9:02 (Fetcham Car Park) � As I am the first one here, I consider myself to be the most well organised of the group. The fact that I brought the wrong map , is of little importance.
10:30 (Crabtree Cottage) � Despite a few worrying moments, we are doing well and have arrived at the checkpoint 5 minutes early. The conversation has been thoroughly bizarre and my favourite �proverb�, (the man who navigates by cow is always lost) has been proved wrong, due to the cow field 15 metres away from the cottage. Worryingly, all the cows were lying down, so I am confidently expecting rain.
As I write this, Mandy is presently jumping around trying to awaken her deeply slumbering (numb) leg.
11:20 (Burford Bridge) � The group is working well. We have seen lots of sheep on our route, naming several after certain absent friends, who would not be best pleased if they saw which sheep we thought looked most like them. As we walked away from a vineyard towards the gates and therefore, the exit, Steph and I became increasingly worried that they would close before we got there, leaving us trapped in some unknown region of Surrey. However, we passed through the evil gates at a run and walked alone a main road, with Mandy remarking how it is hard to feel alone and isolated as motorbikes and BMWs race past at alarming speed.
11:41 � There is mild dissension in the ranks (Lynne and Steph) as to WHY we are going around Box Hill instead of over it. As Chloe patiently points out to the blonder members of the group, �because that�s the route�. I trust Chloe implicitly, and thankfully, Lynne and Steph have grudgingly agreed to the route. Good spirits have returned and the adventure continues.
12:00 (some kind of crossing that we can�t find on the map) � Lucy and Mandy�s unnatural amount of energy is straining the group a little. We have threatened them with being sent to the back, but to no avail. We may have to weigh down their bags with rocks and trangiers (without their knowledge, of course).
12:45 � Sitting near Cockshott Cottage enjoying the cushiony softness of long grass eating lunch. After a brief period of intense lostness, we got to the top of White Hill. Having crossed it, we descended a chalk (i.e. SLIPPERY) path and pioneered �the ZigZag�, a highly technical method of crossing from one side of the path the other, showing extreme care to avoid tumbling down the hill. It is not full proof however, and twice, Chloe has fallen, only stopped by a useful tree blocking the way, which she hugged and said �I love you tree!�
There are lots of wasps around, but they only seem to be attacking Mandy. �These wasps are definitely attacking! What is it about my sandwich?! Here, take it!�
2:00 (the Campsite) � We arrieved at the campsite an hour early, which I an improvement on last time�s 4 hours! We are all impressed with the campsite, as it is clean and well looked after. We are planning (somewhat cruelly) to be completely set up and relaxed by the time the other groups arrive, hehe.
3:02 � I just saw something truly scary and disturbing.
Cathy : What the hell is that?! It looks like a spiky green alien!!
Lucy : Cathy, it�s a chestnut.
We are all settling in and we are all still friends, so thus far the expedition is a success. Lucy and Mandy are truly strange, due to their bizarre love of uncooked pasta. In fact, they are holding my favourite hat in ransom for the pasta bag, which I have constantly been chasing Mandy round the campsite for, shouting �return the carbohydrates!�
I appear to be the unofficial cook, despite recent proof that I am UTTERLY INCAPABLE of the culinary arts. I am therefore, anxious to redeem my reputation and am watching the pasta like a hawk.
Lucy has named me �the Cooker�. To this i replied �Lucy, did you just call me a trangier?�.
6:00 � While enjoying my scrumptious pasta, Lynne, Steph and Lucy were preparing theirs, Lucy�s carbonara sauce somehow managed to launch itself through the air (I believe that Steph was dancing with it at the time). Unfortunately, the sauce hit Lynne. she was marked by the evil sauce on her trousers and fleece and now smells strongly of synthetic cheese sauce.
Chloe, Mandy and I were heavily involved in our pasta at the time, but the �carbonaa incident� was so hilarious, we were in such hysteric that Chloe fell off the log backwards, still laughing. It is now known as �doing a Chloe�.
7:05 � WE HAVE MADE FIRE!!! Due to the rest of my groups Guide-instilled skills, we have a roaring fire, but unfortunately, no marshmallows. A warden has asked us to keep the fire under control, as even I was worried that the trees would ignite. Chloe is clearly the leader, as she talked to him and is making the fire less �big�.
Lucy has come down from her Kendal mint cake and Lucozade tablet induced-high., and is mildly depressed. Lucy expresses this by beating a tree with a large stick. The fire is now under control and burning nicely.
7:15 � Lucy has retire to the tent to be alone with her misery. We are all used to her moods, so after trying to enliven her with stupid faces and offers of hot chocolate, the rest of us are sitting by the fie enjoying the glowing embers. I never knew fire made this much smoke and I actually cannot see or breathe. I have moved away, but it is too dark to write now. Lucy is back and we are all singing various Disney songs which is great fun. Our group rocks!!
10:00 � Lucy, Mandy and I have been talking in our tent and have just discover that Chloe has been listening to our conversation for the past twenty minutes. This is especially worrying for Mandy, who has supplied Chloe with enough blackmail/gossip to last, and I quote, �twenty years!�. We are laughing now, as we have no idea how much she heard. It is a good thing we are all such good friends, s otherwise this would cause serious tension. Luckily we have chosen to ignore the fact the last night ever happened and will attempt sleep in a this tiny excuse for a tent.
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7:43 (the next morning) � Having been up for 1 and a half hours (most of which was spent in the ten, complaining about the cold and whether or not we could walk the rest of the route in our sleeping bags. The answer = perhaps not) we are getting up and putting away the tent.
8:09 � We have just finished putting away the tent. We are leaving at 8:30 and are almost ready.
8:40 � We are walking away from the campsite singing. I really love running through mud, and we just arrived at an enormous mud puddle.
Chloe: Argh, crap!
Cathy: No, mud. Crap�s later.
9:36 � We went the wrong way, doubled back and finally got to the checkpoint (s pub)!
10:30 � Lynne and Steph kept stopping to stroke every horse we passed and lack of sleep has frayed my temper, so for a while I was rather grrrrrrrrrr at them for a while.
Now, after being mildly lost somewhere near the M25 and fighting our way through evil thistle forests, we got to the checkpoint. Mandy is sitting gorging herself on pasta.
11:40 (Sportsman pub in Mogador village) � We are having lunch outside the pub in Mogador, where we have been making many strange comments about hobbits and Lord of the Rings, due to the strange name of this village. It is amazing how much pasta we can eat.
12:43 � WE�VE FINISHED!!!!!!!! As usual, we are first. Chloe�s lovely parents have paid for ice cream, so we are all nursing out aching feet with Cornettos (not literally of course).
D of E test expedition = A success.
The End�or is it?!