Disclaimer: Don�t own characters, just muddle on through the plot� For lyrics to Send in the Clowns visit my Lyrics page. S e n d i n t h e C l o w n s P a r t T w o Nora pulled the errant strands of her hair back from the grasp of the breeze and tucked them back behind her ear, half-heartedly attempting to grip them in place with her clip. Somehow she didn�t feel much like presenting herself; in fact what she really felt like doing was hiding away from the world. Perhaps drowning her sorrows in cheap wine back in her room or retreating to her Mother�s house to seek comfort and warmth in her forgiving arms. No matter how she tried to argue it away she couldn�t escape the feeling she�d done something wrong. Yet what that thing was she was unable to determine. Again the breeze blew and again the clip came loose, she often damned her vanity for keeping her hair long, what reason was there for it anyway? None of her friends had long hair and certainly none of the colleagues she was working along side, and looking up to, had long hair. Theirs was cropped, neat, self-sufficient and easy to tame. Hers was untidy, a burden, often wild and uncared for - not quite the image of the model lawyer. She stared down at her neatly polished nails and once again went over her speech. She knew it word for word, she knew the way she should look at him when she said it, how she�d fold her arms and tilt her head to avoid his eyes. Jack, how his name conjured up images of brilliance. Dark eyes, sexy voice, the way his mouth said her name. And yet unavoidably he was unattainable. No matter what he said, or how he spoke to her, or the way he reached for her hand and told her his deepest fears and hopes, he was married with a daughter, no way around a hurdle like that. The spot she had chosen in the park was quiet and secluded, and as if the weather were reflecting her mood the sky was grey, a sign of rain to come. Jack approached from behind, squeezing her shoulder as he moved past her and sat down next to her on the bench. She automatically pulled the collar on her coat tighter. �Why are we meeting here on a day like this?� He asked settling down and leaning back against the bench. She watched as he stretched his long legs out in front of him and for a second considered changing her mind and not telling him, the close proximity of him had once again weakened her resolve. �It�s quiet.� She whispered. �Mmm, and it looks like rain and we both know you enjoy that, especially when you�re in a bad mood.� �I�m not in a bad mood.� �A sad one then.� �Not at all, just reflective.� �Why, did the exam not go well?� �It went very well thank you.� �You see my extra tuition paid off.� He laughed. �You�re �tuition� isn�t exactly that though is it.� She gazed over at him to emphasise her point then quickly turned away when he leaned closer for a kiss. He�d kissed her for the first time over two weeks ago now, a simple passing graze of the lips as he�d said goodnight. Then the next time they�d been in his office looking over paperwork and laughing about something and that time he�d kissed her properly � unnervingly. Until they�d ended up spending almost every night since cramped up on his couch sharing in the delight and excitement of each other�s touch. She shook the thought away and turned back to him more determined. �Nora,� he smiled taking hold of her hand. �Let�s go someplace else, alone.� She knew exactly what he was suggesting, a hotel, her student place, anywhere private. �No, I will not make love to you, it�s not right.� �Because I�m married.� �And a father and one of my mentors. I�m supposed to be learning the law from you, not sexual techniques. I just can�t do this, I�m not a bad person and I won�t allow myself to slip into the territory of being the other women.� �I know that, I wasn�t suggesting it would be sex, I just want to be alone with you. Not for the gratification but the intimacy. I love you.� �I wish you wouldn�t say that.� �Why not?� �Because how can you possibly love two women at the same time?� �I don�t, I love you.� �But you�re married to her.� �People make mistakes, it�s different, you can�t understand it. Having a family takes over your life in such a way you lose who you are, your identity becomes so entangled with those other people that you gradually disappear. And all the things you swore you�d never do, the Sunday�s at Church, the long Christmas breaks and quaint holidays suddenly don�t seem so wrong. But you, when I met you I began to see me again. I can tell you things I wouldn�t dream of telling my wife, we can argue like I�ve never argued with anyone and we�re secure enough to know it won�t destroy us. So don�t be sad, don�t even be reflective.� He smiled and leaned closer to her again. �I�m leaving.� She whispered against his mouth. He pulled back shocked and stared at her. �I�ve been offered the chance to go to England and teach a short course on the US law system. In return I get to study how they�re law works, it should be interesting.� �How long for, just the summer?� �Indefinitely, for as long as I enjoy it.� �I don�t want you to go.� �It�s not up to you. It�s for me. Besides I can�t stay here.� �Are you leaving because of me?� �No! Jack I may never get asked again, I�ve not even graduated and they�ve offered me this once in a lifetime chance.� �But we all know how well you�re going to do. I keep telling you, you�re gifted, born to the job. And of course I want you to do this. But I don�t want to lose you.� �I can�t stay here anymore Jack, you must understand that.� She stood up and folded her arms. And he followed holding her from behind and squeezing her waist. �Will you keep in touch?� �What�s the point? I�ll always be second best, if not to your wife then your career.� She pulled away, she wouldn�t cry, not now, not here because if she did he�d convince her to stay. * * * �Yes, Jack and I know each other.� Those words, simple, passing, cold and separating her from that life she�d lead. All those years ago, all that time never knowing what would have happened if she�d stayed. If he�d left his wife, if he�d only been strong enough to take care of everything � who would she be now? She knew exactly what she�d be, married to him for years, probably have children, possibly put a hold on her career and be this woman who overlooked the fact her husband cheated on her. Because he would have, she was sure of that. She may have been young and na�ve then but not anymore, when he said he loved her it would have disappeared over time because he was the kind of man who could never settle with anyone, was never content with what he had. His career would always be more appealing than family life. And would she have been happy? Certainly her life wasn�t lonely now, she was free to see who she wanted when she wanted to and damn the consequences. She was no longer the one waiting to be called but the one doing the calling, she was successful, at the top of her game and enjoying it. But still when she looked across at the young man�s naked body sprawled across her bed she couldn�t help but feel a pang of regret for the things she didn�t have. Nobody can ever be completely content with their life she supposed, we always want more. But Jack, Jack had been the one, she was certain of that. No man had ever touched her again like he had, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. Challenging her, laughing with her, sharing with her, admiring her just as much as she had admired him. Time and time again she�d wanted to look him up and see where they were but had never dared. So now they were colleagues, friends even. But after living two years now as his boss there was a subtle warmth creeping back into their relationship. At first he�d been distant towards her, the man she knew had changed so much and it seemed he wasn�t at all willing to allow her back into his life the way he once had. And she didn�t mind that, what was the point in trying to relive old mistakes? It was all over, they were comfortable in their new relationship, why change a thing? She moved back toward Tom and let her fingers trace over his back, smooth fresh skin that smelt so good. He turned over and pulled her back into bed. She knew this wouldn�t last, it couldn�t. He was far too young for her, no matter how she denied it to the outside world. She was his boss, he was probably only sleeping with her to secure his position at Hogan Place. But to hell with it, it was summer and it felt good to be alive. To have a physically gorgeous man devouring her body, and for the usually straight laced and professional Nora Lewin to be lying back and having some fun � literally. P l e a s e r e v i e w S t o r i e s |