Three weeks, two hours, fifty one minutes and thirty two seconds later…

          "Where the hell is that fifty one dollars?" Julia muttered as she rifled through a shoebox full of receipts. "You’d think it’d be easy to find a receipt for fifty one dollars worth of receipt books, but no, stupid people just have to file all their receipts into a handy shoebox with no thought for the poor person who has to rifle through the bloody shoebox looking for everything. This job not made any easier by the labelling of said shoebox. Why would someone even consider buying brown suede loafers size ten?"
          "Everything going all right in there Miss Dunn?"
          "Oh fantastically Mr Robson. I’m so glad your cousin recommended me for this job," Julia enthused as she beamed at her boss.
          "Great, always glad to see happy workers," he chirped as he left her office.
          "Stupid, stupid old people," Julia snapped and threw the shoebox into the air in frustration. "Crap," she added, sliding off her chair and onto her knees to pick up all the receipts that were now scattered around her office. "Hey! Found it!"
          "Julia," Nancy, the receptionist announced as she marched into the office.
          "What?" came Julia’s reply from under her desk. She lifted her head and it collided with the underside. Gritting her teeth against the agony in her head she muttered a small, "Ow" before looking up at Nancy.
          "Mr Patterson just rang and wants you to know he’s found some more receipts. He’s going to send a courier around with them."
          "Super," Julia beamed, giving Nancy a double thumbs up. Nancy left and Julia slumped back to the floor, rolled up on her side in the foetal position and whimpered.

          "Because of all the recent mishaps in this department there’s been an influx in paperwork and we’re temporarily closing down your team," Fergus announced as he gathered Penny, Chris, Marty, Ken and Julian for a team meeting.
          "So what are we going to do?" Penny inquired.
          "Glad you asked Miss Gibson," Fergus said with a mischievous smirk. "You will all be assigned to administration duties until further notice. Except for Mr Waylon-Jones. You will be joining Alpha team to commence work on classified weapons research."
          "Oh Fantastic!" Chris perked then looked at Penny who was staring at her feet, looking miserable. "I’m not ever getting laid again am I?"
          "No, I’d have the Adult Channel reconnected as soon as we get home honey," Penny nodded.
          "Is there any particular reason we’re all still standing around here?" Fergus asked. "Because I can redirect you straight to Centrelink if you have a problem with your new positions."
          "No sir," they muttered.
          "Come on Mr Waylon-Jones. I’ll show you to your new parking spot," Fergus beamed as he led Chris away from the others.
          "This sucks," Marty grumbled as they headed up the corridor in the opposite direction. He heard a sniffling and glanced around at the others. "Julian are you crying?"
          Julian let out a wail and raced off towards the toilets.
          "You know, I should be surprised that he’s sobbing. But I’m not," Ken announced as they continued on towards the administration department.
          "We’ll go send Kerrie from first aid with some tranquillisers if he’s not out in ten minutes," Penny chirped, then groaned as she saw a mountain of paperwork on the desks in front of them.
          "I hate this job already," Marty sighed as he cleared a small space on a desk and started to rifle through the paperwork.

          "Yes of course Mrs Jenkins. Of course we’ll write the puppy into the commercial. When I think of funerals I think of puppies. Yes I absolutely agree that a poolie puppy would be just ideal for the ad. Labradors are overused in television and frankly they’re not very good actors anyway. Fantastic. I’ll get it all organised for you then and let you know when production will start on the commercial. Yes, you have a good day too," Kirsty hung up and glared at the wall. "What a fucking freak."
          "I’ll have you know I’m not a freak," Ross announced, walking into her office.
          "Please, I came home and caught you hot waxing your arse," Kirsty mused.
          "I do that for medical reasons thankyou very much and I don’t appreciate you mocking me."
          "You have a very small penis."
          "You’re a very bad person."
          "Don’t judge me tweezer dick."
          "Helping or hurting darling, helping or hurting?"
          "Oh, so hurting," Kirsty retorted. "Why are you here anyway?"
          "Well, one night my parents drank a little too much sherry at a bible reading and at home that night things happened and I was created."
          "You know, it’s a shame Catholics aren’t into abortion. You would have been a prime reason."
          "My, somebody got out on the wrong side of their crypt this morning."
          "I’ve just been on the phone discussing having a puppy put into a commercial for a funeral home. They want it to be a bit crazy and have the puppy jump into the open coffin and start licking the corpse. Because you know, death is just hysterical," Kirsty paused. "Ross will you stop giggling."
          "Puppy. That’s a good one," he chortled.
          "Whatever happened to just showing a bunch of flowers and a couple of sobbing loved ones. No, it’s puppies. Next it’ll be a full grown dog digging up a corpse as they try to show the benefits of cremations, or a dog humping the grieving widow’s leg."
          "Can I steal all that for one of my routines?"
          "Ross, the photocopiers jammed again," Patrick announced, walking into Kirsty’s office.
          "So fix it," Ross shrugged.
          "It’s not my job."
          "It’s not my job to wipe your arse but I seem to do it."
          "There’s an image I don’t need," Kirsty groaned.
          "I’ll report this to Mr Truman," Patrick threatened.
          "Like I care. I’m leaving this job in about a month anyway," Ross shrugged.
          "Yeah, then who will you ask to fix the photocopier for you?" Kirsty jeered.
          "Sweetheart, this is my battle," Ross interrupted.
          "Sorry, I’ll just sit here and wonder why you came into my office in the first place."
          "Oh yeah. It was to tell you that the ditzy receptionist from the studio that cut the chocolate commercial is on the phone."
          "What’s she fucked up now?"
          "I don’t know, I can’t remember. I’m sure it was important anyway."
          "Great," Kirsty sighed, picking up the phone to take the call. "Good afternoon Dana, what have you managed to destroy this time?"

          "Good morning Liam," Sharon the receptionist perked as Liam arrived for work.
          "Morning Sharon," Liam replied as he made his way to his desk. As he approached he noticed that Mr DeLorenzo and someone else were standing at his desk.
          "Liam, this is Josh. He’s new here today and I want you to take him under your wing and show him the ropes."
          "Um, ok," Liam nodded as he looked at the very white young man in a pinstriped suit. "Pleased to meet you Josh," Liam extended his hand to shake Josh’s. Josh looked down at his hand and refused to shake it. "Well we’re going to get on swimmingly aren’t we?"
          "Are you sure there’s no-one else that can do my orientation sir?"
          "Now, now Josh. Liam comes more cheaply than the others," Mr DeLorenzo declared before he left.
          "Well he’s just taken mankind back fifty years," Liam groused. "Why don’t we just bring back the White Australia policy."
          "They should never have got rid of it," Josh announced coldly.
          "Oh I love working with you already," Liam turned his back on Josh and started working in silence.
          "What am I supposed to do then?" Josh asked.
          "I think you should go to the stationary cupboard and swallow fifty one extra large paperclips."
          "Why fifty one?" Josh asked.
          "Because that’s the exact number needed to tear a hole in your intestines and kill you," Liam groused. "Trust me I know from experience."
          "Why do I have to work for nigger?" Josh grumbled.
          "Because you’re a supreme example of the Aryan race," Liam scowled. "I mean could you be any whiter?"
          "I’m going to speak to Mr DeLorenzo about you," Josh got up and fled the cubicle.
          "Run little Hitler, run!"

          Julia was on her way back to the office after going for coffee and doughnuts when she stopped to look in a shop window. She decided an extra five minutes wouldn’t matter as she was working late that night anyway and stepped inside the shop to look at one of the products. She turned from looking at kitchen scales to cutting boards on the opposite side of the aisle when she smacked her head into a display stand.
          "Ow," Julia yelped as a box of stainless steel canisters fell off a shelf and landed on her foot. "Would someone like to get that?" she asked through gritted teeth as she looked at the startled shop assistant standing nearby.
          She limped back into the office a little later and smacked straight into the courier who was delivering the box of receipts, cracking heads with him and spilling hot coffee all down her front.
          "Did you not see me walking in the door?" she shouted at the shocked courier. "I have hot coffee burning my skin," she added dashing into her office. She closed the door and ripped off her shirt before drying off with tissues. She stared at her bright red skin before pulling on her jacket, buttoning it up and sitting at her desk.
          "Miss Dunn here are those receipts," Nancy said timidly, walking into Julia’s office and placing the box on the desk.
          "Thankyou, now just back out of my office and no-one else will get hurt," Julia declared as her phone rang. She picked up the phone and her arm knocked her half empty cup of coffee into the box of receipts.
          "Jesus Fucking Christ!" she swore and realised she’d picked up the phone. "Good afternoon? Oh Mr Peters. Sorry, there was a mad woman in my office…"

          "I never realised that we maimed or killed fifty one sheep in the name of research," Penny announced, looking up from her pile of paperwork.
          "Fifty one?" Marty gasped.
          "Yep, fifty one. And twelve rabbits."
          "Three chickens," Ken added.
          "And a dog," Julian gasped.
          "Oh? What type of dog?" Penny asked.
          "A Shitzu."
          "Oh, I’m not upset by that," Penny shrugged. "God this is boring."
          "I bet Chris isn’t bored," Marty sighed.
          "I bet he’s testing weapons that can vaporise people," Ken perked.
          "You never got to work with the RAAF before did you Ken?" Penny mused.
          "No," Ken hung his head. "I’ve heard lots about it though!"
          "Obviously your information is wrong," Marty smirked.
          "Actually, there’s research in America that proves that in the next twenty five years there will be weapons that can vaporise the human form," Julian announced.
          "Julian, unlike 99.9 per cent of males, you masturbate to science sites don’t you?" Ken mused.
          "Yeah I’ll bet he plays with little Julian while watching the Discovery Channel," Marty added.
          "Oh guys, too much information, really," Penny groaned.
          "Hello. This from brown pant woman," Ken teased.
          "Why did I ever tell you about that?"
          "You were very, very drunk at an office Christmas party and I happened to be wearing brown cord pants at the time. You were practically raping me," he grinned.
          "Next time remind me not to drink so much punch," Penny sighed.
          "Remind me to invest in brown pants," Marty chirped.
          "Penny’s not desperate enough to sleep with you," Ken announced.
          "And you think she’d jump you before me?"
          "Guys I’m right here you know," Penny groused as she looked out the window and saw Alpha group standing together talking. She was watching Chris as a small stick of a blonde woman sidled up to him, grabbed his arm and started staring intently at him as he talked. Penny let out a low growl and snapped her biro in half.
          "Oh my god. That growl is such a turn on," Marty gasped. Penny turned and glared at him.

          Kirsty was looking out of her window at Ross struggling to open the photocopier and fix the paper jam. She sighed loudly and got up to go help him.
          "You will not beat me," Ross growled at the photocopier.
          "You are such a girl," Kirsty announced. "Step aside Jasmine and let me have a go." She pushed him aside, lifted the top of the photocopier up and pulled out the paper jam. "There’s a good girl, now put it in the bin," she said, handing him the crinkled bits of paper.
          "I was quite capable of doing that myself you know," he scowled. "Vampira."
          "That’s why you worked such a sweat up is it?"
          "Actually that was because I was making everyone coffees. Steam from the kettle woman, steam."
          "Liar. You’ve never made anyone a coffee in your life."
          "I’ve thought about it."
          "Less thinking, more doing."
          "This from the woman who only got off the dole because I got her a job."
          "Yeah I spend all day trying to be molested by my boss, talking to idiots on the phone and helping you do your job because you’re incompetent. Remind me to name my firstborn after you."
          "Are you insinuating I won’t be involved in the conception of your firstborn?"
          "After that comment you wont even be involved when I get laid tonight."
          "Who’d fuck you?"
          "Mr Truman. Hey! I’d get a promotion and be higher up the ladder than you," she grinned.
          "I don’t care anyway. I’m leaving to concentrate on my comedy career."
          "Another thing I have to do for you. I give you all your material for your shows."
          "When have you ever…?"
          "The nipple lasers," Kirsty interrupted. "Gee Ross, you’re just not very good at anything are you?"
          "I’m good in bed."
          "Yeah? Who told you that?" Kirsty laughed.
          "So hurting."
          "Have a nice afternoon Fiona," Kirsty perked as she pressed a button on the photocopier and jammed it again.

          "Mr Douglas, I’ve given the Scott’s Transport accounts to Josh. He will be in charge and I want you to assist him with whatever he wants you to do for him. Is that understood?" Mr DeLorenzo raised an eyebrow at Liam, almost daring him to object.
          "Yes Sir," Liam replied as DeLorenzo walked away.
          "Mmm. White man’s name," Josh mused.
          "Black man’s dick," Liam retorted, grinning.
          "You’re a feisty one aren’t you? Now get me a coffee. I like it white with two."
          "God forbid you should drink black coffee," Liam muttered.
          "Just make me a coffee coon."
          "Oh! You’re a cheese lover too," he grinned, getting to his feet. "Let’s name some more, Gouda. Cheddar. Parmesan. Wensleydale. Edam. Blue Vein. Camembert. Brie. This is such fun isn’t it?" he added as he left the office. "One white coffee for the little Hitler coming up."
          He returned a short while later with the coffee. Josh sipped it then looked up at him.
          "You know what I’d like now?"
          "An Alsatian? Eva Braun? A family of blonde haired blue eyed children?"
          "A chocolate bar smart arse."
          "Let me guess, a milky bar? White knight perhaps? Snow Flake?"
          "Actually get me one of each of those."
          "You’ll end up with cavities."
          "Who are you? My father?"
          "He hated you too huh?"
          "Just go get the chocolate."
          "Yes Miss," Liam turned and reluctantly left the office to go in search of the chocolate.

          Julia had decided to go and get another coffee and was on her way back from the coffee shop when she literally ran into Liam, spilling her coffee all down his front.
          "You stupid bloody woman. Why the hell can’t you look where you’re going?" he snapped at her.
          "Because I’m blind. That’s why I have glasses. I’ve probably also got mild concussion, mild burns and apparently God hates me today," Julia scowled. "By the way, nice to see you honey."
          "Oh my heart bleeds. I’m having to find white chocolate, after making a white coffee for my neo Nazi boss, the grand high poobah of the KKK, and closest living thing to Hitler, so excuse me if I don’t feel like sympathising with you at this particular point in time."
          "Gee Liam you’re black. Some people don’t like it. Get over it."
          "I wouldn’t expect you to understand. You’re white. You’re one of them."
          "You know, you’re right. Slap on a red wig and call me Pauline," Julia sarced. "I’m sorry I’m always so obviously racist towards you. I knew telling my family that I loved you was just the wrong thing to do. How could I be so insensitive?"
          "See I told you, you wouldn’t understand."
          "I sure as hell don’t now. Why don’t you tell me?"
          "You’ve no idea what it’s like being a black man in a white society trying to provide a future for my child."
          "Yes I’ve never been discriminated against in my entire life. No-ones ever mocked me for wearing glasses, being unathletic, my inability to be a size 8 and having a strange obsession for having Mr Potato Head collectibles on my desk at work."
          "Yes but being black is different. My people have been repressed."
          "If you stopped whining about it you might be able to do something about it."
          "This is why our relationship just doesn’t work. You’ve no idea what it’s like. I get passed over for promotions at work. There’s one coming up now that I won’t get."
          "Maybe you’re just not good at what you do?"
          "How can you say that?"
          "I open my mouth and words just come out."
          "That’s your problem. You never think before you speak."
          "You just never think."
          "Well right now I’ve been thinking, and I’ve been thinking that it’s about time I put you back on that dusty shelf where I found you," Liam spat and turned and walked away.
          "TOLD YOU GOD HATES ME TODAY!" Julia shouted after him and turned and smacked into a stobie pole.

          Penny knocked on the boardroom door and was greeted by the twiggy blonde she saw earlier.
          "What do you want?" she scowled. "Only authorised personnel are allowed in here. Visitors have to go to administration."
          "I work here."
          "Oh, sorry Sir I didn’t catch your name."
          "Penelope."
          "Ohm." She looked Penny up and down. "Sorry, I…Can I help you?" she stammered.
          "Can I speak to Mr Waylon-Jones please?"
          "Is it important?"
          "The bite mark he left on my thigh is hurting and I need him to put some more ointment on it?"
          "I’ll just get him for you," she turned, closed the door in Penny’s face and went to get Chris.
          "Pen what are you doing here?" Chris asked a moment later as he appeared at the door.
          "Did twiggy not tell you about the ointment?"
          "Are you feeling ok?"
          "No I haven’t seen you in like forever."
          "Pen this is neither the time nor the place," he sighed.
          "You’re right. It’s usually two o’clock in the supplies room."
          "Pen I’ve got fifty one different things I’ve gotta get done before I leave tonight so whatever it is can it wait til later?"
          "Gee I’m sorry I’m such an inconvenience now we’re not working in the same team. Twiggy’s taking all your time is she?"
          "Twiggy?"
          "That blonde thing that slammed the door in my face and thought I was a man."
          "You mean Sienna?"
          "Yeah Twiggy. Anyway, do you wanna go for lunch?"
          "We’re having lunch right now."
          "Oh, it’s just, we usually have lunch together."
          "Things are different now or haven’t you noticed?"
          "What are you talking about things are different now?"
          "Well, what with my promotion and everything."
          "Oh my god. You actually think you’re a better engineer than I am."
          "I don’t think there’s much thinking involved in that decision do you?"
          "So what are you saying?"
          "Pen, you’re in admin. I’m in Alpha Team. I think it’s obvious what I’m saying."
          "You’ve been in Alpha team four hours. I think you’re going to have to explain."
          "Our careers are heading in different directions. It’s just not going to work anymore."
          "Are you dumping me?"
          "I think I am. I mean, I can’t be seen with an admin girl!"
          "You’re right. I can’t be seen with a tosser like you," Penny retorted, turned and walked away.
          "Christopher are you coming?"
          "Straight away Sienna," he replied and shut the door.

          Kirsty headed out to the front desk to see if Ross had a report prepared for a meeting later that day only to find him being abused by an irate customer.
          "I’ve paid you people to do a good job on my commercial and it’s complete and utter crap. You people can never do anything right. I want to speak to your superior and tell him what an awful job you’re doing," the customer raged.
          "I’m sorry sir but he’s in a meeting at the moment," Ross replied.
          "Listen son, it’s your job to do what I want and I want you to get your superior here right this minute."
          "Listen Brutus, why don’t you just go and have minute time out in the corner and calm yourself down a bit," Kirsty piped up. Ross glared at her. "Besides which, he’s pretty useless and couldn’t help you anyway."
          "You know I think I can handle this," Ross spat.
          "Yeah it shows," Kirsty nodded.
          "Why don’t you just mind your own business for once in your life. I know it’s hard but do you think you could just try, you fucking chore of a woman."
          "I’m just trying to help you."
          "Help me? You’re a fucking pain in the arse. I mean, I don’t know whether you’ve noticed or not but my testicles dropped quite a while ago and I can look after myself."
          "You can’t even work your washing machine."
          "Well maybe if you gave me a chance I’d work out how."
          "That’s what you said about foreplay and nothing’s changed."
          "Sorry I can’t spare a few hours to fondle you and tweak your nipples."
          "Well the fifty one seconds we spend making love isn’t really holding you back."
          "That’s because I can’t bear to look at you naked for any longer than fifty one seconds."
          "You asked me to flash you not ten minutes ago."
          "That’s right, flash, not expose yourself, flash."
          "Well you’d better remember that because it’ll be all you’re going to see for a very long time."
          "I don’t want to see it at all!"
          "Excuse me? Has your penis dropped off while we’ve been talking?"
          "I can’t take this any more."
          "Can’t take what any more?"
          "YOU!" Ross shouted, "You’re an interfering, bossy, manipulative bitch and it’s so very, very over between us."
          "Oh," Kirsty peeped and went back to her office slightly stunned.
          "Do you still want me to hunt down Mr Truman for you?" Ross asked the customer.
          "No, I’ll wait," he muttered and sat down hurriedly in a chair.

          Julia was laying on the couch, a large piece of gauze covering the six stitches in her forehead after her run in with the stobie pole. She was staring at the television not really paying attention when Kirsty walked in and flumped on the other lounge.
          "You would not believe the day I’ve had," Kirsty sighed then looked at Julia. "What the fuck happened to you?"
          "God hates me."
          "Yeah, that still doesn’t explain anything though. Unless he’s attacked you with an iron bar recently."
          "Does a stobie pole count?"
          "He hit you in the face with a stobie pole?"
          "Right after Liam dumped me."
          "He dumped you? What did he dump you for?"
          "Being racially intolerant."
          "Ross dumped me," Kirsty sighed miserably.
          "For being a bitch?" Julia asked.
          "Why does everyone just assume that?"
          "I take that as a yes."
          "Yes."
          "Let me guess he called you an interfering, bossy, manipulating bitch then?"
          "I don’t have to sit here and listen to this."
          "It’s not like you have a boyfriend to go be with now."
          "Oh go sit back up on that dusty shelf."
          "Helping or hurting Kirsty, helping or hurting?"
          "Definitely hurting."
          "You’ll never guess what happened?" Penny announced, walking in.
          "Chris dumped you," Kirsty and Julia announced.
          "How did you know?"
          "All things come in threes," Kirsty explained.
          "Oh you’ll never guess why?"
          "He got a promotion and decided he was too good for you," Julia announced.
          "Has that brain injury turned you psychic?" Kirsty asked, turning and staring at Julia.
          "No I think there’s a pattern in our dating cycles."
          "So what do we do now?" Kirsty asked.
          "We get very, very drunk," Penny replied.
          "I’m not supposed to drink with my pain killers," Julia announced. "So two large rum and cokes please."
          "I’ll have that bottle of red in the fridge," Penny added.
          "When did we have a bottle of red in the fridge?" Kirsty asked.
          "I don’t know. I don’t drink wine," Julia shrugged as Penny made her way into the kitchen to get the drinks. A few seconds later they were all drowning their sorrows.
          "Bundy makes everything fuzzy. Although that could be the pain killers," Julia giggled as she sipped her drink.
          "Alcohol makes everything better," Penny sighed and hugged her bottle of wine.
          "Mmmm. Chocolatey," Kirsty grinned.
          "You are such a geek," Julia mused.

          Liam was working late to finish up a job. He decided to check his e-mail before he left and found that he had a message from Julia. He opened it and was greeted with pages of the word - BASTARD.
          "I see I’m not the only one that hates you," Josh announced, reading over Liam’s shoulder.
          "Actually I’m on a mailing list. It’s the word for the day," Liam replied.
          "I can give you a few more words," Josh piped up. "Failure, disappointment, dud, loser, lack of success. How’s that?"
          "That’s almost as good as the chocolate bar you left in the kitchen," Liam sighed and watched as Josh went to the kitchen to retrieve his chocolate bar. Liam quietly followed him down the corridor and then swiftly closed the door, locking Josh in the kitchen. It wasn’t long before Josh’s yells could be heard.
          "La, la, la can’t hear you," Liam muttered as he shut off his computer and packed up for the night. He quickly went over to Josh’s computer and opened the animal porn that Ralph had installed onto every computer, onto Josh’s computer before he left the office and headed towards his car.
          He climbed into the car and the first thing he saw was s post it note Julia had stuck on the steering wheel saying ‘Get milk, get bread and I love you’. He pondered a moment before scrunching it into a ball and throwing it onto the back seat.

          Chris was heading for his car when he heard his name being called. He stopped and saw Sienna dashing towards him.
          "Hey twi…Sienna," he perked.
          "Chris I’m so glad I caught up with you," she gushed. "I wanted to ask you something."
          "What is it?"
          "Well, I was wondering, if you’re not doing anything tonight, would you like to go out for a drink somewhere?"
          "A drink?"
          "Yeah you know that liquid stuff. It comes in alcoholic or non-alcoholic varieties."
          "I don’t know."
          "Well, you’re not busy are you?"
          "No."
          "I mean, it’s not like you’re going out with that butch chick who was annoying us before. I honestly thought she was a man. What woman wears her hair like that and dresses like that nowadays. I mean seriously, she must be a dyke."
          "No, she’s very much straight and surprisingly flexible."
          "You haven’t gone there have you?" Sienna asked, looked disgusted.
          "No. No, god no. Rumours. I’ve heard the rumours about her. That’s all."
          "I heard she was dating Cheryl from accounts."
          "I find that hard to believe."
          "Actually, I think she was eyeing me up," Sienna mused. "Just the thought of two women," she shuddered.
          "Yeah, just the thought," Chris nodded.
          "So will you come out for a drink with me?" She asked. "I’ll make it worth your while."
          "How can I resist an offer like that?" Chris smiled lasciviously.

          Ross opened the door of his flat and saw Rob laying on the couch eating crisps and drinking beer.
          "How did you get in here?" Ross asked.
          "That’s not important. What is important is why you’re looking so damned miserable?"
          "I dumped Kirsty."
          The colour drained from Rob’s face as he got to his feet, "Why? Why would you do something so stupid?"
          "It was that or beat her to death with a stapler and this way I stay out of prison."
          "Are you a complete idiot?" Rob asked as he slapped his brother. "She was the best thing to have happened to us in ages."
          "Us?"
          "You’re so selfish. You always think about yourself. What about me and my needs? Have you ever considered those?"
          "Gee Rob, you’re taking the break up of my relationship really hard. Can I get you anything? A cup or tea perhaps?"
          "Why’d you dump her?"
          "If you’re looking for your bees wax they’re not here."
          "That doesn’t make sense."
          "Then piss off and leave me alone."
          "No. You need me right now. I’m going to be here for you." Rob patted Ross’s shoulder.
          "Rob, if the next words I hear from you aren’t ‘see you,’ then they’ll definitely be ’my crotch, my crotch, you punched me in my crotch,’" Ross declared, slowly lifting his head and glaring at his brother.
          "I loved her. We were going to get married and have children and live in the suburbs," Rob said sadly.

          Joe from apartment three was walking down the corridor with the rubbish when he heard a scream from apartment 5-1.
          "MY CROTCH, MY CROTCH. YOU PUNCHED ME IN MY CROTCH!"