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| Wednesday 1st July 2009:
Happy 1st of July, shouldn�t there be fireworks or something, or am I thinking of the 5th of July? ;-) Shane is off on a business trip tomorrow. He�s going over to Norway for a few days to liase with meat-free fjord face, the Vegan Norwegian. I�m not too suited about it. I�ve hardly seen either of them lately. Dick is flat out busy at work and has been bringing stuff home with him. He eats dinner and then buggers off to the study or to his studio. Shane�s the same. Then they had those few days away together last week. By the time they come to bed they�re too tired for anything but sleep. I�ve got needs you know, and they�re not getting met. I feel like I'm just background noise in their lives at the moment. After shelling out for a domain name I�ve decided I don�t like the new website. I chose it because several readers swore by its ease of use and it was recommended on a couple of web forums as having very good technical support. Maybe I just need to get used to it. I still haven�t got all my writing transferred over yet. Shane is running out of patience with me. He thinks I�m wasting too much time on computer trivia and consequently not paying enough attention to my house duties and all because I didn�t iron a sharp enough crease into the socks he wanted to wear this morning (Lie detector says, I don�t think so) okay, I don�t actually iron socks. Penny does though, and when she visits she makes it her business to iron all the items that the lazy, slut of a houseboy doesn�t bother with, such as socks and towels. It used to really aggravate me, but I just let her get on with it now, at least it keeps her busy and out of my way. When I know she�s due a visit I make sure to do a big wash of socks etc, just so she�s got plenty of work to feel self-righteous about. Shane was annoyed with me this morning because I�d forgotten to pick up his favourite suit from the cleaners yesterday and he wanted to wear it today because he�s got a meeting. So, I lost one of my head houseboy pips and have been downgraded to scullery boy. I�m going over to Rob�s for lunch today. He�s due to pick me up at any minute, so I�d better go and put some clothes on. It�s really warm here today so I�ve been working around in just my shorts. Thursday 2nd July 2009: It�s another scorcher here today. I�ve been working in the back garden all morning, and I�m knackered now. I managed to cut a chunk out of my left index finger with the sectateurs when I was deadheading the roses. It bled like a bastard and took several plasters to contain the flow. Good job my tetanus shots are up to date, at least I hope they are. I can�t remember now, oh well, if I go down with lockjaw I�ll know I need a top up. I�m having a break for lunch and then I�ll cut the front lawns and tidy up the borders. It was awful trying to sleep last night, much too hot and sticky, even though we all slept in separate beds. Three men in one bed is a no-no in weather like this, we�d all drown in a tidal wave of sweat, and we�d have to call out the coastguard to rescue us. To be honest, heat and stickiness aside, I would have liked a bit of company from at least one of them. I barely saw them again last night. Dick worked late. Reny is on holiday so he�s in sole charge of the office. Shane went over to see Leo on some matter pertaining to work and I was left at home washing up the dinner dishes and packing his stuff ready for him going away this morning. Dick came home around nine, but was disinclined to be chatty. He had a headache, so he had something to eat, took some pills and went to bed. Shane phoned at eleven to say he wouldn�t be back until really late. He told me to take my medicine and get off to bed. I usually don�t mind him going away on business trips, I look forward to spending time alone with Dick, but this morning I felt really unsettled and miserable about the thought of him going away. Of course I made a fool of myself by asking if he really had to go. His response was to growl: �what kind of question is that, talk sense, man.� I was crushed and went silent. He finished his breakfast and went upstairs to finish dressing and to say goodbye to Dick. I left the pots and took a mug of fresh tea down to the summerhouse. It was already hot, even though it was only ten past seven. He sought me out when he was ready to leave. If it had been a bit later in the day he would probably have just bawled my name, but in respect of neighbours who might still be abed, he came down in person. He said he was going, so I said bye, without looking up from the magazine I was reading (pretending to read) he asked if I was going to give him a kiss. I said no, I didn�t feel like kissing someone who bit my fucking head off the moment I opened my mouth, and then to my annoyance I started crying. I hate it when I do that. He called me a pain in the arse, but pulled me to my feet and put his arms around me. He gave me a cuddle and said that sometimes he was afraid to look at me too hard, because I was like an overripe peach and bruised too easily. He got his kiss and we parted on affectionate terms, though I still felt a bit down about him going. Lunch with Rob was a bit traumatic yesterday. He�s in crisis because his birthday is approaching, the big 4.0. He�s really freaked out about it. He kept asking me if he looked old, did he look 40, did he look older than 40? I tried to reassure him that he looked just fine, not a day over thirty. And it�s true, he�s a nice looking man, his hair is thinning a bit, but it doesn�t matter. He�s a bit worried because Howard hasn�t made mention of this impending momentous event, and he thinks it�s because Howard is as freaked as he is about him turning 40. He had a few glasses of wine too many and started crying saying that Howard was probably already on the lookout for a younger boyfriend, after all it was his youth that had attracted him in the first place. Once he hit 40 he would no longer be young or desirable. The ages between 18 and 40 were the pretty years, and now they were gone. He was really upset; I didn�t know what to do. In the end I persuaded him that it would be best if I got a taxi home and he had a nice lie down in a cool room. I also told him to talk to Howard about how he was feeling. I�m a bit worried about him. I�ll call him later. I�ve been asked about my stay at Leo�s. I did intend to write it up, but I just haven�t got around it. I�ve got a few outstanding autobiog chapters that I really should make an effort to complete before starting new ones. I�d like to finish them, for my own satisfaction if nothing else. And then there�s the hassle of moving the diary to a new location. It�s quite a volume of work and it�s time consuming. There�s still quite a bit of stuff to load up. I�m doing it bit by bit. The stay at Leo�s wasn�t as bad as I expected, once I let myself get on with it. He pretty much left me to my own devices, we had a couple of run-ins, but I survived. He called me a spoiled brat and said if I were his boy he�d murder me. I said that if I were his boy he wouldn�t have to murder me, because I�d kill myself. Touch�. He�s a brilliant cook (bastard) and he knows I�m keen to improve my skills in that regard, so that kind of proved a meeting point for us both. Well, lunch is over. I�m off to mow a meadow. Thursday 2nd July 2009: Two entries in one day, that hasn�t happened in a while, certainly not since the men folk started to think more about work than about sex. I�m lucky to get a peck on the cheek, let alone a pecker lower down. Dick called about five to tell me he was working late again and to go ahead and have dinner without him. He apologised profusely, but I was still put out. I�d been looking forward to having a romantic dinner for two. To make matters worse he said that Shane had called him to say that he�d gotten safely to destination. I said it would have been nice if he�d called me too, and I was beginning to feel like the Invisible Houseboy. I hung up on him without saying goodbye. I didn�t make any dinner either. If he�s hungry when he gets home he can make himself a fucking sandwich. My new website is located at: http://www.gillibran-brown.com I hope you like it. It�s not complete and it won�t be for a while, and there are some older diary entries that I won�t be re-posting. They will be available to download should anyone desire, as a means to offset site costs. I�ve also posted a new chapter of autobiography: My Darling Daddy Valenswines. Geocities isn�t actually closing until late October, so I�ll still update here for a while. I feel a bit depressed about it all to be honest, like a momentum has been broken. We�ll see how it pans out. I�m tired now, all that work in the sun today. I think I�ll take a book to bed and read for a while. Saturday 4th July 2009: Dick presented me with a big bunch of sunflowers when he came home from work last night. I immediately presented the bin with them. I don�t care much for sunflowers, they give me the creeps, they�re an �in your face� sort of flower and anyway the colour hurts my eyes. He calmly retrieved the flowers, apologising for his poor choice, and put them in water. He then went off to shower and change, leaving me feeling like an ungracious bitch. I was angry and hurt because he was going over to Reny and Angela�s house for dinner. I wasn�t invited, because it was a working dinner to discuss company strategy. Reny still wants to expand the company, despite the economic climate. There�s a hell of a lot of designers out of work courtesy of the recession and he reckons that now is the best time to recruit, they�ll get the pick of talent at a lower rate of pay. Industry needs designers and draughtsmen, to support and maintain the infrastructure, so he reckons that the work will soon be there again, so why not be ready to meet demand. I know nowt about business, so I could hardly contribute anything useful. I was just pissed off about spending another evening on my own. Dick said sorry, but sometime work had to take priority. It was late when he got back and I was in bed. He was tired, too tired for sex. I got a peck on the cheek and then he was off to the land of nod. He was in the mood for a bit of bare back riding this morning, but I wasn�t (cutting my nose off to spite my face) He�s gone golfing. He�ll come home, demand lunch and then flop down in front of the telly to watch the racing. He�s promised to take me out this evening for a really nice dinner, my choice of venue. I�m not sure I�m in the mood for dining out (I know, I know, cutting my nose off to spite my face) I think my finger is infected. It�s really sore; the area around the cut is a bit red and spongy and there�s a bit of pus at one end. Thank God Shane is away or I�d be up to my neck in a vat of the evil TCP. I�ll ask Eileen to dress it with a bit of her magic sugar and soap solution, hopefully it will do the trick and draw out the infection. A couple of folk have said that my new chapter of autobiography isn�t accessible. It is from my end, so not sure what�s happening. I�ll re-link it. Dick�s home, his car has just rolled up on the drive. Tuesday 7th July 2009: I had a horrible weekend. Eileen took one look at my finger and said that it was too far gone for a bit of soap and sugar magic. She said it looked like the infection was spreading into the surrounding tissue and it needed looking at ASAP. So, Dick drove me to the hospital accident and emergency department on Saturday afternoon. We were there for two hours. It turned out that the source of the infection was a tiny bit of rosewood debris lodged in the wound. Once that had been extracted and the wound had been cleaned and dressed I was just about ready to pass out. It was so painful. I�m on a course of antibiotics. Dick and I ended up falling out on Saturday night, and as a result we both got into serious shit with Shane on Sunday. I felt really bad about it. It was my fault. Anyway, as I�m virtually typing one handed, I�m not going into any details. I just signed in to say that I�ve finally got the link for my new chapter up and working properly. I�d also like to say ta very much to the handful of folk who kindly bought a download of my early diary and autobiog chapters. I was dead chuffed. I didn�t really expect anyone to bother. It gave me a big kick and kind of validated my ambitions to be a writer, silly I know, but there you go. Thanks again. Tuesday 21st July 2009: If you�re ever mooching around a record shop or trawling Amazon and you come across an album by Stephen Fretwell, entitled, Magpie, then for God�s sake don�t buy it. He makes Damien Rice sound like a comedy turn. I bought it yesterday, it was on offer for �4, and listened to it for the first time today. By the end of the first track my will to live was seriously eroded, and by the time he launched into a dirge about his brother I was on the roof threatening suicide. I had to be talked down by a team of Samaritans who promised to take the CD away and put it where I could never find it again (Lie detector says NO) Oh alright, I exaggerate a teensy bit, but jeez, what a downer, talk about melancholic. I�ve bunged it in the stuff to inflict on a charity shop box. I�ll have to make sure it doesn�t go to the Mind shop, I wouldn�t like a recovering depressive to stumble across it, it would set them right back. By the way, if you�re reading this, Mr Fretwell, no offence intended, you�re a decent enough singer. See your doc, get some Prozac and write a couple of upbeat tunes. It�s been a funny old fortnight, but not exactly funny ha-ha. I�ve been in my Daddies bad boy books for a number of reasons, including dyeing my hair pitch black. Neither of them liked it at all. In fact Shane went ballistic, bawling, and I quote: �you look like a fucking emo child, what are you trying to do, get Dick and I arrested for paedophilia?� I must admit that I was a bit shocked by the results myself; it really did make me look a lot younger. Shane was livid, saying that I'd had no right to do something so drastic without consultation. This houseboy got his bare bottom well spanked and paddled. It�ll make an interesting chapter for my autobiog if I ever got around to it. I have so many unfinished chapters lying around; I really should make a concerted effort to complete them. Compiling some of my earlier diary entries and auto-chapters into book format was a good exercise for me, it�s something I�ll maybe do again, because I think it will definitely help spur me to complete unfinished drafts and also get round to detailing events that I hinted at in the diary, but never ever expanded on. I�m really looking forward to the rest of this week. Both Dick and Shane are taking some days off work and we�re going to spend the time together just chilling out. I�m planning a really special dinner for tonight, to kick off our chill time in style. I�ve bought and prepared lobster, and I�m having a crack at making beef Wellington. The beef fillet cost a packet so I hope I don�t balls it up. Sadly, I've decided that there isn't much point in continuing to update two sites. Let's face it, I've had trouble enough keeping one site updated lately. I am genuinely sad to leave this site behind. When I started I never thought it would be discovered, I imagined it would be my private part of the internet. I want to thank all of you who have visited and who have emailed me at intervals. :-) As a reminder, my new website is located at: http://www.gillibran-brown.com |
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