."
          "I really don’t think I’m the right person to talk to about this."
          "Of course you are," Rob pleaded. "He likes you still and I get the feeling you still kinda like him."
          "That doesn’t make me the right person to deal with post traumatic stress though."
          "So you admit it!"
          "Robert!"
          "Look, will you at least come to his gig tonight," Rob asked. "It might cheer him up a bit."
          "I’ll think about it," Kirsty replied. "Now I have to go as there’s a large pile of underwear screaming to get Omomatic-ed."
          "Now there’s an image," Rob mused.
          "Go and read your Bible," Kirsty chided and ended the call. She dropped the phone onto the mattress at sat for a moment. "I supposed going to his gig wouldn’t hurt."
          "Kirst!" Julia called from down the hall.
          "In my room," Kirsty called back and looked blankly at Julia who plonked herself next to her on the bed.
          "Are you getting secret phone calls again?"
          "No," Kirsty frowned. "It was Rob, he wants me to talk to Ross."
          "Are you sure he’s not just trying to lure you into turning up at the apartment only to find him sprawled on a Persian rug in his undies?"
          "Why a Persian rug?" Kirsty queried. "Is there a fetish you’ve not told me?"
          "Start that and I bring up your fluffy rug fetish," Julia countered.
          "We’re not talking about me," Kirsty huffed. "Oh wait, yeah we are," she added. "Rob reckons Ross has got post-traumatic stress and wants me to talk to him."
          Julia sniggered and then stopped herself as Kirsty glared. "Sorry, it’s just you’re not the most sympathetic person on earth."
          "Oh this ends here!" Kirsty scorned and stalked back into the laundry to deal with the washing.
          "What ends?" Julia mumbled as she got off the bed and headed out of the room. "I’m popping to Bunnings to pick up some more potting mix," she added and snatched up her keys on the way out.

          It took Julia longer than planned to actually get inside the large home and garden centre, not because of the traffic but the parking lot that seemed to be overrun with morons. First there was the older couple who nearly backed out into her car, the two women who she nearly ran over and finally the arrival of a large truck forced her to sit and wait ten minutes before she could finally pull into a space.
          Inside, Julia’s couple of bags of potting mix turned into several punnets of seedlings, some vegetable seeds, several large pots and an ornamental turtle. As she began to ponder a couple of indoor ferns she noticed a pond display and couldn’t help but giggle as she remembered Liam’s ‘pond insertion’ story. The memories just made her sigh loudly and wonder just exactly what went wrong with her relationship. Sure its whole beginnings had been rather unconventional but they’d worked out in the end right? She tried to convince herself that he’d said he loved her but the realisation that he hadn’t was more depressing than it should have been.
          Julia shook her head and decided to go back into the nursery and check out the shrubs. She wheeled her trolley to the right section and then began to ponder several different flowering natives. She was just about to reach for the label on a pink flowering plant when she collided with someone. "Shit, I’m so sorry," she gasped and turned around.
          "My fault," the man she’d run into mused. "Luckily I didn’t drop this," he added and placed a large terracotta pot on the ground.
          Julia, feeling slightly embarrassed, managed to brush it off enough to get a good look at her victim. He was tallish with sandy blonde hair that seemed to be suffering bed head. He had on a nice pair of navy King Gee shorts with a matching shirt, well-worn work boots and his skin showed a tan that could only be achieved by prolonged periods outside.
          "What’re you going to put in the pot?" she asked, wishing she wasn’t wearing grotty trainers and soil marked jeans.
          "I haven’t quite decided," the man shrugged. "I was thinking a nice fern but I quite like that Acacia buxifolia," he added and picked up a pot with a plant that had grey green leaves.
          "Oh," Julia said blankly "What about a small Pine Sugarbush, it’d look really nice in the pot."
          "Hmm Protea aristata," the man nodded. "You know I think you’re right," he added. "The aristata it is!"
          "You don’t have to take my suggestion," Julia gasped, trying to ignore the burning of her cheeks.
          "On the contrary," the man perked. "It’s nice to have someone interested."
          "I know," Julia agreed. "I try gardening with my housemate but she just ends up upsetting the neighbours or making the garden ornaments do Karma Sutra positions."
          "Some people are so unkind," the man said with mock seriousness. "I’m Ryan," he added and extended his hand.
          "Julia," Julia smiled, shaking his hand. "But everyone calls me Jools."
          "Well Jools, it’s been very nice chatting to you," Ryan smiled warmly and fished around in his pocket a moment. He pulled out a business card and handed it to her. "I’d love to chat some more, call me later and we’ll organise something."
          "Sure," Julia said, shocked, as she took the card. "I’d love to." Ryan winked before he picked up his pot and headed back into the store. Julia couldn’t help but admire his well-toned legs and fabulous buttocks that were being concealed by the well fitting shorts. "Who ever thought you could meet men looking at flowers," she breathed and slipped the card into her pocket.

          Since breaking up with Chris, Penny had decided that now was the time to organise her home into a maturer venue rather than just the place her crap was stored. She was doing well, what with having found the kitchen and caught up on all her washing. Now she had taken to cleaning the out of date items from the fridge. This involved her wearing rubber gloves, using an old pair of tongs and having a pedal bin nearby.
          "Ew," she shuddered, removing some yoghurt that seemed to be bulging out of its plastic container. She dropped it into the bin and was just about to remove a mysterious blue bag from the rear of the middle shelf when there was a knock at the door. "If that’s my mother…" she muttered, padding across the living room. She opened the door and her mouth fell agape. Never in a million years would she have expected Chris to be standing there, holding his stomach and not looking at all well. "Are you insane?"
          "Clearly," Chris replied as Penny opened the door and helped him inside. Bear padded in after them and went in search of Penny’s bed to sleep on.
          "What the hell are you doing here?" Penny gasped, pulling off her rubber gloves as she got Chris into a suitable position on the couch.
          "It was either this or I kill my mother," Chris winced as he tried to relax.
          "I’ll help you destroy the corpse," Penny offered, perching on the arm of a chair. "You could have really hurt yourself you stupid man."
          "I deserve everything I get."
          "What do you mean by that?" Penny asked, wandering back into the kitchen to shut the fridge and remove the bin to the laundry.
          "Because I’m a complete fuckwit that’s why," Chris groused. "I mean look at the state of me."
          "Yeah getting into a car with a drunk driver was pretty idiotic," Penny agreed as she continued doing things in the kitchen.
          "Fergus is furious at me, and I don’t blame him," Chris continued. "In fact, I demanded that he demote me for being a wanker."
          "You did what?" Penny gasped reappearing. "Chris, Alpha team is useless without you."
          "I know," Chris agreed. "So I had to find a replacement that could carry on from where I left off, if not do better."
          "Please tell me if wasn’t one of those guys from Delta team," Penny winced. "They spend break times playing Dungeons and Dragons."
          Chris gave a light laugh and turned his hazel eyes to look at Penny warmly. "No Pen, I picked you."
          "You what?" Penny gasped. "No, you can’t put me in charge of anything. I’ll break things."
          "No you won’t, you’re the best fucking engineer I’ve ever met and it’s about time you got some recognition."
          Penny swallowed as she sunk into a chair. "Chris…"
          "You always deserved that promotion more than me."
          "I slammed a door in Sienna’s face," Penny said softly.
          "Good," Chris smiled. "I was never attracted to her anyway."
          "No?"
          "No," Chris whispered, shaking his head.
          Penny, who was far from an emotional person, could feel tears pricking at the back of her eyes. She swallowed hard; despite Chris’s confession she wasn’t going to give in and wrap him up in her arms like she so desperately wanted. She couldn’t, he’d hurt her and she couldn’t risk that happening again. "I should check on Bear," she announced, quietly getting to her feet and hurrying out of the room.

          "How you feeling?" Rob asked as he entered the tiny backstage area in the tiny room Ross was performing in.
          "Fantastic," Ross replied deadpan. He drank deeply from a bottle of water. He wanted beer but it was so hot and stuffy he probably would have passed out on stage.
          "Good luck bro," Rob sighed, patted Ross on the back and then left again.
          Ross took several deep breaths, calmed himself and then bounded out on stage. The crowded audience applauded and as he grabbed the microphone he scanned the audience members he could see. As usual Rob was centre front looking proud, on one side of Rob was a pretty girl in a halter-top and tiny skirt while on the other side was - Kirsty.
          "Oh god mate, steady," he thought before turning his thoughts to nothing but his performance. "Good evening, thankyou for all being here in my little dungeon. We should be fine so long as no one farts because in the stampede to get air people may die." The audience laughed and clapped appreciatively. "Now, I know what you’re thinking, what’s with the plaster right?" Ross held up his right arm. "I just like to say to any men out there, especially you mate," he pointed to Rob. "This is what happens when you take masturbation too far!"
          An hour later Ross’s act came to a close but even as he yelled ‘thankyou beautiful people of Adelaide’ Kirsty could tell that he was feigning enthusiasm. He looked withdrawn, his eyes slightly hollow and despite her laughter she was concerned for him.
          "What did you think?" Rob asked as the crowd dispersed.
          "He was hysterical," Kirsty replied. "He’s gonna get a great review."
          "I meant about the…"
          "I know, I know what you meant," Kirsty soothed and they waited in silence until Ross emerged. They gave him an impromptu round of applause.
          "Hi," Ross half-smiled as he approached Rob and Kirsty.
          "Hey," Kirsty replied. "Your act was fantastic, I laughed the whole time."
          "Thanks."
          "The masturbation thing was pure gold."
          "Yeah? I was thinking it was a bit crass."
          "You could never be crass."
          "Should I leave?" Rob asked amused both Ross and Kirsty looked at him and shook their heads.
          "We should get out of here before the next comedian turns up," Ross declared. They headed outside, and were greeted by several fanatics who wanted autographs.
          "Can you sign ‘To Melanie’," one girl asked holding up a poster for Ross’s show.
          "Do you have a girlfriend?" asked another.
          "I don’t believe that’s any of your business," Ross replied and quickly finished signing autographs.
          "My car is parked around the corner if you want to escape any more loonies," Kirsty offered.
          "You don’t have to do that."
          "I want to."
          "Go on bro," Rob enthused. "That means I can hang out here for a while longer."
          Ross looked annoyed for a moment before he decided he was too tired to argue. "I’m feeling set up but sure."
          "As if I’d do that," Rob chided. "She turned up because she cares, isn’t that right."
          "Oh yeah, that’s it," Kirsty said deadpan. Ross couldn’t help but smile. He quickly averted his attention to a tree across the road so no one saw. "Come on Anderson before I change my mind."
          "We’ll talk later," Ross scowled pointing at Rob who grinned inanely and waved as Ross followed Kirsty to her car.

          Julia toyed with her bowl of noodles and eventually decided she wasn’t really interested in eating. She placed it on the coffee table and picked up Ryan’s business card and studied it. It turned out he was a landscape gardener, ran his own business if his card was anything to go by.
          She sat back on the couch and thought about Liam. He hadn’t even called her recently; perhaps their break up really was finalised. She glanced around the room, thinking how envious she was that Kirsty had gone to see Ross and Chris was still very keen on Penny.
          It occurred to her then and there that she was suddenly feeling very lonely. Julia looked down at the card again and smiled. "I guess you never know unless you try huh?" she declared to TimTam who was gnawing on the electricity bill. She grabbed her mobile phone from the coffee table and began dialling Ryan’s number.