by Taitofan
Rated PG-13 for yaoi and a little bit of yuri
Disclaimer- Darnnit, I'm working on it! But no, I still don't own Yugioh or any of its yummy characters.
Author's note- Another older fic with minor characters. And my only SI. I was sugar high I'm afraid. But GhostHaga-sama and Usagi-sama wanted to see it, thus it's here. Oh, beware of breaking the forth wall... I�m also open to suggestion if you want another episode�
Flames? I eat flames with butterscotch sauce. They're mighty tasty. CC is appreciated more than you know. Please read, review, and enjoy! Finished 04-20-03
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Otogi was currently standing in front of a podium with a bunch of small cards in his hands. He wondered for about the fiftieth time in five minutes why in the world he agreed to do what he was about to go through with. But each time he reminded himself of the prize that would be awaiting him at the end of this crazy scheme. He hoped to every deity out there that it would all be worth it...
Suddenly, a bunch of bright lights came on and he heard clapping. That was his cue. 'Well, it's now or never...' Curtains were pulled back, showing a crowd of people still clapping. Otogi gave an award winning smile and began his appointed job.
"Hello everyone," he announced, "and welcome to the Yugioh Yaoi Dating Game! Here, instead of some silly Mary Sue, you'll see you're favorite Yugioh bishounens getting dates with your other favorite Yugioh bishounens. Of course, 'bishounen' is determined by Taitofan, crazed authoress and overseer of this program, so her definition of the word may be different from yours..."
/Watch it dicey-boy!/ an irked voice growled out of Otogi's earpiece. /Or you won't be getting your payment for doing this.../
Otogi decided very quickly not to upset the fangirl any farther.
"Well, let's start, shall we? Let's bring out our first episode's contestant, Jounouchi Katsuya!"
The crowd clapped wildly as Jounouchi walked onto the stage and took his seat.
"Hey everyone! I'm glad I'll be getting a date; I felt pretty foolish having my little sister dating before me..."
"Who's Shizuka dating?" asked a curious Otogi, wondering if Honda finally got his wish. Jounouchi snorted.
"Isis."
"Oh... Anyways, let's start! Time to bring out our mystery contestants!"
Four people (who you couldn't see as Taitofan wanted to be a brat and keep you guessing for a while) walked onto the stage, behind a curtain, and sat down. Otogi (who was the only one who could see the contestants at this point) promptly sweatdropped.
'I don't know if Jounouchi is going to like this...'
"Wait a sec," Jounouchi piped up. "Aren't there only suppose to be three contestants?"
"Yup," Otogi nodded. "But Taitofan said she had a hard enough time narrowing it down to four people, and she wasn't about to try to get only three. Did you know she likes you in more 'ships than any other character? Malik, Marik, and I included, and we're her favorite characters! Ahem, anyways, getting back to the game; let's learn about our four contestants!
Number one is a guy with an attitude problem who will do anything to win, cheating included! Number two has very bad luck when it comes to dueling, but keeps it up nonetheless. Number three fights for his family, even if it isn't always in the noblest way. And lastly, number four is a bit on the short side, but duels well, and is very sweet."
Otogi paused.
"Just so you know, Taitofan wrote those descriptions intending to be as vague as humanly possible. I'd say she succeeded..." Jounouchi began to laugh at the very thought.
"Vague? Yeah right! I already know who everyone is!"
/Jounouchi better be careful,/ the voice from Otogi's earpiece sounded again, /He'll be very surprised at the end of the game.../
For once, Otogi completely agreed.
"Okay, here's how the game will go. Jounouchi will ask any three questions he wants, and each of his four potential dates will answer. At the end, he'll pick who he wants. The other three will first be revealed, and then Jounouchi will meet face to face with his perfect match. All right! Let's begin! Jounouchi, go ahead." Jounouchi nodded and asked-
"Okay guys, since we're all duelists here, tell me truthfully; if we were dating and we dueled, who do you think would win?"
"...What kind of question was that?" Otogi asked, blinking. Jounouchi shrugged.
"I want to see how big their egos are. And see if they'll tell me the truth, since I already know who everyone is..." Otogi sighed at Jounouchi's own ego and nodded.
"Okay, you heard him. Starting with contestant number one, your answer?"
"As much as it pains me to admit it, we *have* dueled, and you won. It was just a fluke though... But with your famed dumb luck, you'd probably win again."
"Wait!" Jounouchi exclaimed. "That can't be right! Number one is supposed to be Seto Kaiba, who I have definitely *not* beaten. What's going on?"
"Taitofan regrets to inform you that Seto Kaiba is already dating someone. Two someone's actually... So he wasn't available. Moving on, number two?"
"Like number one, I've also dueled you. And also like number one, you beat me with your stupid tricks. So I'd have to say that you'd beat me again. 'Specially since you have my best card and the baka next to me has my other..."
"Hey!" Number three yelled. "I already said I was sorry, what else do you want?"
"I want my card back!"
"Too bad! I already lost *my* best card to Jounouchi. I need yours to keep my deck strong."
"The blonde baka has my best card too..." Number one sighed.
"Not mine!" Number four chirped.
"You're too short to count."
"Hey!"
"Enough!" Otogi shouted, getting the contestants to stop their bickering. "Number three?"
"Jounouchi also beat me before, but I'm a better duelist for it now... But I too would probably still lose."
"Oh!" Number two teased. "You're blushing!"
"Shut up!" Number three snapped.
"So three isn't Yami, is he?" Jounouchi sighed.
"Nope,� Otogi replied, shaking his head. "In fact, he's one of the guys Seto is seeing. Well, number four?"
"We've dueled too! But I lost just like everyone else, and that was with someone telling me what to do. So I'd probably lose one-on-one too."
"I take it that isn't Yuugi..."
"Nah. He completes the Yami-Seto-Yuugi threesome. At least now you don't know who you're dealing with. So go ahead and ask your next question."
Jounouchi thought about what he had heard for a moment. He knew he'd faced and beaten them all. If he just knew their cards... 'That's it!'
"Okay then. What's your favorite type of cards to use?"
Otogi sweatdropped, but knew where Jounouchi was going with the question, and was rather expecting it.
"Alright, let's start with number one..."
"That's easy! Insects of course!"
"Dinosaurs for me!"
"I rather like machines..."
"Zombies!"
It was then that Jounouchi felt like he'd been hit with a ton of bricks. 'I'm dealing with a bunch of minor characters!'
"Why in the name of fruitcake are my potential dates Haga Insector, Ryuzaki Dinosaur, Esper Roba, and Ghost Kotsuzuka?!" He thought for a few seconds before asking, "Didn't Bakura kill Ghost?"
"Yeah, but Taitofan got him to bring her 'future adoptive son' back to life somehow."
Jounouchi decided that he really didn't want to know.
"And to answer your other question, they're her favorite minor characters, and she likes you with all of them."
It was Jounouchi's turn to sweatdrop, muttering an "Okay..."
"Well," Otogi began, glad this insane game was almost over, "you know who the contestants are and you have one more question left. Go ahead."
Jounouchi thought. And thought. And thought some more. 'I know!'
"Alright, for my last question... Do you really want to date me, or did Taitofan rope you into this?"
"Taitofan. I'm really with Ryuzaki."
"Ditto. 'Cept of course, I'm with Haga, not myself."
"Actually, I do like you..."
"He's blushing again!"
"I said shut up Dinohead!"
"I like Keith! Taitofan said that if I came on her show, she'd get me a date with him!"
A few of the answers threatened to make Jounouchi sweatdrop again, but he resisted. He had an important, yet extremely easy decision to make.
"Well, that answers my question perfectly. I've decided that I want number three!"
The curtain was drawn, revealing the contestants (there was no point in revealing them individually as Jounouchi already knew who they were). Ryuzaki and Haga walked off the stage hand-in-hand to the delight of a few fangirls in the audience and (in Taitofan's opinion, the completely adorable) Ghost scampered off in search of Keith. That left Esper Roba, who walked over to the blonde, blushing, just as Ryuzaki had said.
"I'm so glad you picked me. Even if it was because I'm the only one who actually likes you..."
Jounouchi smiled and pulled Esper closer to him.
"Who says I don't like you too?"
Swiftly, he closed the gap completely and began to make out with the older boy. The audience went wild, clapping and cheering. Otogi faced the camera and smiled.
"Well, that's our show! Stay tuned for the next episode of the Yugioh Yaoi Dating Game!"
Then the curtains closed, signaling the end of the show. For then at least...
'That wasn't too bad... But now for my payment!' He ran backstage, past the still making out couple, where Taitofan was waiting for him.
"Ah Otogi, great job. And as I promised- Pictures of Bakura in his boxers. Enjoy! Maybe if you help out next time, those boxers won't be there..."
Otogi managed to grin in between drooling.
"Count me in!"