Born: Washington, DC
Resides: The Dorf, MD
Occupation: Napping Analyst for G.S.A.
Education: Master�s Degree in Chipotle's
Family: Wife Tammi "Miss Coyote Ugly 2006", Chance-10, Calvin-7, Emily-5
Favorite Food: Rocky Mountain Oysters
Favorite Sport: Football
Hero: Scott's Arms & Everything Cal Ripken
Favorite Mandy Moore Movie: Toss up between 'A Walk to Remember' and 'The Princess Diaries'
Craig Bikowski started his softball career as the bat boy for the original Laurel Branch team. Once the coach (his Daddeee) saw his athletic ability from retrieving bats, he gave him a shot as a pinch runner. That blossomed into a full time role and eventually as a top player on the team. In recent years, Craig has split time at 3B and at pitcher. His solid defensive skills have made him an extremely valuable asset up the middle. Although Craig has put on a few pounds in recent years, he actually led the team in triples in the 2005 Spring season. Recently, Craig has been working out and attempting to get back into prime shape so that he can improve his defense and gain extra speed on the bases.
Craig is now the leader of the 'Fun Bunch'. Craig has longed to boss people around as he is "fed up" with Tammi telling him what to do. What better way to start now! Craig decided to take all of the talent off of the Maximum Title team, force them to fold and start the All-Star team of donkeys we now see today. He has been searching for the winning formula by toying with different combinations in the lineup and in the field, depending on how the players are playing at the time... He sure is a chip off the old block.
Craig has been committed to becoming a different player while out on the field. He has worked feverishly in the bathroom mirror in the offseason to try to control his on-field temper. He is channeling his anger through a variety of ways. One way is through intimidation. While marveling at Scottie the Hotties bodacious biceps, an idea struck in Craigs head. After a double header one night, he headed straight home to cut the sleeves off of his shirt. The next week something just wasn't right, there still was a burning sensation in his stomach. Back to the drawing board. It was imperative that he find the answer to his anger and with the biggest double header of the young season coming up, it had to happen now. Strolling up to the field on that Wednesday evening, you could notice a different swagger to the Twerpskin. Was it his bright orange addidas cleats to match perfectly to his uni??? No. Was it his painful to the eyes tightness of his pants one fart away from busting his zipper off??? No. Was it the addition of a new salsa choice at Chipotle's??? No. It was the recent purchase of a 'just as tight as his pants' white Under Armour skin shirt that he had swore his whole life that he would never buy, with a pack of cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve just above his angry looking skeletin Marine tattoo bulging off of his freshly, 3 sets of 10, pumped biceps. Too many missed calls that night got the best of him and the old Craigie reared its ugly head. He swore to the team, that it will never happen again in one of his ever-so-lengthy day after the game rants.
Craig often is in the top 3 or 4 in Batting Average on the team, and although he may not always lead the team in homers, his Under Armor should definitely help with that. He is one of the better pitchers in ALL of the leagues, infact an umpire approached Coach Craig after a night of ball with his pals one night and told him how much of a pleasure it was to umpire a pitcher with a true old-but-yet-beautiful style of ASA pitches. Coach Craig, though, will be the first to tell you that he hates pitching and feels more at home at the hot spot. It became evident that he still has it at third base one night, where he gobbled up everything that came remotely close to his side of the field -diving and routine plays-. You see, what he accomplishes on the field is nothing short of a miracle.... he is lucky he can even write the players names down in the scorebook.
Craig had the unfortunate circumstances of being born with a rare disease of a permanent dislocated shoulder for life. This came as a crushing blow to his father, Cal Ripken Sr.. Cal Sr. couldn't face the shame he had in his son, and locked him in a closet for no one to ever see again. With starvation settling in, and the inability to flip a light switch due to setting off the 'permanent dislocated shoulder for life' disease, young Craig ate his way out of the closet at age 5 and found his way to the adoption clinic. The Ripken genes are still apparent when you watch him perform at 3rd base, for he is a true master of the position.
Craig still loves the Ripkens though, as he has wallpapered his house with Cal Ripken pictures and even named his son after him!! GMO as a team would also like to thank the Ripkens, for if not for them, Craig would have never come out of the closet.