guide

The first thing to remember when you consider moving into a toilet, is that it is much easier if you are dead. You can fit into smaller spaces, you don't feel the water, nor do you smell anything. This is an advantage if you are considering moving into a male toilet, as we all know that they stink.

It is also much easier if you lodge yourself into the S-bend, because you can easily escape down the pipe if need be, and if you feel like it, you can flood the toilet and cause havoc without being caught, as not many living things will happily climb into a toilet looking for a ghost.

Another important thing to remember, is that even though you may be dead, you are not invincible, so keep your mouth shut when tearing around in the pipes. Believe me, it feels much more pleasent than the wooshing of water running through you.

If you are able to, get out of your toilet and visit others, as well as bathrooms, because it can be great fun suprising people when they are in the middle of making illegal potions, scheming about anything, or indeed singing in the bath.

If you choose to move in a Hogwarts toilet, make sure it is not Snape's toilet, as he flushes things that shouldn't be flushed, like illegal potions he has finished with. Being dead, this can't physically affect you, but I do recall a rather alarming incident when the silly git had flushed away...oh never mind. It is too painful to think about.

Now, also, I you decide to move into a Hogwart's toilet, it better not be mine. I spent 50 or so years haunting that toilet. The bathroom's name is "Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom." You can't stay with me, I do not want company, it would ruin my image.

When you do find a bathroom to call your own, you must discourage people from entering it. How do you do this??? Any means possible. Sing off key, flood it, make it smell like old rotten socks and Professor Snape, but do not MOAN. That's my trademark, I have it copyrighted.

What happens when you do get visitors??? Do you make friends with them? Do you scare them away? Or do you sabotage them whilst they are doing their...ahem...business? Whatever you feel like, my wannabe clones. Personally, I think it depends on the person who is entering your domain. Let's look at three examples; Harry Potter, Lavender Brown and Gilderoy Lockhart. All three have stumbled at one stage into my bathroom. If it was the good prince Harry, make friends with him (Harry is NOT, however, going to enter anyone else's bathroom but mine; I've seen him naked! :-P). Lavender is the kind of person you flood. The cries of "AHHHHHHHH!!!!! I'm wet!!!" are so amusing. Gilderoy is the perfect sabotage. I will not go into details of my sabotage. They are too amusing and naughty for young eyes.

So, now you know most of the details if you are going to live in a toilet. If you have any questions not published about life in a toilet or if you need any advice, I may help you. Post a messege on the messege board and e-mail me and I might be persuaded. If you steal my moaning or invade my toilet, beware, I have been living in a toilet for over fifty years. It is cold, damp and very unpleasent most of the time, so I have no patience for little twirps who think they can attack me. I will get you. I'm a ghost remember, and you all have toilets in your house.
Ciao,
Myrtle xx