| February 3, 2004 Well, it has been just over a year since I have updated and I can't even figure out why I can't get it to work?! I had to type over a update that was here, sorry. Anyway, it has been far to difficult to come here. It's difficult even now, the tears are rolling. We moved back to Western, NY where we are from and I am extremely happy. I married a wonderful man in August and we just found out we are expecting. We are all very happy, especially the girls. They are in pre-k and 3rd grade and they love it here. My family lives near by and Gary's is about 30 minutes away and we see them often and the girls spend at least 1 weekend a month there. I am still very close with Gary's sister and love his family just as before. They like Brent very much and are happy that I have moved on with someone so nice,all-though it was difficult for them at first. Brent is very respectful of Gary and his memory. He wipes my tears and holds me when I am down, he knows just as well as I, that no one asked for this to happen. He even made reference to Gary in our 'private moment to one another' in our wedding video, that 'he was sure that Gary is smiling today'. Brent is taking care of us. I have been lucky once again in that I have met a great man, great husband and great dad to children that are not biologically his. We talk of Gary often and the girls know who their dad is and that Brent is daddy # 2 here and daddy # 1 is in heaven. I am a stay-at-home mom, by choice, and I never thought I would ever be this happy. I am and life does go on, all though, you don't think that it will when times are really bad. But, it really does go on. Sometimes, you may even get a fairytale ending,or new beginning like I have. Thank you to all of you that have supported us,we are truly happy. I am sure that this will be my last update, it is far too painful to come here. This chapter in my life is over, not forgotten, just over. Peace, Shelly Harris |
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| Wow, what a day. I started off thinking, this is the day I will go through his clothes. Half-way through and 2 phone conversations later...thank you Cindi, I called my mother in law. Just asking her to tell me that it was okay that I pack up, give, save or throw away...we cried together. She told me it was just fine, and it was something I needed to do, if I was ready. Thank you Bette. All day I prayed, and talked and wished that you would just show me or tell me or something, that it was okay. Far fetched for you maybe, but, Bill won the race. I still love you so deeply and miss you more, but I'm tryin. -Shelly |
| August 22, 2002 Time sure flies. Yeah right. So, what do we know? We know that Gary is most certainly driving Bill's car. I have gained 10 pounds,I feel horrible. I can't function. I'm trying to smile so people won't ask me what's wrong...then I'd have to talk to them. Who am I kidding, they can tell. I"ve avoided coming here. Nothing to say. Down and out for a few days. Wishing for peace...Shelly |
| The 23rd of August, wow, I'm on a roll. 11 years ago today my dad passed away. Wow. I remember that first year was pretty tough, first couple. Seems like such a long time from now. Minute by minute.... We went to the Sharptown Carnavil tonight. It is a tradtion down here. We had not been yet, and tomorrow is the last day. We had a good time. My friend Autum went with us. She is wonderful. Tomorrow we head to the Shorebirds game with Overnite Transportation gang. They are having a 'company' picnic, and they invited us. How nice, can't wait to see everyone, but I know it will be difficult. I am not in the right frame of mind to be strong either, so I'm hoping it will refresh me. Feeling a little better today than the last few. Emotionally drained. I am expressing my grief, in tears an pounds...whoohoo, 4 pieces of pizza for dinner. Anyway, more I'd like to say, but I don't feel like it. Starting a new book tonight, "The Reason for My Hope". I hope there is a reason. What is up with Bill Elliott? 5th in qualifying. He's killin me, go Bill. Good night, Shelly |
| September 10, 2002 - Have certainly had better weeks since the last time I wrote. Last week was very good for me. Haven't felt that good in a long time. Still one day at a time. Tomorrow would have been our 9th wedding anniversary. It's on my mind, as well as the red, white and blue. Dallas is having some concerns with regards to school, she just hasn't wanted to go or do school work. Today I even got a call from her teacher. Spoke firmly, but kindly tonight. REally wanted to choke her. But, I tried the Mike Brady approach...you get washed up for dinner and we;ll disucss this later... Hahahaha, I'll let you know if it worked. Ready for bed, headache,heartache...my lawn aches. I need to weed eat, at least it fits the part for Halloween. I'm ready. Go Mets--sorry Philly.... Shelly |
| NOVEMBER 14, 2002 What can I say, I'll get right to it. It has been too painful to come here. What gave me strength and therapy in the months past now makes me sad at the thought of it.. I can't explain it. Most likely, because when I come here I let my emotion out and there isn't much in here you want to probably hear. Tears come so easily, yes there has been joy. Joy in my children. My children, not our children. Oh yeah, they'll always be his, but hes not here. So many things have changed. I am still not able to figure out who I am, I'm different. The tears keep coming. It has been very difficult, greiving, house, children, career. Please don't tell me to get a grip, I am strong, I'm a survivor, remember? I'm a winner. But, this is just something I can't beat.. I keep trying, it just doesn't go away. Here, you try it for awhile. You just can't imagine, until you've walked the walk.. This has been a truly horrible experience. I try, believe me. It's not like I can just give up either. I've done it all, talk, friends, slept, over ate, under ate, too much beer, no sleep, prescribed drugs, psychiatrist...you know what? This is normal. It's a process. It's normal? How bout that? That's what they tell me. The professionals tell me that. So, I'm on the right track. Yippee. Someday, it will subside a bit. Honestly, I hope that it does, soon. For what ever reason, I can't help this. I feel horrible. Smiling at people,acting all happy. When I struggle to get out of bed each day, return phone calls. Let alone I don't have the time, and if I did I'm not sure I would anyway, return calls I mean. Time. Time is all I have. Weigh it through. I don't even know what I'm saying. Just venting. So hay, refinanced my house today, yipee, real independent. Girls are well, they keep me busy. Dallas is doing much better in school and at home. She's angry, takes it out on the 'safe' one, thats me. That's normal too. Got a lot going for me don't I? Am I whinning? Damn straight. My page, my words. I';m not even sure who I'm directing this to, it's not like there is a single one of you that hasn't been supportive, empathetic and caring. Especially the ones that will read this first, who check every day. This is mostly why I havn't written, it's too painful, then I get angry, then , I'm just sorry. Greif. It is not easy, it is not short lived. It is the most powerful of all emotions...not it's not, love is stronger. I have to go, so I can wake up tomorrow and have huge swollen eyes, that I can try to cover up with this make up I bought. I'm a site, let me tell ya. love, peace, Shelly |
| 12/16/02-Just returned from NY, Sherri received her Bachelors Degree in Education yesterday. We are all so proud of her, it has been very tough. I rode back with my father-in-law Bud. What a great trip. I am ready for Christmas just have to wrap some gifts. We are doing well, as best we can. Dallas made the honor roll, proud of her too! The girls and I talk of Gary often and remember him in our prayers daily. They won't forget him. Trying to move on a little, time is the only thing on our side. But, I can't change it, God knows I would if I could. I am so thankful for the time we did have. These kids, they're healthy and cute to boot. We spent Thanksgiving with Lance, Cindi, John and Ann and we had a fabulous time. I love spending time with them. The kids didn't want to come home. We are staying home for Christmas, over the river and through the woods to granpas and grandmas one day or the other, but just us for Christmas. I'm ready for that. It will be a good day, a good week. Peace..Shelly |
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| 2004 Update at bottom |