4 STEPS TO EFFECTIVE LISTENING

1. Active Listening

"So what you’re telling me is…"

"Oh, you mean…"

"So, ‘…..’, is that right?"

• Misunderstandings are corrected straight away
• YOU remember better what is being said
• Derails YOUR listening blocks; forces you to focus on the message
• Shows the speaker you have heard, and so can defuse anger

"Why was this so important for you?"

"How would doing it this way improve things for you?"

• You ask open questions. This probes to uncover important information.
• You show your involvment and interest.

Use body language, facial expression, gesture and voice to show your involvement. When you have understood the message, respond immediately, honestly and supportively.

• The other person understands the effects of their communication
• It’s another chance to correct errors, misconceptions

2. Empathy

Realising that the person trying to communicate is a person like you - and has legitimate interests and a right to survive - will help you to listen with empathy. It means putting yourself aside for the moment and experiencing the world from another’s point of view. If you use your imagination to understand what the situation is like for them - how they feel, perceive, are likely to react, conflict can be reduced and real communication is much more likely to happen…

3. Openness

Follows from empathy; the realisation that you don’t necessarily have all the answers. You may disagree with part of the message but don’t let this prevent you from hearing the valid parts. And you might well be mistaken yourself. Being open is realising that every message has some useful information for you.

4. Awareness

Having said all this doesn’t mean you have to uncritically accept what the other person says. You are quite entitled to compare this message with your received view of reality. You don’t judge the other person here; all you are doing is comparing what they say with the world as you know it.

You should also watch to see if the spoken message fits in with the other messages you are getting via body language, tone of voice, facial expression, etc. In other words, watch for congruence between the many messages you are getting.