Disclaimer: don�t own characters but still playing It had been something of a gift for Nora, the ability to be in complete control of her demeanour. Inside she could be in total turmoil yet her outside disposition betrayed not a thing. Not one emotion or worry flinched that wholly balanced face, she had honed the art to perfection over the years and it had been a talent she�d been proud of. It gave her something of an edge in court, no other lawyer had been able to read her thoughts and she was in control because of it � a place she always liked to be. So as she sat with head in hands, hair ruffled and face blotchy she felt for the first time in her life at a complete loss. She had no control whatsoever over the situation and not only did it unnerve her but it made her damned angry too. She was a capable woman so surely she could handle a situation like this! But no, right now she�d lost that ability it seemed, flinching each and every time a door opened or somebody stepped past her. She tapped her nail against her watch face as she observed that another hour had passed. Still sitting in the disgustingly plastic chairs watching the day come and go, nobody informing her of anything, no word about Jack or the charges being laid against him. For the first time in her entire life she felt like she was on the wrong side of the law and it was rather a scary place to be. �Nora�� A concerned voice sounded down the corridor. She raised her head and immediately stood as she recognised Lennie coming towards her. He took hold of her arm and led her to one side. �What the hell are you doing here?� �I came with Jack, or rather I followed him here.� �Did he ring you too, how did you know he was here?� �Because I was with him when he was arrested.� Reality dawned on Lennie and Nora noted the slightest hint of a smile tug at his mouth. �I just knew it�� His tone altered drastically when he took in Nora�s rugged appearance and exhausted face. �You been sitting here all day?� She nodded. �Nobody will tell me a thing, you�d think I still get some sort of respect.� �Yeah well, you�d have thought that for Jack too � hauled out like some kind of criminal.� �I don�t even know what the charges are.� �I do. Jack told me.� �You�ve seen him?� �He called me.� Nora sank down into the chair again. �You mean I�ve been sitting here all day waiting, waiting to help and he calls you. What does that say?� �Hey I�m sure he just didn�t want to worry you, or involve you.� �Involve me! Doesn�t he realise I am involved, he was with me last night, I�m his alibi � surely somebody should be questioning me!� She raised her voice and glanced at the officer reading a newspaper behind the desk. �Hey, come on, calm down.� Lennie�s hand was resting on her shoulder again, she�d never had much contact with the man personally but she knew he and Jack went back years and he trusted him. �I�m sorry Lennie, look if he wants your help that�s fine. I gotta go home and take a shower and just� well explain a few things for a start, like the reason I didn�t turn in for work today.� �Nora, don�t just go now, we should be able to see him soon.� �I�m not sure he wants to see me.� She stood up gathering her bag and coat from the chairs beside her. �I knew something was wrong last night, bloody bike accident! I didn�t know it was this bad though.� �Hey, he didn�t do it.� �Do what? God damn it I wish somebody would explain things to me, I don�t even know why he�s here.� �Nora his cleaner was found murdered, in his apartment.� �His cleaner? His cleaner�but how?� Lennie tried to guide her to sit down again noticing how she was shaking. �Shot, no sign of a weapon yet though which is what we really need. I�m not on the case but Van Buren�s keeping me informed.� �But he was with me last night.� �What time?� �I don�t know, late, he turned up on my doorstep in such a state and I thought� he told me he�d had an accident.� �He did, we found his bike.� �He was covered in cuts and mud and�� She swallowed and took a deep breath trying to slow herself down; she was stumbling over her words trying to get out as much information as possible. �He took a shower, I told him to, and he, we slept on the couch. But he was fine this morning, no sign�� �Because he didn�t know she was dead until this morning. He never went home last night, he went straight from Hogan Place to you, albeit a little speeding around the city in the meantime.� �I need a drink.� �Don�t we all.� Lennie sat down now shaking his head. �I don�t know how he�s got involved in all this Nora but I know he didn�t do it, no matter how he�s been acting recently.� �But that�s the problem isn�t it Lennie, after how he has been acting recently what are we think � what is anyone to think or know about the state of his mind? Ever since he found that girl he�s changed, and I don�t know how much more�� �How much what?� Nora shook her head, �How much more I can take.� She regretted the words as soon as she�d said them. �I didn�t mean that, look I�m tired and hungry, I�m going home for a shower � if he needs me,� She sighed heavily. �Even if he doesn�t, call me okay, just so I know how things are going.� Lennie smiled and nodded, stretching his legs out in front of him and getting settled in the chairs. �Looks like it�s going to be a long night.� *** With a heavy head Nora twisted her face towards the insistent clock, interrupting her deep alcohol induced sleep. She switched it off and reluctantly lifted her head from the pillow, scraping her hair back from her face. At only 6 a.m. she�d expected a still dark dreary room but instead it practically glowed with white. So it had been snowing all night, just a light covering, enough to cause hazards on the road but hopefully it would have melted by tomorrow. She showered and dressed, attempted to eat breakfast but was too worried to keep anything down. There were no messages on the answering machine, no notes pinned to her door, no signs that Jack had even been released. * * �You look like hell.� �Thanks Lennie, guaranteed to make you feel a thousand times worse!� Lennie shrugged and folded his paper. �Just telling you the truth. You need a shower, and a shave.� �I know, I know. Other things on my mind right now though.� Jack poured himself a coffee. �Will you just try and relax, they released you � it was routine, you have nothing to feel ashamed about.� �I�m not ashamed.� �Then call her. At least let her know you�re alright, she sat there all day Jack.� �I know, and she didn�t have to. She shouldn�t have.� He took a drink. �This stuff is lukewarm.� �It�s been sitting there for almost an hour.� �Great� Don�t look at me like that, I�ll call her in my own time.� �Pull yourself together, what the hell�s wrong with you lately?� �I wish I knew. All this, yesterday � it�s just another nail in the coffin. I�m not sure what I should be doing right now.� �I�ve told you, cleaning yourself up, getting ready for work. Calling Nora.� �I don�t know if I want to work anymore.� �Jack McCoy stepping out of the profession. I think not. What would happen to the law and order in this city.� Jack managed a wry smile and his trademark scepticism. �You�d cope.� �You�re serious, you wanna leave it all behind?� �Maybe, I don�t know what I want.� �And Nora?� Jack nodded. �I want her, I�m just not convinced that we�re gonna make it, in the long run. She�s put up with enough garbage from me.� �Don�t you think she should make that choice? I know yesterday was a shock.� �A shock! These last few months are taken their toll Lennie, finding Laura like that.� �Laura?� �The overdose girl.� �I didn�t know you knew her.� �I didn�t � I been doing some digging.� �You don�t think it was clear cut?� �Yeah, yeah it was, she killed herself pure and simple, but I had to know� Had to know about her.� Lennie shook his head. �Hang on a minute, you had to know why?� �I just did.� �Jack you deal with shit like this every day, why this one in particular?� �I don�t know � I just needed to�it�s a personal thing.� �Jesus Jack, you tell anyone this?� �No.� �Why the hell not?� �What�s the point? She died, nothing I do can change that right � but part of me feels guilty somehow.� He took a deep calming breath. �It�s affected me more than I thought it would. And then this, my cleaner being shot in my apartment, I mean is that just God�s cruel joke, rubbing the salt in.� �You didn�t know what she was involved in.� �I�d only met her once, the first morning she arrived. I�m hardly home, anything could have gone on in there.� �Which you can�t blame yourself for.� �I can.� �But you know better than that.� Lennie glanced at his watch. �Look I gotta go, Van Buren won�t be much pleased if I show up late. Stay here as long as you like, but at least call Nora let her know you�re alive and in the clear.� �She probably already knows, I�m sure her �friends� will have kept her informed.� �Don�t be too harsh.� �I�m being realistic. We�re in a different class, just gotta let it go the same route as all the others.� �Alright, if you think it�s best fine. I�ll call you if I hear any news on the case.� �Thanks, I appreciate it.� * * * Two Weeks Later Nora called by Jack�s apartment on her way to work, as she had done every morning for the past two weeks. Even before he�d moved back in there she�d gone round and cleaned up as best as she could, he�d stayed with Lennie for a few days and then rang her one evening to say he was back in his apartment. As always Jack had his own unique way of dealing with things, which really meant shutting himself off from each and every person in the world until he felt well enough to re-appear in their lives. At least now she had grown used to that treatment, it hurt but she could deal with it. If he needed time then fair enough, he would do the same for her if the positions were switched. Two weeks after the event and still no arrest had been made, �too little evidence�, or so she had been told. Jack had chosen to stick his head in the sand and ignore the surrounding media frenzy over the suspicious death in his apartment. She couldn�t blame him, it had taken him so long to finally build up the courage to start sharing his fears with her and it seemed they were just going to start off on an even keel when it happened � and he was right back where he started. And she was on the outside, again. She used her key to get in and climbed the staircase to the third floor; that damned lift never seemed to be working. Jack called it early morning exercise; she called it a pain in the ass! When she got to his door she found it slightly ajar and a pang of uneasiness struck at her, this would have been how his neighbour found it the morning when Cara had been found dead. Taking a breath and shaking the feeling off she carefully stepped inside almost tripping over a couple of boxes that had been abandoned there. �Jack?� She called out taking off her coat and draping it over her arm. �You wanna have breakfast with me before I start� work� Jack what�s happening?� She found herself standing in the centre of an empty lounge, apart from the boxes piled by the door there wasn�t a picture on the wall or a piece of furniture insight. �Hi.� Jack whispered looking up from where he sat on the floor sorting through a pile of books. �Hi?� She stated incredulously. �You never said anything about this.� He shrugged. �You never asked.� She shook her head. �So what, you�re moving out?� �I can�t stay here, not after what happened.� �Alright, so where�s your new place then?� She dropped her coat on top of a pile of boxes. �I haven�t got one yet.� �Okay, so what, do you want stay with me � are you staying with Lennie, or your brother?� �No, not exactly. All this stuff is going into storage, most of it already has. I�m going away for a while Nora.� �What do you mean �going away�?� �This isn�t exactly how I�d planned to tell you.� �But you were going tell me � when, before or after you�d left?� �Calm down, this isn�t a big deal.� �Of course it�s a big deal. Jack I�m trying my hardest to be there for you, I�ve put up with some real crap these past two months but I�ve stood by you and I�ve supported you and you don�t even have the guts, the decency, to tell me you�re going away. How long for?� �I�m not sure, as long as it takes. There�s an old house we used to go to as kids, a family home, it�s a bit rundown now, but it�s in the middle of nowhere, no distractions. It will give me time to figure out exactly what�s been happening to me. And hopefully when I get back I�ll be ready to go back to work.� �And where does that leave me, I can�t just drop everything and go now Jack, there�s another two weeks before we all break up for the Holidays and I�m supposed to be going to my Brother�s house � your supposed to be coming with me.� �I�m sure they�ll understand under the circumstances.� �Fuck them, what about me? What about me Jack, I don�t understand, I thought we were getting somewhere. I thought we�d reached a point where it wasn�t your life and my life separate, we were sharing, we were dealing with things together. That this was serious now.� �It is.� �And yet you can drop me like that! You can disappear for god knows how long without explaining it to me.� She took a deep breath and stopped her pacing. �When were you planning to go?� �Today�� and Nora please don�t look at me like that I haven�t done this on purpose. I just need time, I�ve been thinking about it for a while�� �It gets worse.� �...and I just need some space, I�m not sure what I want anymore � my job, my lifestyle, I feel like somebody has shaken my life up and dropped me in the mess and now I�ve got to find a way back out of it. And I need to do that alone.� �And god forbid that fiercely independent Jack McCoy share his feelings with anyone, least of all the woman he claims to be in love with. Y�know I always pitched us as being so similar, too work-orientated for relationships, but really when it comes down to it your lack of commitment has nothing to do with your work � it�s to do with you, your fear of allowing somebody else to have a hold on you.� �As ever the analyst.� Jack picked himself up from the floor. �And you shifting the guilt.� Nora folded her arms. �Please Nora, I don�t want to argue� it�s just, somewhere quiet, so I can just think and � have some god damn peace for a while.� The more he tried to explain this to her the harder it got, and the more he panicked. His words tumbled out erratic and heedless. �I need to be alone, to sort things out alone, not relying on you as some kind of emotional crutch. It isn�t fair on neither of us if that happens.� �And here I was thinking I�d penetrated the cool, calm, collected surface of Jack McCoy.� She held up her hands defeated. �Guess another one bites the dust.� She turned around and calmly collected her bag and coat. �I�ll call you when I get back.� �Don�t.� She turned to him and smiled warmly. �There�s no need to feel obliged anymore Jack, I get the picture. I�m a big girl, I�ll deal with it.� She kissed him lightly on the cheek. �I hope the break does you good.� �Nora, don�t leave like this� come on, take my number, or I�ll call you when I get there.� �Please Jack, you�ve made yourself pretty clear � there�s no point dragging this on any longer.� For the first time in weeks Nora felt perfectly clear-headed. �Call me when you get back and we�ll go out for a friendly catch-up drink or something.� She meant the �friendly� part as just that, as something of a lifeline to him, but it stung nevertheless. Jack bit down on his lip as he watched her negotiate her way around the boxes piled up in his apartment and make her way towards the door. �Take care McCoy.� |
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| T h e S u r f a c e part six |
| by Ms. E |