-- Professor Henry Higgins, "My Fair Lady"
� Gender Journeys, December 1998
Ya just can't turn on the TV these days without seeing some Squirt-in-a-Skirt on Springer or Sally. Even the A&E Network and Dateline NBC are getting into the business of exploring transsexual issues (funny how these "sensitive" documentaries always seem to air during sweeps month).
The gay community quickly rallies behind a martyr like Matthew Shephard ... never mind he was beaten by two young, drunken punks who were as likely at that moment to kill a Jew or anybody named Kareem as they were a gay guy. Meanwhile, the trans community is paying close attention to the wrongful death trial of Tyra Hunter (don't know the details? Shame on you. We care about your business -- please care about ours).
But in all this political posturing over equal treatment under the law and jockeying for power positions in a country whose idea of perfection is anachronistically close to Father Knows Best, no one seems interested in exploring the most fascinating parts of a transsexual transformation: the sociological and psychological aspects of going from a man to a woman (or vice versa).
Think you're "You?" Think again. Over the past several years on hormones I've discovered that much of who we are comes purely from biochemistry. Some examples:
1. As a man, with the normal full complement of testosterone, I used to be the most organized and productive person on the planet. Now, as a woman, all hopped up on too-many daily grams of Girl Juice, work just isn't as important. Deadlines aren't as important (don't ask when I last filed a tax return).
2. A corollary to #1: I'm dingy. I've lost my wallet three times in the past two years. I bounce checks. Last year I had my first traffic accident in more than a decade. You know all the stereotypes about women being less focused than men? Nothing personal, all who were fortunate enough to be born with vaginas, but as one who's seen the world "from both sides now," I'm here to tell you: the stereotypes are true.
3. I can smile at a person and almost immediately snipe at them behind their back the second they leave the room. I never used to be able to do that -- personal integrity was too important. Now, somehow, adaptive social skills have become more necessary than a universal code of honor. Maybe I don't feel the pressure to be a good l'il Boy Scout in my dealings with others. Maybe my heightened intuition (believe it, men ... estrogen really does give you the power to read minds!!!) has enhanced my recognition of the duplicity in others, and encouraged a reciprocal response. Whatever the reason, political and sexual issues have obliterated any serious investigation of such cause-and-effect considerations.
4. My interest in sex, previously hovering somewhere above "Lothario," now can be found in the neighborhod of "Ice Station Zebra." Lack of testosterone can do that to a soul. Here's proof: if you've ever picked up the other gender's SoCal journals, the first thing you notice is the different approach to sex. Half of Edge is classified ads for buff hardbodies eager to explore Uranus with a fellow astronomer. Meanwhile, Lesbian News carries ads for "nurturing, caring retreats in a pastoral Sierra Nevada setting." Hmm. Maybe there's a reason "Not tonight, dear, I have a headache" is the most famous punchline in the history of marriage.
And I'm not going to give too much away ... a girl's gotta have SOME secrets, fer chrissakes ... but a male Big-O is WAAAYYY more intense than a female Big-O. Okay, everybody in the room with firsthand knowledge like that, raise your hands. How many people you know who have been able to compare THAT nugget of nirvana from both the yin and the yang perspective? How come nobody's investigating this stuff?
5. I used to like Howard Stern; now he's boring. I've revised my handwriting because it's important to me that it be pretty. I used to prefer being alone; now I need an expansive social network with whom I can share my feelings. I like softer music, and softer movies. I cuddle more with my dog (I think I'm driving him crazy ... hmpph, typical male). For the first time ever ... ironically, now that it's out of the question ... I want a child.
So how much of "You" is really just neurons and synapses firing in response to some adrenal or hormonal stimulus? My conclusion is, more than you realize. As I continue to acquire the socialization of an American female -- and as I continue to undergo the biochemical transformations generated from my daily Transsexual Cocktail (at a pharmaceutical cost of more than $100 per month) -- I also encounter the most fundamental mysteries of one's personality, and perhaps even one's soul.
Why can't a woman be more like a man? A handful of us know the answer to that. Too bad these important contributions we can make to gender identity and understanding are being swept aside by the more controversial aspects of political and sexual discrimination, which -- important as they are -- still can't help to explain why the ladies cook the turkey, while the men watch the football game.
