“I wonder where they are?” Julia mused as she got out of the car at Chris's with Liam in tow.
          “WE'RE IN THE BACKYARD!” Chris shouted from somewhere in the backyard. Julia and Liam wandered into the backyard and noticed Bear flumped under a tree sleeping. Penny sat waving at them from a deckchair while Chris was doing circles around the pool on an inflatable chair, holding a beer and wearing a pair of purple speedos.
          “Good evening to our gracious guests,” he perked “Help yourself to some champagne and delicious nibbles all courtesy of my generous trust fund.”
          “And thanks to me finding a deli that was open on Christmas day,” Penny added with a wry smile. “Thank god for the Jewish.”
          “Happy Hanukkah!” Chris announced as he paddled the chair to the edge of the pool so he could get a better look at Julia and Liam. He almost toppled off the chair and only just managed to stay on by grabbing the edge of the pool. “Jeez, that was lucky. I almost spilled my beer.”
          “Would you like an alcoholic beverage?” Penny asked, playing the gracious host.
          “I wouldn't mind a glass of that champagne,” Liam replied, motioning to the bottle in her hand.
          “No. This is mine,” Penny huffed. “You can choose from that table over there.” She motioned to a table laden with alcohol as she sipped from the bottle.
          “So Pen, how has your Christmas day been?” Julia asked, taking a seat on a banana lounge.
          “I'm drinking pink champagne straight from the bottle. Does that answer your question?”
          “No, you could be celebrating.”
          “Celebrating what?”
          “The impending birth of your child.”
          “Penny's pregnant?” Chris gasped as he floated past. “Why wasn't I told?”
          “Jools is just being an idiot.”
          “I'll support you. I've got a generous trust fund you know.”
          “I'm not pregnant!” Penny declared, lobbing a mince pie at him. It bounced off his can and floated to the bottom of the pool.
          “Oh it drowned,” Chris pouted as he looked over the edge of the chair. “It had a good life. At least it wasn't ripped to bits by some uncaring human.”
          “No it just filled with water and drowned. It died a horribly painful chlorinated death,” Liam jeered.
          “Oh no. First I lose a baby and now I've lost a pie,” Chris sniffed.
          “Now look what you've started Jools,” Penny grumbled. “He'll just go on and on and…BEAR!” Penny screeched as Bear suddenly leapt into the pool and reappeared seconds later munching on the pie.
          “Haven't you fed that dog today?” Julia asked, leaning back and getting herself comfortable.
          “Of course he's been fed. I had to feed him myself,” Penny groused, sipping more champagne.
          “That must have hurt,” Julia chided. “Why didn't you just give him dog food?”
          “What?”
          “Jools, stop teasing Penny. She's had too much to drink,” Liam mused as he pulled off his shirt and shorts, revealing a pair of unattractive Port Power speedos.
          “You know, it's not so much the speedos I have problems with. It's the fact that they're black, white and teal,” Julia announced as they watched Liam do a ‘Troy Dan’ and pull his speedos up his butt crack before diving into the pool.
          “Oh my god,” Penny gasped and then broke in giggles.
          “That has to be the most unattractive thing I've seen in a long time,” Julia sighed. “And I've seen him naked,” she added.
          “Is it true what they say about black men?” Penny asked as Liam grabbed another floating chair and started racing around the pool with Chris.
          “Yes Pen, they're black,” Jools managed to say straight faced as Penny looked at her blankly.
          “But I meant…”
          “I know what you meant,” Julia murmured as Liam started to sing rather appallingly.
          “We have the Power to win, the Power to roar, C'mon Port Adelaide aggression…” Liam was stopped abruptly when he found himself hit in the head with a mince pie.
          “Aw, another pie has died,” Chris sighed as he watched the second pie float to the bottom of the pool.
          “Don't tell me you didn't deserve that,” Julia smirked as Liam glared at her from his floating chair.
          “You killed another pie!” Chris wailed as he paddled over to Liam and started wrestling with him. There was a loud splash as the pair tumbled from the inflatable chairs and into the pool.
          “If they don't surface do we have to save them?” Penny asked, looking entirely unhappy with the idea of any physical movement that didn’t involve bringing the bottle to her lips.
          “No, we’ll just claim accidental death,” Julia shrugged.
          “Oh goody,” Penny chirped and sipped more of her champagne.
          “Is that your first bottle Pen?” Julia queried, helping herself to a glass of bundy and coke.
          “Maybe it is but I'm thinking it's not,” Penny giggled inanely.
          “That doesn't even make sense,” Julia sniggered and shook her head.
          “You don't make sense,” Penny declared. “You make dollars.”
          “JOOLS!” Liam shouted “GET ME A BEER!”
          “GET ME ONE TOO,” Chris added waving stupidly.
          “Get your own, Choker and Richie Rich,” Julia retorted as she sat back down.
          “I'll pay you,” Chris offered. “I have a generous trust fund.”
          “I'll get up and get you one,” Penny announced. “Just as soon as I can find my feet.”
          “They're at the end of your ankles,” Julia mused, sipping her drink.
          “No, I think you're lying,” Penny pouted looking down. “Oh so they are.”
          “Why did you call me Choker?” Liam asked as he appeared at the side of the pool closest to the girls.
          “You know that brilliant footy team you were singing about and who's speedos you are wearing?”
          “Yeah?”
          “The ones who never seem to be able to reach a grand final because they choke in the finals and lose?”
          “Yeah…Oh,” Liam's face fell as the realisation dawned on him. Julia got up and went over to the side of the pool. She kicked his floating chair as hard as she could without falling in. Liam sailed across to the other side of the pool shouting obscenities at her as he went.

          A couple of hours, three six packs of beer, another bottle of pink champagne and a bottle of bundy later the back gate flew open and Kirsty and Ross stumbled into the back yard, lips locked and hands everywhere.
          “Look, it’s Santa and Mrs Claus,” Penny squealed.
          “Penny I think you're drunk,” Julia announced loudly between giggles.
          “You know I think you're right,” Penny agreed stoically.
          “And you know what Penny?”
          “What?”
          “I'm quite pissed myself.”
          “Did you say you pissed yourself? Cos that's really gross.”
          Julia thought for a minute “No, I'm drunk too.”
          “What have you drunk?”
          “Bu…Brun…Blund…That Polar bear drink.”
          “Blunderburg Rum?”
          “Yeah that's the stuff.”
          “Where have you guys been?” Julia asked as Kirsty and Ross sauntered over to join them.
          “Well Jools, we were fucking,” Kirsty replied in a tone that said she wasn’t impressed with their drunken behaviour.
          “Why?”
          “Well I felt the need to deposit my semen into Kirsty's vaginal cavity,” Ross explained bluntly.
          “I didn't know you were in the navy,” Penny smirked. “Jools did you know Ross was in the navy?”
          “Thanks for the gynaecology lesson babe,” Kirsty pouted and slapped his arm.
          “No I didn't know Ross was in the navy,” Julia mused. “Although the white sailor suit should have given it away.”
          “You know you want it Jools,” Ross grinned as he jumped onto the banana lounge Julia was laying on and started pretending to hump her. Julia squealed with laughter.
          “Hey that's my girlfriend!” Liam yelled when he realised what was going on.
          “Mate you're obviously not doing a good enough job with her if she's letting me do this to her,” Ross chided, giving a few silly orgasmic cries.
          “Trust me Mutt, you couldn't satisfy Bear over there,” Liam retorted, motioning to Bear who was passed out on the patio.
          “That's what you think,” Ross grinned as he clambered off of Julia and started stripping down to his bathers.
          “Go on Ross,” Penny jeered. “Give us a show!”
          Ross hummed a fanfare as he minced towards the edge of the pool and onto the diving board. “Anderson goes to do a three point pike with double turn and a half twist,” he announced before running along the board, slipping and flying off the end and landing on top of Liam. The momentum caused the floaty chair to flip, dumping Liam and Ross in the water.
          “Aw you made me spill my beer,” Liam groused as they reappeared.
          By the time Liam had settled himself into the floaty chair again, Ross had gotten out of the pool and was chasing Kirsty around the edge, hoping to catch her and fling her into the water.
          “I think I'm getting dizzy,” Penny announced as Kirsty flew past her for the third time.
          “Well if you're gonna throw up make sure you don't do it in the pool,” Julia informed her.
          “Do you know what Chris and I did in the pool before you guys turned up?”
          “You made jelly?” Julia suggested.
          “No that's not right.”
          “I don't think I want to know.”
          “Get away from me you bastard!” Kirsty shrieked as she flew past again.
          “But it was really, really fun and I wanna tell you.”
          “Were you naked or clothed?” Julia asked, sipping her drink.
          “You'll tire eventually woman,” Ross yelled, jogging past.
          “A bit of both really.”
          “How can it be a bit of both?”
          “I was clothed and Chris likes to be naked.”
          “Now there's an interesting piece of information.”
          “I'm never having sex with you again!” Kirsty declared, sprinting past.
          “It's vital to the story.”
          “Oh I'm sure it is, “ Julia chided. “So you were clothed and Chris was naked?”
          “That's what I'm trying to tell you,” Penny huffed. “If you'd just shut up and let me speak for a minute. Sheesh you never let me get a word in. Do you know you talk too much?”
          “Sorry.”
          “Her mouth goes with her tits,” Ross shouted as he flew past.
          “I don't think that was related to Kirsty,” Penny announced.
          Julia grabbed a mince pie and waited until Ross came around again before throwing it at him. It hit him in the side of the head and he toppled into the water. Kirsty stopped just by the place where he’d fallen in and doubled over both with laughter and lack of breath. She had barely taken a few deep breaths when Ross's head and shoulders popped up over the edge of the pool. He grabbed her ankles and yanked her into the pool. Her shriek was cut short by the water as she fell under.
          “Does it worry you that the two people acting most like drunk lunatics are sober?” Julia queried, looking blankly at Penny.
          “We used the creepy crawly,” Penny announced proudly.
          “What?”
          “When Chris was naked.”
          “I have to have a bathroom break now,” Julia announced, getting up a little wobbly and backing slowly away from Penny.

          Julia managed to get to the house after tripping over several pot plants and nearly impaling herself on Chris’s exercise bike. Once inside she realised that she didn't actually know where the toilet was.
          “Looks like I'm off exploring,” Julia chirped as she made her way around the house and started opening doors. “Bedroom, bedroom, bedroom, bedroom, study, bedroom, oh kitchen. Good I'm hungry.” She grabbed an apple and started eating it as she continued her wandering. “Pickled lentils? Why would you want a pickled lentil? Bedroom, bedroom. Hey maybe the bedrooms have ensuites,” she pondered a moment. “I'll have to start again. Crap. No, no, no, closet. Oh man, there's another level to this place. I don't wanna go upstairs. I'll keep hunting for ensuites instead…”

          “Penny is there any more beer?” Chris asked, floating over to the side of the pool.
          “I'm not drinking beer I'm drinking pink champagne cos it's Christmas,” she yawned, now curled up on Julia’s banana lounge.
          “Are you tired Poppet?” Chris asked as nicely as he could being half canned.
          “No, I'm just very, very pissed,” Penny smiled sleepily as she closed her eyes.

          “C'mon Kirst,” Ross enthused. “You can go on the diving board. It's not very high.”
          “I could drown,” Kirsty pouted, not looking at all confident.
          “You're being ridiculous,” Ross huffed. “It's not even half a metre from the water.”
          “That's not the point,” Kirsty groused. “I could slip and break my neck and be paralysed for life and you'd have to spoon feed me jelly.”
          “At least I could have my way with you whenever I wanted and you couldn't fight back.”
          “You're a sick fuck,” Kirsty spat as she took a few tentative steps down the springboard.
          Ross leant on the end of the springboard innocently. “You're doing fine babe,” he said encouragingly. “You're over halfway along it now, just a few more steps and you'll be at the end.”
          “Just a few more steps to my death then.”
          “Cheer up, it could be worse.”
          “How could it be worse?” Kirsty asked, frowning as she looked down at Ross.
          “I could do this,” Ross grinned as he pushing down on the board as he let go. The springboard flicked back up and Kirsty let out a shriek, fell to her knees and grabbed hold of the board.
          “You're fucking dead!” she yelled and leapt off the end of the board, her hands quickly finding their way around his throat. Her attempt to throttle him was cut short when Liam intervened and dragged her away from Ross.
          “You bastard, I'll kill you instead,” Kirsty gasped as she struggled.
          “Really? I could just let you go and fend for yourself seeing as we're in the deep end,” Liam announced, knowing full well she wasn’t strong swimmer.
          “AAAHHHH!” Kirsty screamed and grabbed his thigh and clung on for dear life. Liam struggled to shake her off and had almost pried her arms off him when Ross swam over and grabbed her.
          “You can't kill me now I've come to your rescue,” he declared proudly. “I'm your knight in swimming trunks.”
          “Oh thankyou,” Kirsty cooed as she kissed him gently on the lips. She waited a moment to make sure he was thoroughly distracted before she yanked his shorts down and swam as fast as she could to the edge of the pool. Kirsty clambered out of the pool and dashed off toward the house..
          “Now what am I gonna do?” Ross sighed feeling quite silly. He looked towards Penny and saw that she was asleep so he gingerly got out of the pool, wrapped his towel around him and dashed after Kirsty.

          Julia meanwhile was still walking about looking for the toilet. “Closet, bedroom closet, bedroom closet, weird room with stuff in boxes, bedroom that's not really a bedroom cos it used to be a closet. Bedroom, bedroom, bedroom with ensuite, closet. Wait! That bedroom had an ensuite!” Julia dashed back to the bedroom, skidded across the tiled ensuite floor and crashed into the cistern. “Ouch!”

          Kirsty had hidden herself in the house and was listening for any sound of Ross. Not being able to hear him she decided to come out of her hiding place which she assumed was a closet but was now a bedroom to see if she could see him anywhere.

          Ross had taken to prowling around the house and opening every cupboard while trying not to lose his spiderman towel as he looked for Kirsty. He'd just walked into the hallway when he heard a shriek, her shriek. He dashed after her and after doing a few laps of the kitchen, lounge room and hallway, followed her into a bedroom. Ross stood in the middle of the room for a few minutes looking around when he felt a chill around his nether regions. Before he had the chance to look down the ensuite door opened and Julia appeared. She stood there a moment before she screamed in an octave that could have shattered windows. Ross yelled as well and covered himself with his hands while Kirsty squealed because she hadn't expected anyone else to be there. A few seconds later Chris and Liam staggered breathlessly into the room too.
          “What's going on?” Chris gasped, hanging onto Liam so he didn’t topple over.
          “We heard screaming,” Liam added then saw Ross's bare butt. “Oh man you should put some clothes on.”
          “Yes, sorry, thought I’d expose myself to the fucking world,” Ross scowled as his cheeks flushed.
          “Want me to help you darling?” Kirsty asked, amusement in her voice.
          “Don't you talk to me,” Ross huffed. “It's your fault I'm naked,” he turned to her and Julia shrieked again.
          “Now I've seen all of Ross naked,” she gasped. “The image has been burned into my retinas forever.”
          “I kinda like it,” Kirsty announced, slipping a hand onto Ross's naked butt.
          “Please, my hands aren't that big,” Ross groused in a statement that seemed to bypass everyone but Kirsty.
          “Oh they're big enough sweetie,” she smirked and he narrowed his eyes at her.
          “I think perhaps we should all go to bed now,” Chris announced hurriedly. “Shall I assume that you and Ross will be taking this room?” he asked Kirsty who didn’t get a chance to answer before Ross declared.
          “Yes we will,” and dashed into the ensuite.
          “I should make sure he's ok,” Kirsty announced coyly and followed him into the ensuite. It wasn't long before they heard Ross give out a dirty cackle.
          “Oh your hands are cold.”
          “Right, I'd better take you two to your room then,” Chris winced and lead Julia and Liam out of the room and down another hallway or two before they reached a large bedroom.
          “Are you gonna bring Pen in?” Liam queried as Chris turned to leave the room.
          “Who?”
          “Penny.”
          “Huh?”
          “Your girlfriend who's outside asleep,” Julia countered.
          “Oh yeah, I'm just going out to get her,” Chris nodded unconvincingly as he left the room.

          Chris made his way back outside to where Penny was sound asleep on the banana lounge.
          “Pen you have to get up,” he whispered in her ear.
          “I'm comfy here,” she murmured and snuggled into the colourful plastic further.
          “I've sent the others to bed.”
          “Good, they were annoying me,” Penny mumbled and then fell quiet for a while. “Come and join me.”
          “If you insist,” Chris mused as he curled up next to her on the banana lounge, wrapping his arms around her tightly. Thanks to the tiring day and copious amounts of alcohol it wasn't long before they were both asleep.

          Ross wandered around the room wearing a white terry towelling robe he’d found in the ensuite and inspecting everything. He'd found a remote on a bedside cupboard and was determined to find the appliance that it belonged to. Kirsty was watching him as she brushed the knots out of her hair.
          “PLAYSTATION!” he squealed, opening what appeared to be a cupboard but in fact turned out to be an entire entertainment centre.
          “Ross, put it away,” Kirsty sighed, shaking her head.
          “That’s what you always say,” he chided. “But I wanna play.”
          “Well would you rather play with that or play with me?” Kirsty asked coyly loosening the towel around her a little.
          The doors were slammed shut, the remote was dropped and Ross flew towards the bed and landed with a flump next to Kirsty.
          “I'm all yours oh mistress of naughtiness,” he beamed eagerly.
          “I know you are,” Kirsty teased. “Better slip out of that constricting robe.”
          “Already there,” Ross grinned, tossing his robe to the floor. “You'd better get rid of your towel then.”
          Kirsty started removing her towel and then stopped and looked at Ross. “You know, I'm not really in the mood hon,” she sighed. “Maybe we should do something else.”
          “Something else like what?” Ross glared at her. “I'm sorry but all the blood in my body is preoccupied elsewhere at the moment.”
          “Where?” Kirsty said blankly. “Oh,” she added as he shook his head. “Well, I’m so not tired, maybe we should go back and swim some more.”
          “But we’ve only just had a shower,” Ross pouted, grabbing his robe from the floor and pulling it back on.
          “Yeah, but I don’t mean we should swim laps,” Kirsty mused, putting her brush down. “I was thinking of something more…interesting.”
          “What? Like water polo or something?” Ross queried, still looking bewildered.
          “No,” Kirsty smiled, slipping a hand onto his bare chest. “Something more interesting.”
          “Handstands?”
          Kirsty sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. “Do you want to have sex in the pool?”
          Ross had to stifle a small squeak that came to his lips. “Oh well, y’know, if you think you’re up for it and…” he paused as she was already at the door. “…all.”

          Julia hummed as she sauntered out of the ensuite and into the bedroom. Her hair was dripping wet, her skin tingling but she was really too drunk to care. She was prepared to do a few sexy moves and rip her towel off but unfortunately Liam was already snoring into the exotic Thai silk sheets. Instead she hunted out a clean pair of undies and a singlet and crawled under the covers next to him. Julia was hoping he might stir and pull her in a manly fashion into his arms but he just snored louder. She let out a groan, there was no way in hell she was going to be able to sleep while his nose played a nasal opera. Julia threw back the covers, grabbed a pillow and a blanket and marched downstairs and into the living room.
          The moonlight cast a soft glow through the large glass windows which she found soothing. Julia dropped the pillow onto one of the large padded couches and curled up on the soft fabric. The alcohol she’d consumed took over as she relaxed and soon it lulled her into a comfortable sleep.