"Hello sadists!Welcome to 'Challenge Ardin' live from Gothenburg Zoo!Every month somebody just like YOU could dare ~TBT~'s own Rob Ardin to risk his neck just to give you a cheap thrill while you're waiting for 'Emmerdale'!And on a personal note,I'd like to say that if Ardin kicks the bucket during one of his stunts,I'm entitled to keep all the points he's won in the ~TBT~ League so far!So good luck,Ardin(Pffff! lol!)
Anyway,on with the crap...
This month,a Mr G.host from South Wales has written:
"Dear Ghost,please could I challenge Ardin to dive into a goldfish bowl full of pissed-off crocodiles and steal their dinner.Let's face it,m8 - he deserves to die horribly 'cos he likes Iron Maiden.Cheers m8,and good luck Rob!"
"Thanks Mr Host!Remember folks - Rob Ardin is a specially trained stuntman"
"No I'm not,you git"
"Ha ha ah - he's a card,isn't he?Shut up,Rob - remember,I've still got your parents as hostages.Viewers,Ardin has generously offered to perform for nothing today,as long as I don't carry out my threat to burn his house down.Go for it,Ardin,old chum!"
"No"
(Ghost pushes Ardin into the goldfish bowl with the barrel of his revolver)
"ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!ARRRGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!NOOOOOO,NOOOOOOO!!!!!!GODHELPME!!!!ARRRRGGHHHHNOTTHE FACE!NOOOO!!!!OHMYGODPLEASEKILLME!!!YARRGGHHH!!!GLUG!!!!"
"I think at this tragic time we should all spare a thought for Ardin's loved ones.Right,that's enough.Let's scoop what's left of him out...wait a minute...Folks,I'm afraid I have some bad news - Ardin is still alive,although in several chunks.Even worse,I still have only 3 ~TBT~ League points.I think we should hold a minutes silence for my Quake career.
(1 minute later)
"So join us next month,when a lucky viewer will be challenging Ardin to cut off his head for charity!Oh look,here come the police...bye!"
"Has anybody seen my legs?"
IF YOU HAVE ANY CHALLENGES FOR ARDIN,SEND THEM TO G.W.O.R,ALONG WITH A CHECK FOR 120 POUNDS,AND GHOST WILL KEEP THE MONEY AND THROW YOUR LETTERS IN THE BIN.THANK YOU.
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