Penny was sitting at her desk looking at the mounting pile of paperwork in front of her. She wondered why she was still stuck in admin with Julian whilst everyone else had been reassigned to operational projects. She sighed loudly as she picked up a form detailing the occupational health and safety standards that the company should be adhering to and started reading through it. She was about to go out and inspect the admin area to make sure they were abiding by the rules when the office door flew open and Chris walked in.
          "I need one of you girls to fill in a request for funding form in triplicate and then bring it back to me for authorisation. I need it in an hour," he snapped and walked out.
          "Why of course Mr Waylon-Jones. I’ll just drop everything I’m doing and do what you want because it’s so obviously more important than anything we do here," Penny groused as she got up to close door.
          "You know Penelope, you should try and be more accommodating to our superiors. After all, they are the ones that decide if we get promoted or not," Julian scolded.
          "You know Julian, you’re right," Penny scorned. "Because you’re so helpful and accommodating, why don’t you go and find the form and fill it out for him." She added. "Maybe you’ll get that promotion you’ve been after since you were born."
          "He asked for one of the girls to do it. That means you or Tahlia have to do it."
          "Julian, fill out the form or I’ll laminate your butt cheeks," Penny threatened, narrowing her eyes.
          "You don’t have to be mean about it you know," he sulked as he went to the filing cabinet to hunt out the forms. "What does he actually want funding for anyway?"
          "What do you mean?" Tahlia asked from behind the computer closest to the filing cabinets.
          "Well he hasn’t actually specified what he wants funding for."
          "That’s just typical of a bloke," Penny groused, huffing loudly.
          "Well you’re on such good terms with him, why don’t you go ask him what he wants the funding for?" Julian suggested wryly.
          "Have you been living in a cave for the last month?" Penny queried. "We’re not on any terms."
          "Well this’ll be a chance to get back on those good terms then. Then hopefully we can all be friends again," Julian declared, thrusting the papers into Penny’s hands and pushing her toward the door.

          "Kirsty, it’s Ross’s last day today. You haven’t forgotten we’ve organised a cake and a present for him have you?" Cindy from accounts asked, poking her head into Kirsty’s office.
          "Yeah, can’t wait," she sarced and got up from her desk. She walked out to the reception area and stood at the back of the crowd of employees who had come to see Ross off or at least hoped to score a bit of the cake someone had set it in front of Ross.
          "Oh guys you shouldn’t have," Ross gushed as a present was thrust into his hands. He tore off the paper to reveal a membership to the Crazy Horse. "Well that’s…Special."
          "We knew you’d love it," Patrick jeered. "Being such a wanker and all." He added under his breath.
          "Oh Rossy, we’re going to miss you so much," Sharna from publicity cooed, sitting herself in his lap and wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug.
          "Who are you?" he asked, looking confused at the woman who'd plonked herself in his lap.
          "Oh you silly thing," she giggled. "Don’t you remember? We had sex in the photocopier room the first day you started here?"
          "Uh, yeah," he frowned. "Oh look, cake!" he added, quickly jumping up from his chair to start cutting up the cake.
          He handed out slices of cake to everyone, swapping the dessert for goodbye hugs. He eventually reached Kirsty and after a moments hesitation hugged her as well.
          "You can let go now," he said after a full minute of being hugged.
          "No, happy," Kirsty mumbled into his shoulder as she gripped him tightly.
          "I may be forced to hurt you," Ross chided.
          "I may be forced to enjoy it," Kirsty said with a sad sigh.
          "Oh share him about," Sharna whined as she pulled Ross away from Kirsty. Kirsty stared at her measly slice of cake and decided it wouldn’t be nearly enough to deal with the range of emotions coursing through her veins. She strode over to the remaining chunk of cake, grabbed the lot and then made her way back into her office.

          Julia wandered into her favourite coffee shop to get her daily coffee and slice of chocolate cake. She’d just walked through the door when she realised that Liam and Megan were sitting together at one of the tables nearest the cake display. She took a deep breath, determined not to make a fool of herself, then promptly walked into a chair. She let out a small whimper as she tried to hide the fact that her thigh felt like it had been ripped open.
          "Julia! Long time no see," Megan gushed as she leapt up from her chair, grabbed Julia’s arm and pulled her towards the table.
          "Megan! Not long enough for me," Julia mimicked, searching desperately for a way to escape.
          "What are you doing here?" Liam asked, raising an eyebrow as he stirred his black coffee.
          "Interestingly enough, this is a coffee shop and I’m here to get coffee," Julia retorted, trying to keep her cool.
          "You know that’s not what I meant," Liam sighed, leaning his spoon against a saucer.
          "Well what are you doing here then?" Julia huffed, crossing her arms.
          "Oh Liam and I are going to a seminar at the Gold Coast. It lasts all weekend. We were just discussing the finer details," Megan beamed and jiggled about excitedly.
          "Well that just sounds thrilling," Julia replied sarcastically. "I’m going to go and get my coffee and cake now. You two have fun discussing the finer details of your trip." She finished and then strode proudly to the counter and ordered her coffee and cake. On her way out Julia stopped at Liam and Megan’s table again. "By the way Liam, your speedos are still in my underwear drawer. You might need them for the Gold Coast," she declared wryly.
          "He wears shorts now," Megan informed her curtly.
          "It’s a tax seminar. There won’t be any time for flaunting ourselves on the beach," Liam growled, avoiding looking at Julia.
          "Oh but Chocolate-Bear, you promised we’d go swimming," Megan pouted, sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms.
          "Oh dear God she’s given you a pet name. I should go Muffin before she starts naming your first-born…er first-born with her, toodles," Julia smirked as she walked defiantly out into the street and straight into a lamppost. "Ouch," she whimpered as she felt her head. Her fingers came away bloody and Julia realised she’d put a wound in the other side of her forehead. "Oh well, back to accident and emergency," she sighed as she attempted to flag down a taxi.

          After much searching, Penny eventually found out that Alpha team was in the boardroom. She decided not to knock and instead threw open the door and walked in.
          "You can’t just come in here," Sienna snapped.
          "Oh pipe down Twiggy," Penny retorted as she made her way around the huge table to where Chris was sitting.
          "Did she just call me Twiggy?" Sienna gasped, looking around the tables at her teammates.
          "Yes, she did," Chris nodded. "Why are you here?"
          "Well, before my father became a woman, he and my mother were close. So close in fact that one night on the kitchen table after a particularly good meal of enchiladas, I was conceived," Penny replied sarcastically.
          "That was way too much information," Chris frowned. "Wait, your father’s a woman?"
          "Christopher Humphrey Waylon-Jones, we have a problem with your funding request form," Penny announced, not wanting to go further into the sordid details of her family.
          "Christopher Humphrey?" one of the Alpha team members piped up.
          "You never heard that Michael Algenon," Chris retorted. "What problem? Is it so hard to fill out a form that you have to come here for my help?"
          "Well it’d help if you’d actually told us what you needed the funding for. It always cracks me up that most people forget to include the most important things on their forms. So what’s it for? You need another flashy sports car to wreck? Perhaps you want to see the effect that normal everyday detergent has on the rare Mongolian flea? Perhaps you’d like to buy Twiggy here a pair of breasts? Personality? Friends even?"
          "I’m not interested in you!" Sienna shouted as she jumped out of her chair and slammed her fist onto the table.
          "That was interesting," Penny announced, looking curiously at her.
          "She thinks you’re a lesbian," Chris remarked bluntly.
          "So all those times we had sex I was faking it? Well, once but that’s not important. I was sleepy. What are we talking about?" Penny babbled, not quite sure how to digest that bit of information.
          "I don’t think I care any more," Chris replied, trying to block out the images of Penny’s legs wrapped around his neck as they were going for it by the pool. Bear had been blindfolded.
          "Chris?" Michael inquired, looking nothing short of confused.
          "Do you have any idea how to blindfold a dog?" he asked. "Took us hours."
          "Ok," Michael said curiously and then busied himself with paperwork.
          "What’s the funding for?" Penny asked again.
          "So you’re not a lesbian?" Sienna asked, staring at Penny. "I could have sworn you were."
          "How are you people the most intelligent in this company? I’ll ask the question one more time. What is the funding for? So then I can put it on the request for funds form you want me to fill out."
          "Was that a sentence?" Chris asked, cocking his head to the side.
          "Shove it Humphrey," Penny spat, threw the form down and marched out of the room.
          "I’m just so shocked she’s not a lesbian," Sienna gasped, looking devastated.
          "Twiggy will you just shut up!" Chris spat. Sienna huffed, leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms.

          After a rather uninspiring day Julia was in her now regular position of lying prostate on the couch with an ice pack pressed against her forehead when Kirsty arrived home. Kirsty dropped her bag onto the floor, curled up onto the vacant couch and pulled a stuffed Cookie Monster toy into her arms.
          "Bad day?" Julia asked, glancing over at her friend.
          "Is it that obvious?" Kirsty replied, holding the Cookie Monster closer. "How about you?"
          "Oh my mine was just ducky," Julia chided and lobbed her ice pack at Kirsty.
          "Oi," Kirsty gasped the cold pack making her leap up. "What happened to you?"
          "Oh you know how it is?" Julia sighed. "You go for a beverage, find your ex cosying up to someone you deeply, deeply dislike and then you run head first into a lamp post."
          Kirsty started to snigger. "Oh man, that’s really cheered me up."
          "Get fucked."
          "Can’t, I think he’s gone out celebrating his resignation with Cindy, or Mindy or something."
          "What type of person names their child Mindy?"
          "Your sister."
          "Touche."
          "So, since we’re not getting laid in the near future and you can’t do anything in case you haemorrhage, what are we going to do that won’t make us look like lonely old spinsters?"
          "I’m guessing bathing the cat would be a big no…"
          "We did that last week," Kirsty pouted. "He still hasn’t forgiven us," she added and they both looked to where her cat Perry was still hiding under a side table after a week.
          "We could find ourselves male whores."
          "No, you’re not allowed the exertion."
          "But only my lower half would be exerting."
          "Be a first."
          "I may be risking haemorrhage but I will still brain you."
          "You’re a special friend, no really, you are."
          Before either of them could exchange another word the door flew open and Penny stormed in. "That man is the biggest bastard that ever roamed this earth, and the several other planets in the Zardox system."
          "Pen, have you forgotten to take your pills again?" Kirsty asked, looking blankly at the flustered Penny.
          "Is the Zardox system the one before or after the Zyrtec system," Julia piped up.
          "No, Zyrtec is your hayfever tablets," Kirsty countered.
          "Knew that…" Julia pouted.
          "Do you know what he did today?" Penny continued, unfazed.
          "No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell us," Julia sighed.
          "In implicit detail," Kirsty added.
          Penny frowned and glared at her friends. "Fine, I won’t tell you then."
          "We should be so lucky," Julia giggled until Penny struck her with a pillow. "HEY! HEAD INJURY!" she yelped and motioned the gauze on her head.
          "I know, it’s why I hit you," Penny smirked.
          "Oh, oh, is it beat Jools day? Can I join in?" Kirsty enthused and swung the Cookie Monster about carelessly. The toy slipped from her fingers, sailed across the coffee table and walloped the cat in the head. "Oops, my bad."
          "Great, now he’ll never come out," Julia scorned. "Stupid, clumsy blonde woman," she added, getting to her feet. "You’re a walking disaster area, why I should have you wrapped in cotton wool so you don’t…" Julia’s words were cut off as she collided with the doorframe. "Ohhh!"
          Penny cracked up. "That’s the kettle calling the pot black."
          "No, the pot calling the kettle black," Kirsty corrected as she sunk to the floor to try and apologise to the cat.
          "Same diff," Penny shrugged. "You ok Jools?"
          "Just ducky, just fucking ducky…" Julia scowled, slinking off down the hall.

          "So you’re a free man now Mutt," Liam jeered, slapping Ross on his back as they sat at a table at the Crown & Anchor.
          "Nah, just free of the shackles of convention," Ross sighed. "I’ve still gotta work."
          "Ah yes, and what work that’ll be," Chris mused as he appeared with the drinks. "You work at night, for a couple of hours doing something that you love. It must be so hard for you."
          "Are you saying comedy is easy?" Ross scorned. "I’d like to see you do it."
          "I don’t need to, I’m a natural charmer," Chris jeered. Ross and Liam both went to take sips of their beers while coughing "bullshit"
          "So did they give you a big send off?" Liam asked, not so much interested but trying to avoid any uncomfortable conversation gaps.
          "Cake and a Crazy Horse membership," Ross shrugged. "Oh and if you ever want to get laid, leave your job, women throw themselves at you."
          "I’ll remember that next time I decide my mortgage and bills don’t need to be paid," Liam mused.
          "Why Mr Douglas, we’re very cynical tonight," Chris chided. "What’s wrong Chocolate Bear?"
          "That would be a start…" Liam frowned. "I had one of those, uncomfortable ex-girlfriend moments today."
          "I have them everyday," Chris and Ross said together.
          "I mean, I know it shouldn’t worry me but I’d hate for Jools to think I was, I don’t know, screwing Megan already. I don’t even like the woman but she signed me up for some seminar on the Gold Coast and dragged me to lunch," Liam continued.
          "That’s sweet, really," Ross nodded. "But if we’re going to start getting all girlie we’re going to need stronger drinks."
          "I couldn’t stop imagining the time, well one of the times, Pen and I did it by the pool," Chris sighed. "We had to blindfold the dog."
          "Yeah, that was too much information," Ross frowned. "You guys are fucking weak."
          "Oh and you never think of Kirsty huh?" Liam countered, finishing his beer.
          "Only when I’m forced to, like today when I politely embraced her and got to feel her fabulous breasts pressed against me," Ross beamed and then pouted. "I miss those breasts."
          "That was touching," Chris said, raising an eyebrow. "I can see why she fell for you."
          "My natural charm," Ross sneered and then looked toward the bar. "Let’s do vodka shots."
          "But I’ve gotta drive home," Liam pouted.
          "Ah we’ll only do a few, you’ll be sober by the time we leave Chocolate Bear," Chris perked patting Liam’s shoulder.
          "Thanks Marshmallow Bunny," Liam grinned, got to his feet and headed for the bar.

          Julia sat propped up on the lounge with a tub of mint choc chip ice cream, watching the shadows cast on the wall by the candlelight and listening to the soft dreamy music playing in the background. "You know," she started, waving her spoon around in the air as she spoke. "We’re all young, we’re not thirty yet. We can do whatever we want. We don’t need blokes to make our lives interesting," she paused.
          "Yeah you’re right," Kirsty added between sips of her chocolate milk. "There’s nothing stopping us going out and having adventures. Well, your head injury at the moment, but other than that we’re in perfect health. We could go climb Everest if we wanted to."
          "We were fine, well rounded human beings before we met the three stooges and we’re going to be just brilliant now that they’re out of our lives," Penny added, stuffing some salsa covered nachos into her mouth.
          The three women let out a sigh and then fell silent for a moment.
          "I miss how every 3am he’d smack me in the head in his sleep. Now I wake up at 3am every night and realise how alone I am," Julia whimpered, dropping her spoon into the tub of ice cream.
          "Ross farts in his sleep every twenty minutes," Kirsty announced with a heavy sigh.
          "Chris is a chronic drooler," Penny nodded miserably.
          "But we don’t miss them," Kirsty said firmly. Penny and Julia agreed unanimously.
          "Chris does this thing where he goes and fills the pool with rose petals then feeds me chocolate dipped strawberries while we’re floating around in the middle of it," Penny announced with a small smile.
          "You shouldn’t eat and swim," Kirsty scorned. "Whenever I’m miserable, Ross puts on Christina Aguelira and dances around like an idiot."
          "I don’t know whether to be amused or concerned about that," Julia piped up. "I love that Liam’s so responsible and we can never do anything stupid because he wants to be a good role model for his son."
          "Dangermouse!" Penny announced bluntly.
          "What? OH!" Kirsty gasped as she realised that the Dangermouse theme was warbling from her phone. She tossed some of the cushions to the floor as she searched for her phone and eventually found it wedged between Cookie Monster and the back of the couch. "Hello? What? He’s done what now? Holy son of a cracker! Yeah I’ll be there. What? They’ve done what now? Frick!"
          "Who’s done what now?" Penny asked, completely confused by the conversation.
          "That was Rob," Kirsty said nervously fiddling with her phone. "Ross, Liam and Chris are in hospital."
          "WHAT!" Penny and Julia screeched, both stunned.
          "He wasn’t big on details," Kirsty swallowed. "What do we do?"
          "We go," Julia gasped, clumsily getting to her feet.
          "Chris won't want to see me," Penny frowned. "They broke up with us, why bother?"
          "Good point," Julia sighed and sat back down.
          "Look, I don't know about you guys but I know I won't rest easy until I make sure Ross is ok," Kirsty said seriously.
          "She's right," Penny agreed. "We go."
          The three women got to their feet and headed for the door. "Shoes!" Kirsty suddenly declared. "We should be wearing shoes."
          Without another word they scurried about pulling on the nearest footwear they could find.
          "I’m driving," Julia announced, looking at Kirsty. "You can’t drive when you’re stressing."
          "But you have a head injury," Kirsty countered. "You can’t drive. Pen’s going to have to drive," she added, throwing the keys to Penny as they left the house.
          Julia quickly returned announcing, "I should lock the door before we go."