Constipated people don't give a shit!!
If it has tits or wheels, it's gonna give you problems.
(Seen on the back of a biker's vest) If you can read this, The BITCH fell off...
Practice safe sex; Go f$%# yourself.
(seen on a Corvette driven by a "drop-dead gorgeous blonde") If you can beat me, you can eat me!
Hey you! Get out of the gene pool!
Unless you're a hemorrhoid, GET OFF MY ASS!
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
(seen upside down, on a jeep) If you can read this, please flip me back over...
Please tell your pants its not polite to point!
If that phone was up your ass, maybe you could drive a little better!
Forget the bull .. Ride the Cowboy.
"Diplomacy" is saying "nice doggy" until you can find a big rock.
Never raise your hands to your kids...it leaves your groin unprotected.
Feel safe tonight ... Sleep with a cop.
Remember folks: Stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph.
(Seen in a restaurant) GUYS: No shirt, no service ... GALS: No shirt, no charge
If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like Jabba the Hut??
Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"
Necrophelia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart??
Save the trees ... Wipe your butt with an owl.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Ax me about Ebonics
Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel
Boldly going nowhere
CAT: The other white meat
CAUTION - Driver legally blonde!
Don't be sexist - broads hate that
Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway
Heart Attacks...God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window
How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets
If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now
I'm an imbecile and I vote
Money Isn't Everything, But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch
Saw it... Wanted it... Had a fit... Got it!
WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
You can't have everything, where would you put it?
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
When you swim in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.