|
|
|
Will somebody please explain Drew Barrymore to me? Is it her last name? Is it her David Letterman tittie-flash? Are we still enraptured by warm 'n fuzzy recollections of the l'il cutie in E.T.? Is it her clandestine pact with Beelzebub? Why is this girl so popular!? In Never Been Kissed, she can't act, she's not all that cute, and she's overweight. WHAT IS HER APPEAL????
Drew stars as the youngest copy editor at a major Chicago newspaper, an all-work-and-no-play anal-retentive sorta gal waiting for her first big assignment as a feature reporter. This assignment comes as she goes undercover at a local high school to blow the lid off � what? We never really know what her article is about, and neither does Drew, who submits one stupid idea after another while her undercover assignment drags into months.
The script is awful. Every answer in this movie comes with no setup, out of the blue. Drew wants to be popular, but just can't make it � so outta the blue, her brother decides to reenroll in this same high school to join the football team, and drags Drew along on the coattails of his popularity. Drew has "never been kissed," so outta the blue a guy ("Guy" -- no joke) asks her to the prom. They're not friends, they've never dated, but Drew is his prom date?!? Drew sets up a big PR stunt before a Chicago White Sox game for the real love of her life to meet her on the pitcher's mound for one earth-shattering kiss, but in an earlier scene we see that he seemingly missed her article containing the invitation. So � all together now � OUTTA THE BLUE, Mr. Right -- her former teacher, who was engaged to another -- shows up at the last minute to rock Drew's world with some world-class tonsil wrestling, in front of 40,000 cheering Sox fans. Seems plausible to me.
I know the movie is geared to junior high girls, and I'm trying to give it the benefit of that demographic. But we're doomed to a ton o' stupid housewives in 2020 if this is the level of intelligence in our current crop of adolescent Barbies.
The movie's only funny line: via hidden camera, the newspaper staff is monitoring Drew's calamitous day in high school when an editor comments, "This is like watching the 24-hour Humiliation Channel." Other than that, Never Been Kissed shoulda Never Been Watched.