Sunday 9/8:  Free Furniture and Long-Distance Hugs

       

This time went to GuMa’s church with M&D, which was much smaller and intimate than JuLing’s.  Again it was an hour and 45 minutes of daydreaming, although there was missionary who spoke about going to China and told some interesting stories about her close shaves with scorpions that ran around her living room.  When they asked for newcomers to stand up, Dad introduced me and went on and on about me graduating from Yale (The crowd:  “Oooh!”) and doing research at TaiDa hospital (“Oooh!”) for this Fulbright scholarship (confused silence).  Funny, M&D always cut me down in front of other parents when I was little in the “modest” Chinese way.  But now we’re in Taiwan, so I was embarrassed and surprised at Dad’s bragging about me like an “American” parent. 

 

Lots of people introduced themselves to us and were super friendly.  MeiLing’s older daughter is 14 and going to American school and when they told her to call me “AiYi” she said, “Can I just call you Grace?  You um, look kinda young for me to call you Auntie.”  We went to a convention center for a Western lunch.  Again I got my hopes up, again the food was bad.  Never order a “tiramisu” in Taiwan.

I’ve decided that if you bring someone to your country, it’s better to treat them to cheap good eats from your country, rather than expensive eats from their country that are never going to be as good in your own country.  Therefore, if someone Chinese is visiting you in the U.S., it is better to take them to say, Denny’s, than the #1 Panda Moon House in suburban NJ.

 

Olivia asked me if I had a boyfriend and if he’s Christian.  Did my parents put her up to this?  I tried to ask her about pop culture and what CDs and movies she likes, but she doesn’t buy CDs and says they only watch old movies like Sound of Music and old Disneys.  I gave her my email.  I feel like I need to take this girl to the mall and get her some teenybopper magazines. 

 

M&D and I went to Ama and Agong’s, then to her 2^nd older sister’s place to look at her old furniture, she had lots she offered to lend me—small TV, drawer tables, folding table, chairs, cabinet, all in what used to be the kitchen for a restaurant they had.  It was hot again today, just when I thought it was cooled down for good, and her place was even hotter.  She also gave me bowls, plates, an electric hot plate, pot, utensils, hangers, sponges, and Mom brought me sheets.  Lugged it all back to my place. 

 

I called JiaLan and we made lunch plans for tomorrow, and she said that she really needs a social life.  I said Me too.  Then I tried to study some, both for my research and Chinese class, but was still mad at Dave who hasn’t called, so I finally gave in and called him, again.

 

I reached him at the library.  He brought the phone outside to talk, and we kept getting disconnected—ahh, memories of reliable Sprint and that old cellphone of mine! 

In short, I blew up.  I knew I was over the line and being unreasonable but I let loose a torrent of long-distance frustration.  And this was only the 2^nd week.  He didn’t miss me!  He wasn’t sad that I’m gone!  He was happier with me gone, since I apparently was such an impediment to his social life!  And deep down I probably knew it wasn’t true, and I didn’t really want him to be miserable and sulking at home alone when I’m gone, but…

 

Something like 90% of human communication is wordless—it’s done through body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, etc.  I’ve noticed this even more being here because I can only make out about 10% of words people say to me,  but can “understand” their meaning and can usually get by just based on “reading” their faces and hand gestures.

When you’re in a long-distance relationship, you only know 0.1 of 0.1% of what goes on in the other person’s life now.  When you’re together and you get in a fight, you can make up without a word.  The first person who can’t stand it anymore reaches out and touches the other person’s hand or gives them a hug, and it’s over and everything’s OK.  But AT&T hasn’t figured out a way to transmit hugs yet.  (I imagine when touch becomes transmittable, there will be a whole new crop of 900# hotlines in business.)

So when your only means of communication are phone and email, then you need to make all the more effort to express those feelings.  And most of us aren’t comfortable with doing that—especially guys.

 

He pointed out that he’d called me almost every day since I’ve been gone and this was the first weekend he hadn’t, even though originally we’d said we’d only call each other twice a week.  Finally deflated and tired from arguing, I gave up and said I accept the way he is, even though I’m not overjoyed.  After a long pause he said, “I want you to be overjoyed.”

“Huh?”  I thought I hadn’t heard him right.  Then he asked if I missed him, said “I don’t believe you do!” mocking everything I said before.  I said Very funny, and he wouldn’t let me go even though I wanted to sleep.  Finally we hung up and in a few minutes he called me again, “Wake up!  I want to talk more.”

“I know you’re just doing this so I’ll get annoyed and never complain again about you not calling,”  I said.  He laughed and immediately denied it, so I knew it was true.  We hung up, he called back and repeated this a few more times, timing each call just as I would be drifting off to sleep.  The clown!  I unplugged the phone.