"Is someone trying to break in?" Kirsty yawned, snuggling closer to Ross as a rather frantic bout of knocking filled the air.
"Is what now?" Ross mumbled, clearly not coherent.
"Never mind," Kirsty groused, throwing back the covers. "I’ll go." She quickly pulled on Ross’s abandoned shirt, hurried through the living room and pulled open the front door. "Rob!"
"Morning kitten," Rob grinned, looking her up and down as he leaned against the door frame. "And to think it’s not even my birthday."
"What?" Kirsty frowned, realised the shirt was hanging wide open and quickly wrapped it around herself. "Did you want something?"
"If I asked for your undying love would you give it to me?" Kirsty narrowed her eyes. "No, well, is my big brother up then?"
"I’ll check shall I?" Kirsty sighed and turned her head in the direction of the bedroom. "ROSS!"
"Thanks kitten," Rob grinned. "You’ll be pleased to know I’ve had Christina removed…"
"What the fuck do you want?" Ross grumbled, appearing beside Kirsty as he finished doing up his jeans.
"I just called to say I love you," Rob said sweetly, brushing past Kirsty. "Actually, I want to ask you a little favour," he added, putting an arm around Ross’s shoulder.
"Why what have you done?" Ross huffed. "And why don’t you want Mum to know?"
Rob looked stunned a moment before regaining his composure. "Ross, brother, sibling…" Ross raised an eyebrow as Rob continued. "I’ve started a band."
"You’ve done what?" Ross gasped. "Mum’ll kill you, you know she will."
"You became a comedian and she seemed to cope," Rob pouted.
"No, you’ll remember correctly I was kicked out of home," Ross groused. "And Mum went on the special pink pills."
"What are those pills?"
"No idea."
Rob frowned and then smiled. "Anyway, Mum doesn’t need to know…"
"I suppose," Ross sighed. "So what’s this favour?"
"Can we rehearse here?" Rob winced. "Please, we were using Matt’s garage but the neighbours started having a spit at his folks."
Ross looked from his eager brother to Kirsty who shrugged and back again. "Oh, all right."
"Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou," Rob beamed, kissed Ross on the cheek and yelled, "COME ON LADS!" before three other young men and their instruments started piling into the apartment.
"I don’t mean…" Ross grumbled but was drowned out as his television was unplugged and an amplifier was plugged in. "What’s your band called anyway?"
"The Christian Fellowship," Rob cackled.
"Mum's gonna freak," Ross groaned, dropping his head into his hands.
"C’mon jump you bastard, jump," Liam screamed at the computer game he was playing between eating breakfast. "No, don’t get smacked in the head." He let out a frustrated huff and dropped the game pad on the floor. "That’s the last time I fucking play Harry Potter." He reached for his half-eaten bowl of cereal just as the phone rang.
Liam took several moments to find the receiver that had become mysteriously hidden under a cushion before he answered. "Hello?"
"Hello my little boy."
"Morning Mum."
"How are you this morning?"
"Oh ludicrously well," Liam frowned. "Go on, say it, you want something."
"Well, yes but only if you’re not busy."
Liam thought about the call he was going to put in to Jack and another day of wedding venue hunting with Julia. "No, I’m totally free."
"Wonderful," Rosie perked down the line. "I’ve got a tiny bit of maintenance I want you to take care of."
"How tiny?"
"Well, I was at Bunnings the other day…" Liam stifled a groan. He knew the sentence was going to end with hard labour on his behalf. "…for under $100, can you believe it, a fish pond."
"So essentially you want me to install a fish pond, in 38 degree heat and in a drought?"
"Yes but not on your own," Rosie cooed. "Jimmy’s here to help you."
"Oh well," Liam sighed. "We’ll have it done by lunch time then."
"There’s no need for cheek Liam," Rosie scorned. "You and Jimmy make a great team."
"Yes, I have the criminal record to prove it," Liam mumbled. "What possessed you to buy a pond anyway?"
"It was a bargain," Rosie enthused. "Besides I’ve always wanted a pond."
"You said they were mosquito havens."
"Your father was always going to build me a pond…"
"Oh here we go…"
"Said it reminded him of when they were children fishing for yabbies," Rosie sighed. "What do you mean here we go?"
"Er, I meant here I go," Liam lied. "I’ll just get my gear together and I’ll be there to install your pond ok?"
"I knew I could count on my baby boy," Rosie breathed. "I’ll put the beer in the fridge ready for you."
"See you soon Mum," Liam sighed and dropped the receiver on the couch. Great, now he had a day of hole digging with his brother to endure. Still, at least it got him out of more inane wedding venue hunting and he could call Jack later.
Chris opened the backdoor and strolled onto the patio as he sipped a steaming mug of coffee. He scanned what he could see of the garden, the pool that needed cleaned, a couple of potted ferns Bear had knocked over and then his heart sank. Sitting underneath a tree, in the lotus position was Joe, Bear was sitting beside him with some strange floral crown.
"What are you doing here?" Chris sighed, wandering over.
"I like to meditate in your garden," Joe replied letting out a long, low sigh.
"True," Chris agreed sitting beside him. "And at least you’re clothed this time," he added noting his brother’s brown, torn cord pants and ‘Love not War’ t-shirt.
"I figured you’d be up soon," Joe shrugged. "And I didn’t fancy being forced to return home pantless again."
"Well, burning was the only suitable option for your clothes," Chris mused and Joe frowned.
"I got arrested."
"You always get arrested."
"I get detained for sharing my beliefs about important causes."
"You get arrested for being a whingeing hippie."
"I’m an environmental freedom fighter Christopher."
"Oh god," Chris gasped. "You sound like mother."
"Really? Shit, sorry," Joe apologised quickly before they fell silent. "Chris."
"No."
"I haven’t asked anything yet."
"I know, but I can already feel I’m not going to like it."
"Well can you hear me out before you decide?"
Chris looked unenthusiastically at his brother. "Fine."
"There’s a group of us going to have a peaceful protest at DSTO," Joe began excitedly. "We disagree with sheep being penned on the testing ranges."
"They’re not penned on the testing ranges."
"But you said your horrific weapons of war were striking the helpless beasts."
"They do," Chris agreed. "But only because we’re too lazy to test on the actual testing range. We just jump in any old paddock really."
Joe made a few guttural noises. "I’m ashamed you’re even my brother."
"I’m glad we agree on something," Chris smiled. "So, what did you want me to do, oh protector of all things white and woolly?"
"Well," Joe said sternly. "I was going to ask you to join in the protest, you being a worker of the murderous establishment."
"Yeah, hate to inform you little brother but I like my job."
"Don’t flatter yourself," Joe scorned. "I wouldn’t want you to do any of the important stuff. Just make a point that as a member of the governmental workforce you too think the treatment of these animals is appalling."
Chris closed his eyes and tried to imagine himself sporting a ‘Save the Sheep’ t-shirt before the image turned to a spectacular lamb roast with mint sauce and then back to the wrestling match he’d had with Penny as a sheep smouldered in the background. He opened his eyes again and looked at his brother. "You’re lucky I’m a nice person."
"Thankyou so much," Joe grinned and wrapped Chris up in a hug. Chris pried his brother off him.
"Yeah, don’t do that," Chris mumbled getting to his feet. "And take the fucking flowers off my dog."
"Can we go out or something?" Ross groused as Kirsty sat bopping to the music as Rob and his band rehearsed.
"Why?" Kirsty asked from where she was sitting on the arm of a chair. "I’m enjoying the live band in the living room thing."
"Tell me that again when I’m evicted for disturbing the peace," Ross huffed, folding his arms across his chest.
"Oh don’t be such a girl," Kirsty scorned. "Rob’s really good!"
"Oh woo for Rob," Ross sarced. "If he’s so good why don’t you just marry him," he added, storming off into the kitchen.
"Well somebody has their grumpy bootums on," Kirsty chided as Rob finished his song by jumping in the air and yelling ‘yeah’ obscenely loud.
"How was I kitten?" he grinned, raising an eyebrow and abandoning his mic.
"Better than I expected," Kirsty replied. "Your mother has bred some talented boys."
"I’m the most talented," Rob chided as he grabbed a glass of water from the coffee table. "It’s probably the only thing mum did right. We were all forced to be choir boys at the local church."
"You could never tell," Kirsty laughed. "Not the way you and Ross turned out."
"I don’t know what you’re talking about," Rob smirked. "Hey, anyway, as head groupie you can’t tell anyone I was trained by a guy called Father Warren ok? It’s natural talent and raw sexuality."
"Father Warren huh?" Kirsty sniggered. "Anyway, you should talk to Ross since I feel he might return from the kitchen with a butcher knife."
"Oh that’s just a Ross thing," Rob shrugged. "He had a traumatic singing experience and hasn’t uttered a note since. Shame really as he’s pretty bloody good himself."
Kirsty looked at Rob surprised. "What type of traumatic experience?"
"I shouldn’t tell you," Rob sighed and then sat beside her. "But I will," he added grinning. "He auditioned for a band once, got down to the final two. He was by far the better singer, but the other guy was tall, well built and blonde. Ross was sure he was in, then he got the phone call. Didn’t come out of his room for a week…just listened to The Cure."
"I never knew he had any musical ambition?" Kirsty breathed, suddenly feeling there was a lot about Ross she didn’t know.
"I don’t know that he was ever serious," Rob shrugged. "But to be turned down for a pretty boy really hurt him, I think he thought he wasn’t good enough."
"And he’s probably worried the same thing’ll happen to you huh?"
"Which is why I started my own band," Rob mused. "They can’t kick me out."
"Kudos to you," Kirsty sighed. "Y’know they say you should always get straight back on the bike, so to speak, to avoid trauma."
"Or take lots and lots of medication," Rob perked and Kirsty punched him in the arm. "Ow, make love not war kitten."
"I’ll kitten you in a moment," Kirsty scorned. "I think it’s time we helped your brother over his singing trauma."
"There’s something quite therapeutic about eating double choc ice-cream in your jamies," Julia mused as she flumped onto the couch with a half eaten tub of Golden North’s best.
She’d devoured a couple of mouthfuls of chocolaty goodness before the phone started to ring. Reluctantly she abandoned the ice-cream and dashed into the kitchen to answer it.
"Please don’t be mum," she mumbled picking up the receiver. "Hello?"
"What dress size are you?" came the rather unemotional reply.
"Excuse me?" Julia gasped not sure how to respond to her sister’s direct line of questioning.
"What dress size are you?" Lynda repeated.
"Um, well that depends."
"What do you mean it depends?"
"Well I vary depending on what shop you go to," Julia mused and was quickly greeted by the dial tone. "She’s so warm and loving," she added putting the receiver down and making her way back into the living room. TimTam had taken the opportunity to leap onto the coffee table and start lapping at the ice-cream. Julia frowned and pulled the cat off the table. "If you get severe diarrhoea I’m not taking you to the vet." TimTam mewed and licked her nose in response.
Ten minutes later, when Julia had taken to watching some awful gardening programme and the ice-cream was almost finished the phone rang again. She chose to ignore it and let it go to the answering machine.
I’ve got the nicest material for the bridesmaids dresses. We’ll be around in about fifteen minutes so Maxine can start taking measurements. So you’d better be ready and the house presentable, Lynda ordered down the line.
Julia looked around the room and felt suddenly angry that Kirsty was spending so much time with Ross. "Where’s the anal freak when you need her?" she groused, grabbing the few empty dishes from the coffee table and taking them into the kitchen. She dropped them into the sink and then went back into the lounge. Julia neatened a few cushions, stuffed a couple of unpaid bills into a magazine and threw the cat out. "There, presentable," she mused then looked down. "Guess I should put undies on huh?" She headed to her bedroom as the doorbell rang out. "That wasn’t fifteen minutes," she groused as she tripped over her discarded shoes and nearly impaled herself on her opened underwear draw.
"Hmm, no don’t tell me," Penny grinned looking Chris up and down. "The Colorado Boots and faded jeans say outdoorsy but the ‘Save the Whale’ t-shirt and flanny make you look like you’ve lost your mind."
"That’s not funny," Chris frowned.
"So have you lost your mind?" Penny mused, climbing off the couch to get a better look at him.
"In some respects," Chris sighed. "I’m helping Joe out."
"Not going to chain yourself to a tree are you?"
"No, it’s just a protest thing," Chris mumbled as Penny wrapped her arms around his waist.
"A whale protest?"
"No a sheep protest."
Penny shrugged. "They’re kinda in at the moment aren’t they?"
Chris looked at her strangely. "Penelope I’d rather you didn’t make jokes about animal rights thankyou."
"No you’re right," Penny agreed. "What good is a dead sheep huh? Unless it’s roasted with potatoes."
"I love it when you talk about food," Chris teased and they shared a brief kiss. "We’re protesting against the fact we, as in me and you, injure sheep on a regular basis."
"Doesn’t that make you a hypocrite?"
"Well yes, but if we get on the news it will annoy mother."
"Ah ha, so there is method to your madness," Penny smiled and stood on her toes to kiss him again. They kissed until a small knock interrupted them, they turned to see Joe standing looking sheepish.
"I hate to rush you Chris but we should be going," he announced.
"Of course," Chris nodded. "Is there anything else I’ll need?"
"Just your heart and soul brother," Joe smiled and nodded.
Penny stifled a laugh as Chris brushed his lips against her cheek. "Right, I’ll just grab my keys and…"
"You can’t drive," Joe gasped. "We’ll ride our bikes man, do you know how polluted the atmosphere is. I mean…"
"Yes ok," Chris said quickly. "We’ll cycle."
"Do have fun won’t you darling," Penny chided as she watched both men head out of the door. She giddily sprawled out on the couch and breathed in the quiet, undisturbed day ahead. The warm fuzzy feeling lasted about half a second, then her phone rang shattering the peace. "No," Penny whined into the luxurious suede sofa.
Liam wandered through the back gate at his mother’s house and saw her sitting on a plastic chair in the shade. In front of her was the largest pond that he’d ever seen. The damn thing was going to take up at least quartre of the back garden.
"Hey Donga," Jimmy perked, already working on a stubbie of beer.
"Good morning James," Liam replied deadpan and his brother frowned.
"What’s with the formality mate?" Jimmy pouted, wiping a damp hand on his Jim Beam t-shirt.
"Just being polite," Liam sighed as his mother rolled her eyes.
"Good morning then," Jimmy said suspiciously.
"Now, I told Jimmy I want the pond near the kitchen window," Rosie announced and motioned to the driest, non-shady part of the garden.
"Be easy won’t it mate," Jimmy perked, nudging Liam.
"Oh yeah," Liam sarced. "The ground is gonna be rock solid, it’ll take ages."
"Don’t worry ma," Jimmy perked. "It doesn’t matter how tough that ground is, I’ll get it in the ground."
"I know you will," Rosie beamed before getting to her feet. "I’ll leave you boys to it."
Liam waited until his mother was safely inside before turning to Jimmy. "At what point are you going to install that thing?" he groused, motioning to the pond. "You’ve never actually helped do anything? Hell it was me and Uncle Dave that put the fucking shed up on our own."
"I’d hurt me back," Jimmy spat, grabbing a shovel. "I helped when the house needed painted."
"You washed one roller!"
"I don’t have to listen to this," Jimmy hissed, throwing the shovel down. "I come here, offering my help and you stand there insulting me."
"Don’t even think about walking away," Liam scowled. "You promised mum you’d have that damn thing installed."
"What? Can’t do it on your own? I mean you’ve already pointed out that you’ve done everything else."
"Probably be quicker if I did it," Liam sneered, Jimmy narrowed his eyes and picked up the shovel again. "Gonna hit me huh?"
"You think you’re so fucking great because you got a decent education," Jimmy hissed. "You think you’re better than us."
"No, just you," Liam mused and Jimmy leapt toward him as Rosie opened the back door.
"Do you boys want refreshments?"
"Yes thanks mum," Jimmy and Liam both babbled as they jumped away from each other.
"So nice to see you boys working together," she cooed and disappeared back inside.
"Fucker," Jimmy mumbled, marching over to spot where the pond was to go.
"Dickwit," Liam mumbled, grabbing a shovel and making his way over to Jimmy.
"Yeah," Rob yelled, finishing another song. "I like that, we’ll use that at the gig next week," he added, looking at his bandmates who agreed.
"What gig?" Ross asked. "How long have you been playing gigs?"
"This’ll be our first one," Rob shrugged. "Hey, you should come."
"No thanks," Ross pouted. "I’d hate for people to know we’re related."
"Don’t be so horrible," Kirsty scorned. "I’ll come even if he doesn’t."
"Will you really kitten," Rob smiled lecherously.
"Trust me, it’d be a first," Kirsty sniggered and Ross frowned, wondering if he hadn’t just been mocked.
"Let’s practice another one boys," Rob announced and smiled at Ross. "Wanna be my back up chick?"
"At what point did you think asking that question would be a good idea?" Ross groused. "I don’t sing, you know that."
"You don’t," Kirsty nodded. "But I heard you can."
"You die," Ross snarled, glaring at Rob. "I don’t sing, I never sing, I won’t sing all right? So don’t even ask."
"Not even for me?" Kirsty asked, pouting and fluttering her eyelashes.
Ross looked at her pained. "Please don’t ask me to."
"Ask him, go on," Rob enthused.
"Oh ok," Kirsty sighed and leaned forward to brush her lips against his. "Anyway, I should go or I’ll wont be there in time to help Vandra frock hunt."
"You’re leaving?" Rob whined, looking like he’d just been slapped.
"Sorry little brother but the kitten is being thrust through its flap," Ross mused as he followed Kirsty to the door. "I wish you weren’t going frock hunting," he breathed. "I also wish Rob hadn’t been conceived…"
"Oh give the guy a break," Kirsty mused as she pulled Ross close to her.
"Don’t have fun while you’re out, long for me," he chided.
"I don’t know about longing for you but something strange always happens when I go out with Van."
"How strange?"
"It ranges from proposals by cannibals to being attacked by old people really," Kirsty shrugged, sharing a couple of quick kisses with Ross.
"Right," Ross nodded, not sure whether to believe her or not. "Later."
"If not before," Kirsty smiled as she left.
Ross wandered back into the living room and Rob looked at him amused. "Long for me," he chided.
Ross frowned and then grinned evilly. "Start running little brother," he declared and took off in Rob’s direction.
"Shit," Rob gasped and raced in the direction of the bedroom.
"There’s not going to be enough material," Maxine declared as she rechecked her measurements.
"What do you mean not enough material?" Lynda fumed, looking at Maxine’s notes even though she didn’t understand them.
Julia wanted to chime in with ‘oh shame maybe I can wear something other than that lurid "summer evening" orange stuff’ then but then decided it would be safer to stay quiet.
"Well couldn’t you just make Julia’s dress a size smaller?" Faye piped up, trying to diffuse a tantrum by her youngest daughter.
"It won’t fit if you do that," Julia remarked, not sure she liked where the conversation was going.
"Oh that’d work," Lynda beamed. "Jools can lose weight like the rest of us."
"She needs to anyway," her Nanna, Sylvia chimed in. "You could get two dresses out of that material."
"Thankyou for that boost to my self esteem," Julia mumbled as Lynda started babbling about the joys of Weight Watchers and the name of her gym.
"Well, that’s that sorted then," Maxine perked. "I’ll be able to start on the dresses.
"Hold on," Julia groused. "What about what I think?"
"It’s my wedding," Lynda cut in.
"Oh good," Julia smiled sweetly. "I thought some egotistical wench had taken over a moment." Faye caught herself sniggering and stopped as Maxine looked in her direction. "Yes it’s your wedding but you can’t tell me what to do Lyn."
"I want it to be perfect," Lynda huffed.
"Then don’t marry Luke," their Aunty Pat accidentally said aloud and then looked sheepish.
"This is my wedding and it will go ahead as I want it to," Lynda scorned. "If I say Julia has to lose weight to fit into the dress because I can’t afford to fork out for more material then so be it."
"And if she lose weight she might finally find herself a man," Sylvia declared haughtily.
"I have a man thankyou," Julia spat. "Or had you forgotten about Liam."
"You can do better than one of them," Sylvia muttered. "We don’t want any of them in our family."
"What? A human being?" Julia gasped. "Fine, I’ll shack up with a goat then shall I?"
"You two aren’t serious anyway are you?" Faye asked, looking blankly at her daughter.
"Serious? I love him?" Julia shrieked and a gasp filled the room. "Christ," she spat and watched the deeply religious Maxine cringe. "Lynda can marry an alcoholic pot smoker but I can’t love a guy with a good job, good health and a great arse!"
"Julia," Lynda gasped. "Luke is not an alcoholic he just likes to drink a bit."
"Yeah well Liam is a beautiful human being but he’s a tad Aboriginal," Julia hissed.
The room fell silent a few moments before Lynda’s face went from a frown to a smile. "So anyway, back to the dresses…"
"We won’t sleep, be kind to sheep, we won’t sleep, be kind to sheep…" the small group of protesters chanted at the security booth closest to one of the sheep-filled paddocks at DSTO.
"I’m getting the feeling no one cares Joe," Chris sighed, wishing he’d stayed home in front of the air conditioner with Penny.
"Someone will hear Chris," Joe groused. "We don’t protest for an audience. We do it for the principal and in this case for the sheep."
"Of course, how could I be so insensitive," Chris chided, having the sudden desire for a banana Paddle Pop.
"Someone’s coming," yelled a hairy bloke at the front of the back and chanting got louder as a couple of men in suits made their way over.
"What the hell do you lot…" one man began and then looked confused a moment. "Waylon-Jones what in god’s name…"
Joe nudged Chris. "Go on, say it," he whispered.
"Well ah," Chris swallowed. "Fergus, we’re protesting about the horrendous cruelty enacted on the sheep which are housed on this governmental property. I as one of your loyal workers believe that we should cease testing in the vicinity of these woolly beasts or I’ll lead the workers in a series of strikes."
Fergus looked perplexed and pondered his response a moment. "Waylon-Jones, I appreciate the sentimentality but for fucks sake man. It’s you and your colleagues who are the biggest perpetrators in the deaths of livestock."
Joe nudged Chris again. "Exactly, which is why I’m protesting about it," he babbled, not sure he was even making sense.
"Yeah, see you can’t control your workers beliefs with your fascist bureaucratic mind control," Joe jeered and Chris smiled painfully.
"And you would be?"
"His brother," Joe beamed putting an arm around Chris.
"Oh really?" Fergus nodded. "So, you’ve made your point, are you leaving now?"
"We’ll not leave until the sheep are safe man," Joe declared, puffing out his chest.
"Waylon-Jones?" Fergus asked looking at Chris.
"Sheep have rights too apparently," Chris sighed shrugging.
"Yes, they have the right to become an overpriced Sunday meal," Fergus groused as he stalked away with his accomplice.
"Yeah!" the protest group cheered apart from Chris who stepped back and tried to work out why they were cheering as so far they’d achieved absolutely nothing.
"So what is this place?" Kirsty asked as her sister-in-law Vandra turned into the driveway of a rather secluded country house.
"Apparently this woman makes lots of dresses that she sells really cheaply," Vandra shrugged, killing the engine. "My sister bought a couple and they were really nice."
"Oh well, worth a look I guess," Kirsty agreed and they got out of the car and approached the front door. Vandra rang the doorbell and they waited a few seconds before the heavy wooden door was opened, the fly door unlocked and a man appeared.
"Good afternoon," he beamed and both Kirsty and Vandra looked at the man’s blue satin robe and then at each other. "How can I help you?"
"I was told that your wife sold dresses," Vandra managed to utter as the man scratched his chest revealling there was very little, if anything, under his robe.
"Oh yes, come in," he beamed and moved aside. Kirsty and Vandra cringed as they were forced to brush against him into the house. "Take a seat," he added motioning to the couch and disappearing out of the room.
"Please tell me he’s not naked under that robe," Kirsty swallowed as her eyes settled on a rather erotic sculpture on top of the television.
"I think I saw his testicles," Vandra sniggered and then looked bemused at a bookcase. "Look," she breathed and motioned in its direction. Kirsty looked and noticed it was full of pornographic videos.
"Lusty Housewives Four," Kirsty giggled. "Oh dear lord."
"Laurie will be with you in just a moment," the man announced, reappearing. Kirsty and Vandra tried to pretend they hadn’t been ogling the room and smiled politely as the man sat himself in an armchair opposite them. He didn’t cross his legs and Vandra and Kirsty didn’t know where to look.
"My wife is a wonderful seamstress," the man declared.
"So I’ve heard," Vandra whimpered as the man started to scratch, the robe riding up more than it needed to.
"Alf will you come back here," a woman’s voice yelled from down the hall. "It’s still stuck!"
"Won’t be a moment," the man smiled in a creepy sort of fashion and got to his feet. "Unless you want to help?"
"No, we’re fine," Kirsty said quickly and watched as he disappeared from the room. "I say we run."
"Already there," Vandra agreed as she pulled open the front door. They raced to the car, falling into their seats and Vandra tried to start the engine. They were back on the road before they both burst into hysterical giggles.
"I blame you," Kirsty chided. "Only you could lead me to a perverted freak."
"I wonder what Laurie had stuck?" Vandra mused and they gave each other a sideways glance for bursting into laughter again.
"Where’s the milk Penny?" Penny’s mother frowned as they stood unpacking the shopping.
"In the fridge," Penny sighed. "It was the first thing I put away."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I think I’d know if I’d lobbed it from the car or something."
"I’ll check anyway…"
Penny stifled a scream as her phone started to ring. She fished it out of her pocket. "Hello?"
"Pen, thank god!" Chris gasped down the phone line.
"Chris? Are you ok?"
"Well I am having a minor problem."
"Oh? In what way?"
"Well, a kinda, ‘I need bailed’ problem."
"Excuse me?"
"Fergus decided to have us charged with trespass," Chris breathed. "He doesn’t feel for the sheep like we do."
"And how much is bail gonna cost?"
"For both of us," Chris mumbled. "$5000."
"What? For trespass?"
"And assault," Chris sighed. "Joe attacked a pig with a placard."
"I thought he was against cruelty to animals."
"Pen…"
"Sorry, I don’t have that much money Chris."
"I’ll pay you back."
"No really I don’t," Penny frowned. "I could ask Angie…"
"Don’t you dare think of involving my mother," Chris scolded. "Look think of something will you before I need serious therapy or worse, bond with my brother."
"I’ll try," Penny promised before the line went dead. "Jesus," she breathed.
"Was that Chris?" her mother piped up.
"Yes, I’m gonna have to go," Penny said distractedly, grabbing the keys to Chris’s car that she’d borrowed.
"That’s right, leave me," her mother huffed as Penny made her way outside. She’d just unlocked the doors when her mother appeared at the door. "Penny!"
"What?"
"You did put the milk in the fridge," she declared before going back inside.
"Well, now my world is centred," Penny sarced and started the engine.