written by Marc
IS THIS THE END?
I will always remember June 10, 2002, as long as I live. That is the day that I learned that I had D. Prior to learning this, my life was well on it's way for a 26 year old. I had just finished graduate school and was in the process of getting ready to start my career. I was so excited and thrilled and was looking forward to living a successful life.
A month prior to learning of my illness, I had noticed some slight changes in my behaviors. I was going to the restroom a lot more frequent than I can remember. Over the past month, I came to learn which establishments had bathrooms and which did not. I discovered bathrooms in places, I would not even have imagined had bathrooms available. Driving from place to place was a TRUE challenge. I crossed my fingers and prayed that I would not have to go to the bathroom while I was driving and would be able to hold it until I got to my next destination. There were times when I would have to park my car sooner than planned as soon as I saw a gas station so I could go to the bathroom.
Why was I drinking so much? I knew I liked soda but I have never been able to finish one whole 2-liter of soda by myself and then I wanted another bottle. What had I turned into--the bottomless pit??? And if I was drinking lots more than before, why was my mouth so dry, why were my lips sticking together and why was my tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth???? What exactly was going on??? Was someone playing a trick on me??? And I still can remember the sarcastic remarks of others, "If you would just not drink so much then you would not have to go to the bathroom?" Didn't they understand I was thirsty?
Over the next month (from May to June), I was waking up every night with cramps (I don't remember having these many charley horses in my life) in my legs. At first it was bearable. I would just get out of bed and walk around and my cramps in my legs would go away. There came a point when I got fed up with having my sleep disturbed (I was used to being able to sleep through the night until the next morning with no disturbances) with these cramps. I was determined to find an answer to put an end to these cramps. Can I just have a peaceful night's sleep?
That is when I went to the doctor. I explained to the doctor the symptoms that I was experiencing. The doctor asked me if I had diabetes in my family. I explained to her that my mother had diabetes but this could not be what was happening to me because I was too young--my mother did not get her diabetes until she was into her 40's. It never occurred to me that there could be another form of diabetes--Type I. I just figured that there was only one type of diabetes and all diabetics were receiving the same treatment (little did I know). The doctor then said that she was going to have the nurse assistant test my blood sugar level. After being tested, the doctor came into the room. She said, "It is what I feared." I said, "What did you fear?" ..."You have diabetes"..."Are you sure?" She then sent me to the lab in the hospital to get a more accurate reading...when I came back to her office, she said we are going to have to admit you to the hospital, your blood sugar is 910.
My emotions started flying all over the place. Anger: You are lying to me. How would you like it if I lied to you. Fear: I'm going to die. My mother had experienced many complications up until her death and now I was doomed to live the same fate as her (I lost focus on the fact that she had not taken care of herself the way she should have). Denial: There's been a mistake. The machine was broken when they tested me. They have me mixed up with someone else. Why me???? What have I done to deserve this???
For the next three days I was hooked up to IV's, shown how to give myself insulin shots (you must be kidding I have to stick myself with needles everyday??? Can we start with pills??? I promise I'll change. Can I have one more chance???), how to test my blood sugar (another needle). What do I look like a pincushion??? Diet??? What's that??? You mean I can eat like everyone else but just paying attention to moderation and portion size and have fewer sweets. You're asking a lot of me, I've been living this way for the past 26 years and now you want me to change??? Easy for you to say.
I've been home over a week. I'm learning to adjust. I'm educating myself. I'm getting my medical care team established. Wait a minute...I've been sleeping every night without cramps in my legs...Yeah!!!
What do you mean that if I take care of myself I can minimize my chances of developing complications? You mean to tell me there is HOPE. I'm up for the challenge. I've accomplished other things in my life. You mean I do get another chance? Thank God.
Marc
Thank you very much for your 'D' story Marc.