Mom posted an abbreviated version of this to Opium a while back. I thought the essay made much more sense in full, and she agreed, so that's how you're getting it.
Kim DeWindt-Robson, 6/12/03.
Musings in response to "Hang It On The Wall", a song written by Jay Clifford of Jump, Little Children.
HANG IT ON THE WALL
she can feel it
just at the end of her range
she can feel it
pulling on the end of her sleeve
pulling her down
from all the light and color
to take a leap of faith
she can take it
just to the end of her rope
she can fake it
until she lets it go
down to everything
precious thing that she gave
to someone that she trusted
will she hang it on the wall
or put it in the background
will she throw it all away
will she burn it on her skin
or put it in her pocket
for another lonely day
will she believe him
with the crumbs all around her bed
will she believe in me
or will she lock it in
or put it away
to never see
the burning glow
when the truth comes to life
will she hang it on the wall
or put it in the background
will she throw it all away
will she burn it on her skin
or put it in her pocket
for another lonely day
she'll hide it
tightly in her hand
underneath her guarded skin
she'll hide it
where no one will know
where no one knows to go
where no one can get in again
will she hang it on the wall
or put it in the background
will she throw it all away
will she burn it on her skin
or put it in her pocket
for another lonely day
will she hang it on the wall
or put it in the background
will she throw it all away
I love Jay's songs. This particular one was recently posted on Opium, a Jump, Little Children fan listserv. The words resonated with me when I first heard them months ago. Seeing the lyrics again stimulated me to write about them.
I take Jay's songs as slices of life. As is true of life in general, his songs can be appreciated and understood at whatever level the perceiver is prepared to receive them. No matter what Jay's original stimulus for the song. No matter what he thought he was intending to say. That's just how the creative process works. So here goes, with my apologies to Jay in advance. It must be hard to be a poet.
Some people take Jay's lyrics just as the setting for songs, well-written and interesting or not, intriguingly set to music or not. Music you can dance to or not. They may not really give the words much attention. Then again, one might experience his songs at the most mundane level of interpretation. In this case, will the "she" in the song choose this one or that one as her next lifemate, having had her trust violated and her life torn apart by a previous one? Or, moving inexorably closer to the mystical, in whom will she place her faith? To whom will she commit her life, her light, her allegiance? And I'm sure there are other interpretations I've not mentioned. Decisions, decisions, decisions. Probably meant to be rhetorical questions.... I'm inclined to think our decisions have ramifications at every level of our existence. And both time and circumstances are critical moderating variables. Decisions must be made thoughtfully, deliberately... and courageously.
Can you recall a time in your life when you did something that greatly exceeded your expectations, your understanding of your capacities or gifts? If you have, then you may well have come face to face with your own spirit-- whether you know it or not. This is not to say that God didn't answer your prayers, or that Jesus wasn't walking with you, or whatever else you happen to believe. But, it's important to know that our Creator has imparted to each one of us some measure of life's breath and light's energy with which we are to make something wonderful, something only we can do, so as to thereby advance all of Creation by our having lived. So, each one of us has a life mission. Each one of us has a deep responsibility to figure out what that mission is, and then to do it. Surprisingly, this life's work, if well chosen, ultimately is not a hardship. The truer you are being to your intended purpose, the more readily you will access whatever internal or external resources you need to make it happen, and the more expeditiously the obstacles will be cleared from your path. You will most likely be working arduously and passionately. Your spirit will be asserting your Self, and you will be surprised with ever-increasing frequency by inexpressible upwellings of love, compassion and sheer joy.
So, what is the "it" that's "pulling at her sleeve"? I think of it as the pull of one's desire, longing, or need for another one, for whatever purpose. Or it might be a perceived pull-- what one thinks the other wants, needs, demands. Whatever form it takes, it is important to know whether "it" is aligned with one's true life purpose or not. By associating oneself with it, will one be aided or subverted, embraced or entrapped? Even when time seems to be of the essence, it's important to cultivate and practice discernment. It is important not to take the leap until you have a fair sense of what you're leaping into, and whether it's anywhere you want to or should be. It's also important not to fear freedom.
Taking "it" literally for a moment, there are some individuals who are highly sensitive to spiritual (subtle) energy-- both their own and that of others. For them, it is frightening to feel the pull of something or someone without knowing why, who, how or for what purpose. It is destabilizing, distracting, deenergizing, perhaps demoralizing. More often than not, it's unintentional. Sometimes, though, it feels and may well be manipulative. Done intentionally, it is predatory and simply wrong. For the recipient, it seems best to dig in your heels, ignore it, play dumb, and/or run as fast as you can in the other direction. It is wonderful and so freeing when such phenomena can be acknowledged and discussed by the parties involved.
she can take it
just to the end of her rope
she can fake it
until she lets it go
down to everything
precious thing that she gave
to someone that she trusted
(refrain), then
will she believe him
with the crumbs all around her bed
will she believe in me
Hmmm...how would you respond if you felt that someone was an uninvolved bystander to your fall, watching your struggle, waiting for you to crash, hoping to be the rescuer you choose when you hit bottom? Um..no...I don't think so.
We as earthbound beings are fragile, imperfect, constrained by unidirectional time, cultural mores and expectations, material needs and wants. We have personalities to consider. Two people might truly be soulmates-- yet their temperaments, lifestyles, values, life purposes may clash irreconcilably. An extreme age difference might make them illegal lifemates (you know about those recent cases), or simply awkward ones. Differences of race, ethnicity, religious preference, sexual preference, even extremes of height and weight, still have potential negative social impact. And so on. Well, as we become an increasingly open society, superficial taboos are more and more often dismissed as the foolishness they are. Still, such matters can only be explored in friendship, where the stakes are not high, where agendas are minimal. And one must always know the other truly cares.
Well, perhaps you feel drawn to a person by what you discern of their spirit, this je ne sais quoi that leads you to feel like you have to be in relationship with the other person. Well, maybe you do. Maybe you should. But it is not uncommon for such relationships, seemingly mandated in heaven, to be downright apocalyptic on earth. For example, speaking metaphorically of people as energy systems-- the admixing of two strong energies, one deemed to be counterpart to the other, might be desireable if carefully planned and executed. Pursued impetuously, the resulting explosion could damage or destroy the vessels involved as well as anything in the immediate or even far vicinity. Then again, inadvertent admixing with unwholesome, tainted energy might make one's own unpalatable. Yet, by the Grace of God, one's own energy might be transformed and strengthened by the clearing process itself. Creating something new. In any case, informed consent is a good thing.
or will she lock it in
or put it away
to never see
the burning glow
when the truth comes to life
she'll hide it
tightly in her hand
underneath her guarded skin
she'll hide it
where no one will know
where no one knows to go
where no one can get in again
In the Gospel according to Matthew, Jesus says to his listeners, "You are the light of the world." In so saying, he bears witness to an eternal truth. The light is alive and prepared to shine forth in each one of us. He admonishes each one of us not to hide his or her light under a bushel. We must strive to clear those obstacles that obscure our light, or our ability to see it around us. I strongly agree with these principles. Still, metaphorically, there may be times that one's light has to be dimmed so as to recharge it. One might need to seek the help of one or more others to clear his or her light. Or, if one's light can be quite bright, one may responsibly wish to be measured and deliberate about shining it. Light, after all, can both heal and destroy. Then again, all the world needs light. It may be most expedient to provide light where it is most needed and most willingly received.
In any case, it is, after all, "her" light. It's her choice what she does with it, when, and with whom. Were I presented with two choices, I might consider one, the other, both, none, something and/or someone else altogether. Even with the best of motives, violations of free will too often have negative consequences.
Will she hang it on the wall
or put it in the background
will she throw it all away
will she burn it on her skin
or put it in her pocket
for another lonely day
It is so very painful to be lonely. Yet, a tolerance for loneliness is an important attribute to cultivate if one is to master the art of being alone. When we fear or cannot tolerate loneliness, when we cannot stand to be alone, we become vulnerable to all sorts of misalliances and misallegiances. These unfortunate choices may well distract us from or even derail whatever our intended path may be. Whether fleeting or lifelong in their impact, our sense of self becomes skewed by the agendas of the other and/or by our need to please so as not to be abandoned. And inevitably, given our interconnectedness, we risk doing harm to others by our mistakes.
On the other hand, I feel it is tragic when one responds to hurt by choosing either to stay alone or even to give up altogether. We are not meant to live in isolation. We cease to live when we stop trying, when we're totally cut off from others, when we become unwilling to take risks. But, when hurt, it is necessary to take the time to heal. If hurt by a relationship, one must adequately resolve grief, anger and other detritus before moving on. If you've ended a relationship, you've nonetheless been irrevocably changed by it. You need to take time to discover who you are and what is the nature of your residual baggage. Who you draw to you, and who sticks around, will be affected. Going into a new relationship, or committing to something or someone else, it's best to be clear both about what you're hoping to get and what you're prepared to give.
Contemplative, deliberate being alone is critical if one is to become truly self-aware and self-contained. When two such individuals choose to join themselves as companions or more, the fruits of their relationship are immeasureable. And, in my opinion, it is critical to be a companion/friend to the other before seeking or expecting something more from them.
Now, about hanging "it" on the wall or putting it somewhere else. Again, playing the mystic. Here the "it" on the wall is a cross, or whatever icon one uses to embody faith and/or a calling. A cross is symbolic of something beyond itself. It's extracted meaning is ultimately unique to the bearer, even if the sight of it has some specific meaning for the beholder. You might put your cross on the wall, you might wear it against your skin, you might carry it in your pocket like a rosary and use it accordingly. I'll admit to doing them all.
Crumbs...communion bread..symbol of dwelling in the body of Christ and Christ in us, leaving crumbs in and around one's bed (the altar). So the question is, maybe, will you be bound by Christ? Or, will you be open to the incarnate in another guise? Or both? The early Israelites eschewed racial or religious admixing. They wished to remain pure. To this end, the men, women and children of an alien neighboring culture were often exterminated. This sort of thing has occurred many times down through history. Yet, careful tracking of all the great religions will reveal that syncretism is not the exception but the rule. And, are there any pure races anymore? Is there some reason we should care? Ultimately, literal and figurative syncretism may be the next step in our evolutionary process. Whatever the outcome, it is crucial that Love be the guiding principle.
Will the "she" in the song believe in "him"... or "him". I don't know who or what she will choose. In her position, I would most likely say " I will believe in him who first seeks to know and believe in me."
Kim DeWindt-Robson
6-12-03