I miss Tim. People say that he went out with Alison after that weird two months. That hurt, it took several moody early autumn runs in the nearby nature preserve and more cups of mocha than I would care to disclose before I was calm enough to talk to Alison for longer than twenty minutes at a time. It felt like a cold and calculating thing to do, especially since then I didn't--I still don't--have any idea if any of the things he had said on my roof were true. He probably intended to do this. Tim is very smart. This was the second thing I had learned about him in those two months. That he was smarter than me was clear, but I sometimes wondered if he was smarter than Alison. She was like a puppet master, brilliant at tiny conversational darts and able to manipulate anyone into doing anything. I wonder if she had manipulated Time.
I feel moody, impetuous, like the Cheshire Cat. Without really realizing, I raise my hand and leave the room. I throw my books in my locker, get my coat. The Amazing Wind Up Senior Girl strikes again.
I go down the stairs, flash my ID at the grouchy security guard. I don't know where I'm going.
My feet take me down the hill, and then up again and into the Colombian restaurant. Everything smells better than anything I have ever made.
I order something that the lone (but stylish) waiter recommends, and fall on my plate when it arrives. I had forgotten how starving I am, and this tastes like tomato and wild spices and smoke. I slow down eventually, and start to do my putrid, pointless homework.
But then.
The bell on the door rings and Xerxes drops in. I hate him and want to pull his moustache out hair by grubby hair.
He gives the waiter a sardonic little nod, and scrapes a chair across the tile to my table. I long for a pair of tweezers and some tranquilizer darts. I bet the waiter would help.
Xerxes stares at my food. What is left of it anyway. The waiter is taking his sweet time and I love him for it. Xerxes licks his lips with a creepy pink darting of tongue and takes that distinctive �about to speak� breath. The words he says are
Hey
I saw you leave class and realized that I didn�t like it too much either
He laughs, in a small sort of way. There is silence.
So um.
And then he blurts, �Why didn�t you say something at the party? After.�
He falls silent, one of those silences where someone pretends to have trailed off but really haven�t intended to finish it at all. He still looks at me expectantly. I think that he�s got to be kidding: he didn�t even bother to ask a whole question and he wants an answer right away. I�d call him a conceited prick if my vocal cords worked, but they don�t seem to right now. Oh�.wait..
�I got vodka in my lungs.�
So they do function. At least enough to produce an icy sentence or two.
He is sputtering out some apologetic sentiment when the waiter arrives, crisply. I swear, silently, that I will give this man an enormous hug as soon as possible, because Xerxes looks (and sounds) like a complete idiot. His moustache barely shows up in the lights here, and his stubble just makes his face look dirty. His eyes flicker at the waiter and he mutters, �Nothingfermepliz� and the waiter glides away. I try to rouse my telepathy to ask if he could refill our water glasses each time Xerxes apologizes, or struggles to, or just looks like a prat, but to no real effect. Maybe I won�t need telepathy at all, though. That would be cool.
I�m thinking about the playhouse fire when I notice that he�s ceased to sputter and is saying actual words, words like
Well, I was drunk, so I hope you understand that I wouldn�t even think of doing that sober and everyone else, too, did your ah costume get ruined because I bet Alison�ll pay for it because she told me she�s really sorry and all. We were drunk, we barely kept on the road on the ride back, we�re really stupid and
I interrupt hotly.
Don�t you even try to make me feel guilty as if it�s my fault that you got smashed and pulled some bullshit on me, don�t even try to make it all better by telling me that you�ll fix my dress, like that�ll fix me, as you may recall I was missing from that thrilling car ride, you left me without a way home, I had to walk home at one in the morning don�t even try to fix this.