I got married about three years ago to a good woman ... a woman who loves me for my money and my fame, and not for what I am.
But I have no sex life, are you kiddin'? My dog keeps watching me in the bedroom, he wants to learn how to beg. Don't knock it, he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
I tell ya, gettin' married, look for a good cook! The sex'll wear off, but you'll always be hungry. But my wife can't cook either ... in our house we pray after we eat. She gave my kid alphabet soup, he spelled out "HELP." I bought her a pressure cooker, now I eat off the ceiling.
Last night she made chocolate mousse, an antler got stuck in my throat. What a lousy cook ... how can toast have bones? And I don't think meat loaf should glow in the dark. In my kitchen the roaches are anorexic! Last week the garbage disposal threw up. She can't cook at all ... in my back yard the flies chipped in to fix the screen door.