"When Your Heart Is Weak"

by: Jane Morrison

February 17, 2001

What's the matter with the way we look?

Surely it's not the end.

I've only meant to make my motions clear

You worry too much if it's understood,

Should we be seen as friends?

Seems like a real good beginning right here.

Cause when your heart is weak

I'm gonna pick the lock on it

My fingertips won't fail me,

No matter what you do...

Jason Morgan sat on the windowsill in Elizabeth's studio, wishing his

presence in Port Charles hadn't been revealed, that his secret times with

Elizabeth weren't coming to an end. He remembered the day she'd found him

here, the way her face lit up when she saw him. He remembered the longing

looks they shared as the weeks went by, both of them careful to never really

say what they were thinking, always dancing around the issue. Except for the

day she asked him about last summer, before they knew Lucky was alive, when

he'd taken her for long rides on his bike, hoping to numb her pain, if only

for a short time. She had asked him if he ever thought about those times,

and when he saw the look in her eyes, he knew he couldn't lie to her, had to

tell her the truth. "All the time," he had said, and they'd looked at each

other for a long minute before she turned from him, nervously gathering her

things and making a hasty exit from the studio. He understood then that she

wasn't ready to face the reality of what was happening between them.

But last night, after he pulled Sonny from the fire in the warehouse, the

first thing he'd seen when he looked up was Elizabeth. She was holding white

roses in her arms, from Lucky of course, but she was looking at him, moving

toward him. She dropped the flowers, let them fall unnoticed to the ground,

as she started to reach her arm out to him. Time stood still for him in that

moment and all he wanted was for her to come to him, to feel her arms around

him, to feel her body against his. God knows he'd dreamt about it, many

times, in fact had dreamt about doing much more than just hold her. But as

he'd started to hold his arms out to her, he saw Lucky approach her and pick

up the roses, put his arm around her and spirit her away. But she kept her

gaze on him as Lucky led her away, and he knew in that moment that she felt

the same; now all he had to do was wait for her to realize it.

Later, he was putting his things into his dufffel bag when he heard the

door of the studio open. He smiled when he saw Elizabeth. "Hey."

"Hey, Jason."

"I didn't expect to see you here; I just came by to pick up my things.

I'll get out of your way in a few minutes so you can get to work."

"I'm not here to work, and you wouldn't be in my way if I was. Actually

I came by hoping you'd be here. There's something I have to talk to you

about." She put her purse down on the table and ran her hands through her

hair.

He looked at her, concerned. "You're upset. What's happened?"

"You really scared me last night, you know. I thought you were..."

He waved his hand. "I'm fine, Elizabeth. I only did what I had to do to

save Sonny. Now tell me what else has you so upset."

"I told Lucky I knew you were in town before the fire."

"And he wasn't happy."

She shook her head. "He was so upset, Jason, and he said some terrible

things to me. I've never seen him like that before. But I didn't tell him

all of it. I didn't tell him you were here in the studio, even when he asked

me about it. I just couldn't."

He tilted his head and looked at her questioningly. "Why didn't you tell

him?"

She took a deep breath. "It's complicated."

"Sometimes you make things more complicated than they need to be."

She looked at him, shocked. "I do?"

He nodded. "I don't mean that in a bad way, Elizabeth. I just mean that

sometimes you don't always see the truth about things. You play it safe and

cling to the way you think things should be."

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean."

"I know you don't now. But you will one day. I promise things will be a

lot simpler, and a lot clearer for you. But I can't tell you what to think

or feel, or do. No one can. Only you can do that."

She walked toward the window to look out so she wouldn't have to look at

him when she spoke. "I don't know why I didn't tell him about you staying

here, Jason. I've never lied to him before."

Jason looked at her for a long time before going to the window to stand

behind her. When he finally spoke his voice was soft, barely audible. "I

think you do know why. I think we both know why, Elizabeth."

The love you cannot see yet

Is about to witness a dawning

And you can twist and turn

But you won't get loose

Better forget getting rid of me

I don't see how you can

You put me off and I will hunt you

down....again....

She turned to him then, tears stinging her eyes, and she saw the truth

reflected in his eyes. It was a moment of such pure clarity that she felt

her knees go weak. She did know why she'd kept the truth from Lucky, but she

couldn't say it, not now, not yet. She couldn't even admit it to herself.

She only knew she had to get away from Jason before she did something she

might regret. So instead she said. "I have to go, Jason. Lucky will be

waiting for me, and he told me...." She started to tell him that Lucky had

forbidden her to see him again, but stopped herself. It sounded so terrible,

as if Lucky were the worst, most controlling person in the world, and that

wasn't the truth. It couldn't be the truth.

"What did Lucky tell you?"

She looked down and seemed distracted for a moment, as if she hadn't

heard him. "I think I know one of the reasons why I didn't tell him all of

it."

Jason didn't respond, but looked at her intently, waiting for her to go

on.

"I think I wanted to keep this for myself. For us. Does that make any

sense?"

He took a deep breath. "Yes." He waited a moment before speaking again.

"Now, will you tell me what Lucky said?"

"It doesn't matter. I only came by to tell you..." She hesitated, and

Jason saw the pain in her eyes as she continued. "...to tell you that I'm

glad you're okay, and that I've been thinking and I've decided it would be

best if we didn't see each other anymore, at least for a while."

The hurt in his eyes was unbearable to see, so she turned to gather her

purse, but she felt his eyes following her as she headed for the door.

"Elizabeth, is that what you want? If it is, you know I'll respect it, but I

want to know if it's what you really want."

"Jason..."

"Just answer me and then you can go. I need to know."

She had to look away from him again. The way he was looking at her

unnerved her, made her feel lightheaded and weak, made her want to lock the

door and stay here with him, and close out the rest of the world forever.

"It won't be for long, Jason, just until Lucky calms down about this. I

really have to go, now."

She turned toward the door and as she started to pull it open, she felt

Jason's hand grab hers, pulling her toward him, so she had to face him again.

He put his other hand on the side of her face, gently rubbing her cheek with

his thumb.

"Elizabeth, you didn't answer my question. Is this what you really want?"

She closed her eyes, clutching his hand tightly, her head spinning from

the feelings his touch stirred in her. When she opened her eyes and looked

at him she whispered, "You know it's not what I want."

He smiled sadly. "Yes, I do know that."

Elizabeth was trembling. "Jason..."

"It's okay, you can go back to Lucky now. Even though I think you really

want to stay here with me."

"I can't, Jason. I just can't. I have to go." She reached up and put

her free arm around his neck, hugging him tightly before she looked up at

him. "I'll see you sometime soon, okay? I promise."

Jason nodded and reluctantly let go of her hand, turning his back to her

as he heard the door open, not wanting to see her leave. He had to take a

deep breath, to fight the urge to run after her, to bring her back, to beg

her to stay, to tell her the truth about what he felt, what he wanted.

"Elizabeth...wait..." He turned and approached her. "I knew I could trust

you and you didn't let me down. I'll never forget that."

"You know you can always trust me."

He reached up to smooth her hair back with his hand, resting it behind

her head as he leaned down, his lips just grazing hers. "I'll be waiting for

you, Elizabeth, when you're ready. Until then, I want you to remember this,

and think about it." He could feel her heart pounding as his arm circled her

waist, his hand on the small of her back, pulling her close. He kissed her

gently at first, then with more urgency as he felt her arms slide up around

his neck, her hands on the back of his head, pulling him closer to return his

kiss. He felt her tongue parting his lips, seeking his, and he took her face

in his hands, savoring the taste of her, the feel of her body next to his,

until suddenly her hands flew to his, pulling them away from her face She

sobbed as she pulled away from him.

"Oh God. I didn't mean...I can't do this..." She looked up at him

briefly, her eyes shining, her expression a mixture of fear and remorse and

desire. "I'm sorry, Jason." Then she turned and fled from the studio, the

door slamming behind her.

I'm mighty patient when I have to be

You have given me that

Still I look forward to the day you let me in

'Cause when your heart is weak

I'm gonna pick the lock on it

My fingertips won't fail me

No matter what you do

He yanked the door open, calling after her. "Elizabeth, wait...please..."

But it was too late. She was gone. It would take time, but he knew

she'd be back someday. Someday soon. When her heart was weak and she knew

he was the only one who could heal it, and when she was no longer afraid of

what she felt for him, what she must know he felt for her. He couldn't wait

forever, and he knew if she didn't come to him soon, he would have to go to

her. For now he would be patient, but as he closed the door and leaned

against it, closing his eyes, his lips still searing from her kiss, he

wondered how he could possibly get through the days ahead without her.

I'm gonna prove myself worthy

No more just hanging on

WIthout a prayer of a chance

I'm gonna come without warning

When your defenses are down and you're in

a desperate need

Oh, I bet you then, you'll welcome me

Your old companion....

Your old companion....

...Oh my baby...cause when your heart is weak

gonna pick the lock on it...my fingertips won't fail me...

no matter what you do...oh baby...cause when your

heart is weak, gonna pick the lock on it...and you

can twist and turn but you won't get loose....oh baby.....

The end.

Song: "When Your Heart is Weak" by Cock Robin

Words and Lyrics by Peter Kingsbery, 1984