Saturday 10/19- Wednesday 10/23 Confused
and Heartbroken
Saturday I
slept until 2pm, getting up here and there at 11 and 12. I must stop partying because I can feel
it making me age. Did some laundry
(never-ending!) and later Ginger SMS’ed asking if I wanted to go to Organo
lounge with her and her friend Tricia at 10, no cover. I said maybe but didn’t go, my main
deterrent that I was spending too much $$$ (Brad had paid for most of the
drinks last night, and though I paid him back a couple hundred at the end, it
probably wasn’t nearly enough).
Mom called at 11:30PM. I
wonder if she tries calling every Saturday night? Or was it coincidence that I’ve been home the last two
Saturday nights she’s called?
Called
Dave at 1AM, he sounded happy and said was just going to call me, but during our
convo, maybe after he mentioned he saw Ginger’s site, he got quiet in that way
when something’s wrong. He
wouldn’t tell me the reason, just that it was a combination of things, and
wouldn’t elaborate, saying he had to go. I was floored. I
wrote him a long email Tuesday and Yahoo was down all day Wednesday and I couldn’t
check my mail, maddening. Plus
Nicole from CyberFakeName was sending me a script.
I’d called
her during last week to find out about the first day of shooting the video, and
she’d sounded uncomfortable, asking, “Didn’t someone call you and tell you?” I said, “No, what?” It turned out they’d found out that
because my resident visa is only valid under the terms of my Fulbright
scholarship status, I am not allowed to take any legal employment in
Taiwan. Although plenty of
Fulbrighters have side jobs, they aren’t legal. CyberFakeName had to be extra careful and couldn’t hire me
for this video because it might be shown on the Internet, and I would be the
main character, so it was too risky that someone down the line might possibly
ask them who I was. Plus, their
company has some kind of relationship with the Fulbright foundation that they
don’t want to jeopardize. So, my
dream job was shot, a no-go. I was
devastated. Nicole was extremely
disappointed too, saying that she’d imagined “Amy” the main character in her
head, and when I walked in that day, I fit her image perfectly. Later, she asked me if I wanted to at
least do an audio-recording job for them, which they could pay me for since it
wouldn’t show my face and wasn’t as risky. It was a one-time thing Thursday afternoon so I said sure.
Wednesday night
I asked Ginger to check my Yahoo and it worked from her place. She said the scripts were long and my
mailbox way over quota, but no email from Dave. She was packing to go home for a week. Stella tried hard to get us to go out
(SMS #1: “hey I was thinking it’s
ginger’s last night and maybe plush would be nice…yes?” I got it just as I was on the phone
with Ginger and said, “I like how she attaches a purpose—like when did she ever
need a reason to go out?”) Ginger might’ve gone, but I told them no
and explained I was waiting for his call and mentioned the fight. They sympathized but kept bugging me to
go. Finally Ginger SMS’ed: “ALL RITE U GOTTA COME OUT 2NITE
PLZ?? IT’S MY LAST DAY!! .…JUST KIDDG! STELLA SAYS NEXT WED 4SURE.” She doesn’t like to use the caps unlock apparently. And next Wednesday she’ll be getting
off a plane here at 5AM, so we’ll just see who’s going out “4SURE”…