[FEB. 1998] I want to take a moment to think back to the days when I was in third and fourth grade. When Friday night came around, it was time to watch "TGIF" on ABC at night. It was time to party. TGIF always kicked off the evening with a happy little show known to the world as Full House, a zany sitcom about a bunch of white people who were wacky! I loved this show. Time passed, it went off the air, I moved on to other things. The past few years have brought Full House back to TV through daily reruns, and I have noticed it capture the imaginations of the youth of America. I stopped to watch a rerun of the show for a moment and filled with a deep sense of horror... Full House really, really, really, really, really sucks. The laugh track is played after every line of dialogue spoken by anybody on the show. It was pretty bad. I had to change the channel before I started to punch the wall uncontrolably. I don't wish to discuss the crappiness of Full House here, though. Almost everybody who was on that show is gone, now. I don't know and don't care where they are or what they are doing... But one hasn't been eliminated yet.

That's right. Michelle is still alive and well.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen (or "The Monkey Twins" as I like to refer to them) escaped from Full House and started making their own little cutsie crappola movies. This continued for many years. I don't know where the monkey girls got their funding for these films, as I have never met or even heard of anybody who actually purchased one of their videos.

The Monkey Twins pouting about something in one of their classic direct-to-video movies.

Monkey girls on the road to slut-hood.

Trying to contact the devil so they can arrange to sell their souls to him.

These girls have been filmed since they were born. They have been in three movies every year since Full House, and they never went to school. They can't even form complete sentences. They've never worked or held real jobs. These past couple of years we've been assaulted by products with these girls' ape-like faces plastered on them. They have their own line of clothing, their own hair care products, and they have more than one video game about them. I made this page to just say "No" as a member of society to these talentless, ugly, stupid, monkey-like girls. If you are a guy and you think these girls are "hot", then just focus for one second and really look at them. They are not hot. Not even for chimps. Maybe you say, "Oh Giordano, you're just jealous because you can't have a girl like them." If you think this, you pretty much suck. I am just sad that these girls have so much money and "power", and that girls actually look up to them. Why?! WHY?! I've wasted too much time talking on this stupid subject!Let's take the power back!!! FREEDOM!!!!

So what's next for Mary-Kate and Ashley? The countdown to "legality" has already started. When 18       rolls around, we'll be seeing even more of them in publications such as Maxim, Stuff, Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, etc. PEACE OUT!

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