4 STYLES OF COMMUNICATION
- PASSIVE
- AGGRESSIVE
- MANIPULATIVE
- ASSERTIVE
APPROPRIATE ASSERTION
DEFINITION: APPROPRIATE ASSERTION IS USED IN:
Defending your legitimate RIGHTS
Advancing your legitimate INTERESTS
Resisting HARASSMENT or INTIMIDATION
and securing CO-OPERATION and SUPPORT from others
"I" MESSAGES
Be objective and specific about the facts. Use neutral language. Don’t use words with negative connotations; words which imply blame.
- State your feelings clearly and honestly. Again, don’t imply blame. Take responsibility for how you feel. Don’t make the mistake of believing or saying that what the other person has done or said is the cause of your feelings. YOU are… Saying that someone else makes you feel a certain way just implies blame.
- Make your request for change. Use appropriate assertion in your body language, tone and posture. State the benefits of change for you and the other person.
If you meet resistance? You may well do - especially if you have been in the habit of relating to others in a passive way. It often takes more than one try for an assertion to "get through". Don’t make the mistake of reading an assertive response as an aggressive one. This method is NOT a way of manipulating people - it is designed as a formula for honest and open communication. Of course, you can’t always guarantee that you’ll get what you want.
If you are sure of your ground, remember:
Active listening (paraphrasing, clarifying, feedback)
Repetition and consistency are more effective than shouting, losing your "cool".