• Don’t confuse constructive criticism with rejection (this will cause you to respond passively or aggressively)
• Where criticism is constructive, acknowledge. Don’t make excuses or apologise. Where necessary, explain.
• Where criticism is negative or manipulative, use clouding, or probing:

Pick something you agree with and acknowledge that - i.e. agree in part, or in principle, or in probability.

This calms the critic down, so you can deal with more important things, or just walk away.

Ask open questions which get other person to clarify their criticism until the constructive element emerges (if there is one). Ask for specific examples. Listen actively to find out the critics fears, wants, needs.

• Broken Record

Clarify in your own mind what you do or do not want. Calmly and firmly repeat your request as many times as is needed for the message to get through.

• Content to Process Shift

Move from the subject under discussion to the communication process itself.

• Momentary Delay

When you feel pressured, and need a moment to sort out your needs, feelings.

• Time Out

Delay the whole communication to another time…

These techniques might seem manipulative or unfair. They’re not - they derive from your legitimate right to resist manipulative or aggressive behaviour from others.