Nerima Ghost Detectives R Us

By Ashuri

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Chapter Four: “An Uninvited House Guest: Part I”

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Tatewaki Kuno sat in the middle of a vast field, beautiful buttercups, roses, and daisies surrounding him. Shady trees provided shade from the golden orb that was the sun. A beautiful lake was beneath one of the shadier cherry blossom trees, filled with water lilies. Kuno relished in the peaceful loveliness of it all. Oh! It would only be perfect if his two loves were with him now.

As if on cue, riding upon two white stallions, Akane and the Pigtailed Girl arrived, dressed in flowing white robes, shoeless, hair loose and flowing in the breeze, heads adorned with gorgeous white flowers. Kuno’s mouth dropped open in a mixture of happiness and surprise. “Oh, Kuno our love!” they called, their beautiful, melodious voices pleasurable upon the breeze. “Yes my loves! Yes! Come to me!” Kuno shouted, opening his arms wide. The stallions ran faster, yet the girls were at the same distance they started, not coming any closer.

“Kuno!”

Soon the voices changed from the sensuous voices of his beloveds into the familiar nagging voice of his sister…

“Tatewaki! Tatewaki, my brother! Wake up! Tatewaki…arrrgh! Wake up you insolent—“ Kodachi was surprised as Kuno sat up, and turned stiffly towards her, giving her a solemn glare. “What is it?” he spoke, his voice tinged with annoyance. “Well…” Kodachi began, not sure how to put it. “Go on say it! What is it? What is it?” Kuno asked, waiting for an answer! Such foolishness to awake him from his wondrous dreams if not to have anything important to say! “Well, it’s slightly odd, my dearest brother,” Kodachi said, looking down the hall nervously. “Yes, what?” Kuno pried.

“All the furniture downstairs is on the ceiling.”

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“Excuse me?” Akane and Ranma both said, unbelieving.

“I said,” Nabiki grinned slyly, and placed her chin on the palms of her hands,” I’ve opened up a business, sent out the fliers, and created our own personal hotline! We’re now known as ‘Nerima Ghost Detectives R Us’! What do you think?”

Ranma and Akane were silent for a few agonizing minutes. Finally Akane broke the silence. “What?” Nabiki rolled her eyes,” Listen! If we want to make money, we have to advertise! There are going to be outbreaks of the supernatural and paranormal all over Nerima, and the people…no the whole town, must be aware of who can keep them safe at night!” Nabiki said, her voice brimming with passion, justice, and determination. “You just want money,” Ranma said bluntly. Nabiki shrugged,” Yeah, so what’s your point?”

Ranma and Akane groaned. “I guess we can’t say you’re in the wrong with the whole thing,” Akane said, leaning back. Nabiki grinned,” And it gets better,” she said with a purr. “Not only will Okina-san pay us 2500 yen for each ghost captured,” Nabiki held up the box she had forced the man to give her,” but we’ll also charge 3500 yen for our services to the people! That totals to us having a whopping 6000-yen! Oh, split by 2000 each, of course!” Ranma and Akane exchanged glances. “Sounds like a greedy Nabiki plan to me,” Ranma said. “Got that right,” Akane replied. Nabiki just grinned some more.

“It’s so nice to see you all together, and for such a good cause!” Kasumi said, looking away from her dusting. Ranma smiled. Good ol’ naïve Kasumi. She was thinking that they were a little group that helped people…and well they were, but with Nabiki on the team, there was always a catch—and that always ended up with Nabiki having a little money on her end. Nabiki stood up,” Well, I’m going to take a bath, tell me if there’s a call!” she said jovially before slinking, yes, slinking away.

“Who’re ya gonna call? Ghost Busters!” Akane said giggling and raising one arm in the air, her hand balled into a fist. Ranma raised an eyebrow,” What?” he asked. “Something on this old American movie I watched,” Akane explained. “Oh,” Ranma replied, still confused.

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A yellow bandana-clad boy looked down the street uncertainly. Should he turn here? His gut feeling said yes. Therefore, following common sense (must have been a blue moon about to come out that night), he went the opposite direction for once. To his luck and joy, he had arrived at his destination! The Tendou Dojo!

“Ranma…prepare to die!” he shouted.

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Ranma shuddered from next to Akane.

“What is it?” Akane asked.

“My Ryouga senses are tingling,” was Ranma’s dumbfounded reply.

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Ryouga burst into the dojo, running full speed down the hall, battle cry escaping his throat as he ran…right past the room Ranma was in. Ranma and Akane exchanged glances. He charged up the stairs, turned, and wildly shot into the nearest room, blazing with fury. “Ranma, it is time for your—“ Ryouga stopped. For one thing, the room was tiled and steamy, and for another Ranma was not in it…instead there was a very amused looking Tendou daughter, who was fortunately sitting in the bath.

“Well, Ryouga-san, funny for us to meet here of all places,” she said with a smirk. Ryouga turned red from his toes up. Ranma appeared behind Ryouga, followed by an embarrassed Akane,” Sorry Nabiki-chan,” she said on Ryouga’s behalf. Nabiki shrugged in the bath,” Just someone get him out of here… he looks like he’s about to have a seizure!” As if on cue Ryouga fell back, caught by Ranma before he hit the ground. Ranma rolled his eyes.

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With an unconscious Ryouga sprawled on the floor, Ranma and Akane returned to sitting…it wasn’t a very exciting day, both of them had noted. Ranma kicked Ryouga each time he twitched. Akane would return the action by smacking Ranma upside the head. This followed for a few boring minutes before the phone rang. “I’LL GET IT!” Both Akane and Ranma declared and began tripping each other in a vain attempt to get to the phone.

Kasumi stepped out of the kitchen, drying her hands off on her apron, and answered the phone. “Hello?” she asked sweetly. Ranma and Akane fell over in defeat. “Oh, well, they’d be happy to speak with you, Kuno-san,” Kasumi said in her honey sweet, angelic voice. “Ranma-kun, Akane-chan, it’s for you,” she said, and jumped back as Ranma practically leapt for the phone. However, Nabiki who appeared at the last second grabbed it away from him,” Hello? Nerima Ghost Detectives R Us! Um…yes Kuno-chan, that’s us. Yes, we’re Nerima Ghost Detectives R Us! Kuno-chan…we’re—ARGH! Yes, Kuno-chan, we are them, what do you WANT?!” Nabiki snapped, loosing her cool due to annoyance. Ranma looked up from the ground as Nabiki listened to Kuno on the other end of the line. “Yes? Yes. That sounds like,” Nabiki pulled a small book out of her jean pocket and flipped through a few pages,” a poltergeist,” she concluded, putting the book back in her pocket. “We’ll be there right away,” she said before hanging up the phone.

“Well, looks like we have a job to do,” she said grinning.

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“This is rather odd, dearest brother,” Kodachi said from her place floating near the ceiling, doing her best to keep her black dress down. The kendoist, also suspended in mid air, crossed his arms as his brow furrowed in deep thought. The phone floated besides him, and a sofa floated gently over to him, hitting him softly in the head, but not derailing his train of thought. “Poltergeist…it can only be…”

A dramatic silence.

“That dastardly Ranma Saotome’s doing!” he declared. Kodachi’s face twisted in repulsion. “How dare you insult my dearest Ranma-sama!” she screamed and swam through the air to him, grabbed the nearest chair, which was light in her hands, and slammed it against her brother, sending him through the air. Yes, it was clearly that cretin Ranma’s doing, Kuno was convinced before he made a painful head-to-wall collision. “Urk…Ranma Saotome’s…doing,” Kuno stated once more before fainting, body hanging limp in the air.

“Oh, Ranma-sama! Please come and save this adorable Kodachi!” she said, her cheeks a soft red. She imagined Ranma bravely defeating the spirits in the house, and coming to her side, holding her in his arms. Yes! She could see it now…

“Kodachi,” Ranma would say, holding her close to his strong, well muscled body. “Yes, my Ranma-sama?” she would ask, her lips quivering, trembling in the hold of the man she loved. “Allow me to protect such an adorable girl as you forever,” Ranma would say before he would lean over and give her a passionate, ridiculously long kiss.

Kodachi’s eyes glittered and she giggled, growing redder, thinking more and more about the passionate daydream, failing to notice the speeding table flying through the air in the direction of her head.

CRACK.

Another Kuno down.

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Ranma, Nabiki, and Akane would have been halfway to the Kuno residence if they hadn’t been a little hung up.

“Ranma! I know your trick! How dare you fool me into the bath while a girl was in there? Not only are you a thief, a coward, and a cheat, but you’re a pervert of a man!” Ryouga snarled, snapping out of unconsciousness and launching himself at Ranma, burying his red bamboo umbrella into the wall. “Next time, I’ll aim for your head!” he declared.

It was starting to get a little old for a certain pigtailed martial artist.

“Who’s a pervert P-CHAN?” Ranma asked, flipping to the side as he avoided the umbrella. Akane looked confused,” Ranma what are you talking about? P-chan isn’t here!” Ranma sighed in exasperation. Ryouga just grinned, his trademark fangs seeming to gleam in the light. “I’ve got you now Ranma!” he shouted, launching his umbrella forward again…just as Kasumi walked in, “Everyone, I’ve brought you some snacks to have on your way—“ Kasumi was cut off as she saw Ryouga’s umbrella coming at her midsection. She screamed.

“EEP!” Ryouga’s eyes bulged and he pushed hard on his heels, falling backwards in order to avoid Kasumi, who Ranma had already caught safely in his arms. Ranma rolled his eyes,” Geez, Ryouga! Are you trying to cause permanent damage to all the girls in this household, or what?” he said, his voice teasing. He sat Kasumi down to his side. Ryouga frowned,” S-shut up Ranma!” he said, preparing for another barrage of attacks.

Nabiki was getting annoyed, considering the longer they waited, the longer it kept her from making money! “Excuse me, little boys,” she said in a miffed tone. “But can we continue this later?” she demanded, crossing her arms,” We happen to have an appointment at a certain Kuno residence!” she reminded them. “Job?” Ryouga inquired. Nabiki’s anger turned to confident happiness in a flash. “Why, Ryouga…would you be interested in helping?” she asked.

Ranma groaned,” Oh no…not this again,” he muttered, putting his hand to his forehead. Nabiki chose to ignore him. “We have forged a group to keep people safe from ghosts in Nerima,” she said, and told him the whole story, with Ryouga adding a few “stupid Ranma” and “cowardly Ranma” here and there. “So are you interested? You’d make money, gain on your training and,” she leaned closer to Ryouga, a confidential tone to her voice,” You’d get to show Ranma you’re better than him!” she whispered into his ear.

It was no surprise that Ryouga was practically jumping at the chance.

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When the group arrived at the Kuno Residence, it was an understatement to say things were a little…chaotic. The swimming pool near the back was a raging sea, the dark water churning wildly. Most surprising were the black roses outside the house that had grown atleast twelve feet tall, grown T-Rex tooth sharp spikes, and had large gaping mouths in the center, complete with rows and rows of fangs.

It took about more than one or two of Ryouga’s bandanas to take care of that.

Inside was even worse. The door opened to reveal the furniture floating in mid-air, along with two unconscious Kuno children. Akane, being as stubbornly brave as she was stepped in first, only to…fall through the welcoming mat, which was now a large gaping black hole. Ryouga and Ranma knocked heads trying to grab for her. “Akaaaaane!” Ranma screamed, looking down in the hole. “I’m…down in the basement!” she informed them. Ranma and Ryouga sighed in relief. “Well, that’s good!” Ranma said, smiling.

“No it’s not,” was Akane’s response followed by a small whimper. “The shadows are um…well…they’re not very friendly…and OH MY GOD! MUTANT ZOMBIE RATS!” she screamed.

Ranma and Ryouga exchanged glances, and Ranma didn’t know whether to laugh his head off or be almost ill with worry for his fiancée. “I’ll save you Akane-san!” Ryouga said bravely about to plunge in when Ranma stopped him. “Are you kidding me Ryouga? You’d get lost on your way down! Go with Nabiki and take care of the upper levels! I’ll meet’chya there!” he shouted and dropped down before Ryouga could have a word in edgewise.

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Ranma fell down with ease, twisting to land perfectly on his feet. He was lucky that mid-air combat was the Saotome specialty. Ryouga would probably have fallen like a rock in comparison to him. Akane was in the corner, strangling a rat the size of herself. “They’re sticky and nasty…and god, do they smell!” she cried, but didn’t let go of her death grip around the rodent’s throat. Ranma saw that Akane had already taken good care of the rats, a large pile of them had been piled up on the floor.

He’d have to remind the Kuno family to invest in pest control later.

“Where are those shadows you were talking about Akane?” Ranma asked. Akane looked up, throwing that rat aside like a dirty sock. “Well…um…right behind you actually,” she replied meekly. Ranma’s eyes bulged as he felt an icy grip on his shoulder.

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The moment they stepped in had proven a problem. Careful to sidestep the hole that was the mat, they immediately were lifted by an unseen force into the air. Nabiki was glad she was wearing jeans that day as she was floating above Ryouga slightly. Nabiki motioned that they head for the kitchen, and out of the foyer, because the kitchen seemed to have it’s gravity intact. Being careful to follow Nabiki, Ryouga swam through the air for the kitchen, trying to avoid the two floating Kuno children. As they made it into the doorway, Nabiki felt a slight tug and landed…thankfully on something soft, yet firm.

“Um…thanks Ryouga,” she said from her sitting position on the lost boy’s stomach. Ryouga wheezed,” No…no problem,” he said quietly. They got up, and looked around. “Hey, seems fairly normal in here,” Nabiki commented looking around. That was before the soaring kitchen knife embedded itself in the wall an inch from her head. She didn’t even blink,” You know…now that I think about it…maybe it would be better upstairs,” she said softly as Ryouga nodded vehemently. And with that they scurried out of the kitchen, glad theirs heads were still on their necks.

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Ranma felt himself being tugged backwards and turning to face his attacker, he saw it was a shadow shaped like a person, two glowing red eyes glaring daggers at him. “Um, yo! Whassup?” Ranma said, and chuckled before flipping backwards next to Akane. Ranma had fought many things in his life, but never had he fought a shadow, and he wasn’t sure he was about to try. Yes, it’d be about time to use the patented Saotome Secret Technique!

“Say Akane, how about we get the hell outta here?”

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Author’s Notes: This is sort of the first cliffhanger in the story, if you can call it that! Remember that reviews, comments, questions, and criticism are all appreciated! Tell me what you think of the fourth chapter of Nerima Ghost Detectives R Us!

Next Chapter:

When things at the Kuno Residence get a little stranger than usual, Ranma and the gang find themselves in more trouble than they bargained for! From giant roses to mutant rats, there seems to be no end of trouble, and just who knows what’s upstairs? Can they do this job, or will the Kuno House get the detectives for good? Like I’m going to tell you! You’ll just have to read the next chapter of Nerima Ghost Detectives R Us!

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