TheSurfaceP5

Disclaimer: don�t own characters but still playing

It was with a disorientated head that Nora answered the 1a.m. doorbell, that and utter irritation. She had just settled into bed and was ready for sleep when it broke the silence.

Struggling with a cardigan and the light switch for the porch she�d opened the door to find Jack leaning against the frame, one arm supporting his head. He looked up at her dazed and covered in what she could only assume was dirt.

�What the hell have you been doing?�

It was the first time she�d spoken to him in over three weeks.

* * *

�Have you thought anymore about my offer?�

Nora sat down at the Formica topped table and placed her mug of coffee in front of her, it both looked and smelt like it had been standing in the pot for rather a long time. Cautiously she took a sip and looked up to see Robert grinning at her.

�You�ve turned into a snob little Nora.�

�Very funny � I just like my coffee fresh. Why have you brought me here anyhow?� She asked glancing around the small ill-placed coffee house.

�Because it�s hidden and I like it.� He said rather proudly. �It reminds me of my roots. Now as to my question��

�No, I�m sorry I haven�t really given it any thought. I promise I will, I just need a week or so off work to even consider sorting my life out.� She laughed nervously.

�I�m sorry about the McCoy saga.�

Nice � even he was referring to it as a saga. She thought defensively.

�Don�t be, it just didn�t work out.�

�And we all know why.� He stated simply.

�Do we?� She looked up at him arching an eyebrow.

�The drink, you know I heard on the grapevine that Arthur is considering striking him off for a few weeks.�

�What?!� She didn�t mean to sound shocked but it came out all wrong. �I mean, why, he�s a fine lawyer.�

�Nobody�s discrediting that, but the way I hear it this past month he�s been either sneaking off work early or turning up late smelling of whisky.�

�But Jack�s been there before, he knows about the dangers of drink.� She couldn�t get out of her mind the scene she left him in the last time they�d �spoken.�

�Come on Nora, you expect me to believe you didn�t end it because of that?�

�No, I mean yes, but I wouldn�t, oh god.� She ran a hand through her hair. �What I mean is if he�d have wanted my help I would have given it, freely. I still would. It was a mess. It shouldn�t have ended how it did. We were only just starting�� She glanced up at Robert�s concerned face. �But well, what does it matter now right. It�s over, history.�

�Nora, I�ve never ever seen you get so uptight over a man, not since you were 19 years old anyway.�

�Don�t make fun of me.� She took another sip of the lukewarm coffee and instantly regretted it.

�I�m not, I�m being deadly serious.�

�Well. There�s no point fussing over it now. Serious or not.�

�I think there�s every point. You know if you�re associated with this guy on his way down��

Her head shot up ready to defend but Robert held a hand up.

�Now just wait, listen to a wise old man for a change.� He smiled at her warmly and took her hand. �If you are, it may harm your reputation too.�

�But how? I mean how many people really know about us?�

�More than you�d think, news travels fast. But Nora, my dear,� He squeezed her fingers. �I love you dearly but you make it damn hard work at times. Perhaps if you�re not with him through all this you�ll never forgive yourself.�

* * *

Those words came back to her now as she stood staring at Jack, dishevelled and covered in mud.

�I came off my bike, few blocks away.�

She couldn�t help but stare at him incredulously. �But how the hell? Jack� look at you.�

�It was an accident.�

Was it her imagination or was he on the verge of tears. Whatever it was she couldn�t stop the sudden rush of concern for him.

�You better come in.� She stood aside to allow him entrance.

�You tore your jacket.� She noted as she helped him out of it. �Oh and you�ve cut your elbow, pretty badly.� She gingerly touched it and he flinched. �I�m sorry, look why don�t you take a shower and then I�ll put something on it for you.�

She noticed he�d never taken his eyes from her face since she�d opened the door.

�Jack, is that ok?�

He nodded reaching a hand forward to touch her cheek.

She lifted her head back from him. �Jack, please.�

�I missed you so badly.�

She sighed deeply, not sure whether to be frustrated or deeply relieved. �Perhaps this isn�t the best time.�

�What other time will I have? I messed it up and I�m sorry, I shouldn�t have let you walk away.�

�You didn�t have a choice in the matter.� She determinedly moved down the hall towards her bedroom, disappearing inside and returning with two towels over her arm. �Here you go, you know where everything is.�

He nodded; content just to have her help at that particular moment.

�Look, why don�t you stay, sleep on the couch if you like. I�ll leave you some blankets out and something for the cut. Will you be alright?�

�Sure.� He seemed disappointed.

�We�ll talk in the morning Jack.� Against her better judgement she briefly kissed his cheek before leaving him to his own devices.

* *

Knitting her fingers together and listening to the sound of the running shower Nora felt entirely uneasy. If it were any ordinary evening she would have turned the bedside lamp off and attempted sleep by now. But no, instead there she lay staring at the ceiling, the walls, folding her fingers, twisting her hair. How the hell had she let this happen?

Afterall she knew the rules right from the offset, just as he did. There were no secrets, no regulations as to how their relationship would function. Just let it be, that was what she�d said when he�d attempted seriousness one evening. Just let whatever does happen, happen. It seemed so damned simple at the time. But my how things had altered.

When she�d said those things she�d never expected Jack to dramatically change, she never imagined he�d be slipping into depression and excessive drinking and she would be the one who had to hold it together, the one who had to continue to function normally and support him. Supporting Jack McCoy, now there was a joke, when had that man ever been anything but independent?!

Irritated by the light and her own wandering mind Nora switched off the lamp and settled down into bed. The snow, at least, was melting and her mother she knew would have already forgiven her for the diabolical evening a few weeks ago, but still it weighed on her mind. Some unresolved problem that wouldn�t leave her alone, and Jack turning up on her doorstep in such a state and hardly saying a word and almost begging for her help with his eyes. It was all such a mess, a complete series of understandings and mistakes. Right now it seemed it was time for some ground rules to be set, he had to make some choices, she was determined she wouldn�t be the one left carrying their relationship.

*

Jack emerged some 30 minutes later from the bathroom, silently hoping Nora would already be asleep. He climbed into his makeshift bed and listened to the sound of his own even breathing, it was oddly soothing after the tumultuous day he�d had. The bike was probably ruined; he�d have to go find it when it was light again. For the life of him he couldn�t even remember how it all happened.

If he closed his eyes and settled into the warm cushioned blankets he could drift to sleep with her perfume surrounding him, and perhaps then he wouldn�t have any nightmares tonight.

�Jack, we need to talk.� She stated simply, quietly. If he didn�t want to respond he could feign sleep and ignore her.

�Right now?� He sat up, eyes adjusting to the darkness he could just make out her silhouette across the room.

�Yes, if I don�t say these things now I�ll have forgotten by the morning.�

Jack prepared himself for the onslaught bound to be heading his way.
�Alright, go on.�

�Don�t say it like I�m going to attack you. Jack, this isn�t at all how I�d imagined things to be.�

�With me causing you all these problems you mean.� His tone was far too defensive.

�No, no that�s not what I mean. What I mean is you have to make some decisions and I can�t do it for you. If you�re going to carry on drinking like this then fine that�s down to you at the end of the day. I certainly can�t stop you, and to be honest I wouldn�t try to.�

He glanced over at her, certainly slightly surprised by her comments.
�So, what exactly do you want us to discuss? Because Nora I�m getting rather pissed off with this back and forth between us.�

�Back and forth? Jack, this is what I mean. I�ve made no secret of what this is, I was the one who didn�t want to rush into anything remember? I certainly never asked you for full time commitment and hearts and flowers. I was happy for us to take this one step at a time and enjoy it, not to be arguing every other day like we have been doing. Because if that�s all we do then really what�s the point?�

�I thought the point was that�s what relationships are about, working through things.�

�Yes, they are. And if you want that then that�s fine. If you want more from me than a casual fling then fine� but really if in the end this is going to turn out to be another notch on Jack McCoy�s bedpost I�d rather we just have fun.�

�Oh, for gods sake.�

�There you go, angry again. Why can�t you just stop and listen to what I�m saying.�

�And what are you saying exactly Nora, that I�m a no good uncaring screw up so what�s the point?�

�What I�m saying is you have to make the choice. One day you�re telling me you love me, the next you�re suffering from this horrendous thing you�ve seen and you can�t even talk to me about it. You go out and get drunk instead, like that�s a solution. How is that love Jack?�

He shrugged, �I don�t do the sharing thing well.�

�And I need that, I�m hardly known for my long term commitments either, I�ve had what, two relationships that actually meant anything really important. I don�t do the whole playing around thing well,� Her tone wasn�t mocking but it made him feel small nevertheless.

�If you want more from me than you have to decide, if you don�t then that�s fine too, I�m not trying to decide anything for you or run your life, it�s hard enough running my own! I just need to know one way or the other, if you�re bored of me and want to end it then go ahead. Just don�t treat me like some kind of fool, don�t ask me for love then push me away when I try to help you.�

�Why are you bothering with me anymore Nora, after all the shit I keep putting you through?�

�I�d have thought that was becoming blatantly obvious to you by now Jack��

He watched as she moved closer to him, standing directly over him he could see her face with the light from the window as she touched his damp hair.

�Because despite all my reservations and claims to the contrary, I�m falling in love with you, and I can�t stop it. Lord knows I wish I could because you make things so damned difficult. And I�m not even certain we can get through this or that you really want to stop beating yourself up or accept my help. But how will we ever know if we don�t at least try�� She took a deep breath, moving to her knees and taking hold of his hands. �So I love you. There, you�ve won.�

�It was never about winning.� He kissed her lips, just barely; afraid he was trembling just a little too much. �I�ve never come close to this before, in all these years��

�And I used to hate you so much when we first worked together.�

�And I you, you were always so stuck up.�

�Me? You were always so sure about everything, so smug.�

�If only I could get a little bit of that confidence back now.�

�Talk to me now, tell me whatever it is that�s causing all this, that�s why I�m here.�

�I feel so empty, so lonely.�

�Even now?�

�Listless, de-energised, bored with my life and all the scum that goes with it. And that poor girl, I see her face and I wonder who could have helped her, if we ever really help each other. And sometimes� sometimes I can�t get rid of the thoughts; I just need you there to hold that�s all. Every now and then, just to feel for one second that I have something worthwhile.�

�Oh Jack you didn�t have to go through all this alone�� She moved onto the couch taking hold of him. �You don�t have to be lonely.�

In all the years she�d known him not once had he ever cried, not once. But he did then. And she held him in the dark and wished away whatever demons were clawing at his mind.

* * *

Jack awoke cramped up on the couch, his throat felt dry and his head heavy � he couldn�t even remember falling to sleep. He just remembered Nora holding him and soothing him. Things would be better now, he was certain of it, whatever he�d been afraid of or still was he had her support and love and that made it all seem so much more bearable. He sat up smiling, scanning the room for her. He could smell coffee, he had almost forgotten it was mid week and she was probably getting ready for work.

�Morning.� Her voice behind him closely followed by her presence, leaning over and kissing his head and rubbing his shoulder.

�Good morning.� He watched her move to the windows drawing back the curtains and then picking up her watch and fastening it around her wrist.

�Are you going into work today?�

�I should do, shouldn�t I.�

�That�s up to you. I think you should go talk to Arthur even if you don�t do any actual work, I�m certain I would appreciate that if I was in his position.�

�I agree.� He jumped up from the couch. �I think maybe I�ll go for a jog, clear my head.�

�It�s still cold out.� She was sifting through the papers she�d laid out on the table the night before and forgotten about, trying to decide which ones she actually needed for the day ahead.

�I know, I�ll be fine.�

�Alright, if you�re sure.�

�I�m very sure. Need to find where I left my bike anyhow.�

She couldn�t help but laugh as she looked up at him. �You do get into some scrapes Jack.�

�No more though, no more drink.�

�Good. Coffee, before I leave?� She was interrupted by the doorbell. �Oh, hold that thought.�

A few minutes later Nora came back into the lounge followed by two plain clothed detectives. Her face was pale, shocked.

�Jack they need to talk to you.�

�We�d like you to accompany us please Sir.�

�What for? If it�s about an abandoned bike and Lennie sent you then tell him not too bother.� He smiled.

�It�s a murder investigation I�m afraid. Now if you could get yourself dressed things will move along a lot quicker for you.�

T h e S u r f a c e part five

by Ms. E