Last Thoughts

What would I have done without this pen in my hands?

Pouring feelings, pain and joy on papers.

My only heavenly way to escape reality.

It makes me feel like living in another world ,less cruel to me.

It takes me to beautiful life of roses , so far away.

Unaware of painful realities around me.

Lifting me and lifting me so high.

Till I feel like flying and reaching the seventh sky .

I need this pen more then anything in my life .

My pen slides easily on papers with an incredible telepathy with my thoughts .

I need to give it some rest from all my struggles, pain and ache.

I simply need to give this pen some break!!

Maybe until my tears dry from worries or lost love.

And my heart cures its sickness , heals its wounds.

Till I find my inner peace ,my balance and lost soul .

And most of all when I'll be able to have a life to control .

Life strikes me I feel defeated and hopeless.

Sometimes gives me flashes of hope, but always unable to reach .

They never remain long , suddenly vanish so fast.

And leave me beaten with failure , reminding me of my present and past .

Lost love, unspoken words, cold feelings and hopeless dreams .

Stranger am I with people  I once cherished and loved !

Stranger am I in my own home !

Stranger I feel in places I used to love and know !

Emotions sleep inside trapped making no noise .

Waiting till they finally go out and burst.

Words cold and unspoken , will go out one day.

Peace and serenity will soon find their way .

All the love inside of me needing to be shared by two .

I don't want to lose it , and replace it by indifference and hate .

I want to leave it for someone who will show up one day and care .

I'll explore my love for him unconditionally , give him my all , to share .

I don't dare to ask my lord why?

He must have plans giving me this mountain to carry.

Expecting me to have force to fight and bear.

What a weak soul am I, deceiving him with no care.

I want to beg him to make me accept situations I can't change .

To help me to change those I can.

I have faith , I know he'll help me to find light .

I'm sure that one day life will be more bright .

I won't look back to persons who betrayed me .

Who left me so cruelly without looking back .

Who didn't find a kind spot left in their hearts to even say a goodbye .

I'll throw all memories away , I won't let my silly heart anymore cry .

I want nothing in this world now but myself to for touch me .

I know the truth I'll face it ,though it shocks me .

  I'll have to throw half a life time away .

Even if I'll grave I'll mourn I'll cry ,I won't let memories make me stay .

I know its over .I know the truth that sucks me .

 I need my self consolation .

Pretend I never had any heart break and was never betrayed .

I'll be familiar again to my stars and believe in my dreams till the day.......

Gihan 20/08/2000