FROM: Man Headquarters, New Orleans, LA
Greetings, men everywhere! I am writing today to address a problem that is becoming more widespread by the day. That problem, of course, is the worldwide wussification of our gender. Unfortunately, this problem cannot be solved without some form of intervention. The proliferation of wussies has been so great, that I regretably must invoke the long forgotten Executive Order 3978. From this day forward, ANY man over the age of 16 caught doing ANY of the following, must return his balls, to Man Headquarters, 2711 Bourbon Street, New Orleans, LA., without delay:
1) Eating tofu;
2) Renting a chick flick to watch by yourself (Definition - any movie that you cannot imagine 3 straight guys attending together under any cicumstances, like, say, The English Patient.);
3) Owning anything by Tori Amos or Sarah Mclachlan;
4) Turning down a game of poker for any female-connected reason short of anniversary, wedding, or death;
5) Only going out in public if your girlfriend approves of your outfit;.
6) Choosing to own a cat instead of a dog;
7) Going to a concert by an acknowledged "boy band";
8) Having more female friends than male friends, unless you are sleeping with at least 40% of them;
9) Turning down a night out with the guys for a night in with the girlfriend on more than three consecutive occasions.
10) Crying, except under circumstances of ldeath of a close friend or relative or a playoff loss of your favorite sports team.
We at Man Headquarters are expecting your balls very soon.
Best Regards,
Steve McQueen
Man President
to the archive
1) Sitting on the Dock of the Bay - Otis Redding
2) Someday - The Strokes
3) Comfortable - John Mayer
4) Come Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams
5) A Praise Chorus - Jimmy Eat World
6) 3 Minutes - 2 Skinnee J's
7) Black Betty - Ram Jam
8) Flake - Jack Johnson
9) Never Want to See You Again - Rich Hardesty
10) Add it Up - Violent Femmes
11) (BONUS) Back in the Day - Ahmad
New Kids on the Block
Milli Vanilli
Joan Osborne
Wyclef (he's kind of a tool)
Entranced (Sorry Mark and Chris)
