~~Chapter One~~

As Jason Morgan sat at the bar drinking his beer, Jake was quietly observing him from behind the bar, just as she had been for the past few nights when he had been here. She wondered who he was waiting for, or rather watching for to show up. She thought it must be someone special, because he had been glancing toward the door every few minutes for the whole evening.

Each time he heard the door open, he turned to see who had come in, and she saw the look of disappointment on his face as he turned back to his beer, laughing a little to himself as he did. Finally, near the end of the evening, when she heard him laughing softly to himself again, she had to ask, "Something funny, Jason?"

He looked up at her, still smiling to himself, and she couldn't help but smile with him. Seeing him smile was such an unusual occurrence, and she was sure he had no idea how infectious it was. He started to speak, "No." He hesitated, then started again. "Well, maybe. Think I'll keep it to myself though."

Jason didn't want to admit to himself, let alone to Jake, that he was watching for Elizabeth Webber to come in, didn't want to admit how much he was hoping that she would. He had found himself thinking about her a lot since seeing her in here over a week ago, when he had "rescued" her from a man who was giving her a hard time, trying to get her to dance with him. It was obvious that she didn't want to dance with him, so Jason had intervened. But he soon realized that she did not need "rescuing". He had to admit, she had really held her own against the guy and once Jason saw that, he realized that she didn't really need his help. At first she had been angry that he intervened but soon she was pouring her heart out to him about how much she missed Lucky. He had some understanding of how she felt. He missed Robin, and he missed Michael and knew what it was like to miss someone every day. And he knew that what she and Lucky had shared was something few people find in their lifetime. He had found it with Robin, but had lost it. Losing her was nearly the same thing as Elizabeth losing Lucky; the only difference was that Robin was still alive. He was not faced with the prospect of never seeing her again. He could only imagine the grief that Elizabeth must be going through knowing that Lucky was truly lost to her forever.

And so he had listened to her as she talked about how difficult her life was now without Lucky, how she didn't know what to wish for anymore. He had listened quietly, understanding that she just needed to talk and that no responses were really necessary. She just needed someone to listen. He sensed that she hadn't been able to talk to anyone else about what she was really going through and he was glad she felt she could confide in him. In the end, he had taken her for a ride on his motorcycle and it had seemed to do her good. She seemed to be a bit more cheerful when he dropped her off at home. But he knew the sadness would come back eventually, and he had hoped she would seek him out again when that happened.

Jake's voice brought him back to the present. "Come on, Jason, who you waiting for? You can tell your old friend and confidante Jake, can't you?"

"Not this time, Jake. Sorry." He looked up at the clock and saw that it was nearly 11:00. He didn't think Elizabeth would show up this late, or even at all, after what had happened the last time he had seen her here. Besides he really didn't like the idea of her coming into Jake's alone. And hadn't she mentioned that she would be starting her college classes soon? She was probably home studying. He stood up then and placed a twenty dollar bill on the bar. "See you later, Jake." She waved at him, shaking her head as he walked out the door.

He got on his motorcycle and headed toward the penthouse, but soon found himself just driving, with no particular destination, until he was on the street where Elizabeth lived. He slowed his motorcycle to a stop in front of her house and looked up at the window where a light still burned even though it was nearly midnight now. He knew that her grandmother would hardly approve of her friendship with him.

In fact, few of her acquaintances would approve. But he realized that to be her friend was exactly what he wanted and maybe even needed right now. He surprised even himself when he started talking about Michael, about how much he loved being a father to him, about how much he missed him now that he didn't see him anymore. He thought that the reason they were able to talk so easily to each other was because neither expected anything from the other. There were no hidden agendas between them like there always seemed to be with Carly. He liked that, the fact that they could become friends with no expectations of what the other would provide. They could just simply be friends.

And besides, he could use a friend like Elizabeth right now, just as she certainly seemed to need someone who could lend a sympathetic ear, someone who could offer quiet understanding and would not judge her or lecture her. He really wanted to talk to her right now, but knew it would not be a good idea to knock on the door at this late hour. He watched her house for a few moments, and glanced up at the window, wondering if it was her bedroom, before turning and heading back toward his penthouse. He decided that he would stop by Kelly's the next day to see how she was doing, to ask if she was feeling better.

Elizabeth Webber sat at her desk studying, although she was barely concentrating on the text in front of her. She was thinking about Jason Morgan and how he had listened to her so intently that night at Jake's as she talked about Lucky. It had felt so good to be able to talk to someone about how she was really feeling and not have to pretend that she was over Lucky's death. It was such an absurd concept. How could anyone expect her to ever be over Lucky's death? He had been her life, her whole reason for living, and no one else but Jason seemed to understand how lost and desolate she felt without him. She didn't know why, but she felt comfortable telling Jason her innermost thoughts. And he had listened, never taking his eyes from her face as she spoke. She knew he was really listening, and that he understood how much she was hurting.

And after they left Jake's she remembered the feeling of freedom as she rode on the back of his motorcycle. She understood why he was able to forget his problems when he rode. It was wonderful to feel the wind and the speed and to just clear her mind of all thoughts, even if it was only for a short time.

As she was thinking about Jason she heard the faint sounds of a motorcycle out front. She got up and looked out the window, wondering if it was Jason, but she could only hear the sound of the engine as it disappeared down the street. Of course Jason would not show up here. She laughed a little at herself for even entertaining the thought that it could be him. Still, part of her wished he would come to her house, just to say hello or offer to take her for another ride on his motorcycle. Maybe when she saw him next, she would ask him to take her for a ride. Anything to help her forget how much she missed Lucky, how much she did not want to live her life without him.

~~Chapter 2~~

~~~~~~~

Elizabeth sat on the docks with her bare feet dangling in the water as she sketched. She realized that her drawings were not as angry as they had been. She held up her sketch book and studied the picture she had drawn, unable to decide if she liked it or not. Finally she tore it off and crumpled it up, and soon found herself sketching an evening gown she had seen and liked in the window of one of the stores downtown. Instead of sketching it the way it had looked she made some adjustments to it, to suit her taste. She loved the feeling it gave her as she created the perfect dress. She jumped when she heard the voice behind her.

"That's very good."

She turned and looked up to see Jason standing behind her. She smiled. "Oh, hi, Jason."

"You would look good in that dress."

"Thanks. It's not a real dress. I just kind of created it."

"It looks good to me. Not that I know anything about dresses, but I like how it looks on paper. I can see you in it. It suits you."

"Well, maybe I'll try to make it. I've never tried to make anything without a pattern, but maybe I should try."

He smiled. "I see a great career ahead for you as a ….what do they call it, a fashion designer?"

"Now, how do you know anything about fashion designing?"

"Carly. She used to buy all those fashion magazines when she lived with me."

"Oh. Well, I doubt that I have a future as a fashion designer, but thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Mind if I sit down?"

She shook her head, and moved her box of colored pencils to make room for him to sit He winced when he saw her feet in the water. "Isn't the water kind of cold this time of year?"

"No, not too bad. I figure I won't be able to do this much longer. It's very calming to come here and draw. Lucky and I used to come here all the time and just sit and talk, planning our future. I have a lot of good memories of being here with him."

Jason nodded as he looked at her, seeing the tears welling in her eyes. "So, how are you doing?"

"I'm okay. I'm just trying to take a day at a time. I can't really think too much about the future. It's still too painful for me."

"I hope it will get better for you."

She looked away for a minute, then back at him. "How are you?"

"I'm okay. I saw Michael in the park the other day."

"Does it hurt to see him and not be able to spend time with him?"

"Yea, it does, but he's better off. He's less confused now. That's the

most important thing." She nodded. "It's been awhile since I saw you at Jake's. I was pretty

pathetic that night wasn't I?"

He looked at her, his eyes serious. "No. You weren't pathetic. You were hurting. There's a big difference between pathetic and hurting. You just thought you could make the hurt go away by creating a bigger one."

"I know that going out looking for trouble was the wrong thing now. It was stupid. I appreciate everything you did for me that night. You made me feel a little better."

"I'm glad. Listen, I need to get going, but how would you like to go for another ride later on?"

"Really? I would love it."

"You liked it then?"

"Yea, a lot. It made me forget about Lucky for awhile. It made me feel free for some reason."

"Now you know why I ride when I'm upset about something."

She nodded. "I'm not doing anything later. I'd love to go."

Jason stood up. "Okay. I'll pick you up at your house around 7. Is that okay?"

"Yea, it's fine. I'll be ready."

"I'll see you then." Elizabeth watched him as he walked away. Talking to him had made her feel better that night at Jake's and seeing him now made her feel better, too. She looked back at the sketch of the dress and a plan started to formulate in her head. She began to get excited about the prospect of creating something of her own and decided to go to the store and find the perfect fabric for the dress.

Jason picked her up promptly at 7 o'clock and they rode out into the country for several hours. Elizabeth loved it and felt almost exhilarated when he finally came to a stop outside a small restaurant outside of town. She climbed off the bike, taking the helmet off and smiling. "Jason, that was wonderful. Thank you."

He smiled. "I'm glad you like it. It's good to see you smile. Are you hungry?"

"Yea, I am, a little."

"Let's get something to eat here. They have pretty good food."

In fact, the food was delicious and they were the only patrons in the restaurant other than a couple sitting in the corner. Elizabeth watched them with envy, thinking of all the times she and Lucky had sat in a restaurant much the same way, oblivious to all that was around them, focused only on each other. She felt a pang of longing, and guilt because she had enjoyed the ride with Jason. Well, it didn't mean she didn't still love Lucky did it? Wasn't it okay to have fun once in awhile?

Jason studied her for a moment before speaking. "How are you really?"

"Am I that transparent?"

He shook his head. "No. I just wondered how you're really doing since the other night."

"Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"Well, I have good days and I have bad days. More bad than good it seems. Some days I feel pretty good, and almost hopeful for the future. But most of the time I miss Lucky so much I can't bear it. I miss so many things about him. Do you know the worst part?" He did not respond, but kept his eyes on her. "It's hard to think about what really happened to him, you know, the fire….that's what haunts me at night." She felt the tears stinging in her eyes. "But it's almost like I can't really comprehend it. Does that make sense?"

When he finally spoke, his voice was soft. "It does. I think the brain has a way of protecting you from comprehending really horrible things. My brain doesn't remember a lot of things you know."

"What do you mean?"

"I was in an accident a few years ago. I have no memory of my life before that."

"Oh, I heard about that. Isn't that weird for you?"

He laughed a little at that. "Not at all. I don't know any different. I don't remember being a Quartermaine. And from what I've seen of them, other than Emily and Monica and my grandmother, the past few years, I have to think of that as a blessing of sorts."

She laughed, too. "That's a good point."

They sat in silence for awhile, neither feeling the need to speak. Elizabeth was happy to be with someone who didn't spend all his time trying to make her feel better, the way Nikolas did, and Emily. She knew they cared about her, but it was tiring for her to be around them sometimes because they tried too hard to try to help her forget about Lucky. If only they realized that they needed to let her have her memories of him. Finally she looked up at Jason.

"Do you think I'll always miss him?"

"Honestly? Yes. I still miss Robin every day."

"What happened between you two?" She saw his expression darken and she reached out and touched his hand lightly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business."

"No, it's okay. It's just kind of complicated. We loved each other and still do, we just can't be together. Sometimes love isn't enough to keep two people together. I've learned that."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I told Robin once that even if I never saw her again, just knowing she was alive and healthy somewhere was enough for me."

"That's a beautiful sentiment." She sensed that he didn't really want to talk about Robin right now, so she changed the subject. "Do you want to know what I did today after I saw you?"

He smiled. "Sure."

"I went and bought the fabric to make my dress. It's dark green velvet. I think I know how to make it myself by combining a couple of different patterns."

"Good. You'll have to let me see it when you're done, especially since I was the first to see the plans for it."

"Okay."

Jason looked at his watch. "It's getting kind of late. Do you think we

should head back?"

"Yea, I have an early class in the morning. But can we take the long way home?"

"Addicted are you?"

"Maybe a little. Besides, it's such a beautiful night."

"Okay, we'll take the long way home."

After taking a different route home, he dropped her off at her house. She handed him the helmet and touched his hand. "Thanks, Jason."

He smiled. "You're welcome. We'll do it again some time soon."

"I'd like that." She turned toward the door and started walking, then turned back to him. "You should smile more often. You have a really nice smile."

Jason looked down briefly, then looked into her eyes. "I'll try to remember that when I see you next time."

Elizabeth went inside and up to her bedroom. She knelt by the window, the window where five months ago today she had last said goodbye to Lucky. She knelt by this window every night before going to bed and talked to Lucky. Tonight she told him about Jason and how grateful she was to have someone to talk to who was honest with her. "When I asked him if he thought I would always miss you, he was honest with me and said, yes, probably. I like that he didn't tell me that with time it would get easier and that I would miss you less, like everyone else does. I never knew Jason that well before you….well, before you were gone, but I understand now why you admired him so much. He's a lot like you, you know. He's compassionate and he really listens to me when I talk, but he doesn't question me. I think we can be really good friends. I hope so anyway. It's such a relief to have someone I can talk to about what I'm really feeling The truth is, Lucky, that I miss you more every day and it doesn't ever get any easier. I can't imagine a day when I don't miss you and want to see you. If I could just feel your arms around me one more time…." She sighed deeply as she felt the tears starting again and looked out the window at the stars, where she knew Lucky surely had to be. "Good night, Lucky, I love you. Dreams of gold…"

~~~Chapter 3~~~

Jason Morgan paced impatiently outside Kelly's DIner as he waited for Carly. She had called him earlier in the day in a panic begging him to meet her here at 2:00. It was now 2:30 and she had not shown up yet. He could not imagine what her current "crisis" was, but from past experience her histrionics were usually just an excuse to see him. In fact, he was relieved that she had not shown up; he really wasn't in the mood to deal with her today. He would give her ten more minutes and then he was leaving. He sat down at one of the tables just as Elizabeth walked up. He smiled when he saw her, remembering what she had said about his smile.

"Hey, Jason."

"Elizabeth. What's going on?"

"I'm just starting my shift. Can I get you something?"

"A coke would be good. Do you have a minute to sit and talk? I'll buy."

She returned his smile. "Sure. I'll be right back"

When she returned, Carly was sitting at the table with him and he looked annoyed. Elizabeth set the coke down in front of him and hesitated, not sure what to do with the other one when Carly looked at her, then at Jason and beamed, "How sweet, you ordered for me before I even got here."

Elizabeth started to set the drink down in front of Carly but Jason put his hand up to stop her. "No, Carly. The drink is for Elizabeth." He looked at Carly's confused expression and then back at Elizabeth. "Carly was just leaving."

"I was....?"

"Carly, we're finished here. Go home."

Carly stood up and glared at Elizabeth before turning to Jason. "We're not finished with this, Jason.." She turned and walked away from them, obviously upset with Jason for cutting their conversation short. Jason motioned for Liz to sit down.

"That seemed pretty intense. I could have left you alone."

"No. We really were done. She was giving me a headache."

"You're sure?"

"Yea. Me and Carly, we're kinda like oil and water these days."

"You don't get along?"

"It's not that so much. It's….well, let's just say our relationship is kind of complicated. I mean, I care about Carly, I really do. She just makes me crazy most of the time."

"Well, I don't really know her very well. I always wished she could have gotten to know Lucky. I think they would have liked each other."

He smiled, "I think you're right. Lucky would have been a good influence on Carly." He looked at Elizabeth more closely. "You okay?"

"Yea. It's just a rough day for me. I didn't get much sleep last night."

"After our ride? I thought you'd sleep like a baby."

"Me too, but I kept thinking about Lucky. I felt guilty because I had a good time with you."

"You shouldn't feel guilty about that, Elizabeth. Lucky would want you to have good times."

"I know. But it was also five months ago yesterday, the fire....you know." Tears welled in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that."

"There's no reason why you would remember."

"Elizabeth, I cared about Lucky, too. I should have remembered."

"You know, I remember you and Sonny the night of the fire."

He tilted his head. "You do?"

"Yea. You both looked so sad. I remember the looks on your faces, like you felt responsible. And I remember when Detective Taggert gave me Lucky's subway token and I felt myself falling. Sonny caught me and held me. I'll always remember that."

Jason looked at her for a moment before saying softly. "I remember that, too."

She felt the tears welling in her eyes again and tried to wipe them away. "Listen, I need to get inside and start my shift. Thanks for the coke."

"Sure. I'll see you later. Feel better, okay?"

She nodded and went inside. Jason sat at the table for a few minutes thinking about Elizabeth. She loved Lucky so much, as much as he loved Robin. He didn't think there would ever be a time when he didn't love Robin. He wasn't sure how he felt about Carly. For the most part, she really did make him crazy, yet he did care about her, maybe he even loved her, he wasn't sure. But could they ever have a future together? He doubted it. She had lied to him too many times, had connived and schemed and done whatever it took to always get her own way. He could never completely trust her, of that much he was certain. Besides, could he ever really give his heart to anyone else when it still belonged to Robin? Even after what she had done to him, he could not deny that he still loved her. But he wasn't sure they could have a future together either. Maybe years from now, when the pain of her betrayal had faded in his memory. For now, that wound was still open and much too painful.

Then there was Elizabeth, so open and so vulnerable right now. He enjoyed spending time with her, listening to her as she remembered Lucky, enjoyed taking her for rides on his motorcycle and helping her forget her own deep pain for awhile. He found himself thinking about her more often than not, but in what way he still couldn't be sure. She was certainly very beautiful, with eyes that revealed her true feelings even as she tried to hide them from the world. She had been through far too much heartache for someone her age and since she needed someone to confide in right now, he would try to always be there for her when she needed him.

He arose from the table and looked inside Kelly's briefly. Just as he was turning to leave, Elizabeth looked up and saw him. She smiled and waved to him as he held up his hand to her and turned to walk away.

Later that night, Elizabeth sat at her sewing table working on the dress she was creating. She was tired, but determined to get at least some of this done tonight. She was gong to a benefit in a few weeks for RAINN, (Rape and Incest National Network), an organization she had become involved with recently, and she wanted to wear the dress then. She felt that if recounting her experience when she was raped could help just one person begin to heal, it was worth it. Besides, Lucky had been the one to help her after she was raped, and now it was her turn to help someone else. She enjoyed working with the children most, and found it so rewarding when she could make them feel better if only for the time she was with them. She seemed to have a natural affinity for the younger ones, and looked forward to the one day a week she spent with them.

It was close to midnight when she finally got up from the table and went to her room. Without turning on the light, she knelt before the open window to say goodnight to Lucky, just as she did every night, then crawled into bed and pulled up the covers against the fall chill in the air. Finally she dozed, images of Lucky dancing in her head. Images of Lucky in the boxcar singing to her, and then kissing her, their first, sweet, magical kiss. Images of Lucky and her dancing at Kelly's the night of the fire, so happy, so full of love and hope. Images of Lucky saying goodbye to her one last time at her window. Then the awful scream of the sirens that were the first warning that night that something was terribly wrong. She awoke then with a start, sweat pouring down her face, her breathing labored. She buried her head in her hands as she sobbed, wondering if her dreams of Lucky would ever have a happy ending.

~~~Chapter 4~~~

Elizabeth stood in front of her mirror, looking at the dress she had created, smiling as she admired her own handiwork. She was pleased with the results, and had derived great satisfaction from the hard work she had endured to complete it in time for tonight's benefit. The dress was the deep green velvet she had chosen several weeks ago, with a fitted bodice

decorated with tiny green beads, and a fuller, flared skirt starting at the hips and flowing down to her ankles. The three quarter length sleeves and the heart shaped neckline were both adorned with matching green lace.

She pulled her hair up and secured it with a green velvet ribbon she had made with fabric from the dress. She turned to the left, then the right and was suddenly hit with blinding doubt about whether she should wear the dress.

Her moment of doubt stemmed from the fact that she was going to the benefit alone and would be greeting many of Port Charles' most influential people. Maybe she should wear something more conservative, maybe this dress wasn't right after all. She felt like crying as she began looking in her closet for something else to wear. She sighed heavily. She was startled by the voice she heard behind her. "Elizabeth, you look beautiful. You should wear that dress."

She turned to see Lucky standing in front of her window. He was wearing the same clothes he had been wearing the night of the fire, and he was smiling at her, his eyes full of love for her. She whispered his name as she reached out to touch him, knowing as she did so that his image would vanish, just as it always did. It had happened more than once since he had been gone. She would see him in a crowd, or across a street, or sitting in Kelly's as she walked through the door, or sitting on the bench on the docks, and even sleeping on her bedroom floor if she awoke from a bad dream. Luke had told her he had seen him, too, had had real conversations with him. For

Elizabeth it always comforted her, and seeing him now gave her the confidence she needed to go to the benefit alone and to wear her new creation. She whispered, "Thank you, Lucky, " and turned to check her reflection one last time as she heard the doorbell ring. She grabbed her purse and headed downstairs to the waiting cab.

She arrived at the benefit, which was being held at a room in a restaurant close to the docks. She was pleased to see such a good turn out. This was an important cause for her, and she had hoped the benefit tonight would be a success. Judging from the amount of people in the room, she was sure it would be. After an hour or so of talking with people she knew from RAINN, she spotted Laura Spencer across the room. As she made her way to speak with her, she felt a hand on her arm.

"Excuse me, Elizabeth?"

She turned to see the smiling face of Chloe Morgan. "Chloe, hi.. I'm so glad you could come."

"I wouldn't have missed an opportunity to donate money to such a wonderful cause. I have to tell you, I've been admiring your dress all evening and I just had to speak with you. It is absolutely beautiful."

"Well, thank you. That means so much coming from you."

"Where ever did you find it? I'm certain I've never seen that dress anywhere. In fact, I have never seen anything quite like it."

Elizabeth laughed, trying not to reveal how nervous she was talking to the fashion designer she admired most. She certainly had not expected Chloe Morgan, of all people, to comment on her dress. "You wouldn't have seen it anywhere. I made it myself."

Chloe's eyes widened, even sparkled. "Surely not from a pattern?"

"No, I designed it myself."

"I'm very impressed. Is this something you do often?"

"Actually, this is the first one I've attempted to make myself."

"You've done an outstanding job, Elizabeth. It looks quite beautiful on

you. Do you have other sketches?"

She laughed again. "Oh, I have a whole notebook full!"

"I would love to see them."

Chloe sounded so sincere, but Elizabeth was afraid to say yes. "They're

not that good, really."

"You know, I'd really like to see them and decide for myself. I've been looking for someone to work with me as an apprentice. Do you think that's something you'd be interested in doing?"

"Me? Well, I think so, yes. But, I'm not that good and I do have classes at PC University. But, do you mean you would consider hiring me? I mean, if you like my sketches?"

"Based on this dress alone? Yes. We could work something out around your schedule. Why don't you meet me at the Port Charles Grill tomorrow around 11:30 and we'll have lunch and talk about it? And bring your sketches with you."

Elizabeth tried to keep her expression calm, but inside her stomach was in knots. This could be something really big if Chloe liked her sketches. She wasn't sure she was ready for it. Without Lucky to encourage her, she was not so confident of her abilities. "You're serious aren't you?"

"Of course I am."

Ned Ashton, who had been standing with Chloe and had heard the entire conversation, looked at Elizabeth, smiling. "She really means it, Liz. Chloe never says anything she doesn't mean. Take her up on her offer. I promise you won't regret it. Oh, and by the way, you do look absolutely stunning in that dress."

Elizabeth smiled. "Thank you, Ned. That means a lot to me."

Chloe put her arm around Elizabeth's shoulder briefly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some other people I need to talk to. But I'll see you tomorrow at 11:30."

Elizabeth swallowed hard, wanting to tell her she wasn't sure, but instead thought about Lucky, knowing he would tell her to do it. So she said, "I'll be there."

Chloe smiled warmly. "I'm looking forward to it."

Elizabeth watched Ned and Chloe walk away and did not hear Jason walk up behind her and call her name. "Elizabeth? Hey Elizabeth,.are you okay?"

She looked up to see him standing beside her.

"Jason, ¦I'm fine." She relaxed at the sight of him. "Really, I'm fine."

"I didn't expect you to be here tonight."

"Oh, I'm a member of RAINN. I do some counseling there one night a week. I counsel the younger kids who have been raped or abused. Sometimes I think it helps me more than it does them. It makes me feel like I'm doing something positive with my experience."

"Well, I think they're lucky to have you. I'm sure you're wonderful with

them." She smiled. "Look at you all dressed up in a tux."

"Yea, it's not my favorite thing to wear."

"You look great in it though. So what are you doing here? I certainly didn't expect you to be here either."

"Sonny read about this benefit in the paper and decided he wanted to make a donation."

"Jason, that's great. We always need donations. It costs a lot more to keep something like this going than people realize."

"Well, he's made a very generous donation."

"Is he here?"

Jason laughed. "Yea, I guess he's my date tonight. How about you? Are you here with anyone?"

"No, I came alone. Nikolas was supposed to come with me but he had to go out of town for a few days."

"I wish I'd known that. I would have been happy to bring you."

"Oh, that's okay. I know a lot of people here. I have an empty chair at my table for dinner. Would you like to join me? I can find room for Sonny, too."

"Yea, I'd like that."

Jason eyed her for a moment before touching the sleeve of her dress lightly. "This is the dress you were sketching on the docks that day."

She looked at him, amazed that he remembered. "How do you know that?"

"I remember it. And I remember that you told me you bought green velvet

fabric. I told you it would be a good color on you. I wasn't wrong. You look beautiful."

Elizabeth looked down, suddenly embarrassed as she felt her face turning red. Jason tilted his head and smiled at her. "Hey, don't be embarrassed. You really do look beautiful. You put all the other women here to shame."

She finally found her voice and whispered. "Thank you."

"That's better."

Elizabeth looked up to see Sonny smiling as she approached them. "Hey, Elizabeth. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. Jason tells me you made a donation. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much every dollar counts."

"Are you involved with this cause?"

"Yes, I am. It's my charity of choice. I do some work for them."

He smiled. "Good. I'll be making regular donations in the future."

"Thank you, Sonny. I told Jason I have a place for both of you at my table for dinner. He already said yes. Will you join us?"

"I'd be honored, Elizabeth. By the way, you look lovely in that dress."

"Thanks. Will you two excuse me for a few minutes? I need to talk to Laura."

Jason spoke. "Sure, I have something I need to take care of, too."

As Jason watched Liz walk away, Sonny smiled at him. "So, care to tell me what's going on?"

Jason looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"Come on, I guess you can't see that gleam in your eye. You like her."

"Well, yea, I like her. I've always liked her. We've become pretty good friends in the past few weeks. I kind of rescued her one night at Jake's and she opened up to me. She talked a lot about Lucky. She still misses him a lot. She just needs someone to talk to."

Sonny's expression grew serious. "We all miss him, but it's gotta be so much worse for her. I never saw two kids more in love than they were. Man, that kid was something else wasn't he?"

"Yes he was."

Later, at dinner the names of the people who had made donations were announced. Jason did not lie; Sonny had made an extremely generous donation.

Jason had also made an equally generous donation. Elizabeth turned to say something to the person on the opposite side of her from Jason when she heard her name announced as having donated $10,000. She started to protest, to tell them there must be some mistake. Jason leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Just stand up and acknowledge your donation, Elizabeth."

She looked at Jason and finally and stood up, smiling, unable to speak. When she sat down and turned to him again, she felt the tears stinging her eyes.. "Why? Why would you do that for me?"

"It's a good cause, Elizabeth. I wanted to do it for you, kind of as a way to thank you for being such a good friend. I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I know. It's just that…¦." She knew she was going to start crying and would be unable to stop herself. "I'm sorry, will you excuse me, Jason?"

Elizabeth got up and hurried from the room, stepping outside for some fresh air. She could barely comprehend the events of the evening. A possible job offer from Chloe Morgan, all the compliments on her dress, and now Jason donating money in her name to the cause closest to her heart. She walked for awhile, finding her way to the place on the docks where she and Lucky had often sat to discuss their plans for the future. She sighed and whispered his name. My life is changing so much, Lucky, and you're not here to see it, she thought.

"Elizabeth."

She turned to see Jason standing behind her. He had followed her to the docks.

"I'm sorry if I upset you."

"Jason, you didn't upset me. It's just been a really emotional night for me. I haven't told you this before, but sometimes I see Lucky. Just for a few seconds, but he's so clear, it's almost as if I could reach out and touch him, but of course I can't. I saw him tonight, just before I came here. He told me I looked beautiful."

"You do. I told you that, too, and I meant it. I see Michael, too, you know. I hear him crying at night, but of course he isn't really there. He's with his family."

"You know, Luke told me he sees Lucky all the time. He even has conversations with him. I think sometimes when you can't see a person anymore, no matter what the reason, and you love them, their spirit is still with you, and you still see them and hear them. Does that make any sense?"

"It makes perfect sense." He waited a moment before continuing. "Did something else happen tonight? You were talking to Chloe and you didn't hear me call your name when I first saw you."

She looked into Jason's eyes, and realized that he reminded her so much of Lucky. He had the same way of looking at her, never taking his eyes from her, and he always cared what she had to say, how she was feeling. Maybe that was why she felt so drawn to him, why it was so easy to talk to him, to tell him whatever was troubling her. "Chloe wants to talk to me tomorrow about being her apprentice."

"Elizabeth, that's wonderful. Didn't I tell you that day when I saw the sketch that you had a future as a fashion designer?."

"Yes, but I never dreamed, I mean, she loved my dress, Jason. Chloe Morgan, who could hire just about anybody with a lot more experience than I have, asked to see my notebook of sketches. But now I'm worried because they're not really that good. I wish I hadn't agreed to it."

Jason touched her arm. "Hey, don't sell yourself short. That dress you have on is proof that you have talent. You'd better not even think about backing out."

She smiled at him then. "Thanks, Jason. How is it that you always make me feel better?"

"It works both ways you know. I was dreading coming here tonight, but now I'm glad I did." He looked out at the water, and said, "So, do you need to go back there for anything? I'm kinda ready to lose this tie. And I'd be happy to take you home."

"Thanks. I just need to go back and say goodnight to a few people. Do you mind waiting just a few minutes while I do that?"

He smiled. "Not at all."

An hour later, Jason dropped Elizabeth off in his limousine. He got out and walked around to open the door for her, helping her out of the car. He walked her to the door and she turned to him. "Thanks, Jason." She laughed. "It seems like I'm always saying thank you for something. I hope you don't get tired of it."

He shook his head. "I'll come by tomorrow night at Kelly's to hear about your lunch with Chloe."

"Okay. I'll see you then."

He smiled and she watched as he turned and walked back to the limousine. He waved as he climbed into the back seat and waited until she had opened the door and was safely inside. Once in her room, she changed into a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt and climbed out her window. She sat on the roof, hugging her knees to her chest as she stared up at the sky, trying to find

Lucky's face in the stars.

~~Chapter 5~~

Dear Elizabeth,

I'm not even sure what the date is today since all I can think about is how much I miss you. I've been thinking today about all the time we spent in the boxcar last summer, and how happy we were then. I wish I was there with you now, writing songs and watching you paint. Watching you do anything. Watching the way you rested your tongue on your top lip when you concentrated

on your painting. What I wouldn't give to feel those soft, warm, lips against mine again, to feel your arms around me. God, I miss you.

I saw you today, on videotape. Faison showed me a tape that he said was

taped last night. He said you were at a benefit for RAINN. He told me all

about it, about how you counsel kids there. I'm so proud of you for doing

that. It makes me happy to know that you're doing something positive with

your life. I don't want you to be sad all the time. You looked so

beautiful, Elizabeth. I wish I could have seen you in person in that dress.

I wish I could have been there to dance with you, the way we did at The No

Name the night I knew I was in love with you.

I also saw you on the docks talking to Jason. Faison loves to taunt me

with tapes of you with other men, like Nikolas, or even Detective Taggert,

and now Jason. But he doesn't realize that it gives me comfort to know that

they care about you, that Nikolas is looking out for you and that Taggert

cares enough to ask how you're doing. I really hope you've found a friend in

Jason, because I know he'll protect you.

Just when I think I can't take another day in here, and I'm ready to give

up trying to find a way back to you, I see a picture or a videotape of you

and my determination returns. I know I have to find a way out of here. I

have to get back to you. Without that hope there is no reason to go on living

Love,

Lucky

~~

Jason walked up to the boxcar, and was not surprised to see Elizabeth inside, sitting on the floor, her head in her hands.

"Hey, I thought I might find you here."

Elizabeth looked up at Jason and he saw that she had been crying. She made an attempt to brush the tears away. "How did you know?"

"Just a hunch I had. Can I come in?"

"Sure. If you want to join my pity party."

He climbed into the boxcar and sat down across from her. "Now, why are you having a pity party?"

She shrugged her shoulders and he tilted his head as he looked at her. "How did things go with Chloe today?"

"Oh that."

"Oh that? Is that all you have to say about it? It couldn't have been that bad."

She looked up at Jason, tears still running down her face. "It wasn't bad. She loved my sketches. In fact she raved about them. She offered me a job, Jason."

"So why are you so sad? Is it Lucky?"

"Isn't it always Lucky?" She stood up then and began pacing back and forth. "He should be here to share this with me, Jason. This is what I've always wanted. It just isn't fair."

"Nobody ever said life was fair, you know." He stood up, placing his hands on her arms. "Tell me more about your lunch with Chloe. I've been looking for you everywhere to find out what happened."

"She was very sweet. I was really nervous at first, but then she told me not to be, that she was just like me, probably more like me than I knew. We talked a lot and then she offered me a job. She wants me to work on the day I don't have class, and two nights a week. That way I can still work at Kelly's."

"Elizabeth, don't take on so much that you don't have time for yourself."

"Don't you understand, I don't want time for myself. I don't want time

to think about Lucky. It only makes me sad."

"Come on, let's sit down again." They sat cross legged facing each other again. He looked around for a minute, then looked at her. "There must be a lot of memories for you here."

She nodded. "This is where Lucky and I fell in love. He wrote a song for me here.. He called it 'Elizabeth'. It was so beautiful. He sang it to me here the first night we kissed." She closed her eyes and tilted her head back. "God, I can barely stand to remember. It hurts so much."

Jason waited a moment before speaking. "I fell in love with Robin here, too."

She opened her eyes again, looking at Jason, finally realizing that she wasn't the only one haunted by memories. "I'm so sorry, Jason. I didn't realize..."

"It's okay. I have good memories of being here with Robin."

They were both silent for a moment, until finally Elizabeth spoke again. "Chloe wants me to go to Paris for two weeks."

Jason felt his heart turn over in his chest. Paris. Where Robin was. Finally he found his voice. "Paris? Why?"

"She wants me to study with two of her associates. I'm kind of afraid to go over there by myself, but Chloe assured me they'll take good care of me."

"You could look up Robin. I know she'd be happy to show you around."

"I might do that, even though she doesn't really know me."

Jason smiled. "Robin doesn't know any strangers. She was pretty close to Lucky when they were growing up. I know she'd love to see you."

"Well, maybe. If Lucky were still here he would be going with me. He wouldn't want me to go over there all by myself." She lowered her head and stared down at the floor and whispered. "He should be here to go with me."

Jason reached out and touched her arm. "I know , but I think you'll do fine. Hey, you want to go for a ride? Maybe it'll help you feel better."

She smiled at him then. "Yea, I would like that."

"Besides, I have someplace I want to show you. Someplace I used to go all the time."

They rode for awhile before coming to a stop by a bridge. He helped Elizabeth off the bike and led her to the brick wall overlooking the water.

"It feels so peaceful here."

He nodded. "This is where Robin and I used to come just to talk. This is where we said goodbye both times she left me. It's also where she and Sonny sprinkled Stone's ashes."

"Stone. Lucky told me all about him. I wish I could have known him. He sounded like an amazing person."

"I don't remember him. I guess I knew him before the accident, but I don't remember. But Robin told me so much about him, I felt like I knew him."

"Did it bother you that she talked about him all the time?"

"Not at all. She loved him, Elizabeth. She'll always love him. I respected that, and I always honored that."

Elizabeth nodded, looking out at the view. "Do you come here very often?"

"Not as much as before. It makes me miss her more, so I try to stay away. But sometimes when I'm really missing her, I'll come here and it's almost like she's here with me."

"See, that's why I go to the boxcar. It makes me feel closer to Lucky because we spent so much time there, because we were so happy when we were there. Does that make sense to you?"

"It makes perfect sense to me."

They stood in silence for a long time, each of them thinking of their own losses, of their lives without the ones they loved, but both thankful that they had found each other. Finally, they left the bridge and Jason dropped Elizabeth off at home, promising to see her the next day before she left for Paris.

But the next day came, and she didn't see Jason. She sat with her grandmother at the airport that evening, and looked around, hoping that he might show up here to say goodbye to her. When it was time to board the plane, she took one last look around, and felt an incredible sadness that he wasn't there, and that she wouldn't see him for two weeks. She had come to depend on him and his friendship, and it saddened her that she wasn't able to say goodbye to him. It also saddened her to be leaving Port Charles, and the place where all of her memories of Lucky were. In a way she felt she was leaving him behind, and she never wanted to do that. It would be the first time since the fire that she wouldn't be able to tell him about her day, or say goodnight to him at her window. Well, she thought, I'm just going to have to use another window, for she refused to give up that ritual, the thing that made her feel closest to him.

Her thoughts wandered back to earlier in the day when she had stopped by Luke's to say goodbye to him. Her heart ached as she remembered seeing him. He always let on that he was doing fine around her, but she knew it was just an act. She could always see the pain in his eyes and she knew he would never get over losing Lucky. Felicia had come in just as she was leaving and had given her Robin's address and phone number, and had told her that she knew she would be thrilled to see her. She looked forward to seeing a familiar face when she arrived in Paris.

Elizabeth said goodbye to her grandmother felt the tears stinging in her eyes as she boarded the plane. She had never felt so alone, or so lonesome for Lucky. She settled into her seat by the window, and pulled out her diary, thinking that writing might take her mind off how lonely she felt. She wanted to document every moment of the trip and she felt it was important to write down her feelings about leaving. It was just moments before take-off when she sensed someone standing by the empty seat next to her. "Excuse me, is this seat taken?"

She shook her head and said, "No, go ahead," without looking up. Suddenly she realized that she knew that voice and she was afraid to look up, afraid that she was imagining things. When she finally did look up she was looking into the smiling face of Jason Morgan.

~~ Chapter 6~~

Elizabeth looked up, wiping a tear from her cheek as she did, not quite believing it was really Jason she was seeing. "Jason? What are you doing here?"

He looked away from her, embarrassed, as he sat down and connected his seat belt to prepare for take off. Finally he looked at her, his eyes sparkling. "Well, I thought about this all last night and all day today. I wanted to tell you last night that I'd go with you, but I was afraid of what you would think. Then today I didn't have time to come and see you before you left, so I finally made the decision to make a plane reservation and then decide for sure at the last minute. As you can see, I did wait until the very last minute. It wasn't that I didn't want to come with you. I just didn't know if you would want me to. I mean, if you don't want me to come with you, I can just fly back home after we get there."

She couldn't help but smile at him. It was the most she had heard him say at one time since she had known him. "You were really nervous about this

weren't you?"

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, rubbing his eyes with his hands, "Yea, I guess I was. I think I still am."

She laid her hand on his arm. "Well, I'm happy that you're here. I really am."

He smiled then, looking at her for a long minute before speaking again. "I kept thinking about you being in Paris by yourself, in a place you were totally unfamiliar with, and probably being a little homesick, too. I just wanted to be here for you. Maybe it was a silly idea, a little extreme."

"No, not silly or extreme at all. Besides, I was disappointed when I didn't get to say goodbye to you."

"You were?"

She nodded. "Of course. Two weeks is a long time to be away from your friends."

"Well, I just didn't want you to have to go alone. I know how upset you were about it. I mean, I know I'm not Lucky, but...."

"Jason, don't." She covered his hand with hers. "It's okay. I love that you care enough about me to want to come with me."

"Well, I do care about you, you know. I don't want anything to happen to you while you're over there, and the only way I knew of to make sure of that was to come with you." He looked at her more closely and saw tears welling in her eyes. He thought she had been crying when she first looked up at him.

"Elizabeth? Are you okay?"

She nodded, wiping a fresh tear from her cheek. "Oh, I always cry when I

go away. This time was a little worse for me. I feel like I'm leaving Lucky

behind, you know. I know this may sound silly, but every night before I go

to bed I kneel by my window and talk to Lucky and tell him about my day.

That was the last place I saw him, you know, before the fire. He left my

room through the window that night, the way he always did when we first

started seeing each other. He was so sweet that night. We had so many

plans. I don't think either of us had ever been happier or more excited

about the future than we were that night."

Jason thought for a minute. "You know, if Lucky can hear you, and I like

to think that he can, then it won't matter where you are when you talk to

him, he's still going to be able to hear you."

"Thanks, Jason. That makes me feel better. I know you're probably

right. It's just hard for me to leave the place where all my memories of

Lucky are. But I know I have to move on with my life, and I really am

excited about my job with Chloe. I'm going to be doing something I really

love, you know, something I thought it would take me years to be able to do."

"I know, and I'm really happy for you. But I also know how hard it is to

move on sometimes after you've lost someone you love. But that's what you

have to do. Just keep moving, take things a day at a time."

Elizabeth looked out the window for a few minutes before she turned back

to Jason and said softly, "You've helped me a lot with that. It helps me to

have someone who really listens to me when I talk about Lucky. It means a

lot to me that you don't ever tell me to just shut up."

He looked at her, surprised. "I would never do that."

"I know you wouldn't. That's why I like you so much."

She swore she saw Jason's face redden as he turned away from her and

said, "Thanks."

"Jason, do you think you'll want to see Robin while you're in Paris?"

He didn't answer right away since he wasn't really sure of the answer

himself. "I don't know. I'd like to see her just to be sure for myself that

she's happy and healthy."

"Do you know where she lives? I got her address and phone number from

Felicia before I left."

"Yea, I know where she is. I'm not sure if I'll see her. I don't need

to decide that right now. I'll see how I feel once we get there. But I

think you should definitely go see her. She'd love to see a friendly face

from home."

"I'd like to see her, too. Just to say hello, you know."

The flight to Paris passed quickly. When Elizabeth leaned her head back

on the seat and began to doze, Jason asked the attendant for a pillow and

blanket for her. He covered her gently with the blanket. When he tenderly

lifted her head to put the pillow under her, she stirred and looked up at

him. "Thanks"

"Sure. I could tell you were cold. You were shivering. You really

should try to get some sleep so you'll be rested when we get there."

"Okay. What about you? Aren't you going to sleep?"

"Maybe. I don't require a lot of sleep. Besides, I kind of like

watching you sleep. You look so peaceful."

Elizabeth smiled and pulled the blanket up around her as she snuggled

against the pillow and went back to sleep. Jason leaned his head back on the

seat and watched her. In sleep her face took on a more peaceful look, not

the sad, melancholy look that he saw each time he looked into her eyes. He

wished he could take away her pain, wished with all his heart that he could

bring Lucky back to her. He sighed deeply, realizing that he was tired and

decided to try and catch a few hours of sleep himself.

It was morning when the plane landed in Paris. As they were waiting for

their bags, Elizabeth asked Jason, "Do you have a place to stay yet?"

"No. I thought I'd take care of that when I got here. I don't want to

stay at one of those fancy hotels. Where are you staying?

"Well, Chloe set me up at one of the really expensive, elegant hotels. I

don't have to stay there, though. She said I could move around if I wanted

and she'd pay."

"Good, I know just where to go."

"Do you know your way around pretty well?"

"Not really. But I'm familiar with the area where Robin lived a few

years ago. I stayed in an old place that was reasonable and very quaint.

Why don't we see if they have any rooms? I think you'll like it."

"Okay. I trust you."

They took a cab to the section of Paris Jason was familiar with called

Montmarte and found the hotel where he had stayed several years ago when he

visited Robin. Jason loved watching Elizabeth's expression as she took in

all the sights. He could tell she was thoroughly enjoying everything about

Paris. It was good to see her smiling. "Jason, it's so beautiful here.

Don't you think so?"

"I guess so. It's more fun to watch your reaction to what you're seeing.

One place is about the same as another to me."

"Come on, Jason, you're not that cynical."

"Not cynical, just honest. I guess he was here once...Jason

Quartermaine. I don't remember anything about it. Oh, here we are. This is

where I stayed when I was here before."

Elizabeth got out of the cab and looked up at the 18th century brick

building. At the front entrance was a courtyard with tables and chairs,

flowers everywhere, and a fountain in the center. "Jason, I love it. It's

perfect."

"The rooms are really nice but I figure we won't be in our rooms all that

much."

Elizabeth eyed him questioningly. "So what are you going to do while I'm

working all day?"

He smiled. "What do you think? Rent a bike and ride. I'll find places

to take you when you're finished every day."

"You won't get bored?"

He laughed. "No, I won't get bored. That's not something I ever have a

problem with. Besides, I need some time to clear my head anyway. I'll be

fine."

Jason opened the door for her and motioned for her to go in first. The

lobby was small, but quaint and Elizabeth knew she would like it here better

than the fancy hotel where Chloe had arranged for her to stay. Jason went to

the counter and spoke in English to one of the clerks. He turned to

Elizabeth as the clerk turned to check his computer. "Most of the people who

work here speak English as well as French."

"That's good, because I don't speak any French at all. I may find myself

ill prepared for this."

"Don't worry. There's always a way around the language barrier. You'll

be fine. Besides, the people you'll be working with speak English, right?"

"Yea. That reminds me, I need to figure out where we are in comparison

to where I need to go tomorrow."

"I'll ask for a map and we'll check it out as soon as we get our rooms."

""That's okay. Chloe gave me a map and a guide for sightseeing."

"Good. And by the way, I plan to make sure you get to work and back

safely every day."

"You don't have to do that, Jason."

"I know, but I'm going to anyway. I'll go with you in the cab and pick

you up every night. No arguments allowed."

She smiled and put up her hands. "Okay, I give up. I would actually

like that a lot. Thanks."

The clerk came back then and spoke to Jason. "Mr. Morgan, we only have

one room; actually it's a suite of rooms. There's a large sitting area, a

balcony, and two bedrooms each with their own bath. Will that be

satisfactory?"

Jason looked at Elizabeth and she nodded her head in approval. In fact,

she was relieved that he would be so close and she wouldn't be in a room by

herself. When they got to the room and Jason opened the door, she could not

believe how beautiful the room was. It was on the fifth floor, decorated

with antiques and there were fresh cut flowers everywhere in the room. The

middle of the room was the sitting room, with a small kitchenette, and the

bedrooms were on opposite sides of the room. She walked over to the doors

that opened out to the terrace. "Look at this view, Jason. I've never seen

anything so beautiful." The terrace looked out on a vast garden with more

tables and chairs and benches set up like in the front of the building.

"Elizabeth, are you sure it's okay that we have to share a room?"

"Of course it's okay. We both have our own rooms and it will be nice to

know you're so close by if I need you. It's not a problem, Jason, really.

Before I do anything else, I need to call my grandmother and let her know I

got here okay and to give her this number, since she has the other one where

I was supposed to stay."

"Okay. Are you hungry?"

She smiled. "I am. I didn't realize how much."

"Okay, while you call your grandmother, I'll go out and get us something

to eat and try to find a bike to rent. It shouldn't take me longer than half

an hour. You'll be okay?"

"Sure. I want croissants, by the way, with cheese. Something really

French."

He laughed. Okay, I'll see what I can do. There's a bakery just down the

street."

He returned, as promised, about a half-hour later carrying several bags.

"I got a variety of things for you to sample."

"Oh good, I am really famished. I told my grandmother you were with me

and that you'd be staying close by."

"Uh-oh. I'll bet she didn't like that idea too much."

"No, actually she was really relieved that I had someone here with me."

"Well, good, because I wouldn't want her to be upset."

Elizabeth grabbed one of the bags and tore into it. "Now let me see what

you have in here for me."

Jason folded his arms across his chest and watched with a smile as she

began to devour the food he had brought for her. The rest of their day was

spent sight seeing, with Jason showing her all the places he was familiar.

They ended the day with dinner at one of the outside cafes and a walk by the

Seine. They had walked for awhile and finally settled on a bench overlooking

the water. Elizabeth was quiet and reflective.

Jason watched her for awhile as she stared out at the water. Finally he

reached out and touched her shoulder. "Hey, are you okay?"

She jumped a little and turned to look at him, smiling. "I'm fine,

Jason. It's just that I always feel guilty when I have a good time. Like I'm

not being true to Lucky, you know."

"Elizabeth, didn't I tell you before that Lucky is the first person who

would want you to go on with your life and be happy? You should never feel

guilty about having a good time. You should look at it as a way to honor

what you had with him. He helped you become the person you are today, the

very strong person you are, I might add, and he would want you to enjoy this

trip. Trust me."

"Oh, I do trust you. More than I've trusted anyone since Lucky."

He smiled. "I'm glad. Hey, just think of all the things you'll have to

tell Lucky tonight before you go to sleep."

Elizabeth looked at Jason for a long time before leaning toward him and

kissing him on the cheek. "Thanks, Jason. You always make me feel better."

"Well, you know that works both ways."

She nodded and stood up. "I'm getting tired and I need to get up early

for work, so we'd probably better get back. Thanks for such a wonderful day."

"Sure." Jason stood up and as they started the walk back to the hotel,

Jason stopped and took Elizabeth's hand in his. "I really meant what I said,

Elizabeth. You make me feel better, too. You've helped me more than you'll

ever know."

October, 1999

Dear Elizabeth,

Today hasn't been one of my better days, and I think I've lost track of what day it is. I just know it's October, or nearly October now. I just don't know how much longer I can endure this solitude...I long to be with you again. The thought that one day that may happen is the only thing that keeps me going. It isn't all solitude, of course, since I usually get a weekly visit from the ever hospitable Faison. He is so sick and twisted, Elizabeth. I don't think I'll ever understand why he's been keeping me here. All I know is that it has something to do with my dad. I just realized today that he took one of my notebooks. There were things in there that I wanted to give you when I see you again, things I wrote for you. My picture of you was in that notebook. It was the only picture I have of you, the one that he gave me just after he brought me here, wherever "here" is. But you know, I don't need a picture to remind me what you look like. Your beautiful face floats before me all the time. It is really all that keeps me sane. I know you're in Paris. Faison told me about your trip and that Jason is with you. He even showed me a tape of you with him, sitting at a table outside a cafe. You looked so beautiful and so happy. I'm glad Jason is with you, I know he'll take good care of you. He told me he hasn't seen any evidence of a romance between you, but you know, honestly, if there were, I wouldn't blame you and would give you my blessing. I don't want you to mourn for me, Elizabeth, I want you to live your life and be happy, to move on and find someone else to love. I won't ever have that option. I'll always love you, Elizabeth. Always, no matter what. It's strange, but I've felt your presence really close to me these past few weeks, like you could be in the next room from me. It's strange the tricks your mind plays on you...sometimes, I could swear you were right here in the room with me. I can see you just as clearly as if you were here. I miss you more than you will ever know.

Lucky

~~~~~

It was the last night that Jason and Elizabeth would be spending in Paris. Jason had picked her up from work and taken her to dinner at a small cafe where they sat outside, Elizabeth remembering the bittersweet farewell she had just shared with her teachers, Valentine and Armand. They had taken her in from the first day as if she were part of their family and made her feel safe and welcome, and they had taught her so much. It saddened her to say goodbye to them, but she knew she would be seeing them again one day..

Elizabeth, lost in her own thoughts of the past two weeks, and of Lucky, had not noticed until now that Jason only pushed his food around the plate, not really eating any of it. "You've been awfully quiet tonight, Jason. Is something wrong?"

He looked up at her and smiled. "No. I've just been thinking. I'd like to see Robin tonight. I think I need to see her before I leave."

"So do I. I think you would regret it if you didn't."

"Me too. Do you mind?"

She looked surprised. "Mind? Of course not. Jason, she's someone you care deeply about. Of course you should see her."

"Thanks. I think I'll just go now, while I have my nerve up. You'll wait for me here?"

She nodded and watched as he stood up from the table. "Good luck, Jason."

Jason approached the building where Robin now lived. It was much nicer and more expensive than where she llved when she had first come to Paris, and he was relieved to see the guards in the lobby as he enetered. He had the clerk at the desk ring her room and tell her that a friend from Port Charles was here to visit her. When he motioned for him that it was okay to go up to her room, he nodded and made his way slowly to the elevator.

As he approached her room, he saw that the door was opened, and that Robin was standing on the terrace, starting out into the darkening city. She turned when she heard him, her expression questioning, worried. "Jason."

He whispered her name. "Robin..."

"I knew it would be you. Is everyone okay? Is it Uncle Mac, or Sonny? Or Michael? Please tell me they're all okay."

"They're all fine, Robin. I'm here with Elizabeth Webber....and I just wanted to see you, to see that you're healthy, and happy.'

"Elizabeth Webber? Lucky's girlfriend? God, I still can't get over the fact that Lucky is dead. He was such a wonderful person. How are Luke and Laura doing?"

"They go through the motions, you know. But it's hard. It was such a shock to everyone and Elizabeth is still having a hard time with it."

"Are you two....."

"No, we're just good friends. She's working as an apprentice to a fashion designer in Port Charles, Ned Ashton's wife, and she sent her here for two weeks of training. I just came along to lend moral support, to look out for her. Just as a friend."

Robin smiled. "Oh, but Jason, I know you. I see more than simple friendship in your eyes when you talk about her."

He looked down. "I care a lot about her, Robin. I suppose one day, when, or if, she gets over Lucky something could develop between us. But now isn't the time. For now, I'm concentrating on just being her friend."

"She's lucky you know. A more loyal friend than you would be hard to find."

He moved closer to her then, putting his hands on her arms, looking into her eyes. "You're really okay, then?"

"Yes. I'm good, Jason. I'm really good. I'm healthier than ever, and I'm happy here. I have a lot of friends, a lot of good friends. I have one special friend who makes me laugh and looks out for me and makes me happy."

"Good, good. I'm glad." He reached up and smoothed his hand down her long hair and smiled. "I'm glad you grew your hair out again."

She laughed then. "You never did like it after I cut it did you?"

"Not really, but you were still beautiful, it's just that you look more like you now. You look...well, you look even more beautiful than ever."

She looked out at the city again, tears welling in her eyes, then back at Jason. "Thanks. You know I didn't expect to ever see you again after what I did. You were so angry when I told A.J. about Michael."

"I'm not angry anymore, Robin, and I don't see Michael anymore."

Her eyes grew wide in astonishment. "But you love him so much. Why don't you see him?"

"I had to give him up, for his sake. It was just hurting him too much. He was so confused all the time."

"And now it's hurting you."

"That part doesn't matter. It's best for Michael, and maybe one day when he's old enough to make his own decisions he'll want to see me and he'll remember how much I love him." He felt his eyes begin to water and fought desperately for control. Robin reached up to touch his face, causing the tears to spill down his cheeks.

"That's the way I feel about you, Jason. I always hope that maybe one day you'll remember how much I love you, and you'll understand the reasons why I had to do what I did."

Jason nodded, putting hands on the sides of her face and pressing his forehead to hers as his voice came out in a whisper. "I know you love me, Robin. I can still feel it after all this time, and I still love you. I'll always love you, but...."

She put her finger to his lips. "It's okay, Jason. I understand. I really do. I'm okay, and I can see that you're okay. I'm glad you have Elizabeth. I didn't know her very well, but she seemed like a wonderful person."

"She is. She's been through a terrible ordeal, losing Lucky the way she did. But then, you know all about that kind of pain and loss."

"Yes, and I think that's probably why you're able to help her. You always knew just what I needed after Stone died."

He was quiet for a moment, then said, "I guess I should get going."

She nodded and they looked into each other's eyes for a long moment. "Thank you for coming, Jason."

"Well, I needed to see for myself that you were okay. I do still worry about you...about you getting sick."

"I'm fine, and I have to believe that I'll always be fine. I'm really glad you came here, Jason. I'm glad you don't hate me."

"I never hated you. I could never hate you, Robin. You gave me back my life when I thought there was nothing to live for. You taught me how to be me....I'll always love you for that." He took her hand in his and leaned in to kiss her gently on the cheek. "You take care of yourself, okay?"

She nodded, tears streaming down her face. "GIve my love to Sonny, please? And say hello to Elizabeth, tell her how sorry I am about Lucky."

"I will. Goodbye, Robin."

He turned from her and she kept hold of his hand until he was too far from her to hold on any longer. When he got to the door, he put his hand on the knob and opened it. He started to leave, but then turned back to her and put his arms out for her and she ran to him. He caught her and held her for a long time, stroking her hair with his hand, both of them crying, both of them remembering what they had shared, and what they had lost, but what still lived in both of them and always would. Finally she pulled away from him and looked up into his eyes and said, "I love you, Jason. Be happy."

He placed his hand on her cheek and nodded, then turned and quietly walked out the door. He wandered the streets for awhile, not really knowing what to do. Finally he settled on the bench by the Seine River, where he and Elizabeth had sat their first night in Paris. He knew he should find her, knew she would be wondering where he was, but he needed to revel in his memories for awhile. Needed to remember the good times he and Robin had once had, needed to remember how much they had loved each other, now happy they had been. He would always love her, of that much he was certain, but he also knew they could never go back to the way they were.

"Hey, I thought I might find you here."

Jason looked up to see Elizabeth standing by him. "I'm sorry, I know it's getting late. Were you worried?"

"No, I knew you probably just needed to be alone. Besides, it's not that late. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I can leave you alone if you want."

He looked away from her. "I'm okay. Well, maybe not completely. It was pretty emotional for both of us. And please don't leave, okay?"

"Did it go okay, though?"

"Yea, she looked great, she looked so healthy and so happy. She's seeing someone. I'm glad. I don't want her to be alone. I think she was glad I went to see her."

Elizabeth looked at him for a moment before speaking again. She saw the pain in his eyes and wished she could make it better. She sat down beside him and touched his arm. "I know it had to be hard to see her again."

He nodded and looked at her. "It was. You know, I realized that we both needed it for closure. I do feel that closure now. But still it's sad that we still love each other but we know it would never work out with us. Too much has happened."

"Don't you think you can ever forgive her?"

"Oh, I've forgiven her. I just can't forget, and it would always be there between us. Does that make sense?"

"Yea, I think it does. But you're right, it is sad. I'm so sorry you're hurting."

He reached out and pushed her hair back from her face and smiled. "I'm okay. I always told Robin that even if I never saw her again, just knowing she was alive and well, somewhere, that I'd be okay. The one thing I couldn't stand is if she got sick."

"Jason, if she did get sick, do you think you'd go to her?"

He pondered that for a moment, and finally when he looked at Elizabeth, his eyes were filled with tears. "If she wanted me and needed me, nothing would keep me from her." He looked back out toward the water and Elizabeth remained quiet for a few minutes.

"Jason, do you think it's strange that I've felt Lucky's presence so strongly while I've been here in Paris?"

"Have you? It does seem odd since you've never been here together. But then again, it may not be so strange, considering how much you love him."

She turned toward him then and said, "I think it's just because I wish so much that he was here with me....oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean....I mean, I love having you here..."

Jason laughed then. "It's okay, Elizabeth. I know what you mean. We make quite a pair don't we?"

"I guess we do at that. But you know what? I think we make a pretty good pair."

Jason looked into her eyes for a long moment and whispered, "I think so, too."

~~Chapter 8~~

Back in their suite of rooms, Elizabeth fixed herself a cup of tea and

settled on the balcony to enjoy the view for the last time, leaving Jason

alone to pack his things for the trip home tomorrow. After awhile she leaned

back in the chair and closed her eyes, thinking about Lucky, wondering what

it would have been like if he had been here in Paris with her. She let her

mind drift back to happier times when Lucky was still alive, still with her.

She was startled out of her reverie when she heard Jason call to her.

"Elizabeth? I think I'm going to go to bed now, try to get some rest before

the trip home tomorrow. You know I won't be able to sleep on the plane."

She smiled and got up and walked inside. "Okay. You've had a pretty

emotional day. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, really. Just need to get some sleep."

"I think I'm about ready, too." She started to walk toward her room but

stopped and turned back. "Jason, I know I'll never be able to properly thank

you..."

He put up his hand to stop her. "Wait, I'm the one who should be

thanking you....for everything....for just being you."

"That works both ways you know. You've been a wonderful friend to me,

too." She smiled as she went to him and put her arms around him, feeling his

arms pulling her close to him. They held each other tightly for a moment

until Jason pulled away a little and looked down at Elizabeth. Finally he

put his hand on the side of her face and leaned down, his lips just grazing

hers, until he felt them yield to his touch, felt them responding to the

gentle pressure he was putting against them. God, how good it felt to kiss

her, how sweet and warm and inviting her lips were beneath his. It had been

so long, too long, since he had been so intimate with another person. The

kiss was gentle, tentative at first, then grew more urgent as Jason slowly

began to part her lips with his tongue. As he felt her tongue meet his he

suddenly pulled away, holding his hands up in the air. "Oh God, Elizabeth,

I'm so sorry....I shouldn't have...." He turned away from her then, unable

to look at her, afraid of the disgust he would see in her eyes.

Elizabeth was stunned, more by her own feelings than the act of Jason

kissing her. She had never been so confused. She could not deny that she

had loved having Jason with her in Paris. Nor could she deny that they had

had a wonderful time together and had grown quite close. But she also could

not deny that she had been thinking about Lucky all day, had been missing him

more than most days, had been wishing that he could have been here in Paris

with her. Her head swam with conflicting thoughts and feelings. It felt so

good to be held again, so gently and lovingly. So if it felt so good, and if

she yearned to have Jason's lips on hers, why did it feel so much like

betrayal? Lucky was dead, he was lost to her forever, and she knew she

eventually needed to move on with her life.

Jason repeated his words, still not looking at her. "I am so sorry. I

had no right..."

Elizabeth went to him and pulled his arm, making him turn to look at her.

"Jason, look at me, please. I don't want you to be sorry, because I'm not.

It's just that...I'm so confused. I wanted you to kiss me. I really did. I

think I've wanted it for a long time."

"Elizabeth, you have to know that I would never hurt you. I would never

force you to do something you didn't want to do."

"I know that, Jason. I do know that." She smiled sadly at him, tears

welling in her eyes. "I care so much about you. I love being with you. I'm

just not sure if I'm ready to...."

"It's okay, really. I understand. I know you still love Lucky."

Elizabeth put her hands on his face. "I am not sorry that you kissed me,

Jason. I just need more time..."

He nodded and let out a long relieved sigh. "So this doesn't change

anything between us,?"

"Absolutely not. Never. You've been the best friend I could ever ask

for these past few weeks. Nothing can ever change that. I'll see you in the

morning, okay?'

He smiled. "Okay. Sleep well, Elizabeth. I'll wake you up when I get

up, okay?"

"Okay. Goodnight, Jason."

"Goodnight." He watched her as she picked up her cup of tea and walked

toward her room. He sank down on the couch then, his head in his hands,

knowing that sleep would most definitely elude him tonight.

In her room Elizabeth took a quick shower, then made sure all of her

bags were packed and ready to go except for the things she would need in the

morning. She sat down on the bed and started to lie down when she eyed the

envelope lying on the floor just inside her door. Where had that come from?

She hadn't seen it when she had entered the room earlier. She shrugged and

bent to pick it up. She removed the paper from the envelope and unfolded it.

It was a single page on which were written the following words:

~~I can't even write today. I miss you so much the pain is nearly

unbearable. I'm in hell without you and I fear I'll never be free again.~~

As she read the words her hand traced the letters and she felt her hands

begin to tremble. She grew cold, as cold as she had been the night she ran

to Lucky's apartment and found it in flames, the night she found out that

Lucky was dead. "Oh God, oh God...this can't be...." She felt her knees go

out from under her as she fell to the floor and began to sob, unaware of the

door opening, unaware at first of Jason kneeling in front of her, his hands

on her arms, pulling her toward him asking her what was wrong.

Finally she looked up at him, her red rimmed eyes full of questions that

she knew he could not answer. She was unable to speak as she looked at Jason

and shook her head.

"Elizabeth, what is it? Please tell me."

She held up the paper but it slipped from her shaking hand and fell to

the floor. Jason picked it up and read the words on the page. "I don't

understand, what is this?"

Her eyes finally met his, and he saw a look of total despair, despair the

likes of which he had not seen in her since the night of the fire. Her voice

was barely a whisper as she spoke. "Jason, this is Lucky's...it's Lucky's

handwriting..."

~Chapter 9~

Jason Morgan stared at his own reflection in the mirror behind the bar at

Jake's, watching as he lifted the glass of straight whiskey to his mouth and

downed it in one quick gulp. He looked at Jake and tapped the counter, then

pointed to the glass, indicating that he wanted another.

Jake reluctantly poured a small amount of whiskey in his glass. "Jason,

I'm worried about you. You want me to call Sonny? You've had way too many

of those to get on that bike tonight."

He shook his head and said, "Maybe later, Jake. For now just keep them

coming, okay?"

"Only if you promise me you aren't going to ride tonight."

He looked up at her and smiled. "I promise, Jake."

Jake knew that the trouble with Jason was that he never acted any

different, sober or drunk, but she also knew he had had more than enough

whiskey tonight and there was no way she was going to let him drive. She

looked at him thoughtfully, "You've been in a pretty strange mood the past

few days, Jason. Want to talk about it?"

He laughed bitterly and stood up and sauntered slowly to the jukebox,

putting in a quarter and making his selection. As he slid back on the bar

stool he said, "Listen to the words to this song, Jake. They say it all."

She stopped what she was doing and listened to the first verse of the song he

had chosen.

The way I see it, it's no sin

The way I held you in the dark

It was the right way to begin

Why can't I forget about you?

Jake laid her hand over Jason's. "It's about a girl isn't it? I knew

it. Is it that little girl you rescued in here that night? Lucky Spencer's

girlfriend?"

Jason shook his head and had to smile. "Ah, Jake, you know me too well."

She nodded. "That I do. Do you love her?"

He shook his head and looked down at his drink. "She's still in love

with Lucky. Whether he's dead or alive, she'll always love him."

"That's not what I asked you."

"I know. But it doesn't matter. She loves Lucky Spencer and always will.

So it doesn't matter if I do or I don't. There's no way I could ever compete

with a love like they had."

"You're sure about that?"

"As sure as I am about anything in life." He cast his eyes down toward

the bar for a few moments before meeting her gaze again. "You can call Sonny

if you want. I guess it's time I got out of your hair."

"Yea, right." She smiled sadly at him. "You just don't want to tell me

about you and Elizabeth."

"Maybe someday, Jake. Maybe someday." He stood up and wandered toward a

table and sat down, his head in his hands.

While he waited for Sonny to come for him, Jason reflected back on the

last night he and Elizabeth spent in Paris. He had heard her cry out and ran

to her room, finding her hysterical and slumped to the floor holding a piece

of paper in her hand. "It's Lucky's handwriting," she had said. He had

helped her stand up, and led her to the bed where they sat for a long time in

silence, Elizabeth clutching the paper to her chest, sobbing. He tried to

comfort her, tried to calm her, but he knew there would be no comfort for her

now. He could not imagine who would play such a cruel joke on her, especially

now that she was just beginning to find some acceptance in Lucky's death.

He had left her alone for a few minutes while he went to the front desk

to inquire if anyone had been seen entering their room, if anyone unfamiliar

had asked for a key. When he returned to her room, he found her as he had

left her, sitting in the window seat in her room, staring out the window, the

piece of paper still in her hand. She looked up at him as he entered the

room, and his heart broke for her. Her eyes were a mixture of fear and hope.

"Jason..."

He shook his head. "Nothing, I'm sorry. No one saw anyone suspicious,

or even near our room. It's like that piece of paper appeared out of

nowhere." He sat down beside her, putting his arm around her. "Can I get

you anything?"

"No, I'm okay." She straightened and turned to him, putting her hands on

his arms. "I don't know what to do, Jason. Should I go home? Should I stay

here? What if he's alive, what if he's out there somewhere and he can't get

to me? Who would do this to me? Who would be cruel enough to give me

something like this? To give me false hope that Lucky might be alive?"

"I don't know, Elizabeth. I wish I did know. I wish I could take away

your pain right now."

"Do you think we should go home?"

He nodded, though he wasn't really sure himself. If Lucky were indeed

alive, there was nothing Jason wouldn't do to find him and bring him home to

her, to be able to see the light return to her eyes. "I think we should go

home tomorrow as planned and show this to Luke and Sonny, and maybe the

police." He stood up and ran his hand through his hair.

"Sonny will know what to do, won't he?"

Jason knelt down in front of her and took her hands in his. "Yes,

Elizabeth, Sonny will know what to do."

"I don't know what to do about Luke." She pulled away from Jason and

stood up, pacing the floor. Finally she let out a small sob before speaking

again. "Oh, God, I don't want to tell him and get his hopes up if it turns

out to be nothing. We can't tell Luke, Jason. It would hurt him too much."

Jason went to her and pulled her close, his arms around her. "Okay. We

won't tell Luke. But Sonny has people over here who can check this out. I'm

going to call him now. Why don't you lie down and try to get some rest?"

"I can't sleep, Jason, not tonight. Will you stay with me? I don't want

to be alone."

And so he had called Sonny, who advised them to come home, as planned,

tomorrow, and promised that he would have his men in Paris begin their

investigation immediately. And he had stayed the night with Elizabeth in her

room, holding her as she alternately cried, and dozed fitfully, throughout

the night.

Now, sitting in Jake's, waiting for Sonny, he wondered why she hadn't

returned any of his phone calls since their arrival back in Port Charles just

five days earlier. She was never at Kelly's when he stopped by, nor did she

answer his phone calls to her house or to Chloe Morgan's studio. Finally,

thinking that she needed some time alone, he had abandoned his attempts to

contact her. But that didn't stop him from thinking about her, or stop him

from wanting to see her. He was brought back to the present by the sound of

Sonny's voice.

"Hey, Jake, how's it going?"

"Not so good for your friend over there. He's had a bit too much to

drink. I didn't want him to drive."

Sonny nodded and approached Jason, sitting across the table from him.

"What's going on, Jason?"

"I guess I just drank a little too much. I'm really okay."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really. You know all of it anyway."

"Well, if it's any comfort, I saw Elizabeth today at Kelly's. She's

still pretty wrecked. I think it's all she can do to get through the days,

you know. Nothing's turned up from Paris. Nothing at all. It's as if that

note dropped from the sky."

"But she's okay? I mean, was she working?"

"Yea. I think she's just confused, Jason. I think she really cares

about you, but she still loves Lucky. And if he is still alive, well, she

needs to know that and deal with it."

Jason nodded and looked up at Sonny. "I saw Robin while I was in Paris."

"You saw her? She's okay?"

"She's okay. When she saw me she thought something was wrong with you,

or Michael. She seemed happy, content. We had some closure, finally. I know

I said I never could, but I forgave her. I had to, Sonny. I couldn't get on

with my life until I forgave her."

"Good, that's good. And you still love her."

"I'll always love Robin. She gave me something so special. I can never

forget that. But it's time to move on. For both of us."

Sonny stood up. "You ready to go home now?"

"No, I'd like to go by Kelly's, see if Elizabeth is still there."

"Okay, but I'm not sure you should see her like this."

"I just want to see that she's okay. I don't need to talk to her tonight."

Luke Spencer walked into Kelly's and smiled the moment he saw Elizabeth

behind the counter. "Hey, Darlin'. Welcome home."

She came out from behind the counter and hugged Luke, feeling the tears

stinging her eyes, knowing she couldn't tell him that Lucky may be alive.

Sonny had been in earlier to tell her that so far they had found nothing in

Paris to indicate that he was alive yet, but she was still hopeful. "Luke, I

was going to come and see you later. I've been really busy this week."

He pulled back and looked down at her, a worried expression on his face,

"You okay?"

"Yea, I'm okay. I've just been thinking about Lucky a lot this week."

He took her hand and led her to a table and they sat down. "Darlin', I

think about him every day, too. Every day. It never gets any easier. It's

just that sometimes it gets to me more than others. I always try to remember

the good things, the light in his eyes, his smile, his good heart. That

usually makes me feel better. Didn't he have the best heart?"

Elizabeth began to cry as she nodded, but she also smiled at Luke, who

always managed to make her feel better.

"There, now see, that's my girl. I made you smile."

"Thanks, Luke. I just really miss him, you know."

He nodded and they looked at each other for a long moment. "Hey, why

don't you get me a bowl Ruby's chili and join me? It will make us both feel

better."

She laughed, "Okay. That does sound good."

As she set the bowls on the table she glanced up and saw Jason standing

at the window, looking in at her. He smiled and she motioned for him to come

inside, but he shook his head and turned to walk away. "Um, Luke, will you

excuse me for a minute?"

"Sure, everything okay?"

"Yea, it's Jason. He's outside and I need to talk to him."

"I'll be right here waiting."

"Thanks." She kissed him quickly on the cheek and ran out the door, but

Jason had disappeared. She returned to Luke and sat down.

"Where's Jason?"

"He was gone when I got outside. I really need to talk to him. I

haven't been very fair to him since we got back from Paris and I need to make

it right."

"Anything I can do?"

She shook her head. "No. I'll go see him tomorrow and fix things."

Later that night, alone in her room, Elizabeth pulled out the note from

Lucky, tears staining the paper as she looked at it, as she did every night.

Finally she gazed up at the stars, wishing he were there with her, wishing

she understood her growing feelings for Jason, while still loving Lucky, and

wishing more than anything that she could escape this nightmare she was

living.

~~~~

Sunday (I don't know the date)

Dear Elizabeth,

By now you've found the note that Faison stole from my notebook. He took

great delight in telling me what he had done. I have no way of knowing which

note he chose, but I know how much pain you must be in, knowing it was my

handwriting, knowing that I may be alive. I know you'll tell Sonny, and

he'll look for me, but I don't think anyone will ever find me. All of their

efforts will prove futile. Faison is too good at what he does. He only

means to torment you, to give you false hope. I hate that he knows your

every move, that he has the power to hurt you. I wish he would leave you

alone, I've begged him to stop, but to no avail. He will continue to monitor

your every move so he can report back to me. And while these reports are one

of the few things that keep me going in here, I would give them up gladly so

you could have peace of mind. One day I WILL get out of here, this I promise

you. But it may be months, or years, and I don't want you to wait for me. I

want you to move on with your life and find someone else who will love you

and cherish you as you were meant to be. If Jason is to be the one to do

that, then I'm glad. I want it to be someone who will treat you well, and

take care of you. Good night, Elizabeth. I hope you can feel me thinking of

you, and know that I pray every day for your happiness and safety.

Lucky

~~Chapter Ten~~

Elizabeth awoke early from a dream about Lucky. She rolled over on her side, hugging her pillow close to her chest, trying to retain the image of him in the dream, smiling at her, leaning to kiss her. But then she remembered the end of the dream. Just as he had been about to kiss her, he wasn't Lucky anymore. He was Jason. Jason. God, she missed him and she thought about how much she had wanted to catch up with him the other night when she had seen him outside the window at Kelly's. She thought about how cruel she'd been to him since their return from Paris, how she had not returned any of his phone calls nor seen him until that night. She wondered if she had done irreparable damage to their friendship, and knew that she needed to see him, and soon.

She sat up in bed and looked at the clock. 5:00 a.m. Her eyes wandered to the picture of Lucky on her night stand and she picked it up, looking into his eyes, gently tracing her finger over the image of his face as she sighed, "Oh, Lucky, how did it all get so complicated? We were supposed to be together and love each other forever." She felt the bitter tears begin to spill down her face, and finally stood up, defiantly wiping the tears from her cheeks. Oh, God, I can't do this anymore, she thought. I can't continue to wallow in my memories. If you're alive, and I'm meant to find you, then I will, but until then I have to find a way to move on with my life.

After taking a quick shower, she went downstairs and found the fresh muffins Audrey had made and fixed herself a cup of tea. She took them back to her room with the morning newspaper, which she threw on the bed when she returned. She opened the closet to find something to wear and saw Lucky's sweater hanging in it's special place, by itself. She pulled the fabric close to her face, trying in vain to smell his scent, but it had long since disappeared. She sighed as she took a red T-shirt off its hanger and closed the closet door. She stood for a moment and looked around the room.

She realized that the room still looked the way it had when she was fifteen, the summer Lucky had first knocked at her window and she had let him in, offering him a secret refuge and a place to be safe. But in the end it was he who had made her feel safe as he watched over while she slept, while she fought the nightmares that haunted her for months after her rape. There were still reminders of him everywhere, so many memories. Suddenly she just wanted to run from them, to escape them and be free of the pain.

It was several minutes before she decided what she needed to do. Excitedly she grabbed the newspaper and opened to the classified ads. She knew it was time to move on, to move out of her grandmother's house and find her own apartment. It was time to leave some of her memories of Lucky behind and make new ones. She circled an ad in the newspaper and picked up his picture again and smiled at his image. "It's not that I don't still love you Lucky, but I know this is what you would want for me. It's not going to be easy, but I know you're still watching over me, wherever you are."

Elizabeth emerged from the elevator, and slowly peeked around the corner, relieved that Johnny wasn't standing guard at the door, and proceeded to his door, where she stood for a long moment before knocking.

Elizabeth laughed when she heard him yell, "You're late," as he opened the door. When he saw that it was her, he smiled. "Sorry, I thought you were someone else."

"I kind of thought so. Are you busy? If you're waiting for someone, I can come back later. Actually it was probably silly of me to come."

"You know you're welcome here anytime. Please, come in, tell me what's wrong."

"How do you know there's something wrong? Maybe I just wanted to come and say hello."

"Elizabeth, you can't hide your feelings, not from me anyway. You wear them all right there in your eyes," he said, as he tapped her temple gently. He wrapped his hand gently around her arm and led her to the couch. "Something's bothering you. You want to tell me about it?"

"Yea, I do. I really need to talk to you about it."

"Have a seat, can I get you something to drink, something to eat?"

"I already ate. But water would be good."

He poured her a glass of water and handed it to her as he sat down across from her on the ottoman in front of the couch. "Now tell me what's got you so upset. Is it about the note you got in Paris with Lucky's handwriting?"

She nodded. "You know me too well. See, I feel so guilty about not telling Luke. I know I should tell him, but I'm so afraid of upsetting him.

"Well, I've known Luke for a long time and I think he can take it. And you know my men haven't come up with anything yet, right? I have them working around the clock, but so far there's no sign of Lucky, or the person who left you that note."

"I know. And I know it was probably just someone playing a cruel joke on me, though I can't imagine who that would be, or who would know I was in Paris."

"I think you should tell Luke. He'd want to know."

"I was hoping you would say that. I'll go see him today and tell him."

Sonny looked at her, concerned. "There's something else isn't there?"

She nodded and looked away from him. "It's Jason. I've been terrible to him since we got back to Port Charles. I don't know what I'll do if I've lost his friendship."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure you haven't lost his friendship. Quite the opposite I have a feeling. Jason's a very patient man. He's not going anywhere."

She looked at Sonny hopefully. "You're sure?"

"As sure as I am of anything, Elizabeth."

She stood up and headed for the door, then turned back to Sonny. "I'm just really confused right now, Sonny. I still love Lucky, so much, but he's gone. I can't spend the rest of my life loving someone who will never come back to me. I just don't understand how you let those feelings go so you can move on with your life."

"You don't let the feelings go, sweetheart. You keep them, and cherish the memory of them. Trust me, it is possible to love someone again, and still honor the memory and love of someone who's gone. I think you'll understand that in time. You see, just because you move on with your life and feel something for another person, it doesn't mean you've stopped loving the other person."

They were interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing. Sonny let it ring for a moment as he placed a hand on each of her shoulders. "Now, why don't you go see Luke and tell him about the note, and then find Jason. I'm pretty sure he's going to be real happy to see you. Johnny should be back by now. Tell him I said to drive you wherever you need to go."

She hugged him tightly. "Thank you, Sonny. You always make me feel so much better. And I might have some big news for you when I see you next."

He smiled. "Good, now go, get out of here, I need to get this call." She laughed as she opened the door and left him to his phone call.

Since she was already late for work, she had Johnny drive her to Kelly's. She had just unlocked the door and turned the sign around and was heading back to the counter when Chloe Morgan came in. "Hello, Elizabeth."

"Hi, Chloe. What can I get you?"

"Just a cup of coffee, thanks." She sat down at the bar and noticed that Elizabeth's hands were shaking as she poured her coffee. "Are you okay, Elizabeth? Your hands are shaking."

"I'm fine, really, I'm just tired this morning. I didn't get much sleep last night."

"I'm not working you too hard am I? You can cut back your hours anytime you need to. I know you have a pretty full plate right now."

Elizabeth smiled. "Oh, no, I love working with you, Chloe. I'd never give up a minute of that. If I cut back anywhere it would be here. But I'm really okay. I just have a lot on my mind right now. I need to talk to Luke about something pretty important and I'm just a little nervous about it. I should have told him about it a long time ago."

"Do you want to talk about it? I'm a pretty good listener."

Elizabeth looked around and since no one else had yet entered Kelly's, she went around and sat on the barstool beside Chloe. "Something happened while I was in Paris. Well, several things really. You know Jason was with me, right?"

"Of course."

"We got really close during the two weeks we were there, and I started having feelings about him that I didn't understand."

Chloe looked at her sympathetically. "Because you're still in love with Lucky, even though he's gone? And you wonder how you can have any kind of feelings for someone else while you still love him?"

She nodded. "I felt like I was being disloyal to Lucky, but at the same time, I was having such a good time with Jason." She looked down at her hands. "Then something happened on our last night there..." Elizabeth stopped for a minute and looked up at Chloe. "Are you sure you want to hear about this? It must be boring for you."

"Elizabeth, I don't want you to think of me as just your employer. I'm also your friend and if you need someone to talk to, I'm more than willing to listen. Sometimes it helps just to have an objective sounding board."

Elizabeth sighed, relieved. "It does feel good to be able to talk about this.

I've talked a little with Sonny, but I haven't told him about Jason and what happened in Paris. On our last night there, Jason kissed me. I don't think he knew he was going to, or even planned it, it just happened."

"Did you want him to kiss you?"

"That's the funny part. I didn't know I did until it happened. And it felt good, Chloe. It felt good to just be held, but I then I panicked. I guess I started feeling guilty about Lucky. Jason was so afraid he'd overstepped his bounds and he felt terrible. I tried to assure him that he hadn't done anything wrong, that it was me who had the problem, but I'm not sure he believed me."

"So what happened?"

"Nothing more, I just told him I needed to get some sleep before our flight and I went to my room. After I'd been back there for a while, I noticed an envelope by the door." She reached into her pocket and pulled out the worn piece of paper and opened it, showing it to Chloe.

She read the words on the page and looked at Elizabeth questioningly. "I don't understand. What is this?"

"It's Lucky's handwriting, Chloe."

Chloe looked puzzled. "How can that be? Do you think he's still alive?"

"I don't know. I don't know what to think. Sonny's been trying to find out something, anything, but we don't even know who left this. We may never know. Jason was so sweet after I found the note, and I've been so cruel to him since we came back. I haven't even seen him."

"Why not?"

"I'm so confused, Chloe. I'm afraid of being disloyal to Lucky, and I'm afraid of what I'm starting to feel for Jason."

"So you think that staying away from him will make it easier for him in case he's having those same feelings? Which I would guess that he is since he kissed you."

She nodded. "How did you know?"

Chloe smiled and put her hand on Elizabeth's arm. '"Oh, I've been there a time or two myself. And all that staying away from him accomplishes is that it makes you miserable."

"I guess I have been pretty miserable. I haven't told Luke about this letter, or whatever it is yet, either, and I know I need to. He needs to know if there's a chance Lucky may still be alive."

"I agree with that. But I know you'll do the right thing, Elizabeth, and it won't be as difficult as you think." She stood up from the bar stool. "I need to get to work, but will you let me know if you need anything, anything at all, even if it's just a sympathetic ear?"

"Thanks. That means a lot to me. I'm going to try to track down both Luke and Jason today, and there's an apartment I want to look at later. I've decided it's time to move out of my grandmother's house and got my own place. Besides, I'm making enough money now to afford a small place of my own."

"And you maybe your boss will give you a nice raise soon. Do you have a place in mind?"

"I found one in the paper that I want to at least look at. I need more room to paint and work on my designs."

"I hope it works out for you, I hope everything works out for you." She turned to leave, then turned back to Elizabeth. "Listen, why don't you call me on my cell phone when you're ready to look at the apartment. I'd love to go with you and give you my opinion and maybe some decorating tips if you decide you like it."

"You'd do that?"

"I would do that. Call me, okay?"

Elizabeth smiled. "I will, thank you. I'll see you later."

It was later, nearly 10:00, and Elizabeth was tired, ready to close up Kelly's and head for home for some much needed sleep. She had been unable to reach Luke all day, and decided it would have to wait until tomorrow. She did the necessary cleaning and put the chairs up on the table, grabbed her purse and locked the door behind her. She took a deep breath, and realizing she hadn't sat down since once since earlier that morning when Chloe had been there, she found herself slumping into one of the chairs outside for just a minute. She crossed her arms across her chest and rubbed her arms, wishing she had brought a sweater with her. She breathed in the fresh fall air as she looked up at the stars.

"Hey."

She felt her heart skip just a beat and jumped when she heard his voice, then turned to him and smiled. "Hey, yourself."

Jason approached her, keeping a safe distance between them. They both started to speak at the same time, he with, "I didn't mean to scare you?", she with "Jason, I'm....."

He motioned his hand toward her and smiled. "You first."

She looked down at her hands, unable to make eye contact with him. "It's just...Jason, I'm so sorry..." she said, as she fought the tears stinging in her eyes.

She heard him sit across from her, felt his hand as he reached out to gently touch her hand, for a brief second. "It's okay. Elizabeth, please look at me. You've had a lot to deal with since we got back from Paris."

She finally looked up and into his eyes, so gentle and understanding. "I was going to try to find you today, to apologize, but there just wasn't time."

"You have nothing to apologize for. I understand, really."

"So I haven't ruined our friendship?"

"You couldn't do that even if you tried. I wouldn't let you."

She laughed nervously, "I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear you say that. I've missed you so much. I don't know what I was thinking."

His voice was so soft, she could barely hear him when he spoke. "I've been thinking about you a lot since we got back."

She looked away from him, and there was a long silence while she tried to process the strange sensation she felt at the sound of his voice and the words he said. Finally she looked up at him and said, "You have?"

He merely smiled and nodded as he reached over to push a piece of her hair from her face and finally said, "So, have you been okay? I've been worried about you, but I thought it was best to keep my distance until you were ready to see me."

"I'm doing okay. Actually lots better today. And you know it's not that I didn't want to see you, it's just that....:

"Elizabeth, you don't need to explain, really. It's okay. We're here now, and that's all that matters."

She nodded, thankful that she hadn't ruined anything between them, and said, "I've made some decisions and I want to tell you about them, if you're interested."

He tilted his head and looked deep into her eyes. "I'm always interested in what you're doing, Elizabeth."

"I'm glad, Because I'm really excited about something. Do you have time to come with me so I can show you something?"

"I have time."

"Good. It's not far from here. We can walk."

She stood up and shivered as she put her purse on her shoulder. Without a word, Jason removed his jacket and placed it around her shoulders. She looked up at him and smiled her thanks as she tentatively reached for his hand, and sighed with relief when she felt his warm fingers entwine with her own.

~~ Chapter 11~~

"Can I open my eyes yet?"

After leaving Kelly's, Jason and Elizabeth walked a few blocks before stopping in front of an old Victorian style house by the docks. Elizabeth had made Jason promise to keep his eyes closed as she led him up a staircase at the side of the house. He heard her turn the key and open the door and now she was fumbling for the light switch

"Just let me get this light turned on first." She reached up and pulled his hands from his eyes. "Okay, you can look now."

After blinking a few times to adjust to the light, he looked around. The room was quite large, with wooden floors and a small galley kitchen to the left. A fireplace adorned the only wall that didn't have a window. The staircase in the center of the room led to a small loft area.

"Well, what do you think?"

He turned to her, confused. "It's great, Elizabeth. But..."

She grabbed his hand and led him to the bay window that looked out over the docks and the river. "It's mine, Jason. I'm moving in here this weekend. Chloe came with me to look at it today and we fell in love with it. Look at this incredible view of the river. I'll get the most incredible light during the day. It will be perfect for my painting."

"I like it. It suits you. So you're moving in this weekend?"

She nodded. "I'm going to move a few things in on Friday night and get it all set up on Saturday. I'm so excited, Jason. I've been wanting a place of my own for a long time, but I couldn't afford it. Chloe gave me a raise and she's going to let me work more hours."

"But what will you do for furniture?"

"Oh, I'm not worried about that. I can bring my bedroom furniture from my grandmother's house and the rest I'll get later. I'll just get a bunch of big pillows and throw them on the floor in front of the fireplace. It'll be fine. And I have a work table that will go in front of this window. Isn't it wonderful?"

He smiled. "It's good to see you so happy."

She looked down before looking into his eyes. "It's good to feel happy for a change. And seeing you today has made me very happy. I've really missed you, Jason."

He touched her arm lightly, "I've missed you, too." They looked at each other for a long moment until Jason finally broke his gaze. "Listen, I have some furniture in storage that I'll never use again."

"You do? From where?"

"When I first moved into the penthouse I had different furniture but when it was redecorated, I put all the old stuff in storage. Let me give it to you."

She laughed. "Jason, I can't take your furniture."

"Why not? I'll never use it again. I'll make arrangements to have it delivered on Saturday."

"I want to pay you for it. I mean, I can't right away, but I can make payments."

"Elizabeth, you're not going to pay me for furniture that's just going to sit in storage forever if you don't take it. Consider it my housewarming gift to you." He hesitated for a minute. "People do that don't they? I mean, give housewarming gifts?"

She laughed. "Well, yes, but they don't usually give such extravagant gifts."

"I don't know how extravagant it is. There's a couch, a couple of chairs and a coffee table. Oh, and a table with four chairs, maybe a few other pieces, I can't really remember."

"It's too much, Jason. It's far too generous."

"Look, the stuff is just collecting dust in the warehouse. Please let me give it to.you. And if you don't like it you can just use it until you can afford what you do want. Please, Elizabeth, I want you to have it. Besides, I'd kind of like to have something to sit on when I come over to visit."

She looked up at him and smiled. "You'll come to visit me?"

"Of course. Often, if you want me to."

"Oh, I want you to."

~~Dear Elizabeth, I keep having this recurring dream. I had it again last night. In the dream, I've returned to Port Charles and no one can see me. I just drift through town, trying desperately to get people to see me, but it's as if I'm invisible. My parents don't see me, Lulu doesn't see me, and worst of all, you don't see me. You just go about your business while I plead with you to see me, to know that I'm there.

That's my fear, you know. That when I come back no one will remember me, or worse yet, won't want to see me, won't care that I'm back because I've been gone so long. Or that when I come back you will have moved on with your life, or worse that you haven't moved on. It's all so mixed up in my head right now. I mean I know you'll need to move on soon, you can't wait for me forever, and I don't want you to wait for me. I want you to go and live your life, fall in love again and forget about me. Well, okay, don't forget about me. Just always remember that I love you and that I'll always love you and you'll always be in my heart. Lucky~~

Sonny was coming out his door as Jason emerged from the elevator. "Hey, I've been looking for you."

"What's up?"

"Nothing important. Just wondered if you'd seen Elizabeth today. She came by here this morning and she seemed pretty intent on finding you."

"Yea, I saw her. I just dropped her off at her house."

"So, everything's okay with you two?"

Jason nodded. "Yea, everything's fine. She just needed some time after what happened in Paris. She's been pretty torn up since then."

"She seemed better when I saw her today, what did you think?"

"Well, she's pretty happy. She's moving into her own apartment this weekend. It's in that old Victorian house by the docks."

Sonny frowned. "I'm not sure I like that. It makes her too vulnerable and I don't like her in that neighborhood either."

"Sonny, you've got someone on her all the time, and don't tell me you don't. I've seen him."

"Does she know?"

He shook his head. "I don't think so. I don't want her to know. She's pretty stubborn when it comes to that kind of thing."

"I know, she's too damned independent sometimes. But I imagine you'll be around a lot, right?"

"I hope so."

Sonny smiled and put his hand on his shoulder. "I'm glad she's got you. I gotta go, but I'll see you tomorrow."

Elizabeth poured herself a cup of coffee and reached for the phone under the counter at Kelly's.

"Hey, darlin'. What's the special today?"

Elizabeth looked up and smiled. "Luke. You must have ESP. I was just going to call you. I need to talk to you. Do you have a few minutes?"

"Of course. What's going on?"

She looked around to make sure no one could hear their conversation before speaking. "Something happened while I was in Paris that you need to know about. I wanted to tell you before, but I just couldn't find the right words. It's been eating me up inside though because you have a right to know."

Luke reached out and took her hand. "Are you okay? Did someone hurt you while you were there?"

"Not physically, no. But the night before we came home someone put this under my door." She reached in her pocket and pulled out the letter and handed it to Luke. He unfolded it slowly and read it over a few times before looking up and whispering, "This is Lucky's handwriting."

She nodded, tears streaming down her face. "Sonny's been working on trying to find out who could have done this, where this letter could have come from, but so far he hasn't turned up anything. It was horrible, Luke. I just couldn't believe it when I saw it. It's almost like Lucky's still alive and he's someplace where he can't get to us."

"And you've gotten nothing else since then? No letters, no mysterious phone calls?"

"No, nothing. Jason looked all over and questioned everyone that night, but no one saw anyone suspicious there. It just doesn't make any sense that someone would know I was in Paris and leave me that note."

Elizabeth, I don't want to jump to any hasty decisions right now. My gut tells me it's just a hoax, but I want to do my own investigating. Do you think I could get a copy of this letter?"

"You can have that copy. I made a few copies when I made one for Sonny."

"Thanks. Are you doing okay, sweetie?"

She nodded. "I'm doing better now. I'm moving into my own apartment this weekend. I think it will help me to move on, to make some plans for the future."

"That's good, that's real good. And you have Jason looking out for you."

"He's been so good to me. Sometimes I think I just take advantage of him."

"Elizabeth, you couldn't take advantage of someone if you tried."

She smiled, "Thanks, Luke."

"Listen, I need to get going. I need to tell Laura about this letter and maybe together we can come up with a plan. I'll keep you posted, okay? And I promise, if Lucky is out there, I'm going to do everything in my power to find him."

She nodded. "I know you will."

Luke leaned over the counter and kissed Elizabeth on the cheek before turning to leave.

Elizabeth spent Saturday morning shopping and having lunch with her friend Emily Quartermaine, before returning to her apartment. She opened the door and found that the furniture Jason had promised her had been delivered and placed in the proper places.

"Your brother is much too generous, Emily. Look at all this furniture."

Emily laughed. "Well, you know it's not doing him any good, so you might as well have it. It looks great in here. The pillows you bought will be perfect on the couch. Come on, let's put all this stuff away so you can be settled."

"You know me too well. I have to have it all in place before I can go to bed tonight."

They spent the rest of the day putting away the essentials she had bought, towels, dishes, silverware, a small set of pots and pans, pictures for the walls. By dinnertime they were exhausted and slumped onto the couch with a cup of tea.

"I don't think I can do another thing tonight."

"You don't need to. It looks really warm and cozy in here. I'm jealous."

"Oh, Em, this place isn't any bigger than your bedroom. Your room is practically an apartment in itself."

"True, but it will be nice when I can get my own place and come and go as I please."

"It won't be much longer for you. Listen, are you hungry? Let's order a pizza."

"I need to get home pretty soon. My presence is requested at dinner. Why don't you come with me?"

"Oh, thanks, but I think I'll just stay here. I'm pretty tired."

After eating her pizza, Elizabeth fell asleep on the couch. It was nearly 9:00 when she was awakened by a knock at the door. She was apprehensive about opening the door to a stranger so she called out. "Who is it?"

"Elizabeth, it's me."

She unlocked and opened the door. "Jason." She ran her hands through her hair. "I'm sorry, I must look a mess."

"You were sleeping. Do you want me to go?"

"No, of course not. Come in."

Jason stepped inside and looked around. "How did you do this? It looks like you've always lived here."

"I'm compulsive. I had to have it almost perfect before I could sleep here. There's still a few things to be done, but it's a start. And the furniture is perfect. I love it."

"I'm glad. It looks good in here."

Elizabeth headed for the kitchen. "Can I get you something to drink? I have hot tea and I have some pizza left."

"No, thanks. I already ate. But the tea sounds good. Let me get it and you sit down. You must be exhausted."

Elizabeth sat on the couch and tucked her feet under her, watching Jason as he carried two cups of tea and handed her one. "Want me to start a fire?"

"I'd love it. It's a gas fireplace and I wasn't sure how to start it."

He knelt down for a few minutes while he started the fire, then went to sit by Elizabeth on the couch. "Are you doing okay here by yourself?"

"Yea, I am. Emily was with me most of the day. She helped me put things away and make it look like a home. I'm going to really love it here, Jason."

"I want to install an alarm system here for you."

"Jason..."

"No arguments. Sonny and I insist."

She held up her hand. "Okay, I won't argue. You two are much too protective of me."

"We just want you to be safe."

"I know that, and I appreciate it. I talked to Luke yesterday and told him about the letter."

"That's good. And you feel better now?"

She nodded. "He's going to do some investigating on his own. Or maybe he'll work with Sonny. I don't know. I just know that if Lucky is out there, Luke will find him." She was quiet for a few minutes as she stared at the fire. Finally she turned to Jason and said, "Jason, I've been thinking. I don't think I'll bring any of Lucky's things here with me. I want this to be a fresh start and I think I need to leave those things behind and not have those constant reminders of him."

Jason looked at her, concerned. "I'm not so sure that's a good idea, Elizabeth. Lucky was...no, Lucky IS a very big part of your life. You love him and I don't think you'll think of him any less whether there are memories of him here or not. Why don't you just bring a few things, like his picture, maybe a couple of other things that have special meaning for you?"

She looked at him, her eyes filling with tears as she nodded. "I do still love him. I'll always love him." Her eyes were hopeful. "But, Jason, do you think you can love two people at the same time?"

He thought for a moment and finally said, softly, "Yes. Absolutely."

"You still love Robin."

"I always will."

"Well, do you think you can ever love someone else again?"

He looked away from her, afraid to look in her eyes for fear that she would see the truth. "I'm certain of it, Elizabeth."

Suddenly she put her arms around him and hugged him tightly. When she pulled away, she looked into his eyes and placed her hands on the sides of his face and whispered, "Jason," at the same time he whispered, "Elizabeth..."

They both smiled as she leaned forward to kiss him. He pulled away a little and said, "Are you sure?" She nodded and touched her lips to his. When she finally pulled away from him, she laid her forehead against his shoulder and took a deep breath. He pulled her close and stroked her hair gently.

"Elizabeth, I should go."

She nodded and looked up at him. "Will you come back?"

"Whenever you want."

"Tomorrow night? I can fix dinner."

"I'd like that."

He stood up and took her hand, holding it as they walked to the door.

"Tomorrow then?"

He nodded as he leaned down to kiss her on the forehead. "Goodnight, Elizabeth. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thank you, Jason. For everything." He still held her hand as he opened the door and finally, reluctantly, let go as he turned to leave. She closed the door behind him and leaned against it, smiling as her fingers gently touched her lips.

~ Chapter 12
Elizabeth Webber stared at the sketch in front of her, trying desperately to bring it into focus. Concentration was the one thing that seemed to be eluding her today. Her mind kept wandering to the night before, when she’d kissed Jason. It wasn’t like the night Jason had kissed her that last night in Paris when she felt she was betraying Lucky. Jason had regretted it immediately, knowing she wasn’t ready. Last night had been different. She was the one who had initiated it, and he had responded. And it felt good. And right.
Suddenly she felt a light tap on her shoulder. “Elizabeth?”
Elizabeth jumped and looked up to see Chloe standing at her desk. “I’m sorry, did you say something?”
“I did. You seem kind of preoccupied today, Elizabeth. Is everything okay?”
She nodded and ran her hands through her hair.. “Oh, of course. Everything is good. I’m fine. But you’re right, I am preoccupied, and it’s affecting my work. And that’s not fair to you.”
Chloe smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I was just asking you if you wanted to go to lunch with me.”
“I’d love to, but I can’t. I’m having company for dinner tonight and I need to go buy something to fix.” Elizabeth looked away and shook her head. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m a horrible cook; everything I’ve ever tried to make has turned into a disaster.”
“It must be someone special to have you this rattled.”
Elizabeth stood up to retrieve her coat from the empty chair by her desk. “It is. It’s Jason. And I don’t want it to be a disaster.”
“Look, why don’t we have a nice lunch at the Port Charles Grille and then you can take the rest of the afternoon off to get ready.”
“But I have work to do here...”
“I insist. The work will wait.”
Elizabeth smiled. “Thanks, Chloe. I really will make it up to you.”

Jason stood in the doorway of the small galley kitchen, arms folded across his chest, watching Elizabeth for a moment as she put the single red rose he had brought her in a vase. She had asked him to start a fire, and didn’t know that he was watching her now, so he enjoyed the few moments of being able to watch her unobserved. When she opened the cupboard door to reach for a bowl on the top shelf he went up behind her and said, “Hey, do you need some help?”
The sound of his voice made her jump and the bowl slipped from her hands and crashed to the floor. “Oh no,” she cried as she covered her face with her hands. “I’m so clumsy.” She knelt to the floor, her hands shaking as she started to clean up the broken glass. “I’m sorry, Jason...”
Jason knelt before her and took her hands. She looked into his eyes, tears forming in her own. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, Elizabeth. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
She looked down at the floor and said softly, “I wanted everything to be perfect.”
He put his hands on her shoulders. “Look at me. Hey, everything is perfect. I’m here with you, and your dinner smells delicious. It’s just a bowl, Elizabeth, and at least it was empty.”
She started to laugh then, and felt herself calming down, finally. He put his hand under her arm and helped her to her feet. “Now, you finish up what you need to do and I’ll clean this up.”
After dinner, Jason took his wine and sat on the couch, while Elizabeth sat on the floor in front of the fire amongst the pillows she’d bought.
“Thank you for dinner, Elizabeth. It was perfect.”
She smiled. “I still can’t believe I didn’t ruin any of the food. Sonny helped me, you know. He wanted to give me something he’d already made, but I wanted to make it myself. It was important to me to do that for you.”
“You don’t have to impress me. You already did that a long time ago.”
She looked at him for a long moment, but he was looking at her so intently she had to look away. When she looked back, his gaze was still on her. Finally he looked up at the pictures on the mantle. “I see you put out some pictures of Lucky. I’m glad.”
“He’s still so much a part of me, Jason. He always will be.” She stared at the fire for a moment before speaking again. “Do you think it’s really possible that Lucky’s alive? I mean, do you think it’s something I should even hope for?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know, Elizabeth. For your sake I hope so, but...” His voice trailed off and he looked away from her.
“But what, Jason? What were you going to say?”
“I really do hope Lucky is alive. But I would miss these times with you if he came back. I guess that’s pretty selfish of me, isn’t it? “
She shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. “No, it’s not selfish. I’d miss them, too.”
“I should probably get going. Maybe tomorrow, if it’s nice we can go for a ride.”
“I’d like that.” He stood up and headed for the door. He put his hand behind her head, pulling her toward him as he kissed her gently on the forehead. “Thanks again for dinner.”
She smiled. “You’re welcome. I’ll have to do it again sometime to see if I can get it right a second time.”
“Elizabeth, you got it right the first time. This was perfect. I’ll see you sometime tomorrow, okay?”
They looked at each other for a long moment before he opened the door and disappeared into the night.

Elizabeth closed the door behind him and went upstairs to change into her flannel pajamas. It was nearly November, but the fire and the wine and having Jason there had warmed her. She settled into the window seat in the loft and sighed as she looked out at the lights on the water. Where are you Lucky? Are you out there somewhere trying to get to me? I need you. I need you to help me understand what I’m feeling. I don’t understand how I can love you and miss you so much and still have these feelings for Jason.
She sat there for what seemed an eternity until she heard the light tapping on the door. She had a moment of panic until she heard Jason’s voice. “Elizabeth, it’s me.”
Her heart skipped a beat as she ran to the door to open it. “Jason, did you forget something?”
He stepped inside and closed the door, then put a hand on either side of her face, leaning down as he whispered. “I forgot this.” His covered her mouth with his and kissed her, gently at first, then with more urgency. He pulled away to look at her, breathing heavily, “I had to come back.”
“I’m glad you did.” She took his hand, leading him to the couch.
“Wait, let’s sit in front of the fire instead.” He sat down on the floor, pulling her down so she was sitting beside him. He put his arm around her and she laid her head on his shoulder. They sat for a long time in silence, just watching the fire. .
After a while he kissed the top of her head as he started caressing the side of her face. “I guess I should be going.”
Elizabeth looked up at him. “I don’t want you to go; not yet.”
He gazed into her eyes for a long minute before leaning in to kiss her again, his tongue seeking hers. She gasped and pressed her body closer to his. She whispered, “Jason...,” her voice full of longing, or fear, he wasn’t sure which.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No.”
“Elizabeth, are you sure?”
She nodded and lay back on the pillows, pulling him down with her.
“You’re so beautiful...” He pushed her hair back from her face and looked at her for a long time. Her arms were tight around his neck as he kissed her again. When he finally pulled away and spoke his voice was soft, barely audible. “I love you, Elizabeth,”
“Jason...I ...”
He saw the tears slide from the corners of her eyes and spill down into her hair.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. But I do love you. I’ve loved you since that first night at Jake’s.”
Elizabeth pushed her hair back with her hands. “I don’t know what to say. I mean, I love being with you like this. I do. I love how your body feels against mine. And I love the way it feels when you touch me, when you kiss me. It’s just that I’m so afraid of letting myself get close to someone again.”
He pushed a strand of hair from her eyes. “I’m just as scared as you are, you know. But it’s too late for me.”
“I’m sorry. I just need more time.”
“I know you do, and I know you can’t commit to anyone else as long as there’s a chance that Lucky’s still alive. But I’ll wait for you, Elizabeth. I’ll wait for as long as you need.”
“Thank you, for not pressuring me.”
“You know I would never do that.” He stood up. “It’s late. You should get some sleep.”
Elizabeth grabbed his hand and pulled him back down with her. “Will you stay with me tonight, Jason?”
He nodded and smiled. “Yes, if you want me to, I’ll stay with you. I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“No. Stay here with me. I just want you to hold me.” She turned over then, her back tight against him as his arms circled her waist.

~~~~
October 28, 1999
Dear Elizabeth:
I really dread the nights now. To get through them I lie in bed and imagine that you’re here with me, lying beside me, your naked body against mine. I think about the night we spent in New York, and how much I wish now that we’d made love. At least I would have a real memory, although in some ways I think that would be a worse torment than imagining it. I only know now that my longing for you gets stronger with every passing day. I can only hope that one day soon I’ll get away from this hell and come back to you.
Love, Lucky