Chapter One

Inner Demons

 

 

I thought maybe that this time I should just let it slide. The deep look in Tristan’s eyes told me that he meant it that time, if Owen got any closer, there would hardly be enough space between them for me to slip in and stop it before it got any worse than it already was. He’d looked at Ebony in that way again.

            Kyna was watching too, her hazel eyes sharp, piercing like knifes into mine, begging me to do something before Tristan did anything that he would regret - well, that he might regret. I felt the anger, the fury, the hate between them, Owen’s satisfied smirk did not help at all, I could feel it burning me, my cold skin heating and feeling the beautiful warmth…warmth that may eventually lead to a different outcome. Kyna was too far away to do anything; it would have to be me to do something, Tristan’s eyes they gave it all away, what he was planning to do, how he would do it, how he would enjoy it…they reminded me of the wild animal that I would have rather forgot, they reminded me of when we had first met, and for a second - I could have sworn that Tristan was looking at me.

Of course, Owen was literally sitting a fair distance away, but Tristan would move swifter than the beating wings of a fly when needed, too fast for the human eye to see, and he would be upon smug Owen within less than a second.

The taunting had gone on long enough.

Kyna nodded towards me, she was walking with her friend Steph at the time, trying to look inconspicuous as they took a tray and food from the trolley. I could see the fear in her eyes. If Owen did anything else, then I would have to deal with it, I could not allow Tristan to do anything so irrational, though I could understand why. The temptation was unbearable, the subtle beating of the heart, the blood flowing casually though out his blue and purple veins, without a care in the world, his thoughts upon something else, deeper thoughts, although his eyes were immediately set to Tristan’s impossibly emerald eyes and set hard like concrete, not about to move for anything.

I was thinking up a few threats as I sat there. Everyone knew I was the bad egg. I was expected to say something or act out on behalf of my cousin’s since that was my role-play that time around, the next time we moved I would be something different, but that time being the smart arse did not seem appropriate, and I just could not.

Tristan could handle it, but I knew that he did not want to, he did not want to hurt Owen but at the same time, we both knew that he wanted him dead. I could not stand in Tristan’s way, he was older than me, if I managed to stop him, it would look too suspicious, I should not get involved, that would blow our cover, people would see us for what we really were, and I could not allow that…but if I did not do anything, then Tristan appearing ahead of Owen in a blink of an eye, forcing his fingernails deep into Owen’s thick throat before rearing back his head and tearing out a big chunk of his neck - would.

I could hardly decide which one was worse.

Tristan’s muscles tensed, his jaw solid, just like his eyes, he’d not blinked once since Owen had entered the cafeteria, smirking, so smug, like an annoying cat, fickle in its own way and yet frustrating, leaving its owners with the simple errand of drowning it out back in a pail of ice-cold water. Just thinking like that raised all of the thin hairs over my arms, I tingled from the inside out and every little thought that I’d managed to suppress for those years began to rise again.

I could hardly believe that I of all people even thought such a word. Drowned. 

Tristan sensed my shocking outbreak, and his head was gawking in my direction in a flash. Watching me embed my fingertips deep into the wooden table ahead of me, knowing that I should have other things on my mind, my eyes growing darker along with my thoughts, my feelings twisting into something else, trying to block out the past and concentrate on the future, but at the same time, I knew that Tristan had temporarily forgotten about Owen and he was concentrating on my problems, my stupid annoying, frustrating, pathetic, idiotic problems.

Tristan’s emerald eyes softened, his jaw was slack as his muscles lost their tenseness and he put out a hand to touch my shoulder, and as usual, like an instant electric shock, he felt it flood through him, he felt my pain, my idiotic pain, and took in a deep breath, his brows furrowed as I quickly began to stand. He suppressed the feelings like I was attempting too. I had not meant for that to happen, yet he knew better than to touch me while I was like that, while my skin was thin enough to allow my own feelings to travel through and affect others around me, but only by touch now, Felix had helped me to stop it from travelling with just a thought, I had been able to control it and stop it from spreading throughout the room, I just had to remember to wear long sleeves.

He’d forgotten about Owen for the time, I grabbed my bag and left the cafeteria, Kyna looked over to me with fear in her eyes, but she knew that as long as Tristan was worried about me, that he would block everything else out. I took deep breathes whilst leaving, calming down sooner than I usually did, but I still moved without stopping through the corridors, sliding with ease passed other students, forcing those feelings to pass and fade away like a dimming light at the back of my mind. They were fading and I felt like even more of an idiot as I flinched, feeling the freezing drops of rain as they hit my skin, the contact with the water made me want to buckle and dash back into the arms of my cousin as he forced his way through the crowd of students behind me.

I was a fool. I was back in that place again, and I’d brought it upon myself too, a simple harmless thought had brought it on, could I have been any dafter? I did not think so.

I opened my eyes wide and looked up into the rain; at least glad that my little panic attack had been of some use and had brought Tristan’s brotherly instincts forward and fazed out his predatory ones. Although he was not my brother by biology, he was my brother by blood, and blood is everything to a vampire.

Still breathing deeply and impossibly hard when Tristan placed his hand on my shoulder, I swiftly turned around, grasping on for dear life as my arms flung around his chest and clung on tightly, my head embedding into his shoulder as he returned the firm hold. He knew my fear, he knew that I was that darned cat.

Stupid cat. Stupid, stupid cat.

“What happened?” Tristan’s voice was calm as he spoke to me, looking down at me, trying to get me to stop cowering within the crook of his shoulder, somewhere that I felt safe, although I could take care of myself…boy could I take care of myself - but I was human again whenever I allowed my feelings to take me over like that and that was a sudden outbreak, I’d not fed for weeks, for three months, and the emotions were flooding through me, Tristan hadn’t eaten much either like me, and he dealt with it through anger and frustration, if it had gone on any longer, then he may have just killed Owen…could not say that I really wanted to stand in his way.

“Kasper? Talk to me.”

I was still breathing too hard, and although I did not need to, feeling the wonderful cool, wet air flowing down my throat to my lungs comforted me, and like the rest of my family I had continued breathing as a habit, something that was not easy to forget doing, it was just something that one did, and by doing so it did not draw even more unwanted attention towards us, as unmistakably alluring as we all were.

“I am okay…just a little…catty.” I replied. He knew what I meant; he pressed his face against my head and held me tight just like a brother should. We did not care how that must have looked to passing students, Tristan and I were close, very close, he’d been the one who had found me, and took me to his father, now our father, Felix Vaughn just more than a century ago. I looked up to his eyes; sorry that I had been so weak those passed few days.

“I am sorry too.” He said. “I know that I haven’t exactly been much of a help these passed weeks either. It won’t happen again, I promise. I will ask dad if we can have tomorrow off, I will take you hunting, just the two of us.” He smiled, trying to rub off on me, but I still felt too much like an idiot to let my feelings rule me like that again, after I’d worked so hard, one of my very few accomplishments in my second life and I’d let a simple word get to me. Imbecile.

I stood back and looked out over the car park, and felt the rain as it trickled over my Snow White skin, catching in my hair and gathering in small droplets at the end of each strand, before running down over my brow. I gently shook my head, how embarrassing. Tristan followed me, and stood at my side, looking out ahead like I was, as if trying to see what I could see, and I wished that he could, that he’d seen all the things that I had seen, all those things that I had done in those years while I’d been separated from them. I bit my lip in frustration, just gently enough so that it would not bleed.

We were all so tense. All of us. Including Kyna, Thalia, Ebony and Drew. Felix had been a little harsh on us those passed weeks, we’d missed too much school, and he did not like that we drew more attention to ourselves than needed. That was usually when Drew and Thalia reminded him that we did not even need to be schooled. Of course Felix knew that, but there was little else that he believed that we could do that may give us some normality or some freedom from being what we are.

Pressing my fingers to my temple, I knew that I could not go back inside. I did not want to go back inside, I wanted to hunt and to feed, but somehow I doubted that Felix would let us, unless he saw that we were really suffering - which we were - I knew that he did not need Owen’s dead body as proof of that strain.

“He’ll let us.” Tristan assured me, I almost forgot that Tristan could not read minds, you’d swear that he could the way that he went about knowing what everyone was thinking, but then I reminded myself, that Tristan could not read what everyone was thinking. Just me. “He knows that you have problems with controlling it, and once he sees that you are waning, he will have no other option other than to let us hunt. Either that or we will have to take matters into our own hands, and he knows that we will do it if we’re in need of it that much.”

Lowering my hands I found that the cravings that I had been suppressing were getting far stronger still, the thirst was kicking in again, and it was a deadly powerful thing, but we had grown up around mortals, and although their blood was what we craved, it was simple to ignore. I could stand it a little while longer, but I still just wanted to go home. Felix would not be back from work until that night, but Sarah would be home, Felix’s wife and my adopted mother. I sighed, she’d not be happy to see me there before school had finished.

“You go, I will phone dad and tell him that you’re a danger to the people here if you stick around,” Tristan smiled again, I looked back to him, just about catching the faint sarcasm.

“And what about you?” I asked. “I cannot very well let you stick around here. Mine will ware off, yours won’t.” I reminded him.

Tristan shrugged and looked in my direction. “I will be fine, there is only another two hours left in school, and in the next hour I will be with Drew and Ebony, and then after that I will be in a lesson with Drew again. Do not worry about me.” He told me, but he knew what I meant.

“It is not you that I am worried about.” I replied catching his eye. “It’s Owen. If he goes anywhere near you, you’ll be on him like a bolt. You know what he’s like; he likes to wind you up. You’re in no state, even if Drew and Ebony are around.” I sighed, rubbing the back of my head, water upon my hands as the rain began to seep through my t-shirt, just like it was through Tristan’s.

“I promise.” Was his reply.

“Tristan…you know what a promise is, please do not be so hypocritical.” I sighed, speaking quietly. Promises meant very little to vampires, particularly when feeding was involved. It never matter how much one promised that he or she would not commit an act, eventually the thirst would kick in, and once a vampire had set his mind to a certain prey or preys, nothing can stop him.

“I do not mean to be,” Tristan replied. “Go home, Kasper, you deserve the rest.”

“Yes, and take Drew with you.”

Tristan and I turned around in the rain to see that all around us was empty of mortal life. Drew and Thalia were walking in our direction, Thalia holding Drew firmly by the wrist, a flare of anger clear in her hazel eyes as she flung Drew in my direction. Drew almost collapsed at my side, but I managed to catch him just as his knees fell weak, his eyes were intense as he brought himself to stand straight at my side, his arm resting on mine for support. Thalia crossed her arms in annoyance, Drew had done something, Tristan and I both smelt it.

“He almost lost it ahead of our whole Chemistry class. We were sitting together at the back and he nearly leapt out at Mr Hemming as he returned our papers to us. I had to grab him and leave before the end of the lesson. We’ve been sitting out back for the passed hour.” Thalia’s fair brows were still furrowed, the hood of her jacket was pulled up over her sandy gold hair, her lips pursed, she was more annoyed than she should be about that, we all knew how Drew got around shit heads like stubborn Mr Hemming, Tristan was the same.

Drew’s hair was sticking to his face like ours were, his eyes black like mine, but his hair was darker, a kind of chocolate brown, little bits of red showing through, he was smirking, looking intensely at nothing, remembering something. Thalia shoved him in the arm to stop him from smirking but he continued, almost as if pleased with himself. I reminded myself that Drew had fed from mortals before, he was not as old as Tristan but I believed he’d been a vampire longer, before Drew had found Tristan, Kyna and Thalia’s family he fed regularly on fresh human blood, since we’d come together in the passed decade he hadn’t touched a single mortal, knowing how Thalia felt about it.

My family life was complicated; we had two families in a way. At school and to the public, Ebony and I were cousins to Thalia and Tristan and Kyna and we were all nephews and nieces to Felix and Sarah, and Drew was a friend to the family. While in reality, Thalia, Tristan and Kyna were sisters and brother and really were Felix’ and Sarah’s children, and Drew, Ebony and I were all adopted, by the young Vaughn family; it was easier to pretend to be cousins rather than adoption, since there were no fake papers to prove it.

“Drew stop it.” Thalia ordered, but he just turned himself around and walked out to the parking lot almost as if not meaning too, as if his legs were taking him wherever they wanted to.

“He just needs to calm down.” Tristan reassured her, we’d all been worried about Drew for a while, Felix had been harsh, Drew had been heavily affected by the lack of hunting, just as much as the rest of us, but maybe even more. He was not as use to living around mortals as we were.

“And now what are we going to do?” I said. “I am not leaving you here alone for an hour.” I said, crossing my arms as Thalia’s hazel eyes peered cautiously over my shoulder watching Drew carefully; we were all able to tell that he was desperately trying to fight the raw emotions that he was feeling.

“Why? Has he been acting out too?” Thalia asked, her stare remained unbroken although she was talking to us.

“Yes, he put me in a rather difficult situation.” I told her.

“Oh, Owen.” Thalia understood, Tristan raised his fair brows and rolled his eyes, huffing and crossing his muscular arms over his chest, he was a far larger individual than Drew and I, with massive well built muscles, while we were just well toned, it did not mean that we were any less stronger, in a fight between Drew and Tristan, I would put all of my money on Drew.

“Yes, oh Owen.” I growled.

“All three of you go, Ebony, Kyna and I are fine, I will contact father and tell him what happened.” She said, Drew had wondered further away and was eyeing up a group of young girls, huddled together beneath an umbrella at the sudden downpour of rain, rushing to get to lunch. It would be so easy. No one would catch us, not the four of us.

I had to stop myself from thinking like that, and blinked, I knew the thirst but I had never known what truly quenched it, Drew did, and I do not think that animal blood could ever compare after you know the taste, as if it did not smell tempting enough, or look tempting enough…Drew still thought of people as food, rather than actual people.

“What did you do?” she meant me.

I shook my head and was about to speak before I felt Drew’s hand clasp down on my shoulder, nails digging into my shirt and flesh and I smelt it to. We all did, and looked over to the group of them. The girls that had been huddled together had fallen up the curb, the one wearing the skirt had fallen awkwardly and cut her palms and knees, the skin pink and grazed and dotted with the thick, fresh, crimson substance. Drew was crushing my shoulder, as he tried to control himself.

His jaw was firm, he had a look in his coal black eyes that could kill, fierce and insanely powerful, his muscles pulsating, he just wanted to kill, to eat, he needed to, he wanted too, the look had been similar to that of Tristan’s when his eyes had fallen over Owen’s smug gaze in the cafeteria.

That certainly was an awful Thursday.

“You have got to be joking…” Drew hissed, forcing a small aggravated laugh passed his lips as his head moved into mine, his fingers loosening knowing that he was hurting me, I did not do anything, I’d rather him crush my shoulder and know that he was there than have him dart off on us. As his fingers loosened further, so slowly that he seemed immobile to everyone else other than me, my arm flashed out like a cobra and caught his wrist just as it was about to come away and held it firmly in place.

“Get out of here, the three of you.” Thalia warned us. “I would say that this day could not get any worse, but knowing our luck it probably will.”

Tristan had no argument that time; I kept a resolved hold on Drew’s wrist as we headed over to the car, his arm at my side in a vice hold until Tristan opened the doors of the silver Merc and we all climbed in, I sat at the front with Tristan after making sure that Drew was safely in the back, and we drove off without a second thought, I had felt the danger that time, how close we’d been with Tristan, Drew and I acting on impulse - or at least wanting too, it was not a safe thing.

The scent of fresh human blood could never be beaten, although easily ignored most of the time, we really had been pushing our limits, and for Drew it was too soon. If Thalia had not been in the same class as him then Mr Hemming would most likely be dead and so would the whole class, because Drew was not stupid enough to leave any witnesses, no mater how many he had to kill to do so.

Leaning back in the chair, I felt the tenseness between us as we drove along, Tristan driving faster than usual in attempt to get as far away from the school as quickly as possible or as far away from humans as possible, the thickness of the air between us was impossible, we all felt awful for our thoughts, all I had been thinking about was how wonderful the blood had smelt as she had been so close…there had been only six girls and no other witnesses, we really could have gotten away with it…why was it that Ebony, Thalia and Kyna always had better will-power than us? It was incredibly unfair, especially for poor Drew, he’d been trying so hard.

Somehow, although I hated the idea of it, I knew that it was Felix’s fault. If he’d only let us hunt a week sooner then those problems and chances would have been forgotten, it would have been a normal, boring, droning day at school, everything would have been the same, and the usual sparked hate between Owen and Tristan would have been little more than evil stares on his behalf. As for why Owen bothered Tristan so much, well that was what vampires just called bad blood. It was as simple as that. We either love the scent or we loath it, but unfortunately, if a vampire loved it intensely or loathed it passionately, the outcome would always be the same - or want to be the same - that person usually ended up dead.

Owen had been lucky for the passed two years that we had been there, but he’d been pushing his fortune, teasing Tristan and pulling eyes at Ebony, that was not an intelligent thing, not that we could ever call Owen intelligent, that would just be plain offensive to the rest of us.

Drew had his head hidden in his hands for the few quick miles that it took for Tristan to drive us home, the long driveway came into view and so did the house, the house that had too many large windows, and too many floors, the house that had once been am extremely civilised and wealthy Victorian Boarding School, which Felix had found rather charming. There was plenty of room to get lost, and plenty of room to loose people in. I loved it, it was just a shame that in a few years time we would have to leave, and annoying part about being a vampire was that we never aged, and living life so openly it looked slightly peculiar.

Drew hadn’t moved, he was like a statue in the back seat, frozen in a state that kept him locked in his own mind, to stop him from harming anyone or anything around him like he knew that he could. It frightened all of us to know how strong - extraordinarily strong - we all were, yet how frail we could all be at such times, weakness like that could not be accepted in our lives - well - our second lives, it was too much of a weakness that strained us and made us simple to manipulate and change. Like my brothers and sisters, I did not enjoy that feeling and never had, along with the other frailties that it brought along with it…like my mortality and with that I was the only one.

Tristan was first out of the car, and I was second, yet opened the door for Drew, trying to get him to come out of his shell for a few moments at least so that we could get inside. Tristan had not bothered parking the car in the garage, he left it out front, where we immediately felt Sarah’s eyes upon us through the main lounge windows, roughly around the same time that we noticed the other three vehicles that were parked in the court yard along with ours.

Sarah had friends over.

I left Drew immobile in the car for a few moments longer as I darted next to Tristan who was sussing out the owners of the three cars. Mrs June Kelly, Mrs Lauren Parks and Ms Daphne Thom. Nice enough women…but they all had toddlers that usually came with them to visit Sarah during the weekdays, I checked my watch, it was half twelve, they were probably there with their mothers. A set of twin boys, one bouncy baby girl who loved to play with my thumb her older sister, and then another babe, with an older brother. Also if memory served me correctly, Mrs Kelly, who had the twin sons, was also expecting.

I swore under my breath.

“I agree.” Tristan replied, his emerald eyes swapping to look over to the car, able to see Drew through the windows, thankfully, Drew’s senses had not picked up on the feast within, although he was a vampire like us, when Drew was low on blood, his senses were heightened further, he became a shark on land, the ultimate predator…just like me. I was fighting so hard. My throat was burning, my hands clenched without meaning too, my eyes as coal black as Drew’s yet even more empty and heartless, when I got started I was also an unstoppable force, and although mortal blood had never passed my lips, that didn’t mean that I was not dangerous, Tristan knew that, in fact, they all knew that.

There were knives in my dry throat as I swallowed, it was difficult to swallow, it was painful, my senses were fresh and clean, I smelt the different blood types that wondered throughout the house, throughout our house. It was like a giant scarlet banner being waved ahead of my face, there was no escaping it, and for a very long moment that was all that I thought about.

The children would be the simpler option, but the mothers would have to go down first, three of them, we could have one each…split the children and take our pick…why would I want to share? I can fight the both of them off, Drew would prove a pleasing challenge but I’d be willing to - No!

I clenched shut my eyes and forced those ideas away as I thumped my fist into the back of my head as if trying to force those thoughts out, but still, I could not help but think about how wonderful it would be, and it would be wonderful. There would be so much blood, wonderful, sweet death and rosy to pale cheeks when we were finished.

Of course there would be screams, that would be why we’d have to get rid of the women first, they’d be the ones who’d scream, the children would be none the wiser, our fangs digging deep down into the flesh of their throats, without knowing what was even going on before it was too late. Sarah could not stop us, she would not be able too if all of us took part. I could imagine the taste as the blood gushed into my mouth, my senses running amok, feeling the freedom of being a true vampire without being locked inside boundaries, doing what we wanted to do, what we yearned to do. Felix would only have himself to blame after all, he’d been the one to stop us from hunting because of a stupid reason such as education.

It was such a tempting concept, I’d never heard a terrified scream before - well yes I had - but not one that was meant for me, the sound would be pleasing but annoying I assumed, the struggling and the wriggling would be fun, but once I’d start there would not be any stopping me, I was the Great White on land, in just more than a century I’d never met my match, Drew was close, we’d never fought because we respected each other too much, besides, I’d much rather read a book.

Still, I thought about it…so easy, too easy? No, not too easy, it was murder after all and that should never be too easy, but still it would be quick…it would have to be, Sarah would no doubt complain if we made it slow, rushing it would not be pleasant for us but it would be less painful for the mothers…what was I thinking?! 

I was back in the car in a flash, I moved faster than Tristan could and so he didn’t notice that I had even moved until he heard the car door slam shut, not like a car could stop me, but I had to try. I turned up the volume on the stereo trying to block out everything else, but the music was not helping in the slightest, I had to turn it off, trying then to just concentrate on the silence in the car, Drew was still the statue in the back seat.

I was unsure for how long we were motionless within the Merc, but it had seemed to pay off, Tristan was waiting outside the car, and during that time I think that maybe Sarah had come out, because during the next half an hour or so, the three mothers were out of the house and driving away in their cars with their children. I did not witness it - thankfully - otherwise I may have acteed upon instinct and attacked without a second thought. Drew was still blocking everything else out, he was trying so hard, he knew what he was missing and I did not, for all I knew, their blood could be bland and lifeless, but by thinking that I was just lying to myself.

When they were a safe distance away, I climbed out of the car, feeling the need to collapse, as though a sudden impossible weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I was freed from the burden of carrying it, but that time it had been so close, the demon had been so close to escaping that I did not feel very safe anymore, and not for my sake but those around me. Sarah’s eyes were like that of Tristan’s, they shared similar features although Tristan without a doubt was the spitting image of his father Felix, Thalia and Kyna both resembled their mother, with ivory white skin and golden hair, though that could only be expected, Felix was also fair-haired, his eyes a simple but amazing hazel, deep pools rather than the plain old dull brown, there was life behind them. I envied that life, they all had it shining through in their eyes, even Ebony’s striking icy blue stare was something impossible to miss, something so stunning to look at that your breath was caught in your throat, so much the better that we did not have to breathe.

Drew and I were again singled out here, there was death written clearly in our eyes, although I had done nothing to provoke such a thing it was not a simple thing to miss, although I had not been the one to bring the death, I had played a part in it, if I was the reason I could not say, but I was certain that whenever I got too close to someone that person would end up with her throat ripped out. That had to happen twice before I realised it was me…of course I was not the killer, but maybe I had something more to do with it than anyone.

I dashed inside passed Sarah as Tristan told me he would take care of Drew and saw that he got up to his room, while I appeared ahead of my room door within milliseconds of entering the building. Felix and Sarah were pretty modern and contempary when it came to design, the main part of the house was airy and light, filled with light woods and soft cushy sofa’s and marble fireplaces.

The Victorian style was still there, it was just brighter and happier, just like my family were most of the time, or at least how Felix and Sarah thought it was. The staircases were all original, the picture rails that were heavily used to hang Sarah’s and Ebony’s brilliant paintings alongside those of some famous artists, original pieces that Felix had picked up over the years, I admired them just as anyone would, I loved looking at them, but sometimes Ebony’s and Sarah’s paintings would be forgotten and they would all seem to be the same, they were all painted by famous artists, there seemed to be hardly any difference, except for the obvious beauty behind every piece that my sister and mother painted, they stood out.

I hid in my room for the remainder of the school day.

I was lying down on the sofa, opposite the fireplace eyes gently closed, the bed off behind me by the window was a simple prop, Sarah liked showing her guests around the house, and if none of us had beds in our rooms that would look peculiar. We did not need to sleep, no vampire did, but that did not mean that we didn’t enjoy it once in a while, when there was nothing else to do we would be lost in our nightmares, there was no rest for the wicked, and that certainly was true, and for those vampires who could not travel out into daylight, during the days they had little else to do other than attempt to sleep. It was not really sleep in anyway. It was just simple death. One where we stopped breathing and became empty, ashen corpses.

I imagined that Drew was in his room too, waiting for Thalia to get home, she would not be angry with him when she got back, she’d never stay angry at him for long and he would never truly be angry. I just waited. For what I was unsure. Maybe it was for Felix to storm up to my room, waiting for him to enter with approval and come and sit with me to apologise, saying that he’d let us have the day off to go hunting…or was I waiting for Kyna.

My eyes opened suddenly, as if shocked at my own thoughts, and I was.

If only it was possible to hit yourself with force and really make it hurt. She was only ever on my mind when I was totally alone. Otherwise she hardly ever crossed my mind. Of course it would suite everyone else - and Kyna herself of course - if we finally got together, but no matter how hard I attempted to make it work between us, I always found that I was just trying to make myself like her in such a way. I’d known her since I had been a vampire, she was a sister to me, just like Tristan was my brother and Thalia and Ebony my sisters and even Drew was a brother to me, although I’d known him for just under a decade.

How had I managed to get her into my state of mind in the first place? All I was thinking about was food and how to stop myself from harming anyone when her bright face and bubbly smile flood through my mind, a second time that day, the first time during the premature hours of the morning when I’d been in a similar position as I was then. Alone in my room, lying flat backed on the sofa.

It was absurdly frustrating. I had no such feelings for her, yet again in the passed few days she had been warming up to me again in such ways that it made me wonder…but I could never love her. I could never love her like that anyway, not like Tristan loved Ebony, not like Drew loved Thalia and certainly not how Felix loved Sarah. I did not believe that I could ever have a love like they had, they had met by fate, it was their destiny to be together, but I did not believe in fate and destiny, I had never enjoyed the idea that someone else was in control of my life, that things happen for a reason, but it certainly was not my choice to be with them or be as I was.

They all still agreed that I was too young, but there had been nothing else to it. The pureblood tradition was never turn a mortal pureblood before his or her nineteenth birthday, though their own children had been exceptions, Thalia and Tristan being eighteen, though seeming to be far younger by their beauty, while Kyna was my age, seventeen. I did not know of the reason why the Vaughn’s had chosen to brake this tradition, I had never asked because it had never bothered me.

Drew I believed had been turned when he was nineteen, but he, like me wasn’t a pureblood, and again because of his beauty and attractive youth could pass off easily as a seventeen year old when he wanted to, Ebony and Tristan enjoyed being the older couple, because they were, and picture perfect too, despite the fact that Drew was in fact older, but age really meant very little - that was unless it included me.

Although Kyna was seventeen it was different because she’d been brought up around vampires, she would easily accept it, but I’d not even had the time to consider, though I was so thankful for what Tristan and Felix had done for me, though they’d asked me no questions afterwards, and still had not.

I guessed that they thought that there would not be any reasons why parents would want to ever harm their children, and they certainly could not think of why one of mine tried to drown me.

No. Not tired, why he did drown me. 

I blocked those thoughts out quickly before it could get to me and reached out for the remote that powered my stereo, and turned it on, being typically lazy and turning it on using a remote instead of moving, hoping that I could just drown everything else out since I had little else other than my hunger to distract me anymore.

I had more control than I believed. Though clearly there was something on my mind that not even I could decipher, and I knew that it was something other than food. I gently closed my eyes again relaxing my muscles, my mind shutting out everything that was not the music. I listened to it in my usual way, I did not like to be disturbed whenever I listened to my music, and everyone knew that, so I was not often disturbed whenever I was in my room.

The music was modern that time; I had a passion for music that had changed as time went on, that year it was rock music that I had grown a liking of, though I’d not been too fond of three decades of music prior to those years, the sixties, seventies and eighties were not my most favoured music, but in the nineties and recent years I’d fallen in love with it, and my room was filled with different CD, vinyl and cassettes and plenty of ways for me to play them. I’d been neglecting the older stuff recently, Drew was also heavily into the modern rock, metal and alternative music’s, so it sometimes became difficult to avoid, especially with school as well.

Sarah was not happy with my sudden treatment of my once beloved jazz and classical, but I knew that they were now known as good old-fashioned music and I appreciated any type of music, and loved listening to the lyrics, and as it so happens there does not tend to be very much singing included in jazz and certainly not classical.

I was happily fazing in and out of reality, only the music in my mind, which was a pleasant difference. I had no thoughts for a change, just listened, and listened carefully to the new album that I loved. That was my silence, when my own inner demons ceased their chatter and allowed me to enjoy the simple pleasures of my second life, and they were simple, listening to music was hardly something difficult to do, but being well dead, you don’t tend to take things for granted, and you begin to value things that mortals do not.

It is a civilised understanding of how the world works - in a way. People do not appreciate the things that they have, or sometimes the things that they work for, some people have wealth and fame, but are those people truly happy with what they have? It is only once everything is taken do mortals realise how much that they had in the first place, for instance, a life.

Just because I am a vampire, does not mean that I have a second chance at life, oh no, things have changed too much, I had no life to go back too just like many of us do not, though I remember all that I had, those mistakes that I made, of course I had a second chance, but my life had gone and being a vampire is death in its most vicious and terrifying form.  It is not a second chance or a new life, it’s a second life.

I am not human yet I am still alive - in mind at least - though the thing that kept me human an within my previous life had gone from me the moment my eyes opened to see Tristan and Felix looking over me, my second life had begun and I was a different person, I had no time to make things right from my previous one, only look ahead to the one that I had been given. A second life. A life with nothing from the first included.

With purebloods it was different, but I was not a pureblood.

It must have been an hour later when I opened my eyes, the album had finished and so I was going to change it, and got up from the sofa, but when I turned around as I’d heard the door open - and without entirely being surprised - that Kyna was stood there, or by the time I’d turned still dazed with mortality, she was sat at the bottom of the sofa, her legs tucked up to her chest, smiling curiously upon me, eyes glowing.

I changed the CD and played it, she’d been waiting outside no doubt for the album to finish before she would enter, and the moment that it did she was inside within a flash. I sat on the sofa next to her and sat back as she shuffled closer without saying a thing. I felt awful at that time, she was holding on to so much hope that one day I would just suddenly fall for her…sadly I knew that it would not happen, she was holding onto me still when she could have any man that she wanted, the one that she could not have, the one man who didn’t want her but at the same time who wanted to want her.

She sat herself right next to me, linking her fingers with mine as her beautiful face came to mine, the blood in her veins pulsing like a flooded river, although her heart no longer forced it along. I loved her smell, her touch against my face, her breath against my skin, the smile on her lips, her astonishing beauty. She was so perfect, but maybe that was just the problem.

Her soft apricot lips came to mine for the seventh time in less than a century, knowing that I would return the kiss, yet still with the hope that I would take it further. Maybe I should? Just this once…see what happens, but that would be taking advantage…her lips were at mine, our eyes calmly shut, her left hand against my torso as the blood pumped quicker through our veins, yearning to be taken. When a vampire was to taste the blood of another vampire that was a powerful form of stimulated pleasure, an extremely powerful form, one that certain vampires could never get enough of, the last time we’d been so close, I had almost done it, and at that time I could use it, but only drunk from the throat or upper body… I suppose. 

The blood was stimulating in a different way to that of mortal blood, it could help about the same amount, it was difficult to say which one was more pleasurable because I could not say from experience, though certainly, if I’d been the mortal and Kyna the vampire and she tasted my blood, with such a lust all I would feel was incredible pain, she’d benefit while I slowly died. Since we were both vampires, the pain was no longer so painful, it was addictive. She’d been dying to sink her fangs into me for such a long time now.

Since I was so hungry, my will-power was weakened, I could barely fight against her and did not even attempt to stop her as her lips came for mine, I opened my eyes to her smile, her eyes looking deeply into mine such beautiful, hypnotising eyes that I could only imagine what I had been missing, only to remember exactly what happened the last time - exactly the same thing.

I could never love her like that - never. No matter how much I wanted to, I just could not do it, but she believed that she finally had me, it was my wrong, I should not have encouraged her, and I never should have.

I turned my head aside and began to pull away; she did not try to stop me, not that time. I got up from the sofa and she turned around, bringing her knees back up to her chest, I could still taste her and smell her all over me, and she smelt and tasted just as wonderful as she looked. I hated myself for my stupidity, she’d not done anything more than hope, and I had been the one to install that false hope for all those decades.

There was a dead silence between us for a few moments as I turned off the music and looked back over to her as she sat there, the mythical hue that usually surrounded her was dimming slowly, and I could not help but feel that I was to blame for that. She lowered her head to rest upon her knees, against the denim of the light jeans that she wore, she deserved better than me, I just could not understand why I was so desirable to her, it was unfair.

“Why is it that you do not like me?” her usually bubbly voice was small and frail as she spoke, I felt a stab of guilt run through me. I’d never wanted her to believe that it was her fault, because it most certainly was not. “Have I done something?”

“No, no of course not.” I replied with little else to say. “You are perfect -,”

“But not perfect enough for you.” She looked deeper into the empty fireplace, and the guilt went deeper, just as much as the annoyance grew.

“No.” I replied sternly. “That is not true, and that is certainly not the problem.”

“Then what is?” she was upset, I could tell by the tone of her voice, and she had every right to be annoyed and upset with me, but how could I explain it to her, how could I tell her that I could never love her in that way.

“Kyna,” I walked around to sit next to her on the sofa, she did not look at me still and continued to gaze into the blackness ahead of her, as other thoughts crept back into my mind the soothing effect of the music beginning to vanish and the hunger pressing forwards again. “we have known each other for so long, and please do not think that there is anything wrong between us, there is nothing wrong between us, I love you as much as anyone ever could - as much as I ever could. And it is love, I promise you that…but you deserve more than I can give you.”

The silence thickened, she did not say anything, not for a while. I was about to stand, I really did not want to have to say it, but I did not think that she believed me, then she spoke.

“Is there such a thing as two people being too perfect for each other?”

She looked up at me with a smile on her lips, placed a stone cold hand aside my face and gently placed her lips against mine, her touch as frozen as mine, though it would chill a mortal to the bone, it barely had any obvious affects upon me. It was a simple peck, that was all, then she left the room, and just before closing the door she again spoke.

“Father wants to see you in his study.”

I left just after she did, I changed my shirt first, no doubt I had her scent all over me, and soon enough I walked down the two flights of stairs, and by walked I mean flitted, and by flitted I mean the form of moving very quickly that only two vampire races were capable of doing. I would move very quickly or at least my surroundings would move in a blur passed me although I seemed to be actually walking. We would move faster than the blink of on eye, breaking any world speed record, winning races against any vehicle or animal or plane or anything mobile upon the planet, yet instead that is simply our form of transport throughout a house as vast as ours. 

The door was already open when I had arrived, I saw that Drew was already sat inside on the dark leather sofa that was at the far end of the room ahead of the high paned window, jaw shut tight eyes still so dark that sitting next to Tristan’s bright eyes and fair hair he seemed to fit the role of tormented vampire well. I walked in and closed the door behind me, Felix was sat at his desk, they’d been waiting patiently for me to get there, and Tristan looked up as he caught sight of me, while Felix’s eyes were filled with guilt. Drew had not moved an inch, if there was anyone who could act like a corpse - it was Drew.

I looked nervously around the room, Felix’s intellect clear from the amount of books that surrounded and towered over us within the vast room, making us seem almost insignificant as we stood within their presence, though Felix had clearly felt it, I wondered who had told him of the day’s events, certainly not Drew, certainly not Ebony, Kyna or I, so that left three suspects, the great Tristan Vaughn, his younger sister Thalia or their mother, Sarah. I’d put my money on Thalia any day.

“Come on in, Kasper, sit down.” Felix said graciously as he showed me to sit aside Tristan upon the leather sofa ahead of the window. I nodded, and walked over to sit aside him, two sets of eyes locked upon the pretty hazel eyes of the young man ahead of us. No matter how old Felix Vaughn got he would never look any older than twenty-three maybe twenty-four on a bad day. His blonde hair was always thick and straight, his eyes sharp and filled with intelligence, his skin ivory white, smooth as marble, his features young and sharp, angular and precise like that of his wife and children, and his smile was always so kind, there was no escaping it. That man loved all of us as if we were his very own, and we loved him just as much in return.

“Firstly, I would like to apologise. I had no idea; I really did not, of how much this would weaken you all, I only hoped that the experience would have made you stronger. Maybe it was a little early to be doing such a thing - especially to you, Drew…I cannot apologise enough for how I have treated this, and treated this very badly, I certainly had no intentions of putting lives at danger, but not only that, your lives too.”

Drew had looked up, and began to focus on Felix as his name had been spoken, of course we all understood, Felix was just trying to make us stronger, but that time we had began to touch our boundaries, and we were far too close that time, the look in Drew’s eyes, I could feel it from where I sat, he just wanted to kill but he had enough strength and enough will-power that he fought against it but like the rest of us, he was fighting a losing battle. The sad part was he was doing it for everyone else except himself, he loved Thalia enough to give up something that had driven him for more than a century, I had no idea how much he’d given up, though I knew that those impossible cravings would never leave him. 

“The only way that I can think of to make it up to you would be” - during this time we were all open eyed and gawking, was he going to let us hunt? Would he let us go out for a long weekend and feed to our hearts content? I hoped so, and that hope was spread across our faces, the glow had returned to our dimming eyes at the concept of it, anything would do at that time, anything - “you know what is coming, I do not even know why I bother making a whole speech about it.” He sighed and sat back in his chair.

Inside we were all busting to whoop and throw arms to the air in triumph, but in reality we were far more conserved than that, able to control ourselves far better…all except maybe Drew. He shot up out of his chair and was off, the faint sound of a ‘thank-you’ heard just as the door closed behind the blur.

I sat back in the chair and Tristan stood up, a smile spread across his face, he too felt the triumph, he was just as ravenous as the rest of us - alright - maybe not Drew, who could hardly wait to get going, but certainly almost as much as me or as much as they thought I was. My mind was filled with wondrous thoughts, swishing around in my mind being tugged in different directions like a current was overtaking it all. I smiled and sat back in the chair as Felix explained that we would be leaving in the premature hours of the morning just after midnight, Tristan left and I was following him, but Felix called me back and the door shut and Tristan left me behind.

I faced Felix with broad eyes, the excitement and the relief could not be any better matched, but I knew what was coming. Felix was moving around his desk and coming towards me, seeing him I knew him only as father, I would never call him Felix, not anymore, not to his face at least, I respected him far more than that, all of the things that he had done for me, how much I owed him yet there was nothing that I could give him in return for his kindness.

There was still a sad look in his eyes and I met him at eye sight, we were the exact same height, although Tristan and Drew seemed slightly - just very slightly - taller. I wished he was my father, I had chosen to forget my biological father over the years, his face was just a pair of eyes in my mind, only eyes, that was all I ever saw of him anymore, eyes so black, as empty and lifeless as mine, eyes without hope or happiness or any concern or care for anyone else but himself, self-righteous and pompous with a grip as solid as steel. The complete opposite of Felix who had warm, caring, thoughtful eyes, eyes that made you smile and remember him, sense all of his goodness and feel it deep inside you no matter how cold and dead you were within. He cared for everyone and anything more than for himself, he loved his family with the deepest kind of love, he’d never forget who his family was, who he was, he would trust and hope and have faith, just like all of us had faith in Drew.    

That man would give up anything for the people he loved and he’d open his heart even more for others who wished to join his family, anyone who was willing to live like them or wanted to be they Daywalkers or otherwise, their past mattered not to him, only their future. He knew little or my past, Ebony’s past and nothing of Drew’s, the only people who knew of his past were Thalia and himself, none of us had asked, there’d never been any need, we trusted Thalia because Thalia trusted Drew.

Felix smiled but the sadness was still there, he felt as though he had let us down, and although his decision had been slightly harsh, we had learnt something from it, and that was that we were all stronger than we believed, and how far we could stretch our boundaries…we had more will-power than we’d believed - of course we’d all been a little weak but we had managed to resist…mostly.

“Tristan told me of what happened today.” Felix smiled, the sadness clear. I looked down and sighed. “Has it been affecting you more recently?”

I shrugged. “It has just been more difficult to suppress. I have felt as though I’ve had far too much on my mind, blocking it in is difficult, it managed to pass my skin today, but I let my guard down, I was thinking of other things, letting my emotions take control of me…it won’t happen again.” I was actually reassuring myself as I spoke. I had not allowed it to happen for a while, I’d thought that I had finally come to control it, but it seemed to me that it was something that could go away with great effort, yet could come back with the slightest mistake.

Stupid cat.

“It’s alright, Kasper, you haven’t done anything wrong, and I know that you do not believe that you did. You have a powerful gift a gift that will take time to master.” Of course he was just trying to reassure me too.

I shook my head and wondered passed him. “It has taken too long already. I thought I had it, dad, I really hoped that I had. I know today was probably just a mistake or a fluke or something, but it could have been worse. I was in a room full of students.” I argued, usually I didn’t, but lack of food could do that to you.

“Kasper,” I looked at him as he said my name, he was still smiling and when he smiled I had to smile too, it was difficult not too, those darned eyes. Stupid cat. “don’t give up so easily, you know how to control it stop putting yourself down. You are in control of it and once you accept that you can make yourself use it and control it when you do not want to, then you shall be fine, but that is not what I want to talk about.”

I raised a confused eyebrow then realised. “Must we speak of it? My reasons to why are not important.” I sighed.

“Of course they are, such a strong emotion must have brought it on, Kasper, but I cannot say that I blame you, you’re all so hungry, it is only understandable that you’d feel frailer. I shan’t leave it so long anymore; I’ve made up my mind, that you are all correct in saying that at your age’s education is not so important, not when lives are involved. You will be allowed to feed every three to four weeks from now on, it will keep you occupied and I believe that will help Drew to keep down his cravings and hopefully provoke more strength between you…you have all done so well, but I cannot help but feel responsible.

“Please,” he continued after a short pause. “tell me if there is anything that I can do to make it any easier.”

I smiled at this, genuine that time. “You’ve done everything that you can.”