Hey Glenn,

I'm sorry to turn your usually entertaining column into a racism-dipped version
of the New York Times' Op-Ed page, but Chien's inane babbling has gotten a
bigger rise out of me than Jennifer Garner at a Levitra convention.

First of all, I think a guy who answers the question, "Hey, man, how's it
hanging?" with "Dude, it's supposed to HANG?" should not be so willing to broach
the subject of cock size in a public forum. Chien, your continued insistence on
having a normal-sized cock only works against you buddy. You're like Pete Rose
before "the book."

Second, I'm not really sure how to feel about not meeting Chien's criteria for
being Asian. On the one hand, my deep seated hatred of Indians prevents me from
arguing in their favor. To claim that they're not Asian, however, only
demonstrates your own ignorance. Last time I checked, there were only seven
continents, and none of them were called "India." Hmm... Chien, maybe you
should've been paying attention in geography instead of shoving rulers down your
pants.

Now, I'm not saying that we should all gang up on Chien; I still think of him as
a solid "tier two" friend. (Sorta like Holy Cross in March.) But honestly,
racism has no place in our friend circle. With all the other raw material at our
disposal, can't we be a little more original? To wit:

	1. Two roommates apparently made dubious judgment calls last weekend. Ask
either of them and he/she'll say the other's mistake was more egregious.
Wouldn't it be funny to retell this story with actual names? (No, there's no
bitterness here. Honest.)

	2. The tension at Lazybrook is becoming as palpable as a baby boomer's
prostate. A friendly wager on who will break first would go a long way towards
offsetting the $20 most of us will lose in the Poker Tournament on Sunday.

	3. One of Alex Fay's goals this month was to get people to start calling him
"Showtime." While I am in favor of this, I also think it would be great to come
up with other nicknames that can be found on Time Warner Cable's product list.
My personal favorite is "Skinemax," after Alex's triumphant showing last
weekend.

	4. Concurrent with the Dow, my apathy when it comes to picking up women has hit
31-month highs this year. "Good Friend" night last Friday was a nice bounce
upwards, so I hereby challenge my friends to come up with an even better gimmick
to get me over the hump. (...Ah, diction.)

See? Comedy without any mention of race. So easy, a fucking lab monkey could do
it. Or, and Indian.

PorkChop