| Edinburgh Castle |
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| James V1 Darnley geid the nation a shock, a bump appearin' behind Mary's frock Ye cannae judge a book by it's cover, he must hae been a pretty guid lover Him braggin' he wis hard as a rock, ye took it he wis jist guid wi' the talk Don Juan, Valentino, move over, Lord Darnley's rollin' in the clover Mary lies in Edinburgh in considerable pain Screamin', 'I'm never gonnae let this bloody thing happen again' She sends for her midwife, Margaret Aestane Screamin', 'Will ye bloody hurry up an' deliver this bloody wean' Two months later, an' still wi' battles goin' oan Mary goes tae Traquair Hoose, tae try tae convalesce Eatin' raw eggs an' marmalade, oan a tasty soda scone Returnin' hame tae find she takes a size fourteen dress Wee James is safe in Stirlin', preparin' tae be baptized Darnley's back in Glesga, havin' jist been ostracized Bothwell's in his coontin' hoose, coontin' oot his money Mary's in the parlour, eatin' breid an' honey |